He Doesn't Remember the Last Time he had SEX?!?!

[Poohbear]

Don't get me wrong ladies. I enjoy his company apart from the physical attraction. And honestly, sleeping with him is definitely not a priority...but I don't think honesty is too much to ask for especially since he has name dropped that he wants our relationship to progress into something more serious....with a more serious relationship..ensues more serious questions....

Okay, if it's not too much to ask... how would you react to each of these answers if given:

1) Last night
2) A week ago
3) A month ago
4) A few months ago
5) A year ago
6) A few years ago

And after thinking about your reaction, does it really matter since you two are both single? He said he's only been with 5 partners. It may be very possible that he does not remember the last time he had sex if he's not a promiscuous guy.

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

If we're not exclusive, then it's none of your business. I'd surely said "I don't remember" or something to avoid answering the question directly.

The fact is, you're not yet together. If you want to know his STD status, then ask... although it seems to be a bit late to ask that since you said he attempted UNprotected sex with you twice already.

 

[MissYocairis]

Hmm....I can respect some of your comments, but after four months of talking and viewing parts of my goods...and flying back 400 miles each way to see each other on different occassions--- I really think my question is fair game. I don't think I would continue an interrogation w/ who and where---b/c I probably don't know who it is and where is really irrelevant. And as far his number being five...its possible. I know guys my age that are still virgins and I have male friends that have less partners than eyes....

Honestly, if we had our STD status stapled to our heads---I wouldn't care if he slept w/ a thousand women.

For the bolded reason...I still think he's within his rights NOT to answer the question. If you guys haven't mutually agreed to be exclusive...after all the trips and the four month's time...then, it could be an awkward thing for him to discuss with you.

You aren't yet exclusive...so he doesn't have to forego having sex and going out with someone else. So...just giving you the info has really no point as far as he is concerned except pissing you off if you were to learn he's had sex within the last four months...or within the last two...or (yikes) ONE.

I think the heart of the issue is...after four months of traveling and getting close...are you and he both ready to make it an exclusive relationship? Men and women are different. Nobody is bound to stop their extracurricular activities though if they are not exclusively dating someone. And, men...more often than not, esp young ones...will take the booty if they consider themselves "single" (ie 'not in an exclusive relationship'). I know there are debates on "single" versus "married" but where sex is concerned, most women want to know you are exclusively sexing HER...and not open to sexing others...hence EXCLUSIVELY DATING.

So, it sounds like your boo wants to keep the peace because he genuinely likes you. And, to answer your question, would be to bring things to the table right now that he is not ready for...because if he said "last week" the next question would be..."where is this going?" Maybe he hasn't decided where it's going yet.

I also worry that your question will give him the idea that you are NOT dating anyone else...don't give him that upper hand. He has to want to make you exclusive but if he thinks there is no threat of someone else stealing your heart...he won't bother with it.

 

[princessnad]

I'm more wondering why y'all are doing so much (traveling long distance etc) but after 4 months still haven't become exclusive.

Are you looking for casual encounters or something to lead into a committed relationship?

 

[locabouthair]

I'm more wondering why y'all are doing so much (traveling long distance etc) but after 4 months still haven't become exclusive.

Are you looking for casual encounters or something to lead into a committed relationship?

Thats what I was wondering too. But if he's trying to raw dog, she shouldn't even consider it IMO

 

[spelmanlocks]

Although he may have reasons for not remembering, I don't see anything wrong with asking this question especially if you think this relationship is going to another level. I asked my DH all kinds of stuff about his sexual history when we were dating. I also had him get an HIV test once we became exclusive.

 

[locabouthair]

Although he may have reasons for not remembering, I don't see anything wrong with asking this question especially if you think this relationship is going to another level. I asked my DH all kinds of stuff about his sexual history when we were dating. I also had him get an HIV test once we became exclusive.

I REALLY wish more people did this.

 

[ebonylocs]

If I am flying to YOUR town to see you, yes I want to know. Just in case the local piece tries to come by while I'm there or if I'm out with him and somebody is shooting me dirty looks. I want to know what is going on BEFOREhand.
...
I don't think there is a problem with both people asking each other who they are currently sleeping with and/or the last time they slept with someone. It's a good question. The answer can give you a LOT of clues. Sure people can lie about it, but hey, I would ask...

To know the part in bold, all she needs to know is if he is seeing anyone else, ie. if she and him are exclusive. An "Are you seeing anyone else?" would suffice.

To know about his STD status / sexual habits, she needs to observe his sexual behaviour (he has already shown her he is not a customary condom user), and ask him to get tested if she wants to get sexually involved with him.

But to ask someone baldly, "When was the last time you had sex?" just seems a bit... nosy, impolite, intrusive. I might *voluntarily* reveal that kind of info someone, but if they ask me, I have no obligation to respond, because really, I don't see what it has to do with anything. My sleeping with someone else only becomes a man's business after he and I start an exclusive relationship. Only then has he a right to know about it.

