Doing things that your DH/SO does not approve of... (need advice too)

[NYAmicas]

I dont do anything I wouldn't want him doing and vice versa. At first this brought about arguments (because Im rebellious by nature) but talking it out helped with that and we're fair about things. Now, I think you guys should further talk about this dancing thing since it's something you really want to do. Good luck if you do go to tryouts.

 

[Radianthealth]

DH doesn't make many demands of me. He does have preferences and I try my best to honor those preferences because he honors mostly all of my preferences.

I don't think he has ever forbade me from doing something. He doesn't care if I go to the club (even though I don't go anymore unless it is for a bachelorette party or sumthin)

 

[SleekandBouncy]

I've been in this situation magnified by 100. Woo lawd.
Anyway, general rule (IMO), be up front about what you decide. The deception involved in sneaking can do way more damage than going against his wishes. First of all it's about respect - treat others the way you want to be treated. Secondly - it confirms their paranoia and suspicion. Once deception is in the mix it makes everything you do suspect, it destroys your upper hand.

Pertaining to being a pro dancer. That's your right. You shouldn't have to forego a life dream. Let him know that you have to be true to yourself and that his support would mean everything to you, that you'd never do anything to betray his trust, yadda yadda. Communication is the key. Sometimes you have to force yoursef to respect the other person enough to address their concerns and insecurities even though you don't "have to".

Now as it pertains to the club. That's different. In the words of my club promoter friend "ain't nuthin in the club but sin and unwashed balls". Obviously that's an exageration, but your DH/SO sounds like he's thinking about your safety as well as being a bit possessive. I think sometimes it's important to prioritize things and not let the desire to "make a point" control you. Is the club more important or your relationship? A successful relationship requires that each person is willing to compromise sometimes, you with the club, him with the dancing. Surely he can't ground you so if you really wanted to go, you could, but is it that serious? How about a compromise - wait and hit the hottest club, but do it together. You get to dance, get sexy and/or tipsy, but with your man, he gets the security of knowing that no other man is rubbing up against you. In the end one thing is for sure, it's much better to have a man that cares enough to worry. Plus men can be extra possessive. It's up to us to keep them in check/balance.

 

[SunySydeofLyfe]

damn, this is what scares me about marriage..

Me too, i am not sure I want to feel that I need to ask can I do something that I want to do. I also think that you cant loose yourself in a relationship and that is something that you are passionate about. What a hard situation to be in and I really sympathize with you, I say pray ask God for guidance and listen to your heart not your head, If you decide to do it dont do it out of spite do it because it would settle your spirit.

 

[Zaynab]

I'm sorry you're going through this.

My personal stance is to do things with the support of dh, in one accord but honestly in almost 10 years of marriage, nothing has come up that he didnt' approve of really :scratchch. Things like money, major things we just agree on typically.

The club thing, I never get. I don't get it from women who tell their dh's not to go or from men who don't want their wives not to go. I understand that clubs are cesspools of debauchery and temptation for some but if you know how to handle your business, then its not an issue. If I want to go to a club or whatever, I just go *mumbles under breath* I wish dh would tell me where to go I am just not in the habit of telling grown folks what to do. Dh goes out with his boys, to play video games, watch games, sports bars, whatever men do in their 'me' time....and I go out with my girls when I want, out of town or whatever and when I get ready. I don't do it often but when I do (like you did on a whim) i'd have a serious attitude if he told me no. I think we are just very laid back about things like this. I'm like two kids, a mortgage and a few notches of marriage on my belt, I guess I just don't carelook: *shrugs* And I mean I don't care in the sense that...we have bigger fish to fry.

Being married is not about dying or giving up your life. I think that is where folks go wrong in a marriage. And that is why people liken getting married to going to the guilletine. You are still young, you still have dreams, yes there are some things that stop you from doing everything you want, committments as wife, mom, work, etc but you get married, you don't die. I got married young, 23, so for the first few years I fell into the homebody routine but dh didn't He still went and did what he wanted. Shoot, men do what they want, nothing stops them, whether its the club or a career change, but we are always expected to make the sacrifice.

If you want to try out for dance, I would go ahead and do so. Don't shortchange yourself because men never do. I woudln't be defensive or combative about it. If you can't sit down and talk, write him a letter and really explain that this is something you want, you want his full support, etc. Explain to your dh that you've spent time giving to him and to your ds and you want to do something for just YOU. As women we give too much ourselves anyway, he should respect and understand that this is something you want for yourself.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

I wish I could give you more than one thank you for this

I'm sorry you're going through this.

