Fiancee Refuses To Help With Wedding

[kikigirl]

OP, you obviously have all the facts and know your fiancé. We are just going by the info you supplied and see how that fits within general patterns. There is no failproof formula for predicting how people will behave long term; folks can only extrapolate from the little they know about your SO.

Short of knowing you IRL, and having firsthand info, no one can accurately assess your RL. I know it looks like we're disparaging your dude, but we're just going by the info provided.

Yesterday, I was going to post an anecdote about my younger sister's current DH (somewhat of a cautionary tale) but then I figured without all the facts about your situation I should just leave things general.

The women here want to see you happy. We'd love you to come back in a year and post a happy follow-up. We really aren't maligning your SO for sport. We're just drawing inferences from the facts presented. You have all the data.

 

[hopeful]

@Adiatasha
I apologize if I misspoke. I wish you all the best.

 

[Dee-Licious]

OP, you obviously have all the facts and know your fiancé. We are just going by the info you supplied and see how that fits within general patterns. There is no failproof formula for predicting how people will behave long term; folks can only extrapolate from the little they know about your SO.

Short of knowing you IRL, and having firsthand info, no one can accurately assess your RL. I know it looks like we're disparaging your dude, but we're just going by the info provided.

Yesterday, I was going to post an anecdote about my younger sister's current DH (somewhat of a cautionary tale) but then I figured without all the facts about your situation I should just leave things general.

The women here want to see you happy. We'd love you to come back in a year and post a happy follow-up. We really aren't maligning your SO for sport. We're just drawing inferences from the facts presented. You have all the data.

I kinda wanna hear the cautionary tale. It could help another woman who is silently watching this thread and at a decision point.

 

[kikigirl]

I kinda wanna hear the cautionary tale. It could help another woman who is silently watching this thread and at a decision point.

In was in reference to @hopeful's comment about men saying one thing because they want to come across a certain way or appease the fiancee/woman, only for their true nature to come out down the road.

In my sister's case, it's not about control, it's about her DH not choosing her over his mom/family. Getting married is not the ultimate goal if the person that becomes your spouse slowly turns into a "stranger" (quotes because people could see the outcome before the wedding but she simply couldn't. The man is just being who he always was, deep down).

The MIL was opposed to the marriage. She kept giving moving targets that the man should fulfill before getting her "blessing." Of course, being a good mama boy, he kept asking "how high?" as she would ask for more things (e.g. new house). He told my sister to ignore his family, that they'd eventually come around, and all he wanted to do was spend his life with her. So they went behind everyone's back and got married. lol. Sister lives in the same city with my parents. They did not know there was a wedding (civil ceremony). Our entire family learned she had gotten married after the facts.

A few months into the marriage, the MIL is escalating the pressure and telling her son to "use that girl and then dump her." And my sister is saying that her DH is now attacking her verbally more often.

The man is a mama boy, who will eventually divorce or do something to cause my sister to file for divorce. My sister thought they could "buy the MIL off," or the guy would stand up for her and really choose her like some men do when their family opposes the wedding. I don't know what he said to trick her into signing the papers. But it's done. They're married now, and in an impasse.

BTW, she still hasn't told me she is married. Lol...A couple of months ago, she asked me for legal advice, and was using the word "husband, husband" and I asked her to not use those legal terms lightly. It's later that we learned they had married. She has family but takes advice from her 20-something peers.

 

[Dee-Licious]

In was in reference to @hopeful's comment about men saying one thing because they want to come across a certain way or appease the fiancee/woman, only for their true nature to come out down the road.

In my sister's case, it's not about control, it's about her DH not choosing her over his mom/family. Getting married is not the ultimate goal if the person that becomes your spouse slowly turns into a "stranger" (quotes because people could see the outcome before the wedding but she simply couldn't. The man is just being who he always was, deep down).

