Fiancee Refuses To Help With Wedding

[Femmefatal1981]

No. He originally said that she had to pay for it but he was going to approve the things that he wanted. <-----all of that without paying not one red cent.

Err...I missed that. That would be a quick correction...again nothing to break up about.

Though as usual I learned a lot aboit people's dating habits based on their responses to this situation. Many of the posters give up/quit much to quickly.

 

[Femmefatal1981]

You got a valuable lesson with this thread. Keep your relationship drama to yourself unless and until there is a real problem.
You posted a lot of red flags about him but nothing about your selfish behavior and nothing positive about him and how he caters to you. You turned him into a monster by your posts and then admitted that it's actually you that is creating the drama.

I'm glad it all worked out.

She really didn't....y'all (as in the board) just like drama.

 

[Femmefatal1981]

I suggested New Year's Eve.. I thought it would be cute . He was like hell to the naw.
I knew that super bowl Sunday was a no, he was just reminding me.
I still think a NYE wedding is cute. I would go.
Think about it, the guests have somewhere to go and you already have the fireworks.
No football sundays and if I have to do a Sunday it better be the bye week for the cowboys

NYE weddings are fun, but you pay a premium and your bar bill is going to be astronomical.

 

[*CherryPie*]

Of course they give up quickly. Most on here cuts folk off no questions asked after 1 strike, so of course.

That pay for your own wedding crap was a turn off, but I would end up turning him into a Stepford husband with his controlling butt.

Err...I missed that. That would be a quick correction...again nothing to break up about.

Though as usual I learned a lot aboit people's dating habits based on their responses to this situation. Many of the posters give up/quit much to quickly.

 

[beingofserenity]

Glad OP didnt break up with her fiance.

 

[Femmefatal1981]

Of course they give up quickly. Most on here cuts folk off no questions asked after 1 strike, so of course.

That pay for your own wedding crap was a turn off, but I would end up turning him into a Stepford husband with his controlling butt.

You can always show a man better than you can tell him.

 

[Adiatasha]

I'd love a NYE or New Years day wedding. I love a good party so the wedding and future anniversary celebrations would be epic just because.

See! That's what I was thinking! A good party..oh well

But as @intellectualuva says and fiancée agrees that it's logistically a nightmare.

 

[Adiatasha]

She really didn't....y'all (as in the board) just like drama.

Thanks! @Femmefatal1981
It's funny how I took the advice from the board to seek counseling and when I came back with how it's going they are disappointed that I'm following the counselors advice...

@naturalmanenyc I'm glad I came on the board to share my story. I recieved great advice which I'm happy for.

Sorry to disappoint everyone with following the advice from the professional. Seems like the smart thing to do.

 

[Adiatasha]

Glad OP didnt break up with her fiance.

NYE weddings are fun, but you pay a premium and your bar bill is going to be astronomical.

I know now.
Looks like sooooo much fun

 

[Foxglove]

It happens the same way every time. Somebody comes on to vent, paints their SO in the worst light on page 1, doesn't give any clarification until page 10 when everybody responded to the info on page 1, then wonder why we think the SO is so terrible based on the very same info the OP provided on page 1. If it was so simple these clarifying details would be included in page 1 but they never are. Everybody's first response isn't always telling the OP to give up but when real red flags are posted why the surprise at the concern for the OP? I'm not understanding the brand newness

 

[Foxglove]

For the record I'm glad you're going to counseling. There are a lot of things (like communication styles, conflict resolution, money management, etc) that need to be discussed before diving into a permanent union

 

[sj10460]

It happens the same way every time. Somebody comes on to vent, paints their SO in the worst light on page 1, doesn't give any clarification until page 10 when everybody responded to the info on page 1, then wonder why we think the SO is so terrible based on the very same info the OP provided on page 1. If it was so simple these clarifying details would be included in page 1 but they never are. Everybody's first response isn't always telling the OP to give up but when real red flags are posted why the surprise at the concern for the OP? I'm not understanding the brand newness

but when you're angry or feeling let down, most tend to focus on what's bothering them. When I'm mad at someone, my focus is what they did to piss me off, not what they do right.

 

[LiftedUp]

Thanks! @Femmefatal1981
It's funny how I took the advice from the board to seek counseling and when I came back with how it's going they are disappointed that I'm following the counselors advice...

@naturalmanenyc I'm glad I came on the board to share my story. I recieved great advice which I'm happy for.

Sorry to disappoint everyone with following the advice from the professional. Seems like the smart thing to do.

Honestly the entire thing seems weird and bizarre. On pg 1 your fiance was being selfish but by page 4/5 the professional advice given by your counselor was that you're actually the selfish one, you're on engagement ring #3 that you've been upgrading yourself and your fiance is such a "giver" although, he doesn't seem much different from other guys in his "giving" aspects.

However as people said you know your man the best and if he's what you desire in a long term partner then I genuinely wish you all the best

 

[Adiatasha]

For the record I'm glad you're going to counseling. There are a lot of things (like communication styles, conflict resolution, money management, etc) that need to be discussed before diving into a permanent union

Most definitely!

 

[Adiatasha]

but when you're angry or feeling let down, most tend to focus on what's bothering them. When I'm mad at someone, my focus is what they did to piss me off, not what they do right.

Exactly!

 

[Adiatasha]

Honestly the entire thing seems weird and bizarre. On pg 1 your fiance was being selfish but by page 4/5 the professional advice given by your counselor was that you're actually the selfish one, you're on engagement ring #3 that you've been upgrading yourself and your fiance is such a "giver" although, he doesn't seem much different from other guys in his "giving" aspects.

However as people said you know your man the best and if he's what you desire in a long term partner then I genuinely wish you all the best

amazing the things you learn in counseling. The counseling is not just about this situation. It's the entire relationship and we discuss many different aspects of it. How he feels how I feel.. all the deep stuff. We don't go in there and talk about the same thing every session.

I don't know most men. I just know mines and a couple I've been in serious relationships with.
I value time, attention, loyalty, honesty, integrity. I know others need stuff so they can show everyone how much their man values them since clearly that's how you know a man cares for you. A new bag, a bracelet, a new cell phone, a car. I would rather him drive me to see my parents, brainstorm new business ideas, go to the nursing home to visit a friends sick mother. Things like that...

The third ring I took to see how I liked it. Jeweler is a good friend so we have that type of relationship. I just like them all and can't decide.
Everyone keeps saying for me to get the ring I want. Should I go back and just accept the first one?
My other friend says I should have just stuck with the first ring because that's what spoke to him.
Yeah.. good thing I'm not out here making decisions to please the masses. I would go crazy!
Thanks!

 

[beauti]

@Adiatasha did you get married

 

[Farida]

I read the updates and went back to the beginning and I still have a bad feeling about this.

OP did you get married? If you did, I hope you learned a lot in counseling and are both implementing the changes and are happy. I wish you the best.

 

[Zaynab]

NYE weddings are fun, but you pay a premium and your bar bill is going to be astronomical.

I was going to have one. Then I realized DH and I would be too drunk LOL

 

[Zaynab]

Err...I missed that. That would be a quick correction...again nothing to break up about.

Though as usual I learned a lot aboit people's dating habits based on their responses to this situation. Many of the posters give up/quit much to quickly.

Girl... everyone will dump a man over his toenail but won’t speak to their moms and have no girlfriends. Dude just sounded a bit selfish, I had to keep reading. I wouldn’t have asked, I would have charged everything to his CC and/or opened a card in my name, charged everything and made him pay it off. She said he got her out of debt so he would do it again.

 

[hopeful]

OP hasn’t been back on here since March 2017. We’ll never know how this ended .