First Year Of Marriage Support Thread

crimsonpeach

crimsonpeach

Master Lurker
Hey ladies,

I finally go around to making this thread. There have been several of us posting in the 2015/2016 brides thread who have now transitioned into marriage life. We've been super supportive and happy for each other in the brides thread. Let's carry that support now that we are wives!

The first year of marriage can be difficult: merging two lives together can be rocky and sharing our stories here can be really helpful.

So first year wives, tell us your thoughts, frustrations and joys!

Seasoned wives, tell us about your first year and what you and your partner did to make a strong and lasting union. Even posting some dont's or mistakes will be very helpful.
 
I guess I should start first: I'm almost two months in and and the wedding glow is fading and regular life has returned. We moved in together while engaged so we've gotten over the living together shocks.

One of the major things I want to work on is communication. I'm in my thirties so I'm still used to making decisions on my own. Recently I've been thinking really hard about my next career steps. I was thinking about things alone and had to remind myself that I had another person to bounce my thoughts of and a person who I had to take into consideration.

Thank goodness my husband has no problem discussing his thoughts and feelings to me. We joke that he is far more emotionally intelligent than I am.

I read an article (http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/) this morning that I'm definitely going to keep I mind during this first year. It's about how kindness to our spouse is the number one determining factor of longevity in a marriage.
 
Last edited:
Our first year went very well, but the best advice I can give is that BOTH of you (because you can't do this by yourself) need to realize that 1) each of you sees and responds to situations differently and 2) that's OK! It's easy to have a knee-jerk response to dismiss a different perspective or to get hurt when your perspective is dismissed. It's more difficult (and rewarding) to take a step back, dial down the emotions, and see the situation for what it is- 2 people who are learning to understand one another and need help doing so.
 
We've been married just 13 months now - before marriage I used to use the silent treatment as my post argument weapon, also before we lived together it worked as a form of punishment to ignore his calls and just go about my day when he annoyed me. Now we're married and we live together I say my piece and move on, no point being pissed off with someone that you have to share the rest of your life with, better to have a disagreement, establish where each other is coming from and then move on.
 
Thank you for starting this thread. We just hit the 2 month mark on the 8th. Things have started to get back to the regular flow and I am relieved, that wedding planning had my whole year out of whack it felt like. Anyway, we have our moments but overall that is my baby. I definitely agree and appreciate the advice given bc I will need reminders. The biggest thing is changing my mindset from I to we.
 
This is month 7 for us. We joined the couples ministry at church and that helps. My church is real transparent. They were real. Many couples told us there was a lot of cussing fussin and loving during the first five years and that was normal. It helped me not worry so much. When I stopped worrying and rest focused on communication we really got better. I'm having a hard time following. I get pissed off because he lets me lead everything. But then when he tries to lead I get upset cuz his way is not my way and my way is better than his in my head. And plus I want things done my way and now. (I'm the baby of my family). I'm Tryna remind myself everyday it doesn't matter if it gets done Saturday or Sunday. Those are minute details. Don't even bring that little stuff up.

BUT given my personality that is hard. I love us spending more time together though. One on one. I used to invite my friends everywhere. Now it's just me and he. It made us closer.
 
DH did something that surprised the hell out of me this past Sunday. I won't say what it is just because it's somewhat personal.. but it was one of those things that I'd always secretly HOPED he'd do, but never, ever brought it up because I wanted him to be compelled or feel like he wanted to do it on his own with zero prodding from me - and it happened. I tried to play cool and nonchalant like it was an every day occurrence. :lol: But I was doing cartwheels while twerking in my head lol.

I truly believe if you make a man feel safe with you, safe with his feelings and emotions and thoughts - you never have to nag for anything or beg for any piece of information. He will naturally tell you or give it to you, yes in his own timeline, but it will happen. This particular instance this past Sunday was a pretty huge deal for us, but all along he has always opened up and shared information without me prying at all. I just listen and make him feel understood and supported.

It's a good feeling. :)
 
@Taleah2009 that's so so special.. I remember when we got engaged last year, I would forget my ring at first and turn back around and get it. He'd be like, "You DAMN right you betta came back." :lol:

DH hasn't taken his ring off since the wedding lol. Sleeps in it, showers in it, everything. I told him that he shouldn't shower in in, and he looked at me like, 'Did I ask you?' and went about his business. :lachen: Lawd.
 
tapioca_pudding said:
@Taleah2009 that's so so special.. I remember when we got engaged last year, I would forget my ring at first and turn back around and get it. He'd be like, "You DAMN right you betta came back." :lol:

DH hasn't taken his ring off since the wedding lol. Sleeps in it, showers in it, everything. I told him that he shouldn't shower in in, and he looked at me like, 'Did I ask you?' and went about his business. :lachen: Lawd.
Click to expand...
Lol lol lol. So cute

I used to not take my off but my engagement ring is too big now so it spins all around my finger. It's soo annoying! I need to get it sized down
 
brittle_hair said:
We've been married just 13 months now - before marriage I used to use the silent treatment as my post argument weapon, also before we lived together it worked as a form of punishment to ignore his calls and just go about my day when he annoyed me. Now we're married and we live together I say my piece and move on, no point being pissed off with someone that you have to share the rest of your life with, better to have a disagreement, establish where each other is coming from and then move on.
Click to expand...

