Friends With Benefits

[syze6]

Okay...ladies for those who are casually dating or are in a FWB, are there rules to how much access on has to the other once you are intimate? Does being intimate automatically place you in a no boundary area, especially if you guys have reconnected after some years. My gf was with this guy years ago they both had someone. Fast forward years later they run into each other. They start communicating again and became intimate. They have been in each other lives again for about three months.

She said he texted her one night after talking. She called him the next morning. The man lives with a woman which she is aware of, yet he got upset with her regarding the time she called him. So her feelings are hurt and I asked her why she felt she could call at early hours. She said he never gave her the feeling that she couldn't. So are there rules to those sorts of relationships. I been out of the dating scene for years.

 

[Zuleika]

The man lives with a woman which she is aware of, yet he got upset with her regarding the time she called him.

This is not a friends with benefits situation, your friend is a side piece. If she’s happy with being the other woman, then it’s not the friends with benefits protocol that she needs to learn, she needs to acquaint herself with side piece 101.

 

[DarkJoy]

right. she's number 2. maybe even 3. she cool with that?

unless she super young, i dont understand being this naive. lawd.

 

[ladysaraii]

Bump rules, the better question is why is she ok sleeping with this obviously attached man?

 

[syze6]

This is not a friends with benefits situation, your friend is a side piece. If she’s happy with being the other woman, then it’s not the friends with benefits protocol that she needs to learn, she needs to acquaint herself with side piece 101.

You know what....I just got off the phone with her and she admitted to me the woman who answered was his WIFE! I asked her why she left that part out, she said she didn't want to offend me because I am married. I don't know why my female friends and single relatives think just because I am married I will explode on them. I only give them the perspective of being married and ask them what they would want being married. I tell them I am not their judge and jury!

So then I ask her if she knew he was married or even lived with someone for real. Why she would call him bright and early on a weekend. Lord...she keeps saying he never gave her the feeling she couldn't. Now my friend is a smart cookie and has played the game. I really think she is not telling me the whole story. I don't know if she is trying to save face by saying she knew he lived with a woman. I swear my friends hate to show me vulnerability and failure. Meanwhile I am the first to admit when I mess up!

 

[**SaSSy**]

Okay...ladies for those who are casually dating or are in a FWB, are there rules to how much access on has to the other once you are intimate? Does being intimate automatically place you in a no boundary area, especially if you guys have reconnected after some years. My gf was with this guy years ago they both had someone. Fast forward years later they run into each other. They start communicating again and became intimate. They have been in each other lives again for about three months.

She said he texted her one night after talking. She called him the next morning. The man lives with a woman which she is aware of, yet he got upset with her regarding the time she called him. So her feelings are hurt and I asked her why she felt she could call at early hours. She said he never gave her the feeling that she couldn't. So are there rules to those sorts of relationships. I been out of the dating scene for years.

That sounds like side piece waiting for a unplanned pregnancy to happen.

That's the same thing as men who are "separated" from their children's mother but still living there with her for the sake of the kids

 

[syze6]

That sounds like side piece waiting for a unplanned pregnancy to happen.

That's the same thing as men who are "separated" from their children's mother but still living there with her for the sake of the kids

You know what it sounds like it may be closer to that and she doesn't want to tell me. She said that woman was like, "Who the hell are you!"

 

[LeftRightRepeat]

You know what....I just got off the phone with her and she admitted to me the woman who answered was his WIFE! I asked her why she left that part out, she said she didn't want to offend me because I am married. I don't know why my female friends and single relatives think just because I am married I will explode on them. I only give them the perspective of being married and ask them what they would want being married. I tell them I am not their judge and jury!

So then I ask her if she knew he was married or even lived with someone for real. Why she would call him bright and early on a weekend. Lord...she keeps saying he never gave her the feeling she couldn't. Now my friend is a smart cookie and has played the game. I really think she is not telling me the whole story. I don't know if she is trying to save face by saying she knew he lived with a woman. I swear my friends hate to show me vulnerability and failure. Meanwhile I am the first to admit when I mess up!

She called his cell phone and his wife answered? The jig is up .

