Going from intimate to abstinence.

[Duchesse]

Has anyone ever gone from having regular sex with a dating partner/SO then for whatever reason, one of you wants to become celibate for an undefined time period. Did the relationship last? Grow stronger? Did they become celibate as well? Did it end or did the other person become frustrated and have sex with someone else?

Anyone care to share....?

 

[LostInAdream]

Has anyone ever gone from having regular sex with a dating partner/SO then for whatever reason, one of you wants to become celibate for an undefined time period. Did the relationship last? Grow stronger? Did they become celibate as well? Did it end or did the other person become frustrated and have sex with someone else? Anyone care to share....?

I Am doing this now since I have rededicated my life to Christ. It's been going well we are planning our wedding. We have grown stronger, communicate on a deeper level, and working on some minor issues before we tie the knot. It actually forces us to see each other for who we truly are and please each other by taking care of one another ( if that makes sense). We have a 1yr old daughter so, yea it was a shocker but we have never been in a better place.

 

[dede1129]

I started dating someone new and became celibate shortly before so this kinda applies. I let him know upfront my wishes which is to have a relationship be blessed and in right standing with God and so far so good. He is a Christian and respects my wishes and supports me. It is so important to have someone share your morals and values when it comes to this.

 

[Transformer]

My son was dating a devout Christian and he himself is a practicing Christian. He married another young lady who gave it up on their first date. He considered the abstinence game a ploy to force an engagement.

I'm sorry ladies but I don't see the need to self impose abstinence when a couple is living together or have a child already for moral or religious reasons....I think it's a bit late.

Many couples....married and single...got through periods of abstinence due to illness or physical distance separations. What are you trying to REVEAL about the person that not having sex will show? Have you adopted the mindset NOW...that pre marital sex is wrong? Do you think the relationship is really just sexual and want to see if there is more to the relationship than a physical act?

 

[wavezncurlz]

My son was dating a devout Christian and he himself is a practicing Christian. He married another young lady who gave it up on their first date. He considered the abstinence game a ploy to force an engagement. I'm sorry ladies but I don't see the need to self impose abstinence when a couple is living together or have a child already for moral or religious reasons....I think it's a bit late. Many couples....married and single...got through periods of abstinence due to illness or physical distance separations. What are you trying to REVEAL about the person that not having sex will show? Have you adopted the mindset NOW...that pre marital sex is wrong? Do you think the relationship is really just sexual and want to see if there is more to the relationship than a physical act?

^^^*LOL. How did you find that out - she gave it up on the first date?

 

[Transformer]

^^^*LOL. How did you find that out - she gave it up on the first date?

That's what I believe and she's a "preacher's daughter." I think she stayed over at his place from day ONE. Afterwards, she was there every weekend until their marriage.

He didn't get the abstinence concept that his previous girlfriend was living by considering they had "moral failures" every couple of months. Then they would attend church together and participate in altar call to pray on their "sins." Finally, he decided it was too much.

"Preacher's Daughter" showed up and didn't have those qualms- no altar pray required. A year later she had diamonds and platinum on her left hand. Six months later there was the wedding.

 

[God_Favor]

That's what I believe and she's a "preacher's daughter." I think she stayed over at his place from day ONE. Afterwards, she was there every weekend until their marriage.

He didn't get the abstinence concept that his previous girlfriend was living by considering they had "moral failures" every couple of months. Then they would attend church together and participate in altar call to pray on their "sins." Finally, he decided it was too much.

"Preacher's Daughter" showed up and didn't have those qualms- no altar pray required. A year later she had diamonds and platinum on her left hand. Six months later there was the wedding.

What is your issue with your daughter in law? Sounds like you have a little bitterness against her......

 

[LiftedUp]

That's what I believe and she's a "preacher's daughter." I think she stayed over at his place from day ONE. Afterwards, she was there every weekend until their marriage.

He didn't get the abstinence concept that his previous girlfriend was living by considering they had "moral failures" every couple of months. Then they would attend church together and participate in altar call to pray on their "sins." Finally, he decided it was too much.

"Preacher's Daughter" showed up and didn't have those qualms- no altar pray required. A year later she had diamonds and platinum on her left hand. Six months later there was the wedding.

He wasn't on the same page with his ex girlfriend with regards to pre-marital sex and it's ok. His actions or desires doesn't speak for all men though and that too is ok.

I also think that if both persons in the relationship are at the same point regarding abstinence in their relationship, it wouldn't be viewed as a ploy or trick. The good thing about discernment though, is if you feel that someone isn't genuine with their actions but really want to fool you, you have the autonomy to leave.

 

[Transformer]

What is your issue with your daughter in law? Sounds like you have a little bitterness against her......

