Why do guys stop calling?

[bluediamond0829]

thats the main reason why i dont sweat over meeting a guy for the 1st time or the so called 'date'. I just let things flow...if he doesnt call me back then whatever.

and 9 times out of 10 its the reasons that some of the ladies listed.
My 1st thoughts are usually:
1. Is that he is married or has a girl.
2. drama drama--He is not ready for what you have to offer him or has other things going on in his life to even try to involve you in the drama.(babymomma, roommate issues, moving around alot, etc.)
3. He's not interested(usually i put this the last and have so much confidence that I dont even think this bcuz the vibe that i get from them so im to confident to even think like that)

 

[locabouthair]

All of you are on point. I'll accept it as a blessing and keep it moving. I've met so many frogs that it is just really hard to accept rejection when it is a guy that has plenty of qualities that you like. I mean he wasn't pushy, he was polite, and we had so much in common. He kept me laughing and I actually felt comfortable around him. This is why I think I'm so disappointed. When the other frogs stopped calling...it didn't bother me so much. I wondered what happened, but I kept it moving because I had a bad feeling about them anyway. This time it was just a bit different because I thought this was going to go somewhere. I guess it is better that he quit calling now rather than a year from now.

I went through the same thing with a guy I really liked. Havent spoken to him in two months and like you, I kept wondering why he stopped calling because I really liked him but oh well what can you do. We deserve men that are into us as much as we are into them. And who knows what we could have been spared from? It could be a blessing in disguise. And no you should not feel you need to have sex with a guy to keep him interested.

 

[Glitter]

I don't know -- I think it depends. Are you calling him? I give the 3 strike rule: If you make 3 attempts to reach out to him and he doesn't show any interest, then move on. Sometimes, guys like to see that the's girls interested. I know for me, since I'm really aggressive and act blase around guys, sometimes I get 'tested' to see if I'm into the guy.

Before you write a guy off for not being into you, make sure that you're showing you are into him.

 

[dlewis]

Before you write a guy off for not being into you, make sure that you're showing you are into him.

I agree...........

 

[strenght81]

No offense, but I'm not a big fan of that book. It's a "fun" read, but there is more to it. It's true what they are saying to some extent, but it doesn't answer the WHOLE question. It's really not as cut and dry as it's made out to be. It leaves a woman hurt, and wondering WHY he's not into her. Why lose a lot of time constantly dating if the same thing continues to happen when she can find out what is causing them to "disappear". That sets a woman up for hopelessness. If a woman is continually attracting the same man in a different suit, the common denominator is the woman. On some level, she may not be as "available" as she believes she is, she could be giving off an aura of "neediness", or it could be something else. There are many self help books out there that can get to the source of the problem: In the Meantime-by Iyanla Vanzant, You Can Heal Your Life-by Louise Hay, and others. JMHO

I love your post, so true in so many ways. My friends never get why I am SINGLE, when I have so much going for myself. One of my good friends and I had a discussion last night and we digged deep to find the reason. We came up with this, I always go after the men that doesn't show any interest in me (in terms of, they may check me out but never approach me, asking for my number) The guys that are interested I usually turn down or date "just to past time". The reason I do this is beacuse I have deep rooted feelings that I am not worth a good man, therefore if a man is interested in me he is obviously a loser because that is the way I feel about myself. Like attracts like, right? The men that are unattainable are the ones that are "worth It" (nice car, good looking, smart) so I go after them in an attempt to "try" and prove myself wrong but always fail since I didn't expect to get them anyway, why.......beacause of my feelings that I am not worth it; bringing me back to square one that I am a loser who don't deserve a good man. So all the guys that I pursued has never called back or called at all because that's what I expected, they prove me right all the time. I hope I explained that well enough for everyone to understand.

Many times it's not the other person, it's US, now that I know what my issue is, I woke up this morning with such joy beacuse I know it's something I can fix in time. We really have to search deep to find out what kind of energy we are putting out there. Thoughts, become words, words becomes feeligs, actions and so on.

Sidenote: This is all my family's fault, why they had to tease me when I was younger, shoot.

 

[ALWAYZL8]

Many times it's not the other person, it's US, now that I know what my issue is, I woke up this morning with such joy beacuse I know it's something I can fix in time. We really have to search deep to find out what kind of energy we are putting out there. Thoughts, become words, words becomes feeligs, actions and so on.

Strength81,
I get your point. Let me think about this. I've never thought about the energy I'm putting out there. I can tell you this, since I've started this post...I feel better about myself.

Dlewis and Ivyhair,
there is a possibility that he may have felt that I was not interested. I can think of a couple of times when I've avoided certain questions, but that was to keep things at a slower pace. He's only been divorced for one year and I think there were some converations that needed to be had before picking up the pace. Like...why did you get divorced? What did you learn from the whole experience? What do you want at this point in your life? If I don't know the answer to these questions, we don't need to jump into anything. After not hearing from him for a couple of days, I asked him twice what was up with him (once by text and phone) and both times I was told "just been busy". I didn't need to see or hear the same thing a third time.