My personal stance is to do things with the support of dh, in one accord but honestly in almost 10 years of marriage, nothing has come up that he didnt' approve of really :scratchch. Things like money, major things we just agree on typically.

The club thing, I never get. I don't get it from women who tell their dh's not to go or from men who don't want their wives not to go. I understand that clubs are cesspools of debauchery and temptation for some but if you know how to handle your business, then its not an issue. If I want to go to a club or whatever, I just go *mumbles under breath* I wish dh would tell me where to go I am just not in the habit of telling grown folks what to do. Dh goes out with his boys, to play video games, watch games, sports bars, whatever men do in their 'me' time....and I go out with my girls when I want, out of town or whatever and when I get ready. I don't do it often but when I do (like you did on a whim) i'd have a serious attitude if he told me no. I think we are just very laid back about things like this. I'm like two kids, a mortgage and a few notches of marriage on my belt, I guess I just don't carelook: *shrugs* And I mean I don't care in the sense that...we have bigger fish to fry.

Being married is not about dying or giving up your life. I think that is where folks go wrong in a marriage. And that is why peole liken getting married to going to the guilletine. You are still young, you still have dreams, yes there are some things that stop you from doing everything you want, committments as wife, mom, work, etc but you get married, you don't die. I got married young, 23, so for the first few years I fell into the homebody routine but dh didn't He still went and did what he wanted. Shoot, men do what they want, nothing stops them, whether its the club or a career change, but we are always expected to make the sacrifice.

If you want to try out for dance, I would go ahead and do so. Don't shortchange yourself because men never do. I woudln't be defensive or combative about it. If you can't sit down and talk, write him a letter and really explain that this is something you want, you want his full support, etc. Explain to your dh that you've spent time giving to him and to your ds and you want to do something for just YOU. As women we give too much ourselves anyway, he should respect and understand that this is something you want for yourself.

 

[spelmanlocks]

I pretty much do whatever I like. I really haven't had to ask his permission on anything.
He's cool with me going to the club with girlfriends. But we mostly club with each other anyway.

We've always said neither of us would stand in the way of one's dreams. DH has always supported my aspirations and I his. I think if you don't pursue your dancing passion, you may be angry about it in the future. I know a couple that has this problem now. An older lady in my old neighborhood always told me one thing she regrets is that she did not go to medical school because her husband told her she needed to work and focus on the kids. Now she talks about it all the time because she regrets it so much.

 

[dlewis]

I remember one time I woke up from a nap and DH was all dressed talkin bout he was going over to his buddy's house to a party. erplexed I said "no you're not". Right when I said that his friend called and I gave the phone to DH and he said "Mann, she said I can't go, I'll catch up with you later". They still tease him about that to this day and I was pregnant with my daughter when that happen.

But anyway, I don't do things Dh don't approve of and he doesn't either. Not many things have come up but when those things have and one says "I'm not comfortable with that", then that's it.

 

[Zaynab]

I pretty much do whatever I like. I really haven't had to ask his permission on anything.
He's cool with me going to the club with girlfriends. But we mostly club with each other anyway.

We've always said neither of us would stand in the way of one's dreams. DH has always supported my aspirations and I his. I think if you don't pursue your dancing passion, you may be angry about it in the future. I know a couple that has this problem now. An older lady in my old neighborhood always told me one thing she regrets is that she did not go to medical school because her husband told her she needed to work and focus on the kids. Now she talks about it all the time because she regrets it so much.

I hear this all the time from older women, they didn't get to do some things they wanted when they were young.

Op-good luck.

 

[likewtr4chklit]

I've only been married a short time but I see the differences coming to light as far as boundaries go. I've had to put my foot down. As a married woman, I wouldn't do anything that may put me in a position to direspect him, and I expect the same caution from him. I don't believe you working as a professional dancer would be disrespectful. Would he mind if you were an actress? Its the same thing, either way you will be getting paid for you talent and doing something you love. Your DH is being selfish, and that's not cool in a marriage. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN WOMAN, let him know that "I'm your husband and your daddy" mess don't fly in your household (or anywhere for that matter).