I have ABSOLUTELY no bitterness toward my DIL. I'm just disappointed that my son couldn't see through the feminine wiles and manipulation. I feel bad for him that he will go through life with so much financial and emotional stress because EVERYTHING is on him including her emotional well being. At times, I can tell it's a bit much but he's in too deep now. However, his eyes were wide opened --he did not go into the relationship/wedding dumb and ignorant of her situation and the requirements. At the wedding, he introduced her at "the Diva that I will have to take care of for the rest of my life." For the most part, he's happy and I'm THRILLED that I will be a grandmother soon.

But that doesn't mean that I don't wish things were a bit different for him. He works very long hours, completing a Masters in Finance, cooks all the meals (just called for instructions on how to bake pork chops), handles all household issues, and her mental health issues. There is very little time for himself.

This is about him....not about her.

 

[nlamr2013]

My son was dating a devout Christian and he himself is a practicing Christian. He married another young lady who gave it up on their first date. He considered the abstinence game a ploy to force an engagement.

I'm sorry ladies but I don't see the need to self impose abstinence when a couple is living together or have a child already for moral or religious reasons....I think it's a bit late.

Many couples....married and single...got through periods of abstinence due to illness or physical distance separations. What are you trying to REVEAL about the person that not having sex will show? Have you adopted the mindset NOW...that pre marital sex is wrong? Do you think the relationship is really just sexual and want to see if there is more to the relationship than a physical act?

Well good thing God doesn't have your type of attitude lol we'd all be in deep teouble.

 

[GeorginaSparks]

My son was dating a devout Christian and he himself is a practicing Christian. He married another young lady who gave it up on their first date. He considered the abstinence game a ploy to force an engagement. I'm sorry ladies but I don't see the need to self impose abstinence when a couple is living together or have a child already for moral or religious reasons....I think it's a bit late. Many couples....married and single...got through periods of abstinence due to illness or physical distance separations. What are you trying to REVEAL about the person that not having sex will show? Have you adopted the mindset NOW...that pre marital sex is wrong? Do you think the relationship is really just sexual and want to see if there is more to the relationship than a physical act?

why are you so involved in your son's sex life? Thats very odd....

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[Kurlee]

I have ABSOLUTELY no bitterness toward my DIL. I'm just disappointed that my son couldn't see through the feminine wiles and manipulation. I feel bad for him that he will go through life with so much financial and emotional stress because EVERYTHING is on him including her emotional well being. At times, I can tell it's a bit much but he's in too deep now. However, his eyes were wide opened --he did not go into the relationship/wedding dumb and ignorant of her situation and the requirements. At the wedding, he introduced her at "the Diva that I will have to take care of for the rest of my life." For the most part, he's happy and I'm THRILLED that I will be a grandmother soon.

But that doesn't mean that I don't wish things were a bit different for him. He works very long hours, completing a Masters in Finance, cooks all the meals (just called for instructions on how to bake pork chops), handles all household issues, and her mental health issues. There is very little time for himself.

This is about him....not about her.

whether or not you realize or are willing to admit it, everything you typed here sounds like you really don't care for his wife BECAUSE of the pressure it puts on your son. Sounds like you're just tolerating her because he's "stuck" and for the grandkids.

 

[Highly Favored8]

I have ABSOLUTELY no bitterness toward my DIL. I'm just disappointed that my son couldn't see through the feminine wiles and manipulation. I feel bad for him that he will go through life with so much financial and emotional stress because EVERYTHING is on him including her emotional well being. At times, I can tell it's a bit much but he's in too deep now. However, his eyes were wide opened --he did not go into the relationship/wedding dumb and ignorant of her situation and the requirements. At the wedding, he introduced her at "the Diva that I will have to take care of for the rest of my life." For the most part, he's happy and I'm THRILLED that I will be a grandmother soon.

But that doesn't mean that I don't wish things were a bit different for him. He works very long hours, completing a Masters in Finance, cooks all the meals (just called for instructions on how to bake pork chops), handles all household issues, and her mental health issues. There is very little time for himself.

This is about him....not about her.

WOW your son does all of thiserplexed.
So, are you saying he should have not married the "preachers daughter". I mean the way he introduced "his wife" at the wedding "a diva".

 

[Highly Favored8]

whether or not you realize or are willing to admit it, everything you typed here sounds like you really don't care for his wife BECAUSE of the pressure it puts on your son. Sounds like you're just tolerating her because he's "stuck" and for the grandkids.

Thank you.. That's what I am getting from her post as well.

 

[Highly Favored8]

One other thing maybe Transformer your son should have stuck with the first girl who had him at the altar. Or picked another girl altogether.JMHO

 

[Transformer]

Well good thing God doesn't have your type of attitude lol we'd all be in deep teouble.

