For those who survived sexual molestation

[tatiana]

I don't want to admit this but i will i am a survivor of sexual molestation. i go to counseling and i forgave the person in question yet i still don't feel complete. sometimes i am afraid of men. sometimes i have panic/anxiety attacks. quite often i avoid them all together.
however another part of me craves the attention of a man. i usually target one man who i want the attention from. in the past i made some unwise decisions based on getting a man's attention.
another part of me wants to get married and all of that jazz but i look at myself as damaged and i get depressed. this is hindering my relationships with men.
has anybody been in a similar situation? how were you able to trust men? how were you able to raise your self esteem? were you able to tell your SO about it? how were you able to trust yourself again? is peace even possible?

 

[bermudabeauty]

Thank God you survived that horrible situation!

 

[TayMac]

Counseling helped me as well. There have been times where I would feel uncomfortable around certain men if they reminded me of that person and I'd have very mild panic attacks. Alot of my relationships have been unhealthy.

I've not told an SO before b/c I was afriad of the reaction. I didn't want to be pitied or have them think I was disgusting. It is hard for me to have real peace b/c the person who victimize me is part of my family (a cousin). I repressed a good deal of what happen whether that is good or bad I don't know but for now I'm glad. Good luck to you!

 

[Ramya]

You're not alone in this. I went to a psychiatrist for 2 years. I acted out something terrible and was VERY self-destructive which means I've done a lot of things that I may not have done if it never would have happened. For years I had trust issues b/c of this. I never opened up emotionally to anyone male or female. Years later I still struggle with what happened, nightmares and God forbid I see someone that looks like him. I have panic attacks and get really sick.

I tend to keep people at a distance. What helped me was having really patient friends. I freak out when people touch me like from behind or when I'm not paying attention. My friends are extra careful around me. Boo (bf) is one of the most patient people that I know he doesn't complain about not being able to really be too affectionate with me right now. He is OK with letting me set my own pace and really get to know him. He's OK with not having a lot of alone time and me driving my own car. It just takes me a while to get comfortable and I've come to accept this about myself.

In a way, I have peace. I don't hate my attacker and I forgave myself. But IDK if I would be as cautious as I am now if it wouldn't have happened. I was so young at the time, I can't be sure. I am able to go months without thinking about it as opposed to when it was all I thought about. OP I really hope you find your version of peace soon. Things WILL get better with time. No matter how it happened it wasn't your fault. God bless--

 

[Vinyl]

I have been through this... never told my counselor (I've only recently turned eighteen, and I read that they are obligated to tell your parents if you are a minor), but I did tell one of my SO's.

I don't really know how/if it's affected me... So much more was happening around that time with my family, that has affected me much more than the molestation has. I guess it kind of just dwarfed it so much that I never really thought about it until my SO asked me... eh.

 

[crlsweetie912]

TIME!
Going to a counselor is a GREAT STEP!
Please talk these things out with your counselor and don't worry about when, why, how. You will have all the things you desire. Give yourself time to heal. Abuse/molestation touches so many areas of your life, not just interactions with the opposite sex. Allow yourself to feel all the emotions that go along with the healing process. There are no quick answers or easy steps.

 

[Everything Zen]

It's perfectly alright to own your feelings about it. I know how you feel about panic attacks and not wanting to be touched. It still happens to me sometimes and I'm in a relationship with another survivor of sexual molestation. Be patient with yourself and accept your feelings.
(I need to take my own advice)

 

[Highly Favored8]

WOW, God is so good !That we are talking and helping on another with this Monday night I went to prayer and the lady who was praying with me instantly tuned in what happened to me when I was a little girl! We spent over 30 min. just praying I was praying in tounges. The Holy Spirit came in and started Filling up ALL of these holes that I felt in my body! I came out so much relieved and refreshed! That is why I go to Monday night healing prayer. I forgave the people responsible in my mind! Beleive me when they see me I can see gulit ridden all over their face! However, I had to forgive them to move on with my life and I am glad I did! For me Prayer and pure forgivness and time!

 

[andrea]

Having went through this at a very young age, I was 9. It was someone very close to me.. Like real close, I see them all the time...

Anyway, I have to say that counseling is a very major part of you healing and becoming the person you want to be, creating the life you want to have.. I think with me and it sounds like it maybe the case with you also.. Is that once you forgive your perpetrator.. What about you? I mean you still have to deal with it, you have to deal with how it affects you. You have to deal with what you think about yourself.. I mean I thought it was my fault even though it wasn't. It took me years to figure out that I had nothing to do with that person illness and acts.. I was just there.. I didn't provoke it or anything like that.... So, that gave me permission to let myself off the hook.. I realized that why do I put myself through hurtful relationships, damaging behavior. That was an incident.. It doesn't control my life, not dictate what is in your future..

I still go to counseling from time to time, I read books, it's time.. I think you have to learn about you.. Don't get me wrong. Sometimes my behavior relapses to the typical sexually abused female.. But I recognize it and I work to change that...

I am here for you..... I have no problem talking about it at all.. In fact, I think the fact that I can talk about it helps me realize that there is no shame in it for me.. It wasn't my fault..

I hope this helps you in some way.. You will be in my prayers.