The MIL was opposed to the marriage. She kept giving moving targets that the man should fulfill before getting her "blessing." Of course, being a good mama boy, he kept asking "how high?" as she would ask for more things (e.g. new house). He told my sister to ignore his family, that they'd eventually come around, and all he wanted to do was spend his life with her. So they went behind everyone's back and got married. lol. Sister lives in the same city with my parents. They did not know there was a wedding (civil ceremony). Our entire family learned she had gotten married after the facts.

A few months into the marriage, the MIL is escalating the pressure and telling her son to "use that girl and then dump her." And my sister is saying that her DH is now attacking her verbally more often.

The man is a mama boy, who will eventually divorce or do something to cause my sister to file for divorce. My sister thought they could "buy the MIL off," or the guy would stand up for her and really choose her like some men do when their family opposes the wedding. I don't know what he said to trick her into signing the papers. But it's done. They're married now, and in an impasse.

BTW, she still hasn't told me she is married. Lol...A couple of months ago, she asked me for legal advice, and was using the word "husband, husband" and I asked her to not use those legal terms lightly. It's later that we learned they had married. She has family but takes advice from her 20-something peers.

Was he in need of a green card?

 

[*CherryPie*]

Yeah, the "use her" part sounds like he needed a green card, because what other way/reason would he use her for?

Was he in need of a green card?

 

[Loving]

@Adiatasha I normally don't comment on threads like these but honestly I'm a little concerned for you and after careful consideration, I have decided to speak up. I had suggested premarital counseling and I further urge that you spend your time doing this before getting married. Really listen to what the counselor is saying and really listen to what your fiancée is saying and observe how he is acting.

Marriage is a wonderful thing but honestly it can also be very exasperating. There will be great times but trust me, there will be tough times as well. As such you need to be 100% sure that you want to get married to your fiancée and are willing to 'do life' with him, come what may.

I'm just a little concerned that you went from all out accusing him to defending his actions and blaming yourself. I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[Adiatasha]

@Adiatasha I normally don't comment on threads like these but honestly I'm a little concerned for you and after careful consideration, I have decided to speak up. I had suggested premarital counseling and I further urge that you spend your time doing this before getting married. Really listen to what the counselor is saying and really listen to what your fiancée is saying and observe how he is acting.

Marriage is a wonderful thing but honestly it can also be very exasperating. There will be great times but trust me, there will be tough times as well. As such you need to be 100% sure that you want to get married to your fiancée and are willing to 'do life' with him, come what may.

I'm just a little concerned that you went from all out accusing him to defending his actions and blaming yourself. I will keep you in my prayers.

I dont defend his actions.
He was wrong. He admits it and has made the necessary steps to rectify them.
Counseling is kind of like having an interpreter. Most times we communicate great sometimes not so great. So we are working on that.

Unfortunately you don't know me. Meaning you don't know what a selfish little ***** I can be.
How much I complain and whine when every little thing doesn't go my way. How spoiled I am. This is not something I learned in counseling but it was brought to my attention.

We are discussing dates. No Super Bowl Sunday, no holidays.
And not in summer (we live where it's hot year round). I suggested New Year's Eve 2017.. I think it would be fun, he says football. I said I'll have a TV. Lol

Not only do I have to "do life" with him, he has to "do life" with me.
Keep him in your prayers.

 

[kikigirl]

Was he in need of a green card?

Nope. They are both citizens. The MIL says my sister is too old, and her ovaries are dried up. She isn't even 28 yet. She simply does not like her DIL, and had someone else picked out for her son.

 

[kikigirl]

Yeah, the "use her" part sounds like he needed a green card, because what other way/reason would he use her for?

Lol, waste her youth and childbearing years...I guess. She had an 18 yo picked out for her son. A 27 yo woman is too old apparently. My sister is also very smart and does pretty well for herself. So there might be the financial angle as well, although on that front, from what I've perceived, they seem equally yoked.

