Dh thinks my features are too 'African' for longer hair!

[RegaLady]

I am currently trying to grow my hair out, nothing long just maybe to SL. I care what dh thinks considering he has to look at me. So when I told him that I am growing my hair out, he tells me that I should go no longer than SL. I asked why, he said that my features are too 'African' for anything longer and longer might not compliment my face well. Now, while I do like shorter hair and I know that I am exotic, I thought he would support me in going longer. My question is even if DH or SO wouldn't agree with your goal because HE thought it would not be fitting to you, would you still proceed? When I have worn longer weave in the past, he would refer me to the 'he singing lips', considering that it accetuates my full lips. LOL! It is an inside joke, but it me feel insecure about going longer. Has any of your DH or SOs had preferences that were no in line with your goals?

 

[Millahdoowop]

Girl, wth is up with your dh. He's on one.

 

[NikStarrr]

"too African"? *raises brow* I don't get it. haha

 

[naturalgurl]

Well, I say grow it out so he can see what you look like with YOUR hair. If you can grow it then it fits your look. He might change his mind once he sees you with your hair longer. It might make you look even MORE exotic. Good luck!

 

[Soliel185]

That's odd...I've always heard people say it the other way around. If your features were too "African" then you shouldn't go natural or have short hair? I don't know.

He can't really know how it will look until it gets there though. He may change his mind...? In any case I say do what makes you happy. I take my SO's opinion into account but it is by no means the hard and fast rule I live my life by.

 

[LunadeMiel]

I don't undertand....

 

[yuriko]

I really don't get it. Does he mean the shape of your face? Some facial shapes look better with short hair. But I guess I just don't know what he means. Maybe he thinks that it will not look believable that a very african looking girl has long hair.

My SO met me with short hair, a bob, was not very supportive when I grew my hair out to APL, he said the hair got in his face when we were in bed together, weird huh? But after all my damage am back to SL, I wanted to cut it all off because some parts are damaged, but now all of a sudden he likes long hair.

Girl, don't pay him no mind, do you

 

[Southernbella.]

My dh wasn't too happy about me going natural, but as you can see, I'm natural. Address his concerns as best you can, but at the end of the day, an unhappy wife makes an unhappy husband, so do you.

 

[JustKiya]

Is he really saying that only 'mixed'/non-black women look good with long hair, because that's what it sounds like he is saying......

I would sit down with him, and explore the - interesting viewpoints - encapsulated in that statement. We all need a lil coattail pulling sometimes - and that might be a bit of colorism you can nip in the bud - esp. since ya'll have kid(s). Ain't no need to pass that sort of - viewpoint - along.

 

[dlewis]

I agree that you should care what your DH thinks. My husband said he didn't like long hair on women, made them look like witches (his moma talking). I have grown my hair out and he now complains that I cut it to much. He loves longer hair on me now that he can see how I look with it.

 

[username12]

Is he really saying that only 'mixed'/non-black women look good with long hair, because that's what it sounds like he is saying......

I would sit down with him, and explore the - interesting viewpoints - encapsulated in that statement. We all need a lil coattail pulling sometimes - and that might be a bit of colorism you can nip in the bud - esp. since ya'll have kid(s). Ain't no need to pass that sort of - viewpoint - along.

I thought the same thing

 

[locabouthair]

yeah I dont get it. I have african features and I happen to think longer hair looks better on me, not too long but around APL. But you cant make a broad statement like that because not all Africans have the same features.

 

[BklynHeart]

Wow. I could see if he thought long hair wouldn't enhance your features like short hair would. But, like lauren450 said, an unhappy wife is an unhappy husband. Hubby didn't care for me going natural because he was thinking of the Grace Jones look. Now he loves it.

 

[Sunshyn3]

I am currently trying to grow my hair out, nothing long just maybe to SL. I care what dh thinks considering he has to look at me. So when I told him that I am growing my hair out, he tells me that I should go no longer than SL. I asked why, he said that my features are too 'African' for anything longer and longer might not compliment my face well. Now, while I do like shorter hair and I know that I am exotic, I thought he would support me in going longer. My question is even if DH or SO wouldn't agree with your goal because HE thought it would not be fitting to you, would you still proceed? When I have worn longer weave in the past, he would refer me to the 'he singing lips', considering that it accetuates my full lips. LOL! It is an inside joke, but it me feel insecure about going longer. Has any of your DH or SOs had preferences that were no in line with your goals?

Wow, I think your DH will come around, once he sees how gorgeous your long healthy hair is going to look, he'll apologize...

 

[Lexib]

My question is even if DH or SO wouldn't agree with your goal because HE thought it would not be fitting to you, would you still proceed?

If the issue was whether or not to go shorter, I would take his opinion into account but not when it comes to growing my hair out. If long hair is something you desire and you've never had it before, you *should* try to experience it before you commit to a life long short do.



(And post pics when you get there! )

 

[Sha76]

OK I looked at your fotki and...what is he talking about.