 

[lux10023]

Zaynab you said it best times 100

you have to ask to go to the club/your dh doesnt let you go to the club--what type of b?s is that--if he trusts you and you trust him then what is the issue in the club?

what kind of rlp, marriage when you are asking xyz if you can do something--if it is not killin you--puttin the family in danger--then i dont see what the huge issue could be with doin something or pursuin something you want to pursue that is positive

ppl give other ppl to much power over their lives--and thats is weird and bizzarre

ofcourse your gonna let the person in your life know what you are doin and run it by them and tell them all th einfo they need to knwo since it affects them and the family buttttttt to let someone prohibit you from pursuing a dream or not goin to the club since they dont like or or xyz---so insecureeeeee---i dont ever want a man like that in my life
can i ?may i? are you kiddin me?

 

[likewtr4chklit]

I'm sorry you're going through this.

My personal stance is to do things with the support of dh, in one accord but honestly in almost 10 years of marriage, nothing has come up that he didnt' approve of really :scratchch. Things like money, major things we just agree on typically.

The club thing, I never get. I don't get it from women who tell their dh's not to go or from men who don't want their wives not to go. I understand that clubs are cesspools of debauchery and temptation for some but if you know how to handle your business, then its not an issue. If I want to go to a club or whatever, I just go *mumbles under breath* I wish dh would tell me where to go I am just not in the habit of telling grown folks what to do. Dh goes out with his boys, to play video games, watch games, sports bars, whatever men do in their 'me' time....and I go out with my girls when I want, out of town or whatever and when I get ready. I don't do it often but when I do (like you did on a whim) i'd have a serious attitude if he told me no. I think we are just very laid back about things like this. I'm like two kids, a mortgage and a few notches of marriage on my belt, I guess I just don't carelook: *shrugs* And I mean I don't care in the sense that...we have bigger fish to fry.

Being married is not about dying or giving up your life. I think that is where folks go wrong in a marriage. And that is why people liken getting married to going to the guilletine. You are still young, you still have dreams, yes there are some things that stop you from doing everything you want, committments as wife, mom, work, etc but you get married, you don't die. I got married young, 23, so for the first few years I fell into the homebody routine but dh didn't He still went and did what he wanted. Shoot, men do what they want, nothing stops them, whether its the club or a career change, but we are always expected to make the sacrifice.

If you want to try out for dance, I would go ahead and do so. Don't shortchange yourself because men never do. I woudln't be defensive or combative about it. If you can't sit down and talk, write him a letter and really explain that this is something you want, you want his full support, etc. Explain to your dh that you've spent time giving to him and to your ds and you want to do something for just YOU. As women we give too much ourselves anyway, he should respect and understand that this is something you want for yourself.

EXACTLY!!! (They don't have a button for that yet)

 

[Te'TahHead]

I've only been married a short time but I see the differences coming to light as far as boundaries go. I've had to put my foot down. As a married woman, I wouldn't do anything that may put me in a position to direspect him, and I expect the same caution from him. I don't believe you working as a professional dancer would be disrespectful. Would he mind if you were an actress? Its the same thing, either way you will be getting paid for you talent and doing something you love. Your DH is being selfish, and that's not cool in a marriage. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN WOMAN, let him know that "I'm your husband and your daddy" mess don't fly in your household (or anywhere for that matter).

Im so happy for all these responses!!!!!

Thank you ladies!!! I truly mean it.

I don't think I have ever PUT MY FOOT down on any issue. I am so timid and easy-going by nature and I believe that it hinders me from being assertive, atleast at home it does. I am very assertive at work, but with my family and friends I can be the opposite.

It's funny because I didn't even feel this much of a problem with the club incident. Now,I feel like this is somethign I really want to do. I haven't even attempted to talk to him about it since. Ive tried out for a team before and didn't make it, I am sure if I don't make it again, i will throw in teh towel. But, I atleast have to make an attempt.

I am thinking about writing a letter. I don't even know what verbage to use.

 

[likewtr4chklit]

Im so happy for all these responses!!!!!

Thank you ladies!!! I truly mean it.

I don't think I have ever PUT MY FOOT down on any issue. I am so timid and easy-going by nature and I believe that it hinders me from being assertive, atleast at home it does. I am very assertive at work, but with my family and friends I can be the opposite.

It's funny because I didn't even feel this much of a problem with the club incident. Now,I feel like this is somethign I really want to do. I haven't even attempted to talk to him about it since. Ive tried out for a team before and didn't make it, I am sure if I don't make it again, i will throw in teh towel. But, I atleast have to make an attempt.

I am thinking about writing a letter. I don't even know what verbage to use.