Completely agree with this. When DH and I have a tiff, we just resolve it and move on.
 
We have been praying every night--ever since our first really scary (because of the mere fact that it happened) spat on our honeymoon. He leads us and remembers when I forget. I love that and it makes me appreciate him all the more.

On a less sappy note, last night when we were lying in bed at like 8:15pm, tucked in for the night and me rubbing his back, he asked "why didn't we do this before we got married? This is perfect." It was perfect :) but chile. Ain't nobody gonna be locked up in somebodys house and in bed at 8 at night rubbing on somebody back without the papers :look: bye bye baby. Lol
 
tapioca_pudding said:
I was in bed with my husband before we had papers.

Was absolutely perfect then, is absolutely perfect now :lol: :).
Click to expand...
Oh ya, I didn't mean it like that! I've also been meaning to reply to this for awhile and so everytime something happens that exemplifies what I mean, I think of this post. Lol. I meant more of the "in bed at 8, tucked away from the world JUST AS HE LIKES IT" part. Like this is really the first time he has seen how efficient I am in the kitchen in the morning (in terms of getting us out the door and keeping it neat) and how seamlessly I do laundry and stuff like that. And we have both been pleasantly surprised at how pleasant the other one is at all times of the day (uh....except, dare I say, on our honeymoon...which...really scared me :drunk:) even, again to his surprise, when doing things sometimes the way he prefers and I would not do them that way before we got married. It's cute how he just thought I hated the way he did things but I just will not be inconvenienced prematurely. (I'm actually not feeling inconvenienced at all--but it's just funny that he's like "oh look how well we get ready in the mornings and prepare for the week on Sunday! It should have always been this way." Well, nah, baby. Lol. It is really seamless and I'm thankful. But one is still the most seamless number :look:)
 
I don't know if maybe this should go in the home section but I'm trying to develop a schedule so that I can cook 3 meals a week and keep on top of household stuff. DH and I didn't live together before we got married and I guess I'm struggling with that time management part. Last night he washed the dishes while I packed our lunch. I also may get a crockpot.
 
locabouthair said:
I don't know if maybe this should go in the home section but I'm trying to develop a schedule so that I can cook 3 meals a week and keep on top of household stuff. DH and I didn't live together before we got married and I guess I'm struggling with that time management part. Last night he washed the dishes while I packed our lunch. I also may get a crockpot.
Click to expand...
@locabouthair

You may want to post this in the home section (since everyone doesn't visit the marriage threads).
 
locabouthair said:
I don't know if maybe this should go in the home section but I'm trying to develop a schedule so that I can cook 3 meals a week and keep on top of household stuff. DH and I didn't live together before we got married and I guess I'm struggling with that time management part. Last night he washed the dishes while I packed our lunch. I also may get a crockpot.
Click to expand...
Omg get a crockpot! I love mines! I just had this conversation the other. My husband wants meals daily:( my crockpot saves me! If it ever breaks right after I finish crying I will jump right in my car to go pick up a new one.
 
Taleah2009 said:
Omg get a crockpot! I love mines! I just had this conversation the other. My husband wants meals daily:( my crockpot saves me! If it ever breaks right after I finish crying I will jump right in my car to go pick up a new one.
Click to expand...

Lol. My DH wants meals everyday too smh. I was worried about a fire starting but I've never heard of that happening. So do you leave it on while at work?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Miss617
Married Ladies: What should every couple do/know in the first year of marriage?
Replies
6
Views
410
Miss617
Miss617
G
Anyone on the 2nd or more marriage?
Replies
21
Views
573
Caramela
Caramela
AmyInAtl
Preparing for The Realities of Marriage
Replies
13
Views
503
jamaicasmodona
jamaicasmodona
Smiley79
Codependency Support Thread...breaking The Cycle
3 4 5
Replies
136
Views
3K
Farida
Farida
Kindheart
Marriage Is Dying
2 3
Replies
62
Views
3K
Sally.
Sally.
Back
Top