 

[kanozas]

Wish I had seen this earlier. Are you a fool? Why are you going to marry someone who is going to treat you as a after-thought? Men need to care for their wives and that means, whatever is hurting you is hurting him. He doesn't love you, honey. You already know. You are a convenience to him and only that. Don't marry him. He has enough money all day long to carry this but it's that he doesn't want to. Don't wait until you've possibly made the worst mistake of your life and come running for advice on why he's sleeping elsewhere and/or you are pregnant or a new mom and he expects you to pay all the bills. Make a list of all his good qualities and all his bad. Be honest. If that list is heavily negative, you are making a mistake. OP, HE IS SHOWING YOU WHO HE REALLY IS RIGHT NOW. PLEASE LISTEN TO IT.

 

[God_Favor]

@Adiatasha , 1st let me speak on the vibe I'm getting. For some reason, I think this is a troll post... but I've been known to be wrong a time or 2 lol...Is this therapist an independent party or someone your Future DH recommended? If it's independent, he is showing effort to change. Good sign.

If this is real, I'm glad you are happy or have adjusted your mind frame to be content. For us, your happiness is what matters. You sound like you are in a good space!!! I wish for you the very best and we will be waiting on the wedding pics!

 

[Femmefatal1981]

Old married lady chiming in late...naw this was not engagement ending worthy. A wedding is 1 day, some people really don't want to have one and that's ok.

OP I would have gladly paid for my own wedding in order to have 100% control over it, lol. We paid for ours together so that means he said we had to make the decisions together in the end we made it but boy did we fight...and lets not even bring up my MIL going to my florist to upgrade my floral package because she didn't think I had enough flowers and no one told me until after the wedding.

So yeah...I hate I'm just seeing this. I see both sides but I'm glad he came around, either way could have been worked out.

 

[qchelle]

Unfortunately you don't know me. Meaning you don't know what a selfish little ***** I can be.

We are discussing dates. No Super Bowl Sunday, no holidays.
And not in summer (we live where it's hot year round). I suggested New Year's Eve 2017.. I think it would be fun, he says football. I said I'll have a TV. Lol

.

You mean wedding dates? Who suggested Super Bowl Sunday and nye? And holidays? Wow! Whoever seriously brought up those dates to have a wedding on is a selfish little ***** yall are perfect for each other!

I'm a lil twisted lmao. Hapay new year op and congrats seriously!

Oh, let me put: that was just a joke op lol. That you probably ain't find funny cuz we ain't friends d'ahh well lmaoo

 

[Lucie]

Skimmed a little but caught the part of you using a curse word to describe yourself and I don't like that. We are all flawed.

I hope you and your fiance work things out.

 

[Adiatasha]

You mean wedding dates? Who suggested Super Bowl Sunday and nye? And holidays? Wow! Whoever seriously brought up those dates to have a wedding on is a selfish little ***** yall are perfect for each other!

I'm a lil twisted lmao. Hapay new year op and congrats seriously!

Oh, let me put: that was just a joke op lol. That you probably ain't find funny cuz we ain't friends d'ahh well lmaoo

I suggested New Year's Eve.. I thought it would be cute . He was like hell to the naw.
I knew that super bowl Sunday was a no, he was just reminding me.
I still think a NYE wedding is cute. I would go.
Think about it, the guests have somewhere to go and you already have the fireworks.
No football sundays and if I have to do a Sunday it better be the bye week for the cowboys

 

[Adiatasha]

Skimmed a little but caught the part of you using a curse word to describe yourself and I don't like that. We are all flawed.

I hope you and your fiance work things out.

Yep. i could use multiple words from the dictionary that would have the same meaning but not the same effect.

 

[Lucie]

Yep. i could use multiple words from the dictionary that would have the same meaning but not the same effect.

