Guilt Free Sex? What's there to Feel "Guilty" About?

[MzLady78]

I've seen a number of people list this as a reason that they want to get married and I'm wondering why you would feel guilty about having sex in the first place. We're human beings with needs and urges, why is that something to feel bad about? Unless you're doing it for the wrong reasons (i.e. trying to use sex to get love) OR it goes against your religious upbringing, umm....I don't quite get it. erplexed

I will say that my feelings about sex are a little different from what seems to be the norm around here, which is fine, I respect everyone's point of view. But I'm sure guys aren't going around saying "I wanna get married so I can have guilt free sex".

 

[lesedi]

V. interesting topic

 

[NaijaTroll]

I assume it has to do with religion?

If you believe or raised to believe fornication is wrong then sex within the marriage is guilt free..yes?

 

[MzLady78]

I assume it has to do with religion?

If you believe or raised to believe fornication is wrong then sex within the marriage is guilt free..yes?

I thought about this too and I'm sure that's the case for some, but I don't believe that everyone who made this statement is religious.

 

[Triniwegian]

I never understood it either.
Why would you marry to have sex? That seems very strange to me.
I don't see how sex would make anyone feel guilty unless you force yourself on someone or catch/give an STD, I think this (the guilt) might be play a huge role in preventing women from truly enjoying sex.

 

[NaijaTroll]

I thought about this too and I'm sure that's the case for some, but I don't believe that everyone who made this statement is religious.

Ive noticed those that do say it are either religious or being sarcastic about religious rules.

 

[MzLady78]

I never understood it either.
Why would you marry to have sex? That seems very strange to me.
I don't see how sex would make anyone feel guilty unless you force yourself on someone or catch/give an STD, I think this (the guilt) might be play a huge role in preventing women from truly enjoying sex.

I've always said that I truly believe that if there was no such thing as STDs and birth control was 100% reliable, a lot of people would feel differently about sex. Just my opinion, of course.

 

[Taleah2009]

I don't think in put guilt free sex in the other thread, but I understand the point. I am a religious person and fornicating is a sin. So to me if I were married I wouldn't have that guilty conscious sitting in church the next morning after a night of wild crazy mindblowing sex with my husband. And another thing since I will admit I do have sex and I am not married I worry a lot about getting preggo because I do not wish to bring a child in the world and I am not married. So even though I protect myself, it always that little thought in the back of my head. If I were married getting pregnant by an oopps would not worry me as much.... Just my thoughts

 

[MD_Lady]

I've seen a number of people list this as a reason that they want to get married and I'm wondering why you would feel guilty about having sex in the first place. We're human beings with needs and urges, why is that something to feel bad about? Unless you're doing it for the wrong reasons (i.e. trying to use sex to get love) OR it goes against your religious upbringing, umm....I don't quite get it. erplexed

I will say that my feelings about sex are a little different from what seems to be the norm around here, which is fine, I respect everyone's point of view. But I'm sure guys aren't going around saying "I wanna get married so I can have guilt free sex".

I was JUST thinking the same thing. Not only have I NEVER felt guilty (I was a consenting, unattached adult who was involved with other consenting, unattached adults, why would I?), I've never required a deep emotional connection to feel satisfied. Don't get me wrong, I've never been interested in doing everything with everybody, but for me to tell you I needed to love him or have him love me to be satisfied would be me telling you a lie. I'll also say that, for me, there is no substitute for knowledge and skill. A man could love me more than life itself, but that won't get me anywhere NEAR an O if he doesn't have the "talent" to back it up.

 

[*5+5]

I agree with the posters that mentioned that, I do look fwd to "guilt free sex". However, if/when I do have sex I don't lay there in guilt after it's over but subconsciously I don't feel 100% comfortable about having sex with a guy that's not my husband. Isn’t that why to give it up, how often, on who’s terms seems to be a factor in dating? On the flip side, in a marriage one would be more open and totally free right?

For me, I look at it like this...I wouldn't want my future daughter to be having sex while she's going thru the dating process. I would hope that she would abstain until she found her husband although I didn't.

 

[snillohsss]

Outside of STD's and babies, I couldn't imagine doing the things sexually with any ol dude that I have done/do with my husband. That's part of my definition of "guilt free sex".

 

[qchelle]

I never understood this either. Feeling guilty about having sex? Why are you having the sex in the first place?

 

[MzLady78]

I was JUST thinking the same thing. Not only have I NEVER felt guilty (I was a consenting, unattached adult who was involved with other consenting, unattached adults, why would I?), I've never required a deep emotional connection to feel satisfied. Don't get me wrong, I've never been interested in doing everything with everybody, but for me to tell you I needed to love him or have him love me to be satisfied would be me telling you a lie. I'll also say that, for me, there is no substitute for knowledge and skill. A man could love me more than life itself, but that won't get me anywhere NEAR an O if he doesn't have the "talent" to back it up.

Exactly, same here.

