Grown Man Yet Lives with Roommates

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

I'm listening (well, being nosy ) to this woman and she's complaining that despite this man having everything she's looking for, she's upset that he doesn't have his own place and instead has to have roommates. She's like, "how can you be an adult and not be able to afford your own place especially as a man? What woman wants to come over and look at your roommates the whole day?"

How do you feel about a man in his late 20s to early 30s that has rooommates? Would you date him?

 

[ThickHair]

Unless he lives in NYC, then heck no. Even then, how is he looking to date and possibly marry and he can't even support himself. I don't buy the "It saves money" line. Pure BS. I have never done the roommate thing.

Some grown men have Mamma as a roommate, NEXT.

 

[NOEChic]

i not do men that have roommates...imma need him to get it together

 

[ladysaraii]

You know it would depend. And I wouldn't be looking at a man with lots, but one, ok.

I'd probably be better with a guy who had a roommate than one who still lived w/ his momma

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

I won't look over it. I'd rather have one that lives with them than his momma.

One of my teachers is 32 (he'll be 33 soon) and he has a roommate. He recently got his bachelors' degree in Internet Security and is going for his Masters. He is also working two jobs. Some folks have to to do it to save money. Can't blame them.

 

[CarolinaGal]

Depends on the situation and the mentality of the man. I'd take a man who has a roommate but is debt free and has disposable income over a man with his own home that is struggling to make the mortgage payments every month.

 

[MrsMe]

If he's saving to buy a house that's fine, but if he's just comfortable with his roommates and doesn't feel like moving on, then that's where he should stay... Sometimes roommates are more than "roommates"...

 

[chicitygirl]

Depends on the situation. I don't date men that live with their mamas, grandparents, or any female (skip me with that "we're platonic/just roommates" nonsense).

I give a slight side eye to a man that has a male roommate, unless he's a student or it's clear he's working on his financial situation and saving to buy a place. I wouldn't have a huge problem with a man that owns a home and rents out a room to a roommate. I'd rather he do that than be house poor.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

In Boston, which believe it or not is just as bad as NYC in terms of rent costs, I think its fine if the guy is a) a graduate student b)saving to buy a house. Now, because I'm a grad student as well and know that affording a place on my own wouldn't be impossible I'm flexible. I have friends who dated guys who had room mates and when they got engaged they looked for a place and moved in once they were married. Unless one wants to shack up while dating, I'm not sure the room mate thing would be a non-starter IF they guy is still relatively young.

 

[YaniraNaturally]

A man with a roommate beats a man living with momma any day of the week. One of my friends is 27 and he's STILL sleeping in the bedroom that he grew up in.

 

[foxxymami]

It depends on his reasons and for how long.

But in general, I wouldn't do it.

 

[TayMac]

Depending on the reason and not more than 1 roommate..

If he has a roommate but is spending money left and right versus taking advantage of the situation and saving money..I'd say next.

That said...I still live with my mom so I can't say too much.

 

[lesedi]

I don't have a problem. I see it as temporary fix. If he has no plans to leave EVER then that is a different scenario.

 

[Transformer]

Oops, This is hitting close to home. My son purchased a house and has a roommate to help him pay the mortgage. This is a great deal, especially since 95% of the time the guy lives with his girlfriend.

In my neck of the woods, I meet young white guys that are doing this all the time. One will purchase the house and then invite roommates to help defray the monthly cost. Everyone's happy. When someone wants to leave--next roommate or the owner can invite everyone to leave due to pending marriage.

 

[LilMissRed]

depends on why/how long

I'd def prefer one who lived w/friends and not family or his parents .. THAT would def be a deal breaker for me

 

[ThickHair]

Oops, This is hitting close to home. My son purchased a house and has a roommate to help him pay the mortgage. This is a great deal, especially since 95% of the time the guy lives with his girlfriend.

In my neck of the woods, I meet young white guys that are doing this all the time. One will purchase the house and then invite roommates to help defray the monthly cost. Everyone's happy. When someone wants to leave--next roommate or the owner can invite everyone to leave due to pending marriage.

