Dh thinks my features are too 'African' for longer hair!

[Liberianmami26]

umm u look great with long hair so why would u not look good with long hair that is your own umm yeah like another poster said i think he just worried bout the competition so dont sweat it cuz i get told i dont really look african i dont know what that suppose to mean check my profile you see so i just let it slide and u should do the same thing cuz he kno when u get that swang u gon be the Sugar Honey Ice Tea even though u are now.

 

[*Muffin*]

A lot of times people say things like that just because they've never seen you with or can't imagine you any different than you already are. Just be patient and in time you'll make him see that his opinion was wrong. How can somebody be too African for long hair? But yet most black people wear long hair weaves. Wouldn't the same go for them as well? I don't understand people's logic at times .

 

[nicey]

Long or short, you'd look good either way.

 

[vnaps]

Well, I say grow it out so he can see what you look like with YOUR hair. If you can grow it then it fits your look. He might change his mind once he sees you with your hair longer. It might make you look even MORE exotic. Good luck!

totally agree

By the way, you are VERY pretty, you have great features and yes they are African. We're black... duh. But as far as that other stuff, your features are absolutely normal, your lips are normal, your nose is normal, your forehead and eyes are normal... Nothing is overtly cultural with your features. I wonder what part of Africa he's referring to. Somalia? Ethiopia? Liberia? Kenya? Egypt? Rwanda? Nigeria? Cameroon?

totally agree

Which country because NONE of those groups of people even look remotely similar... he has to be more specific. lol!

OK i am 100% "AFRICAN" (1/2 zimbabwean dad's side, 1/4 malawian 1/4 south african) and i dont understand it when people say "TOO AFRICAN".

i'll have to say if we were to line up all the ladies on this board and asked to guess where they were from we would all have an AFRICAN country to fit.


my point is there are differenet looking africans....some light, some darker, long hair, short hair, petit, curvacious you name it. and not forgetting CAUCASIAN AFRICANS, INDIAN AFRICANS ETC ETC, !!!!


but i really wanted to say grow your hair nad see what he thinks then.....i think he hasnt seen you in long hair before, maybe thats why. and coming from an african i can assure you that you would look good with either long or short hair!!!!!!

 

[MyAngelEyez~C~U]

I think you DH want to keep your exotic beauty to himself, and figures you will draw more attention with longer lush tresses....ANd Exotic beauty (heck of a combination!). Do what you want to do to make YOU feel good, and DH loves you, he will see your beauty regardless.

 

[tnorenberg]

I am currently trying to grow my hair out, nothing long just maybe to SL. I care what dh thinks considering he has to look at me. So when I told him that I am growing my hair out, he tells me that I should go no longer than SL. I asked why, he said that my features are too 'African' for anything longer and longer might not compliment my face well. Now, while I do like shorter hair and I know that I am exotic, I thought he would support me in going longer. My question is even if DH or SO wouldn't agree with your goal because HE thought it would not be fitting to you, would you still proceed? When I have worn longer weave in the past, he would refer me to the 'he singing lips', considering that it accetuates my full lips. LOL! It is an inside joke, but it me feel insecure about going longer. Has any of your DH or SOs had preferences that were no in line with your goals?

I'm sorry but....WTF!!!!!! That is a bunch of bunk and very insulting to not only you but to proud African women as well. Many African women have long, healthy hair. His inference that your features should tie you to some stereotypical image of Africans with short hair IMO is abhorrent. My DH said insulting and off handed remarks like that too to undermine my goals. Thing for my dh IS THAT HE IS JEALOUS!! He is losing more hair, or blading , and sees my hair thriving. He has just become another hater. Just tonight he commented to me while I was inthe shower co-washing "all that stuff is gonna make your hair fall out." Then came the key, he said "Your hair gets more attention than I do." Jealousy !!!! You may want to check for your DH's little green eyed monster too. And no, he nor can anyone else thwart me from my hair goals, because it is the one thing I have control over.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

I am currently trying to grow my hair out, nothing long just maybe to SL. I care what dh thinks considering he has to look at me. So when I told him that I am growing my hair out, he tells me that I should go no longer than SL. I asked why, he said that my features are too 'African' for anything longer and longer might not compliment my face well. Now, while I do like shorter hair and I know that I am exotic, I thought he would support me in going longer. My question is even if DH or SO wouldn't agree with your goal because HE thought it would not be fitting to you, would you still proceed? When I have worn longer weave in the past, he would refer me to the 'he singing lips', considering that it accetuates my full lips. LOL! It is an inside joke, but it me feel insecure about going longer. Has any of your DH or SOs had preferences that were no in line with your goals?

They all have preferences! I've found that if you jump to do what everyone else wants, then you're no longer being you. What's more important, loving yourself, or being someone's puppet (i.e you just sit there and they tell you what to say and think)? It makes you more attractive to express yourself. I think that no matter a person's preference, insecurity will just be unattractive. Meaning if you follow what they want instead of you, eventually you lose your voice, and that becomes more unattractive then the length of your hair could ever be!

 

[longhairlover]

I don't know no disrepsect but your hubby, but his comment may have caused me to walk out the door........forever, I swear these men's always got something stupid to say, a woman can have any hair length she wants and be beautiful!