I'm not sure what's GOD's opinion on this. Historians don't believe Mary and Joseph were married just betrothed at the time of Jesus' birth. This was not unusual during that time period.

As a person married to their first sexual partner and the same person for the nearly 40 years, I offer no apologies on my personal assessment.

 

[Transformer]

why are you so involved in your son's sex life? Thats very odd....


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

Laughing because i certainly opened my self to this line of questioning. I've always told my kids they can asked me about anything EXCEPT my sex life. Seven years ago DS asked me about my opinion on abstinence. He was also attending her church every week which is odd given that as a family, although living in separate households, we always meet at church each Sunday.

He explained it that they had been intimate but that now she wanted to practice abstinence.....if was off and on but he was thinking this was manipulation.

whether or not you realize or are willing to admit it, everything you typed here sounds like you really don't care for his wife BECAUSE of the pressure it puts on your son. Sounds like you're just tolerating her because he's "stuck" and for the grandkids.

She's a feminine smart girl....much smarter than me. I have great admiration of her ability to manipulate males....which is a very handy tool...just wish my son wasn't so damn dumb.

WOW your son does all of thiserplexed.
So, are you saying he should have not married the "preachers daughter". I mean the way he introduced "his wife" at the wedding "a diva".

Her parents vocation has nothing to do with it....I brought it up to show that she was raised by two ministers and had a very modern attitude about sex before marriage. Her family never said a word about her staying over every weekend. My own hubby stated that his first sexual partner was also a preacher's daughter.

 

[Transformer]

One other thing maybe @Transformer your son should have stuck with the first girl who had him at the altar. Or picked another girl altogether.JMHO

No...apparently he wanted this one. So he's good. Classic case of opposites attract. He dated many, but this one apparently rang his bell better than the others. She's extremely feminine....always with makeup/hair on point....total opposite of me. He doesn't care that she can't enter a discussion on the Feds control of interest rates.

Some people say that men marry their mother.....he definite didn't do that.

A friend of mine shared her story of her son marrying a girl with four children....none of which were his.... at the age 25. The young lady became totally disabled. It became too much for him and he's had to retire his Superman cape.

 

[IronButterfly]

Has anyone ever gone from having regular sex with a dating partner/SO then for whatever reason, one of you wants to become celibate for an undefined time period. Did the relationship last? Grow stronger? Did they become celibate as well? Did it end or did the other person become frustrated and have sex with someone else?

Anyone care to share....?

Yeah, I had some knucklehead try and pull this mess with me back in the day. He felt our relationship had "transcended" the needs of the flesh and wanted to just be friends while keeping me tethered to his throne. Right?

I said, Cool...and went on about my life. One night he tried to touch me and I had to FIRMLY remind him about the transcendental nature of our relationship. So he cussed me out and stormed out of my apartment.

A few days later he called me while I was out of town and left several messages apologizing for his behavior (this was before cellphones and instant messaging), but each subsequent message became less and less remorseful until he just ended up demanding I stop acting like a "B" and call him back NOW!

I returned home, listened to this ten minute tirade, laughing my butt off. I changed my greeting (big mistake, but I was thinking), he figured out I was home, left hostile messages while I was in the shower...and worked his way over to my apartment in a fit of rage. Coincidentally, we met up in the parking lot where he proceeded to threaten me, cuss me out and stab one of the tires on my car.

As he strutted away, proud of his little rampage, I got behind the wheel of the car and aimed it straight at him. Now, I'm no psycho, but those tires were $100 a pop! So I stepped on that gas and plowed that car right at his smug arse.

Not since then I have ever seen a black man fly through the sky like Superman. Just desserts for a man who once had told me to put an S on my chest and get over it.

For the record I did not hit him with the car. He was too quick and agile for that. I got my point across and he never bothered me again.

So, yeah, not a big fan of abstinence after the fact. It drives some men currazzzy!

 

[GoldenRule]

Yeah, I had some knucklehead try and pull this mess with me back in the day. He felt our relationship had "transcended" the needs of the flesh and wanted to just be friends while keeping me tethered to his throne. Right?

I said, Cool...and went on about my life. One night he tried to touch me and I had to FIRMLY remind him about the transcendental nature of our relationship. So he cussed me out and stormed out of my apartment.

A few days later he called me while I was out of town and left several messages apologizing for his behavior (this was before cellphones and instant messaging), but each subsequent message became less and less remorseful until he just ended up demanding I stop acting like a "B" and call him back NOW!