Why not purchase a house that he can afford w\o assistance? Sounds like living beyond one's means. JMHO

 

[Duchesse]

This is interesting. My bro. lives at home still, works, is 32, and has well over 80k in the bank. He's saving up to purchase a home and is hesistant about spending his $ on rent. While I do think he needs to jump ship and move NOW, I do understand him not wanting to tap into his savings. We live in nyc, home of insane rent.

Living here, I can't really judge a man w/roomates too harshly, but it also depends on other factors.

 

[Transformer]

Why not purchase a house that he can afford w\o assistance? Sounds like living beyond one's means. JMHO

Everyone has their opinion and I certainly have mine. But he did purchase a house that he could afford, he just considered it smart to have a roommate and have more cash. His roommate was his best friend of upteen years and probably would have been there anyway--they just formalized the arrangement.

But I also know many young men doing this knowing they could be cash strapped if they can't replace a roommate.

During his college years I had the idea to purchase a house in his college town and allow him to reside and rent rooms to other college students. It didn't mean that I couldn't afford the mortgage, just that I considered it smart to let other people help me make the mortgage payment.

So, I'm gathering folks don't consider it prudent to have a roommate? I know couples that rent out the basement of their houses. I've caught a few episodes of "Income Property."

 

[SvelteVelvet]

It totally depends on the scenario...I may talk to him but I may not take him seriously if and until I see he's making serious strides to keep it a temporary situation. I'd prefer a man who can show that he can hold his own because talk is cheap.

 

[Bunny77]

Oops, This is hitting close to home. My son purchased a house and has a roommate to help him pay the mortgage. This is a great deal, especially since 95% of the time the guy lives with his girlfriend.

In my neck of the woods, I meet young white guys that are doing this all the time. One will purchase the house and then invite roommates to help defray the monthly cost. Everyone's happy. When someone wants to leave--next roommate or the owner can invite everyone to leave due to pending marriage.

I'm with you on this... I knew a lot of guys (mostly white) who did this... one person either bought a house and took roommates, or a group of people rented a house and they all lived there.

In fact, my 26-year-old brother is doing this now. They don't own the house, but three guys live there. He's doing this as a way to pay off credit card and student loan debt, and then save to pay for a house later on.

I think this is way better than living at home, and financially smarter in the short term than having one's own apartment if one doesn't have a job that pays enough to make that feasible.


That being said, as with any other situation, a woman needs to know exactly what a man's plan is regarding his future. If he seems like he wants to stay in a bachelor pad with roommates until the day he dies, well... move on. Also, if I met a never-married man over 35 still doing this, I might raise an eyebrow.

I dated a guy who did the house-with-roommates thing and ultimately bought his own house when he was about 33. The crazy thing is, one of the other guys in the first house got married and the guy's brother then asked my guy if he needed a roommate in my guy's new house.

Thank goodness my guy turned him down, but the brother would be an example of the type of man to avoid... he's not doing anything to move toward self-sufficiency and perhaps marrying and establishing a home with his wife, but wants to constantly live with someone to save money.

 

[lux10023]

i dont think a man over a ceratin age should have roommates..
i would rather dude have his own spot even if it was a studio---
do ya reserach...get ya money right and get your own spot...

if your under 25 maybeeeeeeee--

you work so you can live an be able to afford certain things--to me getting ya own spot would be a priority---a goal of some sort...
in nyc prices r expensive i get it--no surprise there--get ya money right---save--whatever..get ya own spot..

 

[ThickHair]

Everyone has their opinion and I certainly have mine. But he did purchase a house that he could afford, he just considered it smart to have a roommate and have more cash. His roommate was his best friend of upteen years and probably would have been there anyway--they just formalized the arrangement.

But I also know many young men doing this knowing they could be cash strapped if they can't replace a roommate.

During his college years I had the idea to purchase a house in his college town and allow him to reside and rent rooms to other college students. It didn't mean that I couldn't afford the mortgage, just that I considered it smart to let other people help me make the mortgage payment.