I agree with the posters that mentioned that, I do look fwd to "guilt free sex". However, if/when I do have sex I don't lay there in guilt after it's over but subconsciously I don't feel 100% comfortable about having sex with a guy that's not my husband. Isn’t that why to give it up, how often, on who’s terms seems to be a factor in dating? On the flip side, in a marriage one would be more open and totally free right?

For me, I look at it like this...I wouldn't want my future daughter to be having sex while she's going thru the dating process. I would hope that she would abstain until she found her husband although I didn't.

Interesting. I've had people that I felt some kind of way about it afterwards, but not for that reason.

Outside of STD's and babies, I couldn't imagine doing the things sexually with any ol dude that I have done/do with my husband. That's part of my definition of "guilt free sex".

Makes sense. I can understand someone wanting to save some things for their husband.

I guess for me, what would make the difference is how I FEEL about my husband. Even if I've done something before, because we have a deeper emotional, spiritual and mental connection as husband and wife, that would make it special to me. I hope I'm making sense, LOL.

 

[locabouthair]

Maybe for some, it's knowing that if you end up pregnant it would be "okay"?

 

[MzLady78]

I never understood this either. Feeling guilty about having sex? Why are you having the sex in the first place?

That is the question, LOL.

Maybe for some, it's knowing that if you end up pregnant it would be "okay"?

Yeah, I can definitely see this being the case. I wouldn't be happy about it if I got pregnant before I got married. I just don't know if I would feel "guilty", per se.

 

[Etherealsmile]

I don't know about anyone else but how can you enjoy sex if you're feeling guilty during the act? Doesn't that take away from the pleasure?

I digress.


I think the main reason some people feel guilty about sex is religion.

 

[Akemi]

I don't know about anyone else but how can you enjoy sex if you're feeling guilty during the act? Doesn't that take away from the pleasure?

I digress.


I think the main reason some people feel guilty about sex is religion.

Yes. I think this is it. And our society is in many ways influenced by religion so even those who don't consider themselves religious might feel guilty about having sex, too.

And getting married just to have sex is very unwise in my opinion.

That must be terrible, feeling guilty after having sex.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

*walks in room....sits in chair n lights up a newport one hunnit*

chile..i neva feel guilty bout havin sex....what? hell, specially when it's good. dayum dat.

imma feel guilty bout what? cuz i put him out afta wards n told him "i'll call u...."

imma feel guilty bout what? cuz i got mines and he didn't? yea, ok..whateva

imma feel guilty bout what? cuz i didn't answer da phone when HE called da next day?

imma feel guilty bout what? cuz i made him lay in da wet spot....

c'mon na...feel guilty bout what...

and if ur feelin guilty for religious reasons - thinkin ur gonna go to hell or be punished cuz u gave it up, enjoyed it, omg..and had a mind blowin orgasm, *lemme keep dis hea part clean* possibly sucked da nerves outta his "crayon" and actually like it...

don't tell nobody n keep it to urself..cuz nine times outta ten..ur gonna phuck anyway. you already did the foreplay (touchy feely shyt so why not). you've done everything else except the actual act of penetration, so what is there to feel guilty about?

however, if u feel that strongly about waiting to have sex until marriage, then by all means, do so.

however, i like to test drive my cars before i close the deal. nothing worse than holding out, then on ur wedding night, ur disappointed cuz his penis looks like that of a little outtie navel.....

or maybe i'm wrong...but those are MY views....

 

[MzLady78]

^^^ LOL!!!

I'm with you on test driving first. Ain't no way in hell I'mma get stuck with a baby peen or "I could have had a V-8" sex for the rest of my life.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

^5 Mzlady...wait..i just went back n read sumfin...

who said they were gonna wait til they got married just to have sex??????

getting married just to have sex?

fa real?

 

[NaijaTroll]

^^^ LOL!!!

I'm with you on test driving first. Ain't no way in hell I'mma get stuck with a baby peen

My thing in regards to statements like this is do people really think those who save themselves for marriage dont actually LOOK at the stuff? I mean unless it's an arranged marriage, I dont think that's the case. Just cos they're not having intercourse doesnt always mean they dont know what dude is woking with

 

[Mai Tai]

For me "guilt free sex" has very little to do with religion nor do I actually feel the emotion of guilt before, during, or after the act.

For me "guilt free" is a sarcastic way of saying that even though I have sex now, when I get married, my SO better rest up, because I'm letting the Tiger out of the bag! There are things that I ONLY want to do with my husband, and have reserved especially for him. Things that I can't post here without getting banned.

For me "guilt free" means not using condoms. I've never gone unprotected and I am SOOOOOO looking forward to it!

"Guilt Free" to me means if I get pregnant, I have a husband and I won't be a "baby mama."

Everyone may not agree with my definition, but this is what it means to me...