The one good thing about my situation is that it did not end on a bad note. He left me alone before I could get attached to him. I will see him again and I will be nice, but I'll also keep it moving.

 

[Nefertiti0906]

I love your post, so true in so many ways. My friends never get why I am SINGLE, when I have so much going for myself. One of my good friends and I had a discussion last night and we digged deep to find the reason. We came up with this, I always go after the men that doesn't show any interest in me (in terms of, they may check me out but never approach me, asking for my number) The guys that are interested I usually turn down or date "just to past time". The reason I do this is beacuse I have deep rooted feelings that I am not worth a good man, therefore if a man is interested in me he is obviously a loser because that is the way I feel about myself. Like attracts like, right? The men that are unattainable are the ones that are "worth It" (nice car, good looking, smart) so I go after them in an attempt to "try" and prove myself wrong but always fail since I didn't expect to get them anyway, why.......beacause of my feelings that I am not worth it; bringing me back to square one that I am a loser who don't deserve a good man. So all the guys that I pursued has never called back or called at all because that's what I expected, they prove me right all the time. I hope I explained that well enough for everyone to understand.

Many times it's not the other person, it's US, now that I know what my issue is, I woke up this morning with such joy beacuse I know it's something I can fix in time. We really have to search deep to find out what kind of energy we are putting out there. Thoughts, become words, words becomes feeligs, actions and so on.

Sidenote: This is all my family's fault, why they had to tease me when I was younger, shoot.

Your whole post in on point! This is what I'm discovering about myself!

 

[Much2much41]

I love your post, so true in so many ways. My friends never get why I am SINGLE, when I have so much going for myself. One of my good friends and I had a discussion last night and we digged deep to find the reason. We came up with this, I always go after the men that doesn't show any interest in me (in terms of, they may check me out but never approach me, asking for my number) The guys that are interested I usually turn down or date "just to past time". The reason I do this is beacuse I have deep rooted feelings that I am not worth a good man, therefore if a man is interested in me he is obviously a loser because that is the way I feel about myself. Like attracts like, right? The men that are unattainable are the ones that are "worth It" (nice car, good looking, smart) so I go after them in an attempt to "try" and prove myself wrong but always fail since I didn't expect to get them anyway, why.......beacause of my feelings that I am not worth it; bringing me back to square one that I am a loser who don't deserve a good man. So all the guys that I pursued has never called back or called at all because that's what I expected, they prove me right all the time. I hope I explained that well enough for everyone to understand.

Many times it's not the other person, it's US, now that I know what my issue is, I woke up this morning with such joy beacuse I know it's something I can fix in time. We really have to search deep to find out what kind of energy we are putting out there. Thoughts, become words, words becomes feeligs, actions and so on.

Sidenote: This is all my family's fault, why they had to tease me when I was younger, shoot.

I'm so sorry you feel that way about yourself. I'm very sure you're not a "loser", but the only truth that matters here is your own, and if it's true to you, I can't convince you otherwise until you're ready to believe differently. Many times family doesn't realize how damaging "harmless" teasing can be. They might not have really meant to hurt you, and at the end of the day, we're all victims of victims. They passed down what they were told, the family before them did the same. Forgive them, and move on, because what they said can't be changed. You can, however, learn new thought patterns and beliefs. I certainly hope that you realize your true worth, and not let the past determine your future. Miracles and blessings

 

[EMJazzy]

Maybe the approach is wrong. I tend to be very honest with how I feel and what I want and say it.

If I wanted to be married I would be very honest saying that's what I want. And then maybe you'll attract the type of guy that won't stop calling. IDK how to say what I'm thinking. But instead of saying "whatever happens...happens" say "I want to be married in two years with a kid on the way a year after that".

But I'm not the best example for stuff like that.

I'm the same way....if you read my post on "how did he propose" you can see by the conversation that there was no mistaking what *I* wanted.....homeboy had a choice either he could have walked away or make me his wife......he chose to marry me.

So I agree that guys need to know where you are coming from that way there is no misunderstanding several months down the line.

 

[MariposaSexyGirl]

Maybe because they can so easily go get a girl that gives out. Not to many want a commitment they just wanna lay pipe.Nothing wrong with you a good man will find you.

 

[Syrah]

Nothing is wrong with you. He's "just not that into you". Have you seen that "Sex And The City" episode about the women wondering why men just suddenly stop calling or dont want to come in for drinks when the date is over? He's just not that into you.

From that episode, the writers wrote a book by Greg Behrendt titled "He's Just Not That Into You". Really good book that answered the same questions you were asking and gave me insight on how guys REALLY think. Also helps to have male friends who can give you the low down on what they really think. I have learned so much from having male friends who werent afraid to tell me the truth about women and sex and dating.

Its a learning experience. That's why they call it "dating". Its cut and dry. If they were into you, they would call. Simple as that. No analyzing. You dodged a bullet. Keep it moving. Read the book.

