had sex with BF now want to try celibacy until marriage

[Keep1Belle]

Ok has anyone done this and been successful. Me and bf have been dating abiut 4 months. we had/have sex and it is good.

I am kind of disappointed in myslef in that I am always growing in my faith, but the ONE thing I cannot do/give up is being celibate. One should have more self control and I feel as though I am cheating the ability to strengthen my relationship with God and in my walk to be a better Christian, by having this sex thing loom over me.

Also I really dont want to be on bc anymore, its not healthy, I have adverse reactions to a lot of condoms so sex without protection is a no-no. I am still on the BC for now...

I like/am falling in love with my bf, we are compatible in a lot of ways. He is a Christian as well and we have skirted the issue, though he was opposed to the abstaining, not sure how opposed in it was brought up in a joking/non-chalant manner.

So has anyone been able to make te switch, any suggestions??

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Well honestly, I would understand his side if he's upset. You two have had sex, so there is already that expectation there. No doubt that if the two of you sit down and really talk this out, you might find that's he's willing and understanding of the whole issue.

I believe we have a member here who has had success with a similar situation and she posted about it in another thread relating to celibacy. Perhaps she'll chime in here.

 

[Connie]

Okay...you've been having sex with your BF for 4 months and now you're falling in love with him? Is this the guy you plan on marrying someday in the near future?

It's going to be HARD to convince him that celibacy is the way to go after 4 months of enjoying the goodies, kwim? It may be easier for you, but for guys, wanting sex runs a close second to needing oxygen to live.

Good luck and God Bless. I really don't know what to tell you, except that it won't be easy..LOL.

 

[dlewis]

Okay...you've been having sex with your BF for 4 months and now you're falling in love with him? Is this the guy you plan on marrying someday in the near future?

It's going to be HARD to convince him that celibacy is the way to go after 4 months of enjoying the goodies, kwim? It may be easier for you, but for guys, wanting sex runs a close second to needing oxygen to live.

Good luck and God Bless. I really don't know what to tell you, except that it won't be easy..LOL.

My brothers ex did this. Had sex then decided she wanted to wait. He didn't go for it. I hope it works out for you.

 

[misskris816]

Okay...you've been having sex with your BF for 4 months and now you're falling in love with him? Is this the guy you plan on marrying someday in the near future?

It's going to be HARD to convince him that celibacy is the way to go after 4 months of enjoying the goodies, kwim? It may be easier for you, but for guys, wanting sex runs a close second to needing oxygen to live.

Good luck and God Bless. I really don't know what to tell you, except that it won't be easy..LOL.

I agree. Once the expectation has been set, it's hard to reverse it. Have you both talked about getting married? If so, he might be more accepting of your decision. If you haven't discussed the marriage card yet and it's still in the very early stages, then I hope he'll respect your decision. Either way, good luck to you and staying strong in your decision.

 

[Keep1Belle]

Okay...you've been having sex with your BF for 4 months and now you're falling in love with him? Is this the guy you plan on marrying someday in the near future?

It's going to be HARD to convince him that celibacy is the way to go after 4 months of enjoying the goodies, kwim? It may be easier for you, but for guys, wanting sex runs a close second to needing oxygen to live.

Good luck and God Bless. I really don't know what to tell you, except that it won't be easy..LOL.

So "falling in love" yes we are on the path to being in loe with each other. This is seperate from "Falling" for someone because of sex or other reasons. love is strong its more like strong affection care for/about. I can definitely see us married in that we are compatible in a lot of ways and really compliment each other.

MissKris we have talked about marriage. both of us have initiated the subject on various occasions. usually in the abstract, like' when we get married", " when we buy the property", " our kids..."

I think he will listen to what I have to say, just not sure if he will oblige

Interested to hear others point of view. I know its not an easy thing, so thats why I asked if its possible. We have already talked about how sex in a relationship can complicate things, and why its better to wait. Although thats clearly not what we did.

 

[Bosslady1]

Sex is good for the soul! Get your freak on girl!

Besides, he might be the one. 4 years of friendship has already been built!

 

[Connie]

Sex is good for the soul! Get your freak on girl!

Besides, he might be the one. 4 years of friendship has already been built!

She said she's been dating him 4 months, though.

 

[drasgrl]

You need to tell him your intentions. If he's with the program then great. If he's not then you need to decide what you should do about it. Don't let him pressure you stick to your guns if that's what you really want.

 

[poetist]

I understand where you are coming from because when I was single, I always struggled with my sexuality and spirituality. When I got into relationships, the urge to have sex was so strong. However, once I had got me some, I felt incredibly guilty.

Look at it like this, some people don't care. They follow their own carnal desires and wouldn't consider celibacy. If it's a problem for you, then God is working on you. You have to figure out if you want to continue to give into your flesh or live spiritually and walk closer to God. I always saw it like this - if a man loves the Lord first, and me second, then he'll get with the program. If not, he's not the one.

