? For those that have been man-less for years.

Je Ne Sais Quoi

Je Ne Sais Quoi

Well-Known Member
Something that keeps creeping into my mind is - Once I am dating/have a man I may not know what to do with him or how to treat him etc. ETA - I'm not talking about sex :rofl:

Has anyone else had those thoughts?
 
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No. If its been years, you'll know exactly what to do with him. LOL! all the things you've been thinking about during those years:blush:
 
Some people act as if all men are the same, but seriously, ask him how he likes to be treated. And then ya'll can talk about how you would like to be treated as well. :yep:
 
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No. I wasn't referring to just sex either, but other things. I was just being "cute." Even though I'm not in a relationship, I read a lot of books about relationships and marriage. (The Lady, Her Lover, and Lord, Will the Real Woman Please Stand Up? to name a few) I also think that time alone, if used wisely, gives you clarity by having time to reflect on past relationships and your internal issues, which is why I was saying that the time spent alone will help to know what to do. Journaling helps as well. When you have time to get "in tune" with yourself, I think you can connect with someone else better. I hope this helps in some way.
 
Fabulousity said:
Something that keeps creeping into my mind is - Once I am dating/have a man I may not know what to do with him or how to treat him etc. ETA - I'm not talking about sex :rofl:

Has anyone else had those thoughts?
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Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I have no idea how to be a girlfriend. I worry that if/when I am finally blessed with someone I'll screw up b/c I don't know what to do. I am just hoping that I worry for nothing.
 
Well, I guess I'm in this boat too. It's been at least 10 years since I was in a committed relationship. Po' man gonna have to have patience with me. :lol:
 
sunshinebeautiful said:
Well, I guess I'm in this boat too. It's been at least 10 years since I was in a committed relationship. Po' man gonna have to have patience with me. :lol:
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It's been over 6 years for me :perplexed So, how do you cope? Are there times when you feel like "woe is me" and "I guess it just wasn't meant for me"?
 
I feel like this sometimes. I think if you're alone for a long period of time that its normal. I try to remind myself that I don't want to just settle for anyone, especially after so much time has passed. The last relationship I had was with my son's father and we broke up when he was a year old. We should have never even been together. I remind myself that I don't want to live like that ever again. I think he cheated on me the entire time we were together, about three years.

I now realize my worth. When I get sad about it, I pray about and remind myself that God has NOT forgotten me. Learn to affirm yourself (if you already do this, then do it even more because when you get married you will have affirm your husband too). Use this time to embrace and perfect YOU. When you are a whole being, you will know exactly how to embrace another "whole" being. Please read a book called "Choosing God's Best." I think it will be helpful. I pray that you and anyone else dealing with this will receive healthy love when you (we, myself included) become a healthy being alone.
 
Fabulousity said:
It's been over 6 years for me :perplexed So, how do you cope? Are there times when you feel like "woe is me" and "I guess it just wasn't meant for me"?
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Have you seen any of my posts in threads around here? :lol: I had to stop making jokes about my singleness because I got called out on it in a thread awhile back. :blush:

I've had a few relationships in the meantime of those 10 years, but they didn't wanna commit, and I was young and dumb and stuck around. Needless to say, it didn't work out. :rolleyes:

Some of it is me getting out of my own way. I "may" have a relationship in the works right now. I say may because I don't wanna jinx myself, but it's looking good so far... :look: ...and this guy has been right in front of my face the ENTIRE time. I hadn't been willing to give him a chance because he wasn't "my type," but he's been wanting to get with me for years now.

After all of the mess I went through before.... the bad relationships, the non-committal guys, the long stretches of not being in a relationship, I'm finally at a place where I decided to give him a chance. And I really like him. :)

ETA: But yes, I've ABSOLUTELY been through it with the "woe is me." The "I don't know what's wrong with me" and "why can't I be in a relationship" moments. :perplexed I don't think I coped too well actually, so I'm not about to give any tips. :look:
 
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sunshinebeautiful said:
Have you seen any of my posts in threads around here? :lol: I had to stop making jokes about my singleness because I got called out on it in a thread awhile back. :blush:

I've had a few relationships in the meantime of those 10 years, but they didn't wanna commit, and I was young and dumb and stuck around. Needless to say, it didn't work out. :rolleyes:

Some of it is me getting out of my own way. I "may" have a relationship in the works right now. I say may because I don't wanna jinx myself, but it's looking good so far... :look: ...and this guy has been right in front of my face the ENTIRE time. I hadn't been willing to give him a chance because he wasn't "my type," but he's been wanting to get with me for years now.

After all of the mess I went through before.... the bad relationships, the non-committal guys, the long stretches of not being in a relationship, I'm finally at a place where I decided to give him a chance. And I really like him. :)
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That's great and I hope everything works out exactly the way you want it to. :yep:
 
authenticitymanifesting said:
I feel like this sometimes. I think if you're alone for a long period of time that its normal. I try to remind myself that I don't want to just settle for anyone, especially after so much time has passed. The last relationship I had was with my son's father and we broke up when he was a year old. We should have never even been together. I remind myself that I don't want to live like that ever again. I think he cheated on me the entire time we were together, about three years.

