Dealing with ex's and their new loves...

OP are you serious? I know you're a well known poster here, but your relationship threads are always so bizarre... almost trollish sometimes :look:
 
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I can't even follow this.

Kinky, I think maybe you should try something new. Take up a skill or hobby you were always interested in and buy yourself a nice sized adult toy so that you can occupy your time and better yourself without having to deal with all of these "men friends".
 
Hmm. Before reading this thread, specifically the OP, I never understood why a member would put another member on the ignore list. I have seen the light. Now I understand.
 
Kinkyhairlady said:
Some of you are acting like it's such a crime to remain in contact with an ex. I'm not justifying what happened but that was the first incident and now I've learn to take a step back. I'm not hanging out with these ex's it's just when they call I do talk to them. This particular ex I was keeping it friendly and listening to his words because I considered taking him back, that is why this bothered me. The two exes I keep around have done so much in the past for me and as a single woman if I need a male to help me move or clean the snow off my car my male friends are there to help. Though I try to do things on my own they have helped over the years. These are not just people that were passing but they are important to me.
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Kinkyhairlady said:
My error is I caught feeling again just a little. Hearing this other woman answer hurt and I was mad cause I thought maybe there was no one in the picture. He called her a special friend so whatever that means good for them. I've mentioned several times I'm keeping distance like I used to so I won't care what he is doing not will I be listening to his words.
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Kinkyhairlady I think you handled the responses well!

I read this entire thread and want to ensure these facts:
- You guys broke up a while ago (2 years?) and he resurfaced 4 months ago. He has been contacting your friends and family to show his intention of being serious with you?
- You have taken him back not once, but twice and they have not worked out and now your intuition is telling you no.

Have you dated anyone during the time that you have broken up? Perhaps the underlying issue is that you didn't heal when you broke up two years ago and that's why you're on the fence. In my opinion, I'm surprised that no man has shown themselves to be better than your ex that you were unsure of.

You have to be honest with yourself. Forget us on the board. But there are inconsistencies in what you've written If exes call you, you would speak to them however, for Christmas, he didn't call you. I think that's where EVERYONE was confused. This man is "pursuing" you - why are you calling him? He didn't call you because he was busy and you lost some emotional footing in the relationship as a result. In other words, you thought you were somewhere you weren't in the relationship. Further, what are you doing with your free time that you're calling anyway?

My final point is that even though nothing physical is going on, it seems that you caught feelings more than a little. You were hurt that he didn't introduce you to XYZ - it literally doesn't matter who it is.

Certainly not a crime to be friends with an ex.

There are a myriad of reasons why you cut off an ex but these are the two that resonate w/ me:

1 - The reason you cut off exes is so that you can get your space emotionally. Get your mind right. Wash him off - get sexy again. Even though you were friends with your other exes, perhaps this is the one you can't be friends with.
2 - Make space for the next guy. If the very next guy is the One are you going to tell him you're still friends with your exes and you'd like to keep it that way? Heck no! You're (hopefully) going to do some housekeeping and get them the *** out of your life.
 
Okay, I've seen at least two posts in this thread where posters are saying exes have made the new girlfriend/special friend call them, the ex, and apologize for rude telephone behavior. To the ex. :look: is this what its come to in these suburban streets? Baaaaaaaaaaby. I. Wish. A ninja. Would. I really do.

As for OP, please take some time to reflect on this very good advice in this thread. I'm not going to act like I've always made the best choices so I don't see anybody in here as trying to hurt you. The advice is because they care enough to want you to stop wasting your time with this ratchet mess. I get that you're defending yourself because you feel ganged up on, but I really really need you to take some of this in. 1) This ex is taking up valuable space and 2) for every other ex or male friend that you also feel entitled to call BC, he too, is taking up space in your life (while having a girlfriend, special friend, etc), you are at risk of being cursed out again. So...you're gonna have to develop a thicker skin if things don't change :look:
 
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^^^ This is a very kind post. But I think the OP needed to hear some hard truths....and I'm still not sure she understands why people were :perplexed: and :look:

The issue here isn't remaining friends with an ex (although can't imagine why going back for 3rds seemed like a good idea). And it's not even about calling an ex on Christmas (although I think that was a bad idea). The problem was entertaining all of that ratchet behavior after that very first hang up. It makes me think the OP doesn't have a good picker and doesn't understand what's acceptable, healthy behavior in either friendships or romantic relationships.

I don't follow your posts much OP, but I do know you've expressed your desire for a long term relationship/marriage a few times. I think you need to invest in some therapy or engage in a very serious period of self reflection because based on what you've written here...it doesn't seem like you're there yet.
 
