Do you step aside sometimes to let your SO/DH be great?

[NapfroConsulate]

What I mean is that sometimes I'm the "dude" in my relationship with my man. I love him to death but when the we bought the flat screen I hooked it up or I put the computer together I removed the viruses or I took it in for an oil change or things some people may attribute to your man doing if you have one. So today I was going to do something to the computer but my SO wanted to know what I was up to and I explained to him what it was and he said he could do it.

I hesitated at first then thought about it and said sure. I'm so used to doing this stuff myself or taking over or bossing him around I never thought to ask him to do it. So he took over and fixed what I was doing and voila it was perfect! I complemented him and thanked him and said he did a great job. Then I started to think about it and felt guilty that I a lot of times might have, not purposefully, emasculated him and it felt good to let him "Take Charge"

I don't know if I am explaining it right but does anyone know what I mean?

 

[dlewis]

I know what you mean. I don't emasculated him though. I learned in my younger years that was not the way to go. Watched my mother and aunts do it and it didn't benefit.

I do alot also. He does most of the manly things. Grass cutting, yard stuff, car stuff. I'm working on my camper now. He doesn't know it and I'm a little concerned of what he's going to think once I finish everything. I haven't asked him for any help. But when I mentioned I wanted to do something he said it was a waste of money and I didn't need to. He invest in what he likes, toy car and such so I figure I would invest in fixing up my camper.

 

[JustKiya]

I know exactly what you mean, and yes, I had to learn to let him do some things for himself.

Some things he'd rather I do - like put together the entertainment center - because I'm just so much better at it, and it's not a point of pride for him.

Some things I can do better (like anything online) but I've learned to let him do it, because he needs the ego boost.

And I drop compliments on a REGULAR when he does something well that is outside of his comfort zone. Positive reinforcement for the win!

 

[asubeauty]

I don't have to step aside, SO has a pretty strong personality. If he decides that he wasn't to "be the man" and do something, a lot of the time it's done before I even know that it needs to be done. If he can't get it, though, he doesn't hesitate to ask me to help him.

It works for us.

 

[Transformer]

Yep, I'm not the helpless female type. Early in marriage....I would "just do it." Got smarter, even if it takes him 3 days to put the entertainment system together.....I just sit back and let him--I don't even make snide remarks like--"reading the directions would help." Marriage is stronger now that I take a step back.

On the other-hand. He had promised me for years that we would renovate the kitchen--remember I'm an architect. We were going to do an orderly demolition of the kitchen but he could never get around to it. He went to Lowe's to wander the store...I had dem'd the kitchen in two hours and he was more pissed than I had ever seen him.

 

[Bmack]

Yes, but if he takes his time I just do it myself. Usually he does most of what is considered what is manly as Dlewis explained, but I can do it too. lol.

 

[dlewis]

Yep, I'm not the helpless female type. Early in marriage....I would "just do it." Got smarter, even if it takes him 3 days to put the entertainment system together.....I just sit back and let him--I don't even make snide remarks like--"reading the directions would help." Marriage is stronger now that I take a step back.

On the other-hand. He had promised me for years that we would renovate the kitchen--remember I'm an architect. We were going to do an orderly demolition of the kitchen but he could never get around to it. He went to Lowe's to wander the store...I had dem'd the kitchen in two hours and he was more pissed than I had ever seen him.

They get like that. My husband was so mad at me recently he act like he didn't want to speak to me. I pulled my son off the baseball team because of his grades and Dh didn't agree. I was like that what he both agreed on and that's the way it's going to be. It DID NOT go over well at all.

 

[-Kąditty-]

I really do not bother him EXCEPT for when he is driving. He calls me his "copilot". All you hear from me is "there's a car in front of us", "use ya breaks", "why are you driving so fast", "put those sunglasses on so you can see", "that man better move if he want his a$$"(cus DH will surely run him over).

I am learning to hush though. On his luckier days, I just put my headphones on and close my eyes. He lets me know when we are at our destination.

 

[GaiasDaughter24]

I don't really have to say anything. My husband does all the manly things and for that I'm grateful. I don't like putting things together, I hate setting up the new tv and I let him fix the computer all he wants because I'm LOST when it somes to that lol

I HAVE had to step back on things like cleaning, laundry, taking care of our daughter, etc. I'm a bossy person by nature.I don't want to emasculate him. Now, when he cleans I let him do it HIS way. If he wants to put on a fitted and I'd prefer a prefold (cloth diapers) on our daughter then I just let him do it. I don't want him to think he's not a good enough father or that he can't take care of our house. I had to tell myself hey, atleast he's doing it and he's not doing it half arsed, just differently. Some men wouldn't do what he does at all. I hear it far too often from my married friends

 

[YankeeCandle]

Actually, he's the one who needs to step aside and let me be great! I've spoken before about how he is inavertantly ( or advertantly ) re-enacting The Picture of Dorian Grey with me by stealing my cooking power and himself becoming a mini-top chef solely by trial and error and native talent.

I wanted to be the gourmet cook, dammit!

Mostly, we just complement each other without ado. Whoever's better at something, does it. He is better at (now ) cooking, cleaning, ironing, laundry, fixing anything under the sun, electrical wiring, and gardening. I am better at filling out forms, calling customer service, doing research about possible solutions to problems or issues that pop up, committing things to writing (like letters to a landlord), doing consumer research on potential purchases, and anything computer-related.

