Do You Turn Down Guys Based On...

tru4reele

tru4reele

Well-Known Member
the type they usually date? Even if they show a genuine high interest in you do you pass?

Has anyone dated or currently married to a man where you are totally different than what he usually goes for?
 
Hmm. I normally don't really find out what type of girl the guy goes for until later. It's not on my radar in the beginning, unless he makes it obvious that "I'm so different from what he's been used to". If he makes it a big deal...then i will. If not then i'm not checking for it & I don't base that on whether i want to date him because i wouldn't want someone to do it to me. Most of the guys i've dated were all different. completely different.
There was a guy i pre-judged one time and thought he only dated a certain type (white). And i was totally wrong. I asked him outright and he was like "uhhh no. I only dated bw" He was really offended. I felt stupid and i never did that again.
 
frogkisses said:
I couldn't, and wouldn't date a black man that exclusively dated white women before me. I'll accept one white woman, if he acknowledges it was a mistake :lachen:
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Lol Most of the black men I went to high school with dated white girls for years and years and the majority have married a black woman. I guess they find their way home sometimes but I'm with you, I'll pass.

I wonder how black men would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. I wonder if they would care.
 
I would consider it as a part of the whole package and make my decision based on that. If he only dated white women AND he is constantly bringing it up and/or making sly remarks about BW then that is enough for dismissal. Or if I get the feeling he is on some coon ish based on our conversations, then yeah I would have to keep it moving.
 
My answer is yes, and NO.....

Honestly, I don't really care who else a guy has dated as long as he's REALLY into me and it's clear. The reason why I say this is because I have noticed over the years that who a man says he wants and who he MARRIES can be two totally different things completely.

I knew of guy friends who said that they only wanted girls who were a size 4 , had long hair, looked like Beyonce, and had a certain sense of "style". Well, when I saw who they ended up marrying it was like NIGHT and DAY! :look: So I've learned to sort of ignore who guys say they want. They may want a Maxim model, but that's not the girl they end up marrying or with long-term.

I think when men mature and are ready for marriage, they start looking at OTHER things other than just the physical. The physical may get you in the door, but it won't keep you in the house. There has to be MORE than just what you look like on the outside. I think when men mature they start to realize that one particular woman is someone who they can't stand to live w/out, and those things transcend looks, or outer appearances. :yep:

So, I'm not bothered if a guy had a certain "type" that he usually dated and ended up dating/marrying me. I mean, if he looked at my dating history maybe he would think that I had a certain "type" as well. That doesn't mean that those guys were the right one for me. Plus, some guys only dated their "type" for years, and came to realize that who they felt their "type" was, ended up being women who consistently weren't "right" for him, and so now he's opening up his focus lense a little bit lol. :lol: It happens!

With all that said however...I would NOT accept future dates with a man who consistently made it a point to remind me that he never dates "my type" or that he usually only dates x,y,z, and that basically I should be "lucky" to be dating him. :rolleyes: Whatever buddy. :hand: Any guy who is so hung up on looks, race, outer appearances, etc will get an automatic "no" from me to future dates because he's already shown me with his first few dates that he is waaaaay too focused on the outside (ie. he's immature). A MATURE man will be appreciative of the physical of course (he IS a man after all), but he will ALSO appreciate the INNER qualities of a woman. :yep:

As far as a guy saying he's "never dated a black woman before"..... I would give a bm living in an area where there are bw a serious side-eye for that comment. If it's a wm or a man of another race who tells me that, then I'm not immediately put off. After all, people have to start SOMEWHERE. My first wm bf was my "first" as well, but that doesn't mean that because he was my first there was something wrong with me. Some people just haven't dated a bw before, and judging how must of us don't date IR as much anyway....I mean....honestly, it's not that far-fetched lol :lol: But if you're a bm and you've never dated a bw that would be a HUGE red flag. Unless you're living in the sticks where the population of black people is next to zero, I would find it a HUGE red flag if you've never dated your own race before. Same as a wm, hispanic man, asian man, etc.
 
Sure the hell did. He dates obese to morbidly obese white women but was trying to convince me to be his whatever. Wasn't having any of it.
 
Depends.

BM who only date non-BW and make a habit of mentioning it, like they're doing me some sort of favor by dating me, yes I'll turn them down. Plus I'm still side eyeing him for never dating one of his own.:look:

But I'm fine if non-BM have never dated a BW before me. Doesn't seem fair to turn them down just on that since they're not black, as long as I'm not getting fetish or other such vibes.
 
Yes I do...what's that saying if it's a choice between me and someone else...don't chose me. So yeah, if I'm not his type I might just be a damn experiment...or a distraction from how his usual suspects turned out. And eventually he will long for and want what he's always wanted.

I remember my ex husband told me he prefers dark skin women who are taller and bigger...I should have walked then. He even went so far as to say "you know I just remembered you being much darker"...like wtf?

As for the yt women...hell no...if that was you, you can never ever be with me. It's a mind thing.
 
I have never turned anyone down for this yet. I'm open to getting to know whoever is interested in me. The only absolute requirement is that he has to be black. My brother surprised me in the end. Dude dated light and bright from everywhere since he was 16 yrs old. Africans, Caribbeans, Americans didn't matter he was on it. Married at 37 and my SIL is as dark as Akon. Proposed to her 7 months after meeting her. Caught everyone off guard when he first introduced her to the family.
 
Interesting Topic...

I know a guy i grew up with who always dated light skin women, almost exclusively. He was a Red/Brown Skin man. And one day in his mid twenties, he made a passing comment when we were all out as group, chilling, that he was goin to find him a "dark skin" woman and get married.

