*~*Celibacy Support Thread*~*

I am talking to this guy and he asks about my religion meaning he wanted to know if I am waiting until marriage.

It got me thinking if I want to be celibate until marriage or until I am in a healthy relationship leading to marriage. I haven't met a guy in recent months/years that has made me want to break this "celibacy."

I honestly don't know.
 
I had been celibate 4.5 years; met someone and dated for about 9 months and gave in to a huge 20 second disappointment! So I decided to renew my celibacy. It has been 1 year and 1 month now.
 
Months ago I asked the Universe whether I needed to be celibate to find my One and I got a blaring YES! I totally ignored what I was told :lol:. Yeah, that didn't work out at all :ohwell:. Sex distracts me from what I actually want, and after a few tastes, I get bored and move on. Now I'm open, I look to the Universe for guidance, and I've learned to take the advice that comes to me. So, I pledge my celibacy until marriage. How beautiful would that be to be with your mate for the first time on your wedding night?!! :grin:
 
I have been celibate since maybe a month before my baptism and now I am struggling. And then I find out that everyone I really interact with from church is NOT trying to be celibate. So they are not getting my struggle.
 
LovinLea said:
I have been celibate since maybe a month before my baptism and now I am struggling. And then I find out that everyone I really interact with from church is NOT trying to be celibate. So they are not getting my struggle.
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If they don't get your struggle, then clearly they aren't the one for you. Celibacy isn't for the faint of heart and it's difficult but not impossible. You have to believe that God will reward your desire to honor Him.

Two books that really helped me with this were:

http://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Free-Discover-Victory-Surrender/dp/0805445528

http://www.amazon.com/Praying-Gods-...d_sim_b_1?ie=UTF8&refRID=1KN51SRNA9XCG0J0K73M
 
I have been celibate 1yr 10mths. This past month has been trying on me. I've questioned many things and looked on my past life. I know God has a plan and I just need to keep pushing forward and continue trusting him
 
Phoenix14 said:
Every one I've spoken to has a different definition of celibate. How much contact do yall allow yourself?
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to piggyback off this, if you touch yourself, or penetrate yourself via masturbation, do you still consider yourself celibate?

I have wondered this for years, searched and hoped while lurking someone would bring it up, but save one post early in the thread it was a no-go...

thanks in advance...
 
Me and SO have been together for 8 months and have recently decided to be celibate (about a month ago) so we can both focus on God and strengthening our relationship in other areas. It was a mutual decision And I'm glad we made it. We plan on eloping in 6 months, but until then, God is our focus.

Stay strong ladies!

ETA: Oh, and as far as boundaries go, we only hold hands, peck kiss, a light cuddle and hug. We try to not put each other in tempting or compromising situations.
 
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pearcey , Phoenix14 I think the boundaries of celibacy should be established personally dependent upon the purpose/ basis of the commitment. Abstaining from physical contact with the opposite sex is the easy part, purifying your thoughts is a killer. If your celibacy is spiritually based then the self pleasure/ dirty thoughts are a problem.

We can probably all agree that coitus activity is prohibited. From there you can address habits that you find to be unaligned with your journey and work to control them.
 
Guess I'll answer my own question. I used to be alright with anything except penetration but the more I read my bible and draw closer to God, the more I'm leaning towards what CaliiSwagg is doing with her SO. No clothes removed, shifted, altered or hiked lol. And no self-help
 
Phoenix14 said:
Guess I'll answer my own question. I used to be alright with anything except penetration but the more I read my bible and draw closer to God, the more I'm leaning towards what CaliiSwagg is doing with her SO. No clothes removed, shifted, altered or hiked lol. And no self-help
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Phoenix14
You can do it!! It's hard because we all crave physical closeness and intimacy, but it has to be sacrificed for the greater good. We can't even kiss for an extended amount of time because it'll take us to that place. I told SO the way we relate to each other has to change too because it has to be more platonic in a sense vs sexual. I think once you set limits and boundaries for yourself (and know what your triggers are that take you to that special place) then you will be ok. :yep:
 
CaliiSwagg said:
Phoenix14
You can do it!! It's hard because we all crave physical closeness and intimacy, but it has to be sacrificed for the greater good. We can't even kiss for an extended amount of time because it'll take us to that place. I told SO the way we relate to each other has to change too because it has to be more platonic in a sense vs sexual. I think once you set limits and boundaries for yourself (and know what your triggers are that take you to that special place) then you will be ok. :yep:
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Thank you so much!! I've ended previous relationships and associations because they didn't respect the boundaries I wanted. You are so lucky and blessed CaliiSwagg to have a SO who also craves and desires the Lord's heart in all things relationship related. I want someone who will want to treasure the Lord's heart more than my own and therefore to keep us physically chaste until we're wed.
 
Phoenix14 said:
Thank you so much!! I've ended previous relationships and associations because they didn't respect the boundaries I wanted. You are so lucky and blessed CaliiSwagg to have a SO who also craves and desires the Lord's heart in all things relationship related. I want someone who will want to treasure the Lord's heart more than my own and therefore to keep us physically chaste until we're wed.
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Phoenix14

You are so welcome! I know exactly where your coming from about your past. I actually had a hard time setting boundaries in my past relationships and this is the first one I actually feel confident in doing so. Thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate it . He is a blessing and I do thank God for him. its crazy because this relationship looks and operates soooo differently from my other ones. I knew something was up:look::lol:.