Whenever I've had to write DH a letter, it was always loving but to the point. DOn't make him feel like you're yelling at him, but that you are standing up for yourself. You are no longer asking him, you are TELLING him that you will be trying out, and his support is important but it won't deter you if you don't have it. You should also let him know how negatively resentment and regret can affect a marriage.

 

[Zaynab]

Whenever I've had to write DH a letter, it was always loving but to the point. DOn't make him feel like you're yelling at him, but that you are standing up for yourself. You are no longer asking him, you are TELLING him that you will be trying out, and his support is important but it won't deter you if you don't have it. You should also let him know how negatively resentment and regret can affect a marriage.

Yeah that's good advice, that's what I do when I need to explain something to dh and I feel like talking to him will make him automatically defensive

 

[Te'TahHead]

Zaynab you said it best times 100

you have to ask to go to the club/your dh doesnt let you go to the club--what type of b?s is that--if he trusts you and you trust him then what is the issue in the club?

what kind of rlp, marriage when you are asking xyz if you can do something--if it is not killin you--puttin the family in danger--then i dont see what the huge issue could be with doin something or pursuin something you want to pursue that is positive

ppl give other ppl to much power over their lives--and thats is weird and bizzarre

ofcourse your gonna let the person in your life know what you are doin and run it by them and tell them all th einfo they need to knwo since it affects them and the family buttttttt to let someone prohibit you from pursuing a dream or not goin to the club since they dont like or or xyz---so insecureeeeee---i dont ever want a man like that in my life
can i ?may i? are you kiddin me?

I don't think this thread, more particulary, my OQ was about having to ASK a man for anything. I think it is more so doing something that they may dissaprove of. I think in a rel. or a marriage people have a right to afford someone of their opinions of what they like/dislike. It's one thing to say something when you are married/heavily involved, but another to say it when you are in neither. I was looking for instances when GF/Wives/Ex's of either have ever done something that their men dissapproved of and how they handled it; clubbing was just an example I used that demonstrated his strong dissaproval.

I believe that if one sets themself up to "ask" then they should be able to deal with what their are TOLD to do. I didn't ask him to go, I was letting him know. That is why I had an issue, it wasn't like I ASKED.

I dont ever remember saying my DH doesn't let me go to the club and I don't recall reading any of the ladies saying the same. I don't know, maybe I am misreading but your post appeared to come at me sort of strong, especially since it seems you misinterpreted the nature of the thread.

 

[Te'TahHead]

Thanks Ladies..

I've never wrote him a letter telling him how I fel. I usually just say it. It is never about this subject.

I definitely don' plan on asking him-as i never did anyway. I just plan on letting him know that I am doing it and that his support is greatly valued.

 

[JFemme]

((Hugs, TTH)):Rose::Rose::Rose:

 

[Zaynab]

I don't think this thread, more particulary, my OQ was about having to ASK a man for anything. I think it is more so doing something that they may dissaprove of. I think in a rel. or a marriage people have a right to afford someone of their opinions of what they like/dislike. It's one thing to say something when you are married/heavily involved, but another to say it when you are in neither. I was looking for instances when GF/Wives/Ex's of either have ever done something that their men dissapproved of and how they handled it; clubbing was just an example I used that demonstrated his strong dissaproval.

I believe that if one sets themself up to "ask" then they should be able to deal with what their are TOLD to do. I didn't ask him to go, I was letting him know. That is why I had an issue, it wasn't like I ASKED.

I dont ever remember saying my DH doesn't let me go to the club and I don't recall reading any of the ladies saying the same. I don't know, maybe I am misreading but your post appeared to come at me sort of strong, especially since it seems you misinterpreted the nature of the thread.

Oh I understood where you were coming from. I hope I didn't offend...I just went further than what you asked for i.e. using the club as an example. I do agree, sometimes its not about compromise but respect for another person's wants and desires.

 

[Zaynab]

Thanks Ladies..

I've never wrote him a letter telling him how I fel. I usually just say it. It is never about this subject.

I definitely don' plan on asking him-as i never did anyway. I just plan on letting him know that I am doing it and that his support is greatly valued.

I use this to take the sting out of whatever issue I'm having with dh. It stops me from using the wrong deliveryerplexed You know...it's all about how you deliver the message

 

[Te'TahHead]

Oh I understood where you were coming from. I hope I didn't offend...I just went further than what you asked for i.e. using the club as an example. I do agree, sometimes its not about compromise but respect for another person's wants and desires.

Oh No! I can understand the mix up you had! I was responding to perfect 28's comment. You didn't offend me at all. I will be honest and say that perfect 28's comment did. I read it through a very harsh tone.