Good luck with your relationship

 

[aurora3140]

Maybe he thinks long hair would distract from your facial features. You are very beautiful!
Long hair doesn't do anything for some women, while it enhances the beauty of others.

You just have to grow it out and prove him wrong.

 

[coconow2007]

Puleez if you grow your hair out your DH will be all over you talking about how good you look. If we listened to our DH's and SO's they would have us looking crazy.....

 

[Miss*Tress]

Like many men, he is afraid of change and a bit tactless. You're beautiful and he will love how you look with longer hair. As a matter of fact you already look great as far as I can see from your protective styles album.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

You should take his feelings into consideration, but ultimately you have to be happy.
It is not like you are going to turn into Rapunzel overnight so as your hair gets longer I'm sure he will grow accustom to the length.

Okay, I wasn't going to, but I'm gonna say it anyway and I don't mean to be disrespectful, but; maybe in some manly-ego-insecure way he might think that you'll become more attractive to other men if you grow your hair very long??? The fact is that most men do prefer long hair...I was just thinking..

Anyway, take it an inch at a time and I'm sure he will love it whatever you decide to do.

hmmm...interesting...

 

[empressri]

So...if you looked more Caucasian or Hispanic you could grow your hair longer?? Wth is up with that?

Do you mama, it's your hair on your head. I say grow it down to your kneecaps if that's what you want.

 

[asummertyme]

MySO doesnt like alotta styles that i get, but he just looks and moves on....and i do what I like with my hair...that makes ME happy...

 

[almond eyes]

I actually find that interesting, a man who doesn't like long hair. There are many of them. My sister is gorgeous and wears a shaved head and all the men who like her don't want her to grow it and if they do, she kicks them out. She has beautiful West African features, the dark skin, long neck and nice shaped eyes and the shaved head makes them more prominent and she loves it. But anyhow while it is vexing, I would rather him not want me to grow my hair than to want him to make my hair longer when growing longer hair takes more time and patience. You remind me of my friend, whose Haitian husband refuses for her to grow her hair past two inches. He likes it very short finds it clean and sleek.

Best,
Almond Eyes

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[Country gal]

Long hair would take away from your features. You sport short styles really well. I know when I wear my hair longer my face is not the focal point anymore.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

I am currently trying to grow my hair out, nothing long just maybe to SL. I care what dh thinks considering he has to look at me. So when I told him that I am growing my hair out, he tells me that I should go no longer than SL. I asked why, he said that my features are too 'African' for anything longer and longer might not compliment my face well. Now, while I do like shorter hair and I know that I am exotic, I thought he would support me in going longer. My question is even if DH or SO wouldn't agree with your goal because HE thought it would not be fitting to you, would you still proceed? When I have worn longer weave in the past, he would refer me to the 'he singing lips', considering that it accetuates my full lips. LOL! It is an inside joke, but it me feel insecure about going longer. Has any of your DH or SOs had preferences that were no in line with your goals?

Sweetheart, in a word? BullsheiBe! You know why? I know countless Africans with long hair. I'm sorry your DH said something so freaking stupid. You need to check him on that. What's he thinking? If YOU want long hair, go and get it. Besides, when you do have it and some idiot thinks you look too "African" (wtf???) and asks if it's real....YOU'LL BE GLOATING IN THE TRUTH!!!!! Okay, here's photos of Black African women:

And I also have personal pics of friends from Ghana and memories of past fellow students at uni from Senegal, S. Africa, Rwanda...all ethnic types, many of the "bantu" West African...with shoulder-length hair or longer. Get Angela Fisher's book, "Africa Adorned" from the library and make him look at the photos lol. Nonsense. What's an African look anyhoo...are you sure this guy is worthy of you??? Oops, sorry for the last comment...I'm too opinionated

 

[bravenewgirl87]

"too African"? *raises brow* I don't get it. haha

He said she was too "n*ggerish" for long hair. How did you not get it?

































Girl, just laugh. You don't have nothing else to do with this situation but laugh.

 

[bravenewgirl87]

I just told my SO. He chuckled and said, "so, he's saying Africans can't have long hair?" We both just laughed.

 

[Ivy Santolina]

Africa is a continent with over 40 countries and over 1000 spoken languages. So which part of Africa is your DH referring to?

I understand your concern. I've had experiences with 2 SOs regarding my hair. One SO asked me to cut my medium length relaxed hair into a short style. Another SO was less direct. He wondered out loud to me his curiosity of what I would look like with straight hair instead of dread-locs. Because of my experience with the first SO I ignored the second SO. I did what made me happy.

I believe if you follow your desire at having longer hair your DH will realize you are more important to him than the length of your hair. It's not like you can't change your mind later and cut your hair. If you are happy then I'm sure he will be happy.

Because you...are...a...
Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

As experienced and written by our trail-blazing beloved sister,
Maya Angelou

 

[DozenRoses99]

Long hair would take away from your features. You sport short styles really well. I know when I wear my hair longer my face is not the focal point anymore.

I was going to say the same thing. Short hair actually bring the features out more.

Overall, I think his statment is just odd. I, like some of the other ladies, am curious about why there is such an emphasis on her features being too "African"......