(And I have been celibate most of my adult life, so it's not like I'm trying to hide promiscuity.)

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

Although he may have reasons for not remembering, I don't see anything wrong with asking this question especially if you think this relationship is going to another level. I asked my DH all kinds of stuff about his sexual history when we were dating. I also had him get an HIV test once we became exclusive.

Were you guys exclusive or just in the 'getting to know you, see where this goes' phase?

I think the issue isn't the fact that she asked about his sexual history, it's what PART of the sexual history she asked about so specifically, and when. According to her timeline, they've been flying back and forth and having sleepovers and he attempted raw dog twice while they were together.

I don't think you let ALL of that happen, and THEN decide to ask about someone's sexual history.

Wanna know if you're the only one they're dating? Yes. Wanna know where its going? Yes. Wanna know their STD/HIV status? Of course.

But you want to know specifically speaking, when was the last time they got some? In my mind, that says to me that you're asking me that to either:

a. Make sure you're the only one I'm doing
b. You're a bit territorial and assumed that you'd be the only one I'm doing, (and will get highly upset if you find out that I am in fact not just doing you.)
c. A and B

I think OP has probably caught feelings for the dude and wants to be assured that she's the only one he's doing these things with. Cool, but don't mask it behind a question that CAN be seen as being nosey.

Also, don't expect too much. It seems like they've had such a massive exchange of girlfriend-y/boyfriend-y things going on that the assumption of a presumed 'relationship' could be going on too.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

A: He doesn't remember... and that happens.

B: He doesn't feel like sharing, you're not about to have sex with him anyway, so why does it matter?

C: A combo of the two.


IMO I'd let it go and stop worrying about it.

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

Here's my A. B. C.

A. It was the night before you flew in.
B. Your not his main chick so he doesn't have to give you direct answers.
C. He ain't trying to answer your question because he feels it would lead to more....and at 23 most guys are not trying to go through the motions. Unless ya'll excluse your just another female flying or not.

In all honesty ya'll already showing goodies and what not...So I really don't think it matters at this point and the only reason it would is because you want to know where you stand with him and if ya'll are exclusive. So that would mean you are catching feelings.

Why not just make sure ya'll get them tests and define what ya'll have?

 

[FlowerHair]

If we're not exclusive, then it's none of your business. I'd surely said "I don't remember" or something to avoid answering the question directly.

The fact is, you're not yet together. If you want to know his STD status, then ask... although it seems to be a bit late to ask that since you said he attempted UNprotected sex with you twice already.

ITA. I would do the same thing...

 

[spelmanlocks]

Were you guys exclusive or just in the 'getting to know you, see where this goes' phase?

.

I asked him about his sexual history in the getting to know you phase and had him tested once we were exclusive. Another poster said it here earlier, a person's sexual history tells you a lot about them. Personally I believe when you are considering someone as a potential mate no question relating to sex should be off limits.

 

[virgo_chinwe]

Wow....totally forgot about this thread.

 

[Bunny77]

Wow....totally forgot about this thread.

So... got an update?

 

[virgo_chinwe]

LOL....well I decided to not go visit him like I planned to during nov/dec time. A part of me kinda regrets it b/c I was curious to see if maybe the last meeting we had was a fluke b/c well my ex really ruined his stay when he came to visit me in october. And I have actually started to talk to my ex again on a trial basis to give him another chance b/c my ex was working really hard to get "amnesia" guy out of the picture. While I was talking to this guy my ex gave his input as a friend but I took it for a grain of salt, but even when I didnt want to admit I knew there was some reason in some of things he said about him.

Alas, I still have this guy on my mind and he still checks in with me even though I totally never followed up with going to visit me after he told me a quite a few times he wanted to see me. But I figured if he wanted to see me that bad he would come down. But in the back of my mind...I am excited to see him this summer at my soror/frat cookout weekend---thats how we met last year. I dont know what it is but the sexual tension b/w us give me chills. Maybe I am just really curious b/c my ex has been the only guy i opened up to physically like that and my ex and I used to have this constant sexual tension which has kinda dissipated lately at least for me...I dont know whats wrong with me? And a part of me feels like my lacking of dating experience might be my downfall b/c my ex and I have been together off and on for almost five years. I dunno....he asked me to get amnesia guy out of the picture and I have cut off initial contact with him but if he contacts me I respond...our little secret, ladies. I dont flirt with him or talk about seeing him. I dont see the harm in being friends. Some how I know you ladies may give me a lecture about that...

But the whole raw thing twice...was very disheartening. And there is my semi update.

 

[sky_blu]

"I don't remember" is code for "I don't intend to tell you".

It can be but not all the time. When I was practicing celibacy and the time turned into year, I had a VERY HARD time remembering. Matter of fact I still can't remember the date during that time.

 

[fatimablush]

This may have been asked already..Is he celibate?

Maybe he didn't have a good experience with the last one...IDK

 

[Avaya]

Hey OP, is the guy Brandon ????