I said earlier that I don't believe in compromise, unless it is an item (ie food, candy, etc). Rarely, two people are able to compromise on issues like this. One person is always more satisfied than the other.

 

[Te'TahHead]

I use this to take the sting out of whatever issue I'm having with dh. It stops me from using the wrong deliveryerplexed You know...it's all about how you deliver the message

I'm worried it will appear "corney" to my man. It seems like he may be used to me saying how I feel and may take this letter as "what is she trying to prove". I'm just tryna think like him. i kinda wanna speak it out. Maybe I will write him an email since we email each other forwards anyway.

 

[lux10023]

nah my post wasnt at you directly it was in repsonse to many things read in the thread/my overall opinion on the topic my repsonses are always like that--i never directly go at anyone---so we kewl on that extent--its ur thread u made it u got it chica--its kewl

in the end you are gonna do what works for u in ur situation-i feel it and dig it-i feel like opinions r just that--no biggie


when i come in a thread and post somethings its my general opinion on the topic--life is too short to be goin at someone directly on a hair board---you feel me

so dont take it so personal--its ur situation u gonna do what u gonna do--kewl beans

i feel that and respect it--

I don't think this thread, more particulary, my OQ was about having to ASK a man for anything. I think it is more so doing something that they may dissaprove of. I think in a rel. or a marriage people have a right to afford someone of their opinions of what they like/dislike. It's one thing to say something when you are married/heavily involved, but another to say it when you are in neither. I was looking for instances when GF/Wives/Ex's of either have ever done something that their men dissapproved of and how they handled it; clubbing was just an example I used that demonstrated his strong dissaproval.

I believe that if one sets themself up to "ask" then they should be able to deal with what their are TOLD to do. I didn't ask him to go, I was letting him know. That is why I had an issue, it wasn't like I ASKED.

I dont ever remember saying my DH doesn't let me go to the club and I don't recall reading any of the ladies saying the same. I don't know, maybe I am misreading but your post appeared to come at me sort of strong, especially since it seems you misinterpreted the nature of the thread.

 

[Te'TahHead]

nah my post wasnt at you directly it was in repsonse to many things read in the thread/my overall opinion on the topic my repsonses are always like that--i never directly go at anyone---so we kewl on that extent--its ur thread u made it u got it chica--its kewl

in the end you are gonna do what works for u in ur situation-i feel it and dig it-i feel like opinions r just that--no biggie


when i come in a thread and post somethings its my general opinion on the topic--life is too short to be goin at someone directly on a hair board---you feel me

so dont take it so personal--its ur situation u gonna do what u gonna do--kewl beans

i feel that and respect it--

I understand where you were going with your point, but it seemed sorta strong. I didn't know it was just for generality. But, it's all good. What goes on in one thread stays in that thread.

My lil e-feelings got hurt. But, I ain't mad at ya. When one posts a thread, they should be prepared to take any and every comment directed towards the topic.

I didnt mean to seem as though I was going at you.

 

[lux10023]

i feel ya--my tone is always misconstrued via the net its really hard to convey the tone in any forms of communication non-in person

te-tah i dont know you so i wouldnt come at you for no reason or xyz--all of my comments r in general---always

its all luv--ever have a homegirl that just says what she wants but u know she means well and she is not goin in at you--she is just bein her--and u just repsond to he rliek ok--kewl--im like that--never nothing harsh behind my comments--im a big lol--
and i wouldnt come at another person for no reason--that would be totally out of character for me dealing with another adult who i know nothing about
and i know in the end you will do what works best for your relationship---i was just chimin in on the topic in general--
so sistah to sistah we kewl its kewl and you can give my opinion the "no thanks b**h" button--lmaooo thats the type of person i am i roll with it either way and respect it either way

I understand where you were going with your point, but it seemed sorta strong. I didn't know it was just for generality. But, it's all good. What goes on in one thread stays in that thread.

My lil e-feelings got hurt. But, I ain't mad at ya. When one posts a thread, they should be prepared to take any and every comment directed towards the topic.

I didnt mean to seem as though I was going at you.

 

[likewtr4chklit]

I'm worried it will appear "corney" to my man. It seems like he may be used to me saying how I feel and may take this letter as "what is she trying to prove". I'm just tryna think like him. i kinda wanna speak it out. Maybe I will write him an email since we email each other forwards anyway.

LOL that's the more "modern" way of doing it. I do both. Then I get to change fonts and colors and bold and underline important points.

