Friend who has issues with women ..

Kindheart

Kindheart

Well-Known Member
I have a male friend who i ve been knowing for about 8 years ,He claims he has never had a relationshipi with a woman ,ever,sex yes but never an actual relationship ,.
He s 36 ,very attractive ,with alot of issues ,his mother abandoned him and he has a nasty attitude towards women ,always bash black women ,only likes women who are fit and submissive (more subservient ),he lives in St Louis and said there s no point looking for a woman there as they re not up to his standard (read fat with babies etc)
He now claims he doesnt want to get married or have children .

I even thought he might be gay as he s really well groomed (i know assumption) fit,eats healthy and overall too much into looks ,he also seems to always have an excuse for not having a gf.
What do you guys think?
 
GAY AS Rock Hudson Just tell him to come out the closet get some therapy and call it a day
 
I have a friend that sounds pretty much like that. I thought he was gay because when we met he asked me to a gala and we had a good time--he talked about his mom's issues, which I thought was weird but he was joking (even though it was heavy stuff) so I brushed it off--but he never asked for a second date or tried to kiss me or anything like that, even though I overheard him telling my friends how much me liked me. (Yall, I was so smitten and confused--this was YEARS ago) But then whenever he had a gala or work function he would call and ask me to go (beard? :look:) and he's very handsome and I have seen women throw themselves at him with my own eyes, so it's not like he shouldn't have a date.

And then later I was like, "nah....he's not gay, maybe it's a Madonna whore complex" because he talks like a stereotypical straight guy, but one that has issues with women--if you ask if he thinks a woman is pretty he might say yes or he mights say, "no, but I'd still f**k." (Gross, I know, but I'm saying....that's not gay...right?) And he seems grossed out by women--I remember him telling me about how his "alleged" girlfriend would leave her feminine products at her house in case she needed them there and it grossed him out. What?:look:

He wakes up early for work to workout and eats light food when we have lunch--I know, that's not gay, but looking at the totality of the circumstances :look: If he's gay I wish he could just tell me so we can go shopping without having these walls up between us. He has really cute style :look:

Anyway, sorry to respond with this long post but our friends sound similar and at this point I'm so curious as to what in the hell is his problem. I'll be monitoring the responses in here. :look:
 
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Kindheart - I'm an old head, so lemme tell you how i would advise him. (if he's lookin for advice)

*lights up a newport one hunnit*

In order for him to move on, he has to FORGIVE his mother first for abandoning him. That right there is what is holding him hostage and he's never going to have a fulfiling relationship with any woman on any level until he does that first.

If she is still alive, then has HAS to do this. Otherwise, he will be in that PRISON cell called Abandonment. He needs to talk to her and ask why she didn't want him. He may not get the answers he wants to hear, but he will get answers because I'm willing to bet he has a lot of questions, and the only one who can address those questions are his birth mom.

Or, he needs to start with the woman who raised him and question her. Whatever the situation is, he needs to handle his business first and foremost before establishing any friendship, sexship, etc with anyone.

Tell him to look at the man in the mirror and let it out, but he has to start somewhere. Once he does, then he will start the healing process and will not look down on women in such a negative way.

With all the love in my heart, I really hope this helps.
 
as it was mentioned already..

seems like his issues with his first female figure his blk mom has plagued him....he needs to address and move on..seek counseling...talk to moms or etc

but his dating issues stem from his first female relationship and that was with his mom..makes perfect sense...

same would apply for a woman and her daddy issues and resentment towards males...
 
Thank you ladies for the insight ,I agree that deep rooted issues he has with his mother /He tends to generalize alot and thats another thng i believe stops him from looking better for a woman and make an effort .He seem to justify his not having a gf with the fact noone can match up to his unrealistic standards .
 
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Does he even want a relationship? I'm not trying to be sarcastic, but who is it who has a problem with how he is: him or you?

Some people can be totally fine sitting on the sidelines instead of playing the dating game. If he's not complaining, I'd let him be. Until he's ready to deal with all his isshas :giggle: and suit up, he really should remain a spectator. If you put an untrained/unwilling player in the game, someone is gonna get hurt.
 
I date a guy who had mommy issues. Worst relationship I've ever been in, I wouldn't wish that type of relationship on even my worst enemy. He was African too, I'm sure you can imagine.

Anyway, yeah he needs to get his issues fixed before he can ever find any meaning in women.
 
He seems as though he has some deep issues that he has to deal with maybe with a professional. Just hope he doesn't cling on to you. I had a guy like that who suddenly convinced himself that he was in love with me and it didn't end well.
 
ThatJerseyGirl said:
@Kindheart - I'm an old head, so lemme tell you how i would advise him. (if he's lookin for advice)

*lights up a newport one hunnit*

In order for him to move on, he has to FORGIVE his mother first for abandoning him. That right there is what is holding him hostage and he's never going to have a fulfiling relationship with any woman on any level until he does that first.

If she is still alive, then has HAS to do this. Otherwise, he will be in that PRISON cell called Abandonment. He needs to talk to her and ask why she didn't want him. He may not get the answers he wants to hear, but he will get answers because I'm willing to bet he has a lot of questions, and the only one who can address those questions are his birth mom.

Or, he needs to start with the woman who raised him and question her. Whatever the situation is, he needs to handle his business first and foremost before establishing any friendship, sexship, etc with anyone.

Tell him to look at the man in the mirror and let it out, but he has to start somewhere. Once he does, then he will start the healing process and will not look down on women in such a negative way.

With all the love in my heart, I really hope this helps.
Click to expand...
Jersey...that post didn't need a one hunnit! You're slippin! :lol:
 
I always think of guys with serious mommy issues as serial killers waiting to happen. Maybe I watch too much TV, maybe not.

He definitely needs help with his issues he will continue to not experience a healthy relationship and could possibly get worse.
 
I dated a guy with mommy issues...good lawd have mercy on me!!! Lol. All he was interested in was sex...he didn't really wanna get close to ne woman.

A lil back story: His mom and dad divorced...she decided to move 4 hrs away from NY to DC. He was very much in love with his dad as any young boy would be....so being separated from him was tough to say the least. He saw his dad less and less as the years went on and his mother grew more and more bitter. Naturally she bashed men...horrible thing to do in front of your young son who doesn't really have a steady, readily available father figure in his life. So fast forward a few years...a very smart guy with growing mommy issues enters a small high school. Yes no dates no girls...mostly cause he was not allowed by his mother to date (smh...I know) So now college...talk about a hot suppressed mess of a boyish man!

When we met he had little to 0 respect for women...they were all sluts and ppl to have sex with. Lol. Yes he did call me a slut...I know I know. But me being the very caring resilient women that I am...I didn't take his action at face value (or how ever the saying goes...y'all know what I mean). At this point we were having relations...you know, coloring. I started to ask him about his dad and moms divorce, how it made him feel, is he angry about it...you know the works. Of course he was reluctant to talk about it...and in deep deep denial. Finally after a few days of badgering him about he started to talk...he was expressing feelings he wasn't even aware of having...lol, so cute! After much working through old suppressed feelings of anger and resentment (this took weeks of work) our relationship was so wonderful...he was soo caring, sweet...just wonderful.

Then graduation came for him...faced the the choice to move back to dc with his mother or to NJ with his dad...he asking me if I wanted him to live in dc since it was close to me..I'm in PG county. Of course I said no...go to NJ if you want. I knew how important it was for him to be close to his dad since he spent 10+ years away from him. The long distance thing got hard and we broke up :sad:

After dating other ppl and it not feeling right, we are now back together and working the long distance thing out one day at a time:grin:
 
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