I still hate it. You seem very sweet and I really hope things get better for you. Happy 2017 lovie. xx

 

[Adiatasha]

Wish I had seen this earlier. Are you a fool? Why are you going to marry someone who is going to treat you as a after-thought? Men need to care for their wives and that means, whatever is hurting you is hurting him. He doesn't love you, honey. You already know. You are a convenience to him and only that. Don't marry him. He has enough money all day long to carry this but it's that he doesn't want to. Don't wait until you've possibly made the worst mistake of your life and come running for advice on why he's sleeping elsewhere and/or you are pregnant or a new mom and he expects you to pay all the bills. Make a list of all his good qualities and all his bad. Be honest. If that list is heavily negative, you are making a mistake. OP, HE IS SHOWING YOU WHO HE REALLY IS RIGHT NOW. PLEASE LISTEN TO IT.

lol ok
so him not wanting to drop 50k on a wedding means that he might me off getting someone else pregnant?
But he will spend 4K to make sure my mother has a proper hearing aid. I'll take my mother can hear for 4K please.

 

[Adiatasha]

I still hate it. You seem very sweet and I really hope things get better for you. Happy 2017 lovie. xx

Yeah I could do better and clean up my language... sometimes I just don't wanna
Thanks

 

[kanozas]

.

I never said anyone ELSE pregnant, I said in future YOU being pregnant/new mom after marriage (read critically, please) and him expecting you to hold it all down on YOUR dime with few help on anything? His words and actions lead me to mistrust he's going to be there for you.

.

NOooooo, it's not the amount of money, it's that he is showing you NOW who he is going to be in marriage. Your mother's hearing aid is not in the OP and maybe he did that to keep you hooked on that string. But something is clear here, you don't quite know how to read a man (many of us don't...and truthfully, most people can't fully read another person). Please listen intently to the advice you've been given. There are so many red flags here but you seem intent on going the "distance" with this man. I feel sorry because it seems to me you are making excuses for the relationship. Please rethink and be very careful. Place yourself FIRST in this matter. Your feelings do matter. You do have a sense of something wrong but you are making excuses. You do not have to marry this man and there are men out there who "cover their fiancees" because he is not doing that for you.


@Adiatasha Can I (we) ask you if you've ever been physically or verbally abused in any manner by this man? Does he ever refer to you in curse words? Has he ever been accusatory against you, blaming you for anything? What is his personality like? Do you know when he's happy, irritated...does he change it up so you can't read him and he flies off like a handle for nothing? Give you the silent treatment to coerce you to his decisions? Are you responsible with finances? Is he afraid of that? If you are financially sound, how do you feel with him leaving you flat alone in YOUR wedding? It's like he's just going to show up but it's your gig. SMH. Be honest with yourself. If none of this, alright. But if he's manipulative in any way, be even more honest with yourself and your eyes/senses. I can't think of one man who loves his girl who would be hands-off with his own wedding and doesn't even care what you think about being stiffed and one your own with it.

 

[kanozas]

There are a lot of posts and I've only seen a few...trying to get through yours but I'm pressed for time this morning. You don't want us to quote you but there's very pertinent info in your posts. If you two are living together now, he's getting all he wants without having to spend much on it. He's getting you for cheap, in other words. I feel he has some ulterior motive which you're denying or repressing yourself from seeing. It's probably there. He is asking for your hand in marriage...or did you ask for his? Have you brought up marriage before he did? He asks you to pay the difference between the ring you want? Granted, rings are expensive but if it's reasonable, he's making you feel bad for not getting you something you like within his budget? He splurges on himself...but he's getting YOU for cheap. You deserve better. Do not make a desperate decision and allow this man to control you. You are SO VERY VALUABLE but he doesn't see that. Please know this.