When you put us together, we make a very effective team.

 

[princessnad]

No he is great all on his own. He doesn't need my permission to be a man much like I do not need his permission to be a lady.

 

[phynestone]

Not at this moment since I don't have one, but I will when I do. I hate having to do the manly stuff and my brothers sometimes take their time. I will be so happy if I have a SO that is able.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

see, when i was with my ex...yeah, i had to guide his slow azzz... and his head was slightly slopped shaped, and i don't think all dat brain was finished developin.... so summa those "pay attention and listen skills" aren't workin...hell, they still ain't workin. (DLewis..u know what i'm tawkin bout chile...)

so on dat note, i ALWAYS had to direct him to do things....cuz otherwise, he'd just be standin der wif da deer in da headlights look on his face lookin stoopit... if i would let him do certain things on his own....it was a disaster, then i'd hafta make him correct it. hell, he still like dat to this day...he still stuck on stoopit n broke da hell down on dumb....i think its cuz of dat slopness of da head tho....

i'll tell yall a short small story just to prove my point...

a few years back, he called me from da house (afta we broke up..had to let da slopped-headed man go) to tell me he had an accident at work. i was like what happened...he said he was cleaning the teachers' parkin lot (after a snow storm) with the snow blower.

well a piece of ice got caught in da machine. so he said he put the machine on its side to get the ice out and his hand got caught up and he lost two fingers. so i asked him... well when u turned da machine on its side, did you turn it off??? why did Mr. Slopehead tell me NO!!! (he's an electrician, mind you). I ain't gonna lie..i said "hold on"..put da phone on mute and LMFAO!!!.... got back on da phone and said.... so, are you ok?

he was like..no, it hurts. so I said well, did they find your fingers n sew dem jokas back on...like you have 8 fingers now instead of all 10??? he was like he couldn't find them. So I asked him..ok...so something in your brain made you look for your fingers, but that brain didn't tell you to turn the machine off before turning the machine on it's side and you're an electrician???? Didn't they teach you that in school??? So now, when some of the snow clears, some poor teacher or student is going to be walking in that parking lot one day and come across some fingers......erplexed

So ladies...see what I mean. Sometimes you gotta take da wheel....depending on what kinda man u dealin wif....

 

[dlewis]

@ ThatJerseyGirl.

I do alot of directing and suggesting also.

I let him do what he does and things I prefer be done (or be done a certain way) I make lists or suggest this or that. You know that's why we are considered helpmates. Gd knew they needed help so He put us here.

 

[intergalacticartist]

I don't think I could be with someone like that. I don't want dumb kids...

 

[mEmYSELFaNDj]

I know exactly what you mean. After being a single mom and out on my own taking care of myself and my own business for years, now its kind of hard sometimes to step aside and let my man be The Man. But I have definitely realized this and have put in more effort to let him take of me and to follow his lead. And I love it! But sometimes I forget and still try and take cahrge. He says Im bossy, lol but he laughs it off.

He doesnt let me do manly stuff though, fixing things or lifting or anything like that. Im more of a control freak when it comes to the money and daily, weekly and future plans. Stuff like that.

 

[hervirtue]

DH put it perfectly when we got married, he's tactical and I'm technical. He sucks at anything technology based, such as computers and doing stuff online and I suck at organizing certain things (like our kitchen cabinets). I'm a better business negotiator, but he's better at recognizing a good deal vs. a bad deal. We each have our times to shine and we always work as a team never trying to outdo the other.

 

[Bunny77]

Girl, I might have been like that in the past, but now I just tell ole boy, "Hey, here's something I need your help with."

Then I sit back and watch him do it. I'm no helpless woman and he knows that... and it's not even about letting a man be a man... my thing is, if someone wants to do something to make my life easier, you better believe I will sit back and let him do it!

 

[JollyGal]

IA with Bunny.

Although I have always believed that is best to let the man be a man there are some things that I just have to do.

It is very tempting to do everything on your own but just like bunny said if he wants to do something to make your life easier just do it you're a busy lady anyway ;-)

That reminds me I need to consult my mum and re-read the rules again I've been letting a few things slide by that I really should not have.

 

[lux10023]

I need a mans man..i do not like men who cant do manly things/tasks...it would take me forever to put together an entertainment center or etc--and i would never dream of doin so..just not my thing--im big on playn my position and he plays his position--he handles alot in his own right and i handle alot in my own way...

i do not like a man i can boss around--i like a a man who can be like babe chill i got this--i dont like sensitive or punk-ish ppl...have a heart but please dont wear it on your sleeve..ugh
i grew up in a household of men who took care of the things that they were suppose to----to this day is mrp28 is not around i will call my brother or dad and say i need xyz...i speak to my borhter weekly and the first thing he asks if you okay do you need anything or etc....while im capable of doin many male-dominated things from growing up with brothers i prefer not too...i like a mans man....damsel in distress mixed with a lil bit of independent women with a dash of modern/traditional...

gotta let a man be a man...our men specifcally are emasculated in other aspects of their lives--i would never even attempt to do anything that would add to that societal emasculation....