 

[MzLady78]

My thing in regards to statements like this is do people really think those who save themselves for marriage dont actually LOOK at the stuff? I mean unless it's an arranged marriage, I dont think that's the case. Just cos they're not having intercourse doesnt always mean they dont know what dude is woking with

This is true. And you have some folks will do everything but have actual intercourse.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

For me its more so the religious stand point that your not suppose to do anything until wedding night and if it doesnt happpen then Im never suppose to be touched.As a christian we are suppose to fight urges and not comply with the body asks for..supposely buffering the body into shape is more religiously pure.But we all fall short.

If I had a strong push I could abort the whole religious views and just do it but I know better a body is a temple should be free of garbage and rubbish..but I def understand op pov

 

[qchelle]

Ohhhh okay. So to some people the term "guilt free sex" is a figurative saying that describes other aspects of sex. And to others (me included) it's not really a 'term', per se, but just 3 words that literally describes having sex and feeling guilty about it. Gotcha #learned

 

[Cheleigh]

I think it's emotional guilt, hoe guilt, religious guilt. I can't say that I've ever been guilty about the sex act while it's going on (ha), but sometimes I've felt a little bad about my partner choice in hindsight. I've have great sex with partners I was only moderately emotionally involved with, but when the sex is mediocre (and yes, some days it be like that, even with your SO)...it's that emotional connection that still makes it OK. If you don't have that connection, sometimes it can leave you feeling some kind of way.

Also, those of us who really like sex can feel a bit guilty for being toss-ups (especially when you don't have a SO), whereas with your DH, you can toss-it up every night and not feel anything about it.

Finally, other people make you feel guilty--my family gave me and my SO the side-eye whenever we all went on vacation and my SO and I would share a bed. As soon as we got married, it was all good in the hood.

 

[Triniwegian]

I agree with the posters that mentioned that, I do look fwd to "guilt free sex". However, if/when I do have sex I don't lay there in guilt after it's over but subconsciously I don't feel 100% comfortable about having sex with a guy that's not my husband. Isn’t that why to give it up, how often, on who’s terms seems to be a factor in dating? On the flip side, in a marriage one would be more open and totally free right?

For me, I look at it like this...I wouldn't want my future daughter to be having sex while she's going thru the dating process. I would hope that she would abstain until she found her husband although I didn't.

I would hate for my daughter to marry someone and feel like she is missing out. I am not saying that all people needs multiple partners in their life. But IMO I think that experiencing different people plays a huge role in knowing what you want and what you don't want.

As long as they take precaution and stay safe, I would want my children to be sexually free/experience different people. I would hate for them to end up in a marriage and not be sexually fulfilled, I know for me, bad sex is a deal breaker; I am not going to teach a grown man how to jooke it.

 

[MissMasala5]

I was JUST thinking the same thing. Not only have I NEVER felt guilty (I was a consenting, unattached adult who was involved with other consenting, unattached adults, why would I?), I've never required a deep emotional connection to feel satisfied. Don't get me wrong, I've never been interested in doing everything with everybody, but for me to tell you I needed to love him or have him love me to be satisfied would be me telling you a lie. I'll also say that, for me, there is no substitute for knowledge and skill. A man could love me more than life itself, but that won't get me anywhere NEAR an O if he doesn't have the "talent" to back it up.

AMEN and pass the plate!

 

[MissMasala5]

I think it's emotional guilt, hoe guilt, religious guilt. I can't say that I've ever been guilty about the sex act while it's going on (ha), but sometimes I've felt a little bad about my partner choice in hindsight. I've have great sex with partners I was only moderately emotionally involved with, but when the sex is mediocre (and yes, some days it be like that, even with your SO)...it's that emotional connection that still makes it OK. If you don't have that connection, sometimes it can leave you feeling some kind of way.

Also, those of us who really like sex can feel a bit guilty for being toss-ups (especially when you don't have a SO), whereas with your DH, you can toss-it up every night and not feel anything about it.

Finally, other people make you feel guilty--my family gave me and my SO the side-eye whenever we all went on vacation and my SO and I would share a bed. As soon as we got married, it was all good in the hood.

This post sums up my thoughts pretty much.

 

[*5+5]

I would hate for my daughter to marry someone and feel like she is missing out. I am not saying that all people needs multiple partners in their life. But IMO I think that experiencing different people plays a huge role in knowing what you want and what you don't want.

As long as they take precaution and stay safe, I would want my children to be sexually free/experience different people. I would hate for them to end up in a marriage and not be sexually fulfilled, I know for me, bad sex is a deal breaker; I am not going to teach a grown man how to jooke it.

Bad sex for me is not a deal breaker! The only time I've ever had bad sex is when I wasn't really into the guy and I was faking emotions.

With that said, I wouldn’t want my daughter out testing the waters and having sex with guys that may not have real intimate intentions for her besides bustin’ a n*. Dating around is fine, but as sheltered as this may sound, I believe that if my daughter or anyone of that matter makes a true connection with a person than things like sex will fall into play.

Even if it’s not there right off the bat I believe things like sexual compatibility will work itself out if two people are totally attracted and committed to each other.