 

[Xavier]

This is not a friends with benefits situation, your friend is a side piece. If she’s happy with being the other woman, then it’s not the friends with benefits protocol that she needs to learn, she needs to acquaint herself with side piece 101.

DING DING DING! As soon as I read the part about him having a girl, I was like nah girl that's not a FWB situation you describing.

 

[syze6]

She called his cell phone and his wife answered? The jig is up .

She said ole boy is tight with her! I told her you must have broken one of the rules.

 

[syze6]

Bump rules, the better question is why is she ok sleeping with this obviously attached man?

I guess she is still stuck in their days from way back when. When I run into old acquaintances I inquire about children and relationship status and they do as well. I ran into an old boyfriend this summer and we talked about marriage life, working etc.

 

[mrselle]

She knew he was married and she knew her place. She called him early on a Saturday morning to stir up some drama. It's easy to get sucked back in to the way things used to be when running into an old flame. It sounds like all she ever was to him was a fwb and now, after running into him she has been downgraded to a sidepiece. He can't offer her more and she should want far better for herself.

 

[syze6]

She knew he was married and she knew her place. She called him early on a Saturday morning to stir up some drama. It's easy to get sucked back in to the way things used to be when running into an old flame. It sounds like all she ever was to him was a fwb and now, after running into him she has been downgraded to a sidepiece. He can't offer her more and she should want far better for herself.

Yeah...because it is so easy to get intimate with a person from your past. You don't even have to take a long time to get to know them again for some. Even if a man told me he was separated and living with his children's mom, I would still refrain from calling him at certain times. People are crazy these days and who wants the drama. I still think she is trying to save face by saying she knew he was with someone. If knowing that I can't see you still calling early in the morning knowing and hurt because it went down like it did. Now...she admits she has never did that before but was only doing so due to a text he sent her. What makes it worse it was on Sweetest day. She would not be the first woman to be lied to and won't be the last.

 

[curlicarib]

OMG, some of us just don't love ourselves.

Why would any self respecting woman do this to herself???

 

[jerseyhaircare]

She said he texted her one night after talking. She called him the next morning. The man lives with a woman which she is aware of, yet he got upset with her regarding the time she called him. So her feelings are hurt and I asked her why she felt she could call at early hours. She said he never gave her the feeling that she couldn't. So are there rules to those sorts of relationships. I been out of the dating scene for years.

Yes, rule #1: Don't sleep with married men

 

[ladysaraii]

Yeah...because it is so easy to get intimate with a person from your past. You don't even have to take a long time to get to know them again for some. Even if a man told me he was separated and living with his children's mom, I would still refrain from calling him at certain times. People are crazy these days and who wants the drama. I still think she is trying to save face by saying she knew he was with someone. If knowing that I can't see you still calling early in the morning knowing and hurt because it went down like it did. Now...she admits she has never did that before but was only doing so due to a text he sent her. What makes it worse it was on Sweetest day. She would not be the first woman to be lied to and won't be the last.

She'd be better off saying she didn't know. At least then she'd be the victim of a lying man. Saying she knew about the wife makes her look like a ho. (No offense)

 

[hopeful]

You know what it sounds like it may be closer to that and she doesn't want to tell me. She said that woman was like, "Who the hell are you!"

Idk why this is so funny to me. So embarrassing.

 

[syze6]

Idk why this is so funny to me. So embarrassing.

If dude said they were married/living separate lives, that question and tone from her would tell me something totally different. Girl...once I heard a woman voice answer HIS phone at 8 on a Saturday morning, asking in that tone I would have got off that phone so quick.

 

[cocoma]

So, I was just about to start a thread regarding friends with benefits. What are the rules? For real, been married for 18 years and going through a divorce for the last year. Only recently have I begun to entertain the thought. Help me out ladies.

 

[cocoma]

This is not a friends with benefits situation, your friend is a side piece. If she’s happy with being the other woman, then it’s not the friends with benefits protocol that she needs to learn, she needs to acquaint herself with side piece 101.

What is the friends with benefits protocol?

 

[syze6]

What is the friends with benefits protocol?