Your are too cute. and you " african" feature won't look right with long hair. I totally disagree. you would look great. I think he is just afraid that if you grew you hair out, he would have to fight left and right to get the other guys away from you. And by looking at you now, he has already started fighting.

Guys have a huge fear of change.

I know as for me. my husband does not like really short hair on women. But he deals with it because he knows it is just hair and it will grow back. But I am transitioning because I know his preference.

 

[KEWLKAT103]

How sad that your DH is worried about how big your lips are or African your features look.
Make a decision that's best for you. I don't think you wll be able to please him.

 

[Lanea87]

Wow, I say dont mention anything anymore. Grow your hair out, if he loves you he will love you with a fade to WL. He should care about what makes you happy, instead of talking about some features. He just dont wanna fight those men off of you LOL

 

[1QTPie]

By the way, you are VERY pretty, you have great features and yes they are African. We're black... duh. But as far as that other stuff, your features are absolutely normal, your lips are normal, your nose is normal, your forehead and eyes are normal... Nothing is overtly cultural with your features. I wonder what part of Africa he's referring to. Somalia? Ethiopia? Liberia? Kenya? Egypt? Rwanda? Nigeria? Cameroon?

Which country because NONE of those groups of people even look remotely similar... he has to be more specific. lol!

 

[RegaLady]

Thank you ladies! You all are so supportive. It's not that dh thinks that having 'African' features is bad and neither do I, I guess when I hear it ingrained from him,that exotic featured women don't look good with certain hairstyles, I start to believe it. And every month that I get it from dh, it makes want to run to the salon.lol! But, I will do me and he will come around. I am sure of that! Thank you ladies, I will continue this journey!

 

[dlewis]

Thank you ladies! You all are so supportive. It's not that dh thinks that having 'African' features is bad and neither do I, I guess when I hear it ingrained from him,that exotic featured women don't look good with certain hairstyles, I start to believe it. And every month that I get it from dh, it makes want to run to the salon.lol! But, I will do me and he will come around. I am sure of that! Thank you ladies, I will continue this journey!

I didn't think he meant it in a bad way.

 

[snillohsss]

Is your husband caucasion by any chance?

 

[Nonie]

Is your husband caucasion by any chance?

I wondered the same thing. I know a lot of white guys that love black women with short hair. They find the look so sexy, exotic and unique.

I am glad OP you will do you. If hubby is afraid you will look like every other girl and not as unique/exotic as you are now, you can prove him wrong by wearing your hair in ways that celebrate all you are.

OT, Dlewis you had me hollering with laughter in public with the witch comment. Honestly! That was original; never heard that analogy before.

 

[HairBarbie]

Are you the same woman who's DH hated Obama or was that someone else?

There's no such thing as looking to African for longer hair. Black people have too many issues man.

 

[Lute]

Maybe he's intimatated by your beauty...
For the fact some people beleive.. having longer women.. enhances ones femininity.
Which might attract unwanted attention.

Just a thought... But in the end... jsut grow your hair out.. and just see what happens.

 

[Foxglove]

I think it was

Are you the same woman who's DH hated Obama or was that someone else?

There's no such thing as looking to African for longer hair. Black people have too many issues man.

 

[naturally-devine]

You're right to just do you. My African husband didn't agree with me going natural (transitioning for 10 months). I did it anyway because I was like it shouldn't matter as long as my hair remained groomed, it shouldn't have been his concern whether it was natural or relaxed. Well eventually he came around. Today, I bought a relaxer (that's another story), but my husband actually told me to "Honey, just wait and make sure this is something that you want to do. You were so determined so I don't want you to relax and regret it 5 minutes later. Just think about it." So you see, he came around once he saw that going natural was something that I'd set my mind on. My dh is very much stubborn, so if he came around I'm sure yours well. By the way, you are very beautiful. Too African?? What is that supposed to mean?

 

[Lady Esquire]

the sexiest thing about a woman is her self-confidence...self-love.
it won't matter what dh thinks if you are not happy with yourself.

happy wife...happy life. <---a smart man lives by that.

 

[SouthernStunner]

Ok so I took a min. to look at your fotki and OMG you are such a pretty lady. I dont know what I expected to see but I didn't expect ummmm well you. I dont see anything "African" about you. I mean we are all African American so that means we have a mixture of so many other things in us and that is what makes us exoctic as a people. Many other races try to replicate what we are born with (lips, butt, even our complextion by tanning). For your dh to say that you would look too African had some negative connation to it and that is what would worry me. Sounds like he has more issues then just the length of your hair.

 

[Likeyouneverseenme]

You should take his feelings into consideration, but ultimately you have to be happy.
It is not like you are going to turn into Rapunzel overnight so as your hair gets longer I'm sure he will grow accustom to the length.

Okay, I wasn't going to, but I'm gonna say it anyway and I don't mean to be disrespectful, but; maybe in some manly-ego-insecure way he might think that you'll become more attractive to other men if you grow your hair very long??? The fact is that most men do prefer long hair...I was just thinking..

Anyway, take it an inch at a time and I'm sure he will love it whatever you decide to do.