 

[Adiatasha]

NOooooo, it's not the amount of money, it's that he is showing you NOW who he is going to be in marriage. Your mother's hearing aid is not in the OP and maybe he did that to keep you hooked on that string. But something is clear here, you don't quite know how to read a man (many of us don't...and truthfully, most people can't fully read another person). Please listen intently to the advice you've been given. There are so many red flags here but you seem intent on going the "distance" with this man. I feel sorry because it seems to me you are making excuses for the relationship. Please rethink and be very careful. Place yourself FIRST in this matter. Your feelings do matter. You do have a sense of something wrong but you are making excuses. You do not have to marry this man and there are men out there who "cover their fiancees" because he is not doing that for you.


@Adiatasha Can I (we) ask you if you've ever been physically or verbally abused in any manner by this man? Does he ever refer to you in curse words? Has he ever been accusatory against you, blaming you for anything? What is his personality like? Do you know when he's happy, irritated...does he change it up so you can't read him and he flies off like a handle for nothing? Be honest with yourself. If no, then that's that it would be the truth. But if he's manipulative in any way, be even more honest with yourself and your eyes/senses.

My original post didn't include my life story and background.

He's very even keeled. Doesn't get easily riled up.
Well loved and respected by friends and colleagues. Never uses fowl language towards me. Doesn't go from 0 to 100. He's kind.

I've Never been physically or emotionally abused neither has he. Both parents living and still married to each other. My life is normal believe it or not.

I don't know what "cover " means. If your referring to him being a provider and a protector then he does.

This is a man that wants me to have the best life.
I wanted to go back to school -done
I don't like where we live it's too far - moved
I hate my job and all the people that work there - quit so you can be happy
The handyman is coming to place shelves in the garage- he made sure he dealt with the handyman
I need to use your miles to go on vacation with my friends- Have fun here's the miles
Apply for this credit card so we can get more miles/points- he did it
I want to see my parents can you drive me 4 1/2 hours tomorrow? - done
My friend is getting divorced and wants to come live with us because her husband stopped paying the mortgage 2 years ago and now she has nowhere to live but she has a mommy
makeover- No (this is where he drew the line)
Oh and I'm debt free because of him.

I could go on and on but I'm sure it would be perceived as though I'm covering up his bad deeds and he really is a low-life.
Our counselor seems to think that our issues are easily solvable with compromise. I should get a new one cause she probably knows him behind the scenes and is pretending too?
I don't get it. I went to counseling and the counselor is saying the opposite of this board. Should I keep searching until I find one that agrees with this board?

It's easy to take a reaction to one situation and apply it to all parts of a persons life. I guess when your a hammer everything looks like a nail.

 

[God_Favor]

My original post didn't include my life story and background.

He's very even keeled. Doesn't get easily riled up.
Well loved and respected by friends and colleagues. Never uses fowl language towards me. Doesn't go from 0 to 100. He's kind.

I've Never been physically or emotionally abused neither has he. Both parents living and still married to each other. My life is normal believe it or not.

I don't know what "cover " means. If your referring to him being a provider and a protector then he does.

This is a man that wants me to have the best life.
I wanted to go back to school -done
I don't like where we live it's too far - moved
I hate my job and all the people that work there - quit so you can be happy
The handyman is coming to place shelves in the garage- he made sure he dealt with the handyman
I need to use your miles to go on vacation with my friends- Have fun here's the miles
Apply for this credit card so we can get more miles/points- he did it
I want to see my parents can you drive me 4 1/2 hours tomorrow? - done
My friend is getting divorced and wants to come live with us because her husband stopped paying the mortgage 2 years ago and now she has nowhere to live but she has a mommy
makeover- No (this is where he drew the line)
Oh and I'm debt free because of him.

I could go on and on but I'm sure it would be perceived as though I'm covering up his bad deeds and he really is a low-life.
Our counselor seems to think that our issues are easily solvable with compromise. I should get a new one cause she probably knows him behind the scenes and is pretending too?
I don't get it. I went to counseling and the counselor is saying the opposite of this board. Should I keep searching until I find one that agrees with this board?