And in the beginning of our relationship he didn't place importance on a spiritual connection or being right with God and what not. He was just a really sweet guy who wanted to be the best he could be to me and things went from there. So its not like I found this church going, bible loving dude that wanted to jump on the celibacy bandwagon :rolleyes:. He is evolving into what God wants him to be but I placed a high importance on God being in our relationship very early.

You will end up with the man God destined you for.:yep: He may come in a completely different package than your used to, or operate differently from your ex's. etc. but he is on his way.
 
Phoenix14 said:
Every one I've spoken to has a different definition of celibate. How much contact do yall allow yourself?
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I'm trying to figure how deep I want to go with this for myself. No penetrative or oral sex with another person is the start of celibacy for me. I never use toys, so that's not an issue for me. Also, no hand/finger action with another person. I never seriously thought about setting boundaries with myself, but I haven't aroused myself or watched anything sexual in like 10 days. That's a really really really long time for me :lol:. It's like my sex drive is totally muted. Maybe I'm finally maturing spiritually. Being overcome and blinded by sexual urges is not going to get me to that true man/mate the universe has waiting for me :yep:
 
ckisland said:
I'm trying to figure how deep I want to go with this for myself. No penetrative or oral sex with another person is the start of celibacy for me. I never use toys, so that's not an issue for me. Also, no hand/finger action with another person. I never seriously thought about setting boundaries with myself, but I haven't aroused myself or watched anything sexual in like 10 days. That's a really really really long time for me :lol:. It's like my sex drive is totally muted. Maybe I'm finally maturing spiritually. Being overcome and blinded by sexual urges is not going to get me to that true man/mate the universe has waiting for me :yep:
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You don't realize how sex-saturated our society really is until you're trying to avoid it.
 
I saw someone ask how far was too far, so here is my answer.

My pastor says that if your body starts preparing itself for sex, you've gone too far. With that in mind, I'm going to stick to kissing vertically. Basically, if I wouldn't do it in public while sober, I won't do it in private.

The last time I kissed a guy, we veered into make out territory and I was so uncomfortable. I took that as a good sign lol.
 
Trying to refocus my thoughts on something positive and spiritual helped me to this point. Its been a year but there's this one guy who makes me feel like giving it up to him. I know I'd be so disappointed and we talked about it, as he is celibate to, but I feel being around him is only going to lead to trouble. I'm debating if I should cut him off or not as we have been friends for 3 years, but we both have expressed our love for each other.....
 
NowIAmNappy said:
Trying to refocus my thoughts on something positive and spiritual helped me to this point. Its been a year but there's this one guy who makes me feel like giving it up to him. I know I'd be so disappointed and we talked about it, as he is celibate to, but I feel being around him is only going to lead to trouble. I'm debating if I should cut him off or not as we have been friends for 3 years, but we both have expressed our love for each other.....
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NowIAmNappy

Why not be together? :look:
 
CaliiSwagg said:
@NowIAmNappy

Why not be together? :look:
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Well my goal for celibacy is to be celibate until I'm married. He was celibate for different reasons because he didnt want to just give himself to woman anymore. He wanted the commitment and the relationship with sex. Now we have talked about this already and he says he will respect my wishes but things seems to escalate every time we are together. So we talked about setting more boundaries to help the situation and I mentioned about praying for self control. But I cant help but have this nagging feeling that its not going to end well... as in we are eventually going to have sex. There's just a long back story between us and our chemistry is crazy, so its hard to reel in it.
 
NowIAmNappy said:
Well my goal for celibacy is to be celibate until I'm married. He was celibate for different reasons because he didnt want to just give himself to woman anymore. He wanted the commitment and the relationship with sex. Now we have talked about this already and he says he will respect my wishes but things seems to escalate every time we are together. So we talked about setting more boundaries to help the situation and I mentioned about praying for self control. But I cant help but have this nagging feeling that its not going to end well... as in we are eventually going to have sex. There's just a long back story between us and our chemistry is crazy, so its hard to reel in it.
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I think it is hard to stay celibate when you don't have the same goals. It gives me the sense that he will keep escalating things because in his mind it is ok. In the heat of the moment he is not thinking about your boundary. He doesn't agree with your boundary so he is more likely to cross it.
 
NowIAmNappy said:
Trying to refocus my thoughts on something positive and spiritual helped me to this point. Its been a year but there's this one guy who makes me feel like giving it up to him. I know I'd be so disappointed and we talked about it, as he is celibate to, but I feel being around him is only going to lead to trouble. I'm debating if I should cut him off or not as we have been friends for 3 years, but we both have expressed our love for each other.....
Click to expand...
p
Why don't you actually date? I don't know your reasons for celibacy but for Christians we marry so we can fulfill that desire...so if you find a good man you marry him and partake. So are you not otherwise compatible?
 
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