Thank you. They stop calling for the same reasons we stop calling. They lose interest. They find somebody more interesting. They get back with an ex-girl. They start hanging out with the fellas and forget about you. They decided you weren't worth the trouble. They figured maybe you weren't that into THEM. They figure you might be out of their league.

There's a million reasons why a man will stop calling.

...and I'm not being a smart ass when I say this - but does the reason really matter?!?

Just cuz dude stopped calling doesn't mean you should do anything differently UNLESS you think YOU might be contributing to the situation.

 

[frankie]

After not hearing from him for a couple of days, I asked him twice what was up with him (once by text and phone) and both times I was told "just been busy". I didn't need to see or hear the same thing a third time.

If he told you he was busy then he either didn't have time for you or didn't want to make time for you. Either way...I wouldn't sweat it. Most guys aren't that hard to figure out, they say what they mean ("just been busy"). But, we want to analyze and dig for the deeper meaning where one doesn't exist.

This guy is freshly divorced (big red flag), I doubt that you'll find him in any condition to get into a serious relationship, which it sounds like you're after. Depending on the length of his marriage and whether kids are involved, he may have a lot of baggage to sift through...you don't need to be around for that.

I think you should start being upfront about what you want. The guys that are on the same page will not be intimidated, they'll appreciate your candor and act accordingly.

A man that is truly interested in getting got know you doesn't require sex to keep that interest alive.

Don't let this get you down...he just wasn't ready for your fabulousness.

 

[Kiadodie]

I love your post, so true in so many ways. My friends never get why I am SINGLE, when I have so much going for myself. One of my good friends and I had a discussion last night and we digged deep to find the reason. We came up with this, I always go after the men that doesn't show any interest in me (in terms of, they may check me out but never approach me, asking for my number) The guys that are interested I usually turn down or date "just to past time". The reason I do this is beacuse I have deep rooted feelings that I am not worth a good man, therefore if a man is interested in me he is obviously a loser because that is the way I feel about myself. Like attracts like, right? The men that are unattainable are the ones that are "worth It" (nice car, good looking, smart) so I go after them in an attempt to "try" and prove myself wrong but always fail since I didn't expect to get them anyway, why.......beacause of my feelings that I am not worth it; bringing me back to square one that I am a loser who don't deserve a good man. So all the guys that I pursued has never called back or called at all because that's what I expected, they prove me right all the time. I hope I explained that well enough for everyone to understand.

Many times it's not the other person, it's US, now that I know what my issue is, I woke up this morning with such joy beacuse I know it's something I can fix in time. We really have to search deep to find out what kind of energy we are putting out there. Thoughts, become words, words becomes feeligs, actions and so on.

Sidenote: This is all my family's fault, why they had to tease me when I was younger, shoot.

WOW..this is soooo me. I realized this last summer. I"m working on myself and it has been an up and down experience but hey..I"m getting there.

 

[IntelligenceisBeautiful]

One of my affirmations is: I deserve a healthy and loving relationship with an available man.

I am loving and lovable also helps.

 

[ALWAYZL8]

If he told you he was busy then he either didn't have time for you or didn't want to make time for you. Either way...I wouldn't sweat it. Most guys aren't that hard to figure out, they say what they mean ("just been busy"). But, we want to analyze and dig for the deeper meaning where one doesn't exist.

This guy is freshly divorced (big red flag), I doubt that you'll find him in any condition to get into a serious relationship, which it sounds like you're after. Depending on the length of his marriage and whether kids are involved, he may have a lot of baggage to sift through...you don't need to be around for that.

I think you should start being upfront about what you want. The guys that are on the same page will not be intimidated, they'll appreciate your candor and act accordingly.

A man that is truly interested in getting got know you doesn't require sex to keep that interest alive.

Don't let this get you down...he just wasn't ready for your fabulousness.

I agree. It is sad that it took this thread for me to realize it, but I get it now. I stayed out the his sight for almost a year after his divorce. I figured with no kids involved, he might be ready to move on. However, I think you might be right about him still working through some baggage. I think he is playing the field right now and I guess I can't get upset about it. I guess he could tell I was looking for something serious. Oh well!

 

[DrGucciGal]

I was gonna bring up this book. It is true. If he is not calling, then he is just not that into you. Sorry.

Nothing is wrong with you. He's "just not that into you". Have you seen that "Sex And The City" episode about the women wondering why men just suddenly stop calling or dont want to come in for drinks when the date is over? He's just not that into you.

From that episode, the writers wrote a book by Greg Behrendt titled "He's Just Not That Into You". Really good book that answered the same questions you were asking and gave me insight on how guys REALLY think. Also helps to have male friends who can give you the low down on what they really think. I have learned so much from having male friends who werent afraid to tell me the truth about women and sex and dating.

Its a learning experience. That's why they call it "dating". Its cut and dry. If they were into you, they would call. Simple as that. No analyzing. You dodged a bullet. Keep it moving. Read the book.