In my most recent relationship, we initially had sex, then I told him that I wanted to stop. Was he happy? Heck No. But we continued to date and now we're married. So it CAN happen and God WILL honor your committment.

Good luck to you.

 

[Highly Favored8]

U open the door and can U go back?

It depends on this guy!

Now, if U practice celibacy let men know up front.

By already going this far with him and stop. Some guys are understanding and respectful and some are not.

U want to walk with God do not compromise your self for any man. If u say celibacy until marriage stick to your guns!

Good Luck

 

[Spongie Bloom]

it will be difficult..think of it like this you are adamant you want to be celibate he may have the same strong feelings in being in a sexual relationship lets not forget that for some (mostly men) sex is a big part of a relationship i dont think this is bout convincing, you should tell him what you want and ask him where HE stands on the issue..let him tell you what HE thinks on the situation before you pile on the 'pressure' of what you want him to do.

isnt 4 months a bit too sonn to be discussing marriage and children??

 

[Keep1Belle]

I understand where you are coming from because when I was single, I always struggled with my sexuality and spirituality. When I got into relationships, the urge to have sex was so strong. However, once I had got me some, I felt incredibly guilty.

Look at it like this, some people don't care. They follow their own carnal desires and wouldn't consider celibacy. If it's a problem for you, then God is working on you. You have to figure out if you want to continue to give into your flesh or live spiritually and walk closer to God. I always saw it like this - if a man loves the Lord first, and me second, then he'll get with the program. If not, he's not the one.

In my most recent relationship, we initially had sex, then I told him that I wanted to stop. Was he happy? Heck No. But we continued to date and now we're married. So it CAN happen and God WILL honor your committment.

Good luck to you.

THank you for this post. THats exactly how it is I do it and feel guilty or disappointed in myself for giving in.

YOu are right if he is "the one" he will understand.

 

[Keep1Belle]

it will be difficult..think of it like this you are adamant you want to be celibate he may have the same strong feelings in being in a sexual relationship lets not forget that for some (mostly men) sex is a big part of a relationship i dont think this is bout convincing, you should tell him what you want and ask him where HE stands on the issue..let him tell you what HE thinks on the situation before you pile on the 'pressure' of what you want him to do.

isnt 4 months a bit too sonn to be discussing marriage and children??

Good point instead of convincing, just state what I weant/why and see how he feels, let him think and then proceed from there.

I will keep yall posted probably talk about it this weekend.

i do feel like taking the sex out if becomes more "friendly" But while sex is a huge part of a relationship. TIme wise its a very small part of ours. We talk throughout the day on phone/email. we see each other 2 to 3 times a week, but may only have sex once a week. Most of the times we are just too busy and then kinda tired. So it shouldnt be too much of an adjustment. we shall see.

Yes 4 months is a little soon. But who puts timelines on things, the discussions have really kind of come up from us talking about goals we personally have and then where children or marriage would fit in, and if we saw each other as being a person that fits in each others live. I dunno it is soon, but it doenst feel pressured. Its not like lets get married today, more like when we get married...

 

[alexstin]

Since you mention you are both believers he shouldn't be getting mad. Hopefully he'll come to his senses and realize that what you're doing has significant spiritual repercussions.

 

[frankie]

If this man has the potential to be your life mate, then you should be able to talk about important issues that concern you. He should be understanding since he is also a Christian. If he will not support you and your decision to abstain, then he can kick rocks!

 

[song_of_serenity]

Since you mention you are both believers he shouldn't be getting mad. Hopefully he'll come to his senses and realize that what you're doing has significant spiritual repercussions.

EXACTLY! If he's claiming Christ, then what can he say? Stick to your guns!
~*Janelle~*

 

[brownsugarflyygirl]

If this man has the potential to be your life mate, then you should be able to talk about important issues that concern you. He should be understanding since he is also a Christian. If he will not support you and your decision to abstain, then he can kick rocks![/quote]

I agree!! When leaving a life committed to God, you have to make the choice whether or not you are going to please God or going to please man. Hopefully, your BF is concerned AND convicted about sex and will oblige you....but if he is not then you compromising to please him means that God is not pleased...so that will leave you with a choice to make....

Congrats on wanting to make that change and things will work out for you!! Matt 6:33 See ye FIRST the kingdom of God and HIS righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you. Seek God's pleasure first and the rest will be taken care of.

As far as successfuly doing this, I was in a relationship in college where we were having sex, and successfully stopped. We ended up breaking up months later but it had to do with other issues not related to that...so it is possible. Best wishes!!

 

[Valerie]

Congratulations, you want to make a change in your life and it will not be easy, however stick to your guns, also you are right to start discussing marriage and children after 4 months, because you need to know where the relationship is going. The problem is a lot of people date and they do not have any goals about their relationship. I wish you all the best!