I returned home, listened to this ten minute tirade, laughing my butt off. I changed my greeting (big mistake, but I was thinking), he figured out I was home, left hostile messages while I was in the shower...and worked his way over to my apartment in a fit of rage. Coincidentally, we met up in the parking lot where he proceeded to threaten me, cuss me out and stab one of the tires on my car.

As he strutted away, proud of his little rampage, I got behind the wheel of the car and aimed it straight at him. Now, I'm no psycho, but those tires were $100 a pop! So I stepped on that gas and plowed that car right at his smug arse.

Not since then I have ever seen a black man fly through the sky like Superman. Just desserts for a man who once had told me to put an S on my chest and get over it.

For the record I did not hit him with the car. He was too quick and agile for that. I got my point across and he never bothered me again.

So, yeah, not a big fan of abstinence after the fact. It drives some men currazzzy!

I'm not even sure which one of you guys dodged a bullet with that relationship Since he went cuckoo first, I'd say the scale tips in your favor. Some folks just aren't a good mix.

 

[sunnydaze]

Yeah, I had some knucklehead try and pull this mess with me back in the day. He felt our relationship had "transcended" the needs of the flesh and wanted to just be friends while keeping me tethered to his throne. Right? I said, Cool...and went on about my life. One night he tried to touch me and I had to FIRMLY remind him about the transcendental nature of our relationship. So he cussed me out and stormed out of my apartment. A few days later he called me while I was out of town and left several messages apologizing for his behavior (this was before cellphones and instant messaging), but each subsequent message became less and less remorseful until he just ended up demanding I stop acting like a "B" and call him back NOW! I returned home, listened to this ten minute tirade, laughing my butt off. I changed my greeting (big mistake, but I was thinking), he figured out I was home, left hostile messages while I was in the shower...and worked his way over to my apartment in a fit of rage. Coincidentally, we met up in the parking lot where he proceeded to threaten me, cuss me out and stab one of the tires on my car. As he strutted away, proud of his little rampage, I got behind the wheel of the car and aimed it straight at him. Now, I'm no psycho, but those tires were $100 a pop! So I stepped on that gas and plowed that car right at his smug arse. Not since then I have ever seen a black man fly through the sky like Superman. Just desserts for a man who once had told me to put an S on my chest and get over it. For the record I did not hit him with the car. He was too quick and agile for that. I got my point across and he never bothered me again. So, yeah, not a big fan of abstinence after the fact. It drives some men currazzzy!

Girl this was a descent into madness.

 

[IronButterfly]

Girl this was a descent into madness.

You ain't NEVAH lied! How's the saying? Youth is wasted on the young. Bet that!

 

[SuchaLady]

This conversation took an odd turn

 

[PeaceFlow]

It made me sex mad and sexually obsessed with other men. I had a short emotional affair. My current SO is the man I had constant fantasies about while going through that time of no sex.

All in all it turned out quite well . I came into my own sexually because of it and I'm with the right persongrin:.

I can see how it may work if both people are religious, or both want it, but it wasn't so for us. It just pulled me towards other guys and away from him.

*not zero intimacy. Just no intercourse.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

This thread isn't quite what I expected lol .....

 

[nlamr2013]

I'm not sure what's GOD's opinion on this. Historians don't believe Mary and Joseph were married just betrothed at the time of Jesus' birth. This was not unusual during that time period.

As a person married to their first sexual partner and the same person for the nearly 40 years, I offer no apologies on my personal assessment.

I was actually taking about forgiveness and when you said 'it was too late for that'

 

[nlamr2013]

Oh and op look up karolyne Roberts and her husband. They began their relationship in fornication and then she got convicted broke up with him and some time later I believe he also for convicted and they got back together and then they got married. They've been married for like a year now I believe. There are others let me see if I can remember their screen names

 

[Transformer]

Also, I think when folks want to call a time out and practice abstinence....is a sign that they moved too fast in the beginning.

I not one of those people that believe in "mental virginity." This doesn't mean that you shouldn't restrain from sex.....I just don't believe you should use the moral or religious argument. Just say, our relationship is too much about sex....not that Jesus wants you to reclaim your virginity.

 

[Transformer]

I was actually taking about forgiveness and when you said 'it was too late for that'

I'm sorry but I didn't interpreted the conversation to be about forgiveness..

My remark about being "too late" was in regards to the "morality of having sex without benefit of marriage."

I'm familiar with the religious thought of "now go and sin no more" but I think the Bible was talking about prostitution.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

whether or not you realize or are willing to admit it, everything you typed here sounds like you really don't care for his wife BECAUSE of the pressure it puts on your son. Sounds like you're just tolerating her because he's "stuck" and for the grandkids.

When you see someone you love entrenched in a train wreck, it's hard not to feel some kind of way about it. As long as the MIL stays in her lane, which is outside of their marriage, then it's whatever.