I now realize my worth. When I get sad about it, I pray about and remind myself that God has NOT forgotten me. Learn to affirm yourself (if you already do this, then do it even more because when you get married you will have affirm your husband too). Use this time to embrace and perfect YOU. When you are a whole being, you will know exactly how to embrace another "whole" being. Please read a book called "Choosing God's Best." I think it will be helpful. I pray that you and anyone else dealing with this will receive healthy love when you (we, myself included) become a healthy being alone.
Click to expand...

I've read Choosing God's Best and it is a great book!
 
Fabulousity said:
Something that keeps creeping into my mind is - Once I am dating/have a man I may not know what to do with him or how to treat him etc. ETA - I'm not talking about sex :rofl:

Has anyone else had those thoughts?
Click to expand...



I do. This is actually a very big concern for me, because i have never been in a relationship with someone. NEVER I am pretty scared that if i do meet someone that i am interested in seeing more, I have no clue what to do.

I try to get some practice by dating, even if it is with sucky dudes to see how things shouldnt be, to see how i react to certain situations. I also try to take tips from those that i know in relationships, whether the relationship is good or not. I think i can learn what to do, what not to do, what is andis not ok by just looking. I can learn that telling ur man off every night=no good; being emotionally unavailable=poor choice.

Just try to look and see what others you know are doing and take it from there.
 
authenticitymanifesting said:
No. If its been years, you'll know exactly what to do with him. LOL! all the things you've been thinking about during those years:blush:
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:lachen:

To answer the question yeah I've do wonder about that. I've been single for so long, I'm scared that when I do get in a rlp again, I'll do something wrong or I'll act clueless or something and then guy wont want me..

Its like the longer it's been, the more scared I get:perplexed

It would be nice if we had someone share their experience after being single for a long time...
 
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I was single for years and years and when I met my SO everything happened so naturally, I never had the time to think about what to do or what not to do. When it's right, it's right and it feels like the most natural thing in the world :D
 
Fabulousity said:
Something that keeps creeping into my mind is - Once I am dating/have a man I may not know what to do with him or how to treat him etc. ETA - I'm not talking about sex :rofl:

Has anyone else had those thoughts?
Click to expand...

Yes! I have not had a REAL relationship where me and a man are just dating each other in over 10 years. Yes that is right 10! I'm 29 now. I've tried but failed oh so badly. I worry about how I will be in a relationship as a fully grown woman. My last real relationship was when I was 19.
 
It is has been 7 years since i have been in a REAL relationship. I am 28 and i have no clue what to do if i do get into a REAL relationship in 2009. However, it do bother me as i get older.
 
:lachen: at this thread...i was manless....really because of where i lived and what i was looking for...im manless now (although he thinks we are still together---negative) im pretty good at adapting to a relationship.....i just have a small tolerance for B.S
 
FeelinIt said:
Yes! I have not had a REAL relationship where me and a man are just dating each other in over 10 years. Yes that is right 10! I'm 29 now. I've tried but failed oh so badly. I worry about how I will be in a relationship as a fully grown woman. My last real relationship was when I was 19.
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That's how I was until earlier this year... last REAL relationship at 20 before getting into my most recent relationship at age 30. It lasted six months, but you know, it really wasn't all that difficult... probably because I was so ready for it, it was easy to know what to do.

I mean, yes, I did date A LOT within that 10 year period and had a few 3-month dating periods that were close to exclusive but not specifically stated that way... and then there were some times in which I was single by choice because I was focused on my career or on moving or whatever.

I think you'll be fine, actually. I like how FlowerHair put it... once you're in one, it all flows naturally.
 
ebonybelle said:
:lachen: at this thread...i was manless....really because of where i lived and what i was looking for...im manless now (although he thinks we are still together---negative) im pretty good at adapting to a relationship.....i just have a small tolerance for B.S
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Oh no! What happened?
 
ebonybelle said:
im just not happy right now.....and he has that disease going around called besh-arse-ness.....

i dont have the energy....
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I feel that... I'm cutting people loose with a quickness if they display some foolishness.

Did that with a guy I went out with recently... it felt nice. :D
 
I've been single for almost 2 years now and for the first time in my life, I'm cool with it. For me, I feel the opposite way. This time has helped me prepare myself. I got a lot of things in order and I feel more complete. When a good relationship comes my way, I'll have a clarity that I've never had before.

I do have a friend now and he's cool. I'm enjoying talking and getting to know him more each day. I'm taking it slow and not rushing things...there's no pressure. It feels different than in the past. Before, I woulda been doing everything in my power to create an instant relationship. It always backfired because I was moving entirely too fast.

I know I've changed for the better.
 
Prior relationships don't necessarily prepare you for future ones. Especially if the guy was a jerk and you had to be/think/talk like everything but a child of God to deal with him. :look:
 
i just want to say to everyone that if you pick a patient man, and are patient with yourself, you will all do fine, no matter how long it's been since your last relationship.

The key is communication, The man's not going to run away from you the first sign of you doing something wierd (and if he does, good riddance)
Just explain to him that it's been awhile, but it's all going to come back to you- like riding a bike.... He will definitely understand.
 
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