 

[SleekandBouncy]

Oh No! I can understand the mix up you had! I was responding to perfect 28's comment. You didn't offend me at all. I will be honest and say that perfect 28's comment did. I read it through a very harsh tone.

I said earlier that I don't believe in compromise, unless it is an item (ie food, candy, etc). Rarely, two people are able to compromise on issues like this. One person is always more satisfied than the other.

But how often are two ppl who previously disagreed on something going to come to a complete 100% agreement. It may be unspoken, but one person in some fashion or form is going to compromise and being able to do so (when necessary/see the bigger picture) is what IMO makes long term relationships work. I don't know any long term relationships where compromise doesn't occur because the alternative is just a flat out "imma do what i'mma do" and then one side is still forced to accept what is.
Compromise doesn't mean one person giving up their rights but knowing how to look at the big picture, realizing what issues are/aren't important, and/or how to reach a middle ground that pleases both parties. It should go both ways. The problem occurs when one partner does all the compromising or the opposite extreme occurs and one just bull dozes over the opinion of the other. Either extreme can create resentment.

And when I speak of compromise, I'm not speaking of your dream to be a pro dancer. That's something serious. I don't think you should compromise on that. Compromise can be deciding to visit his family instead of yours this Xmas or going to the club with him if clubbing isn't all that serious to you. It's the middle ground that is conducive to a healthy relationship.
I say all this as someone who by nature has a very strong "kiss mah ashy elbow" nature so I'm no door mat.

 

[HollyGolightly1982]

I have done something my DH didn't approve of. I always wanted to go back to school to major in education. My DH never out and out said he didn't want me to go back but he wasn't really encouraging. He had 10,000 reason as to why I shouldn't go. The night before I started school we had a big fight that he started for pretty much no reason. I didn't let that stop me. If I would have let him stop me from going I would have some serious resentment issues right now. I don't think anyone should really try to stop someone from living out their dream. I hope that your
DH realizes how much this means to you

 

[FlowerHair]

I'm sorry you're going through this.

My personal stance is to do things with the support of dh, in one accord but honestly in almost 10 years of marriage, nothing has come up that he didnt' approve of really :scratchch. Things like money, major things we just agree on typically.

The club thing, I never get. I don't get it from women who tell their dh's not to go or from men who don't want their wives not to go. I understand that clubs are cesspools of debauchery and temptation for some but if you know how to handle your business, then its not an issue. If I want to go to a club or whatever, I just go *mumbles under breath* I wish dh would tell me where to go I am just not in the habit of telling grown folks what to do. Dh goes out with his boys, to play video games, watch games, sports bars, whatever men do in their 'me' time....and I go out with my girls when I want, out of town or whatever and when I get ready. I don't do it often but when I do (like you did on a whim) i'd have a serious attitude if he told me no. I think we are just very laid back about things like this. I'm like two kids, a mortgage and a few notches of marriage on my belt, I guess I just don't carelook: *shrugs* And I mean I don't care in the sense that...we have bigger fish to fry.

Being married is not about dying or giving up your life. I think that is where folks go wrong in a marriage. And that is why people liken getting married to going to the guilletine. You are still young, you still have dreams, yes there are some things that stop you from doing everything you want, committments as wife, mom, work, etc but you get married, you don't die. I got married young, 23, so for the first few years I fell into the homebody routine but dh didn't He still went and did what he wanted. Shoot, men do what they want, nothing stops them, whether its the club or a career change, but we are always expected to make the sacrifice.

If you want to try out for dance, I would go ahead and do so. Don't shortchange yourself because men never do. I woudln't be defensive or combative about it. If you can't sit down and talk, write him a letter and really explain that this is something you want, you want his full support, etc. Explain to your dh that you've spent time giving to him and to your ds and you want to do something for just YOU. As women we give too much ourselves anyway, he should respect and understand that this is something you want for yourself.

This is how we are too...we don't forbid eachother to do things and we don't ask for permission either.

I love the times when he goes out so I can have the house to myself, and I'm sure he feels the same way LOL! That being said, I'm not a club person, I go out maybe once a year at the most.

I think it's because my SO and I met when we were fully grown (34 and 37), we are so used to doing what we want...

If anything, my SO encourages me to do more, be more, try more, explore more, live more... and I wish the same for him.

 

[Prettyeyes]

YOU MUST TRY OUT! This is the only life you get. Remind him that love is not jealous and regrets are forever.