It's easy to take a reaction to one situation and apply it to all parts of a persons life. I guess when your a hammer everything looks like a nail.

You know the make-up of your relationship and you don't have to take different opinions and dissect them . You are happy and this feels right to you . That's all that matters.

We are just giving our opinion about what has been posted. Don't internalize it , especially when you feel there is no truth to it. The therapist said you have things to work on , so focus on that so you and this great guy can continue to flourish. It's nice to see all the reasons he is so wonderful. A black women being cared for is beautiful . I'm happy for you! Continue to do what works for YOU!

 

[Adiatasha]

There are a lot of posts and I've only seen a few...trying to get through yours but I'm pressed for time this morning. You don't want us to quote you but there's very pertinent info in your posts. If you two are living together now, he's getting all he wants without having to spend much on it. He's getting you for cheap, in other words. I feel he has some ulterior motive which you're denying or repressing yourself from seeing. It's probably there. He is asking for your hand in marriage...or did you ask for his? Have you brought up marriage before he did? He asks you to pay the difference between the ring you want? Granted, rings are expensive but if it's reasonable, he's making you feel bad for not getting you something you like within his budget? He splurges on himself...but he's getting YOU for cheap. You deserve better. Do not make a desperate decision and allow this man to control you. You are SO VERY VALUABLE but he doesn't see that. Please know this.

I'm not sure what the motive would be... steal my friends? Put me in debt? He helped me get out of debt. Thanks to him I have sound investments and made money in the Brexit.

 

[intellectualuva]

I suggested New Year's Eve.. I thought it would be cute . He was like hell to the naw.
I knew that super bowl Sunday was a no, he was just reminding me.
I still think a NYE wedding is cute. I would go.
Think about it, the guests have somewhere to go and you already have the fireworks.
No football sundays and if I have to do a Sunday it better be the bye week for the cowboys

Its not cute. Lol. I've been a NYE wedding and a Xmas Eve Wedding. Both while beautiful so ridiculous logistically.

 

[LiftedUp]

NYE wedding

I'd love a NYE or New Years day wedding. I love a good party so the wedding and future anniversary celebrations would be epic just because.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

My original post didn't include my life story and background.

He's very even keeled. Doesn't get easily riled up.
Well loved and respected by friends and colleagues. Never uses fowl language towards me. Doesn't go from 0 to 100. He's kind.

I've Never been physically or emotionally abused neither has he. Both parents living and still married to each other. My life is normal believe it or not.

I don't know what "cover " means. If your referring to him being a provider and a protector then he does.

This is a man that wants me to have the best life.
I wanted to go back to school -done
I don't like where we live it's too far - moved
I hate my job and all the people that work there - quit so you can be happy
The handyman is coming to place shelves in the garage- he made sure he dealt with the handyman
I need to use your miles to go on vacation with my friends- Have fun here's the miles
Apply for this credit card so we can get more miles/points- he did it
I want to see my parents can you drive me 4 1/2 hours tomorrow? - done
My friend is getting divorced and wants to come live with us because her husband stopped paying the mortgage 2 years ago and now she has nowhere to live but she has a mommy
makeover- No (this is where he drew the line)
Oh and I'm debt free because of him.

I could go on and on but I'm sure it would be perceived as though I'm covering up his bad deeds and he really is a low-life.
Our counselor seems to think that our issues are easily solvable with compromise. I should get a new one cause she probably knows him behind the scenes and is pretending too?
I don't get it. I went to counseling and the counselor is saying the opposite of this board. Should I keep searching until I find one that agrees with this board?

It's easy to take a reaction to one situation and apply it to all parts of a persons life. I guess when your a hammer everything looks like a nail.

You got a valuable lesson with this thread. Keep your relationship drama to yourself unless and until there is a real problem.
You posted a lot of red flags about him but nothing about your selfish behavior and nothing positive about him and how he caters to you. You turned him into a monster by your posts and then admitted that it's actually you that is creating the drama.