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Kinkyhairlady said:
I'm sure I would not even be aware. Like my male cousin tells me men don't tell their wives or SO everything. Especially when it comes to helping a female to avoid any issues. If my husband helps a female friend out I'm ok with it as long as it's not a frequent thing. I never ask the same friend favors multiple times in a year male or female. For the most part I try to do things on my own.
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The men shouldn't have any issues to avoid because they shouldn't be helping exes out. Exes are exes for a reason. You lose those "special privileges" when the relationship ends. Those "special privileges" are now reserved for the current woman. Any man who sees nothing wrong with jumping up to help an EX needs to be majorly side-eyed--right before he is majorly dumped.

It's not okay for the EX-Woman to call her FORMER man who is IN A RELATIONSHIP for some emergency. Call your mom, call your female friends, call your single male friends, call your neighbor, call Jasper the unfriendly ghost, but don't call another woman's man---Point, blank, exclamation point!

Oh, and the situation where you and your ex-boyfriend's wife became friends is not the norm. In fact, I'm still scratching my head over that one.
 
It's not okay for the EX-Woman to call her FORMER man who is IN A RELATIONSHIP for some emergency. Call your mom, call your female friends, call your single male friends, call your neighbor, call Jasper the unfriendly ghost, but don't call another woman's man---Point, blank, exclamation point!
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call your OWN MAN!!!!

that is the real pathetic piece in op's delusions about winning because of exes that still "help her out" after they get cussed out by their girlfriends.
 
InchHighPrivateEye said:
Okay, I've seen at least two posts in this thread where posters are saying exes have made the new girlfriend/special friend call them, the ex, and apologize for rude telephone behavior. To the ex. :look: is this what its come to in these suburban streets? Baaaaaaaaaaby. I. Wish. A ninja. Would. I really do.

As for OP, please take some time to reflect on this very good advice in this thread. I'm not going to act like I've always made the best choices so I don't see anybody in here as trying to hurt you. The advice is because they care enough to want you to stop wasting your time with this ratchet mess. I get that you're defending yourself because you feel ganged up on, but I really really need you to take some of this in. 1) This ex is taking up valuable space and 2) for every other ex or male friend that you also feel entitled to call BC, he too, is taking up space in your life (while having a girlfriend, special friend, etc), you are at risk of being cursed out again. So...you're gonna have to develop a thicker skin if things don't change :look:
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I just had to quote this independently because :weird: I thought maybe it would somehow help me to process it better.

Let me see: the EX is calling ANOTHER WOMAN'S MAN for a favor (as if she has some damn rights). The current woman goes off (and very rightfully so), and the man makes the CURRENT WOMAN apologize (a.k.a., defer) to THE EX (once again, as if she has some damn rights).

:drowning: ... :nuts:...:eh:

Umm, :nono::nono::nono::nono::nono::nono:. I'm still drawing blanks.:huh:
 
I'm on my phone....got to page 6, re-read the first page again....

So far I'm confused. I'm gathering my thoughts, but there is so much........

- why all the added information about being friends with men who have women? Does it make you feel good to collect men who "want you", but are with other women?

-Why do you now "feel you need to deal" / prove you can continue said friendships?

-Why is who allegedly sent the text to apologize important?Does it make him more desirable.....I sure hope not.

- Why is it so important to be friends with him? I'm not against friendships with exs, but geez if the situation makes you uncomfortable,then run/walk.

You didn't get the Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect 200, Go Directly To Jail Card....you're free...you don't need to stay friends with him. Feelings developed and all, you're still free to walk away. You don't get a Junior G-man badge for being friends with an ex.

ETA: Done reading. Right answers to the wrong questions....

You keep misconstruing some of the good advice to focus on this generic friends with ex mission....defending something you aren't even asked about. I can only assume that's your focus. So,
Good Luck Op. I really do wish you the best, I like your font.
 
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Kinkyhairlady said:
I had no comment on the other things you said I respect your opinion. I've taken all the advice I've gotten in this thread. Based off of what you state it seems male friends should be off limits? I have male friends who I take with me just to get a new car or service on my car oh well. Some things you need a male presence so I call one of my friend or male cousins to assist so I don't get jipped. Nothing more nothing less. I'm not going to defend having male friends here for what? This particular person was a different case cause old feeling resurfaced but I'm good now.
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Just wanted to let you know girl, as a single woman, there is nothing that you NEED a males presence for. Especially not someone elses man. That "needy" mentality will keep you in the midst of nonsense like this for a long time. We all essentially want love but