He moves like 2 hours away, and lo and behold, 2 or 3 years later, he marries a dark skin woman that wasn't his type for as long as I had known him. He has like 4 or 5 kids with the wife and looks happy from what I can see.

So, I think preferences can change for whatever reason. Had she been like he only dates light skin chicks she might have missed her blessing.
 
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You mean turn down a date like free meals and free outings? Heck no! Dating doesnt necessarily mean marriage. If it develops and hes not pining for Becky then fine by me

tru4reele said:
the type they usually date? Even if they show a genuine high interest in you do you pass?

Has anyone dated or currently married to a man where you are totally different than what he usually goes for?
Click to expand...
 
Mortons said:
If they have a race preference other than black, pass. If they dated low brow women before me, pass. If the women they dated before me were a different physical type (black, but different height,skin tone, weight, etc), I would be fine with that.
Click to expand...

Thanks for mentioning this, because this one isn't talked about enough. Sometimes women who feel that they're the upgrade don't realize that the man wants you so that he can look respectable and still go behind your back with their 'real type'.
 
Mortons said:
If they have a race preference other than black, pass. If they dated low brow women before me, pass. If the women they dated before me were a different physical type (black, but different height,skin tone, weight, etc), I would be fine with that.
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I agree. I actually find it particularly unsettling if I am the most attractive, fit woman he has dated. It leads me to believe there is some quality about him that is preventing other woman of my same stature to deny him.
Especially when he says those key words "I don't deserve you" or "You're to good for me"
That's code for lemme bounce :lachen:
 
frogkisses said:
I agree. I actually find it particularly unsettling if I am the most attractive, fit woman he has dated. It leads me to believe there is some quality about him that is preventing other woman of my same stature to deny him.
Especially when he says those key words "I don't deserve you" or "You're to good for me"
That's code for lemme bounce :lachen:
Click to expand...

Eeeesh!!!! I've had a guy say this to me before and this was a HUGE red flag to me. :hand: :nono: It turned me OFF from him completely. I had to dump him... :look:

Honestly, if YOU feel that I'm too good for you, then that probably means that you are not good enough for me. :look: I don't mind if a guy values me, respects me, and worships the ground I walk on lol...:look: , but if a guy is saying that I'm too good for him that probably means that he's RIGHT! I would feel like there was something about him (maybe even in his past) that makes him not an eligible candidate for me.

Plus, it shows a lack of confidence! When a man says that it's almost as though he's saying that he doesn't feel confident enough in what he has to offer you and he's just basically glad that you even gave him a chance.... :look: I guess it's the same as or equivalent to a woman telling a man: "I'm SO glad you asked me out! I I didn't think you were going to call me..." Ugh...no no no! :barf:
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
Eeeesh!!!! I've had a guy say this to me before and this was a HUGE red flag to me. :hand: :nono: It turned me OFF from him completely. I had to dump him... :look:

Honestly, if YOU feel that I'm too good for you, then that probably means that you are not good enough for me. :look: I don't mind if a guy values me, respects me, and worships the ground I walk on lol...:look: , but if a guy is saying that I'm too good for him that probably means that he's RIGHT! I would feel like there was something about him (maybe even in his past) that makes him not an eligible candidate for me.

Plus, it shows a lack of confidence! When a man says that it's almost as though he's saying that he doesn't feel confident enough in what he has to offer you and he's just basically glad that you even gave him a chance.... :look: I guess it's the same as or equivalent to a woman telling a man: "I'm SO glad you asked me out! I I didn't think you were going to call me..." Ugh...no no no! :barf:
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Exactly. I am not the one to make "to
good to be true" dreams become a reality. By saying that you're letting me know you're not willing to work, or you know you couldn't possibly give me what I want and need.
 
awhyley said:
Thanks for mentioning this, because this one isn't talked about enough. Sometimes women who feel that they're the upgrade don't realize that the man wants you so that he can look respectable and still go behind your back with their 'real type'.
Click to expand...
:lol: This wasn't on my list but it should have been. It just so happens that I am my man's 'type'. Everybody he ever thinks is attractive is always little, brown, and cute.

@Mai Tai, He never dated white either. I was shocked tbh, considering the schools we went to, but he lived in Bk, so it's possible. I suspect he dated (black) WI's, but I never asked. He told me he didn't mess with latinas "cuz they crazy." :lol:

Oan, for those raising sons, his mother told him that ww will have you under the jail. He also grew up during the Yussef Hawkins days (the Emmitt Till of our time and place). As a result, at a young age, he surmised that they weren't worth a fraction of the trouble.
 
Yes and no. I've dated men who I've been the first Black girl they've dated and that's usually because they weren't Black so no big deal to me. As long as they don't dwell on it then it's not a problem. It would however be a huge turn off if I was the first Black woman they've dated and they were Black. I've also dated a Black man who was my complexion who told me I was the first dark skinned AND Black American girl he's dated (he was Dominican and Jamaican) and that was off putting. Let's just say it didn't work out partially because of that and other reasons (he clearly had an affinity/preference for light skinned/Latina women).

Is it weird that I assume that most Black men my age (I'm 23) have at some point dated /slept with someone outside of their race? Maybe not necessarily White, but a lot of the Black men I know have either dated or slept with someone of a different race usually White or Latina. Another guy I used to date told me he had messed with only one White girl in his life and the rest were Black and honestly I was surprised because he was the very attractive athletic type. I would have assumed he would have taken up more offers from White women since a lot of them especially go after his type.

Not to toot my own horn, but I do feel that I often am more attractive than the women the men I've dated had dated before or after me (well at least the ones I have seen). Maybe that explains why many of those situations didn't work out because I have heard the "you're too good for me" line numerous times from men in my past.
 
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