I'm glad it all worked out.

 

[kanozas]

My original post didn't include my life story and background.

He's very even keeled. Doesn't get easily riled up.
Well loved and respected by friends and colleagues. Never uses fowl language towards me. Doesn't go from 0 to 100. He's kind.

I've Never been physically or emotionally abused neither has he. Both parents living and still married to each other. My life is normal believe it or not.

I don't know what "cover " means. If your referring to him being a provider and a protector then he does.

This is a man that wants me to have the best life.
I wanted to go back to school -done
I don't like where we live it's too far - moved
I hate my job and all the people that work there - quit so you can be happy
The handyman is coming to place shelves in the garage- he made sure he dealt with the handyman
I need to use your miles to go on vacation with my friends- Have fun here's the miles
Apply for this credit card so we can get more miles/points- he did it
I want to see my parents can you drive me 4 1/2 hours tomorrow? - done
My friend is getting divorced and wants to come live with us because her husband stopped paying the mortgage 2 years ago and now she has nowhere to live but she has a mommy
makeover- No (this is where he drew the line)
Oh and I'm debt free because of him.

I could go on and on but I'm sure it would be perceived as though I'm covering up his bad deeds and he really is a low-life.
Our counselor seems to think that our issues are easily solvable with compromise. I should get a new one cause she probably knows him behind the scenes and is pretending too?
I don't get it. I went to counseling and the counselor is saying the opposite of this board. Should I keep searching until I find one that agrees with this board?

It's easy to take a reaction to one situation and apply it to all parts of a persons life. I guess when your a hammer everything looks like a nail.

I didn't read all the posts yet, as I mentioned before, but if you do have a counselor and are comfortable with him/her, then keep going with it. It's important to express to the counselor what you expressed to us. IMO, Couples need counseling before marriage (in my religion it's mandatory for at least 6 months prior). I could only go off of what you decided to share.

To the friend...NOOOOO. If you are going to marry, you need time for you two, not a side log. Nope. And to the other bolded, have you had problems with finances and he's scared you're going to ruin his? That might be part of it. But the way you expressed his full-out refusal to help with a wedding...I mean, weddings are something joyful and a moment in time you only have once (even with more than one marriage...it's unique). Maybe you were hurt and angry (I'd be as well) and you painted a wrong picture of him? But this money thing....sorry, doesn't sound right with him...and of course, this marriage. Would he rather get married in the Caribbean on a beach or something with few family and friends? I can't believe any counselor might (I dunno if she is) would encourage his side of this. I think he needs to meet you halfway on all aspects of the ceremony and celebration. SMH. Whatever you do, KEEP YOUR EYES OPENED AND TRUST YOUR GUT INSTINCT. This is what you shared with us...your gut instinct and the pain he caused you. If you're not sharing that with the counselor, then you aren't being honest with this process (not saying you aren't...just in case). Bring it all forward, whether he'll be hurt or feel embarrassed or not. Good luck to you.


Disclaimer: I am VERY pro-marriage and forgiveness but also commonsense. We don't want to see anyone get hurt in a relationship and I think that's a natural womanly thing. We here want to see people have successes. Be careful what and how you share things. I now see red flags from the both of you.

 

[*CherryPie*]

No. He originally said that she had to pay for it but he was going to approve the things that he wanted. <-----all of that without paying not one red cent.

Old married lady chiming in late...naw this was not engagement ending worthy. A wedding is 1 day, some people really don't want to have one and that's ok.

OP I would have gladly paid for my own wedding in order to have 100% control over it, lol. We paid for ours together so that means he said we had to make the decisions together in the end we made it but boy did we fight...and lets not even bring up my MIL going to my florist to upgrade my floral package because she didn't think I had enough flowers and no one told me until after the wedding.

So yeah...I hate I'm just seeing this. I see both sides but I'm glad he came around, either way could have been worked out.