So, I'm gathering folks don't consider it prudent to have a roommate? I know couples that rent out the basement of their houses. I've caught a few episodes of "Income Property."

OK, so he doesn't need a roommate? Cool, but some folks NEED a roommate, that is when my comment is applicable.

 

[Transformer]

The entire purpose of having a roommate was to send a message that they weren't marriage-minded. They even crafted rules that stated--no girls were to stay the night unless they were VERY SPECIAL and absolutely never give a key to anybody.

The roommate is getting married in June! Son, early next year. So that plan backfired big time.

 

[Lenee925]

The ex told me he would ALWAYS have a roommate (he's 28). It was his way of telling me he had no intentions of marriage before he actually came out and said it.

 

[jada1111]

I agree with everyone else that says it depends on the situation. He's still basically living on his own and not with his mother or another woman.

There are so many men that go from woman to woman and are never self-sufficient. It's disgusting and definitely a change from the way men used to be 20 years ago. Women always tend to have their own place. Men should be able to do the same either by themselves or with a roommate. Just as long as its technically their OWN place.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

=ThickHair;11054844]OK, so he doesn't need a roommate? Cool, but some folks NEED a roommate, that is when my comment is applicable



ur funny...

but'r oh...nahhhh..i can't do it. just like i can't dat a guy who drives a PT Cruiser....I JUST CAN'T DO IT!!!!!

 

[LadyPaniolo]

There are exceptions to the rule, but overall, a man who doesn't at least have his own spot is NOT marriageable. Hence, he gets passed over for a man who IS marriageable.

NJ is pricey too, esp certain parts. Lots of good and decent guys have roommies while they save up. But a man who already has his own place is a step above that time/place in his life, making him more desirable.

 

[madamdot]

When DH and I met he was living at home in the process of moving out. He moved in with a room-mate. His room-mate was an upper level finance guy with an MBA saving money. I had a room-mate too (a guy!). I was in the middle of getting my MBA when I met DH. He and I were married about 2.5 years later.

My guy room-mate got married about 9 months before I did.

Ladies - don't have blanket rules about little things like these. Get to know the man (you can know relatively quickly whether or not something um . . . not right is going on). There are plenty of men out there who don't have room-mates that are not married minded. The guy I met before DH was a lawyer with his own place near Dupont. He said he was marriage minded and was "interested" in marrying me - but listening to the other things he had to say I would not touch him with a ten foot pole. This guy is still not married.

DH and I have been married for 3 years.

BTW - yes there are men out there with room-mates that you should skip over.

 

[spelmanlocks]

I don't think a man with a room mate is a bad thing, its not necessarily an indicator that he is ready to marry or not. My BIL lived with a roomate for about two years and his roomate married and moved out. They just lived together because they were best friends and it helped them pay down their law school debt faster.

 

[Bunny77]

Ladies - don't have blanket rules about little things like these. Get to know the man (you can know relatively quickly whether or not something um . . . not right is going on). There are plenty of men out there who don't have room-mates that are not married minded. The guy I met before DH was a lawyer with his own place near Dupont. He said he was marriage minded and was "interested" in marrying me - but listening to the other things he had to say I would not touch him with a ten foot pole. This guy is still not married.

DH and I have been married for 3 years.

BTW - yes there are men out there with room-mates that you should skip over.

I agree. As folks have said, this is a situation in which people need to get to know the man/men in question instead of automatically ruling them out.

While it's nice to have one's own place, the American drive to hurry up and get a place is one thing that often causes people to unnecessarily spend more money than they have and perhaps create a poor financial situation down the road.

Now, many of these guys aren't necessarily thinking of marriage yet (like my brother), I know my brother desires to settle down, and he might speed up the process of moving that way if he met someone he wanted to marry.

Plus, guys seem to just be more social in that sense, for some reason. It seems like many guys I have known (of all races) at one point shared an apartment or house with someone else for a few years, and they eventually moved on, got their own place, got married, etc.

Women do things a little differently -- which is fine too -- but it doesn't mean that men are automatically losers for getting roommates.