Well in speaking with my male co worker, he said it is a mutual understanding that you guys are friends that hangout together and have sex if wanted. He said there is he understanding that neither is looking for anything serious in each other. Now he said a side piece is one who KNOWS he is with someone and should know her place and boundaries. They have established a pattern with each other but she or he knows certain times and occasions are off limit. When they derail from that and cause drama they are no longer a side but now outside!So he said just because my friend was FWB with dude before and he had a woman, she should have known the rules didn't change because they reconnected years later, especially after only reconnected for a few months. She should have expected him to have someone, in this day in age. Especially since she lived with a guy when they were fwb.

He said he's willing to bet the guy probably didn't even tell her he had anyone, because he probably didn't feel he had to due to it only being a few months, hence her calling him early in the morning. She probably really expected him to live alone as she does and just don't want to seem like he was playing her and that they had the history where he was honest about his status.

 

[Xavier]

What is the friends with benefits protocol?

These are the rules that worked for me when I did have a FWB.

• No dates/hanging out outside the house
• No long conversations over the phone or calling just to talk
• Get to the point when you do make contact..."You up?".. "Come through"... "Wanna hang out tonight"...etc.
• Never ask questions like "where is this going?"
• Don't be available all the time
• Don't do any and everything with him
• No asking about other women he is dating, sleeping with, interested in, etc.
• No asking about how he feels about you
• No showing up uninvited (ETA)
• If you spend the night don't linger in the morning (ETA)
• Have fun and be safe!

FWB is not for everyone and even if you follow these rules you or him might still get caught up. Engage at your own risk.

 

[frizzy]

Dang, it sounds like all she knew and cared about was that he had a functioning penis.

 

[syze6]

Dang, it sounds like all she knew and cared about was that he had a functioning penis.

The thing is they have history together and it seems as friends before they should know each other pretty well. She would know if calling him early would be a problem or not, seeing how she had never done it before that day.

I'm telling you all...I live for my friends stories and experiences. I'd be so lost on the dating scene.

 

[Fine 4s]

Stay.In.Yo.Lane.

 

[RUBY]

• So, I was just about to start a thread regarding friends with benefits. What are the rules? For real, been married for 18 years and going through a divorce for the last year. Only recently have I begun to entertain the thought. Help me out ladies.

Yeah, I thought this thread was going to be more along these lines.

 

[RUBY]

These are the rules that worked for me when I did have a FWB.

• No dates/hanging out outside the house
• No long conversations over the phone or calling just to talk
• Get to the point when you do make contact..."You up?".. "Come through"... "Wanna hang out tonight"...etc.
• Never ask questions like "where is this going?"
• Don't be available all the time
• Don't do any and everything with him
• No asking about other women
• No asking about how he feels about you
• Have fun and be safe!

FWB is not for everyone and even if you follow these rules you or him might still get caught up. Engage at your own risk.

Any tips on getting a fwb in the first place? Someone fresh, who you have no history with?

 

[syze6]

No asking about other women

Wouldn't you want to ask that upfront so you know what your boundaries are? So you know what are the acceptable/expected call times and availability if there are other woman? Do you get all that understanding in the beginning? What if you pop over at the wrong time and vice versus for him?

 

[ladysaraii]

Wouldn't you want to ask that upfront so you know what your boundaries are? So you know what are the acceptable/expected call times and availability if there are other woman? Do you get all that understanding in the beginning? What if you pop over at the wrong time and vice versus for him?

I don't think FWBs get popover rights. An FWB is strictly call before you come and dont come unless I've confirmed.

 

[Xavier]

Wouldn't you want to ask that upfront so you know what your boundaries are? So you know what are the acceptable/expected call times and availability if there are other woman? Do you get all that understanding in the beginning? What if you pop over at the wrong time and vice versus for him?

I thought the no popover rule was understood. I will edit. But that is a huge no no.

It's fine to have a convo but I'm confident that the rules I laid out would be okay for the majority of men who want to assume the FB role.

A FB should be someone who is unattached so when I say no asking about other women I mean asking a single man about who he is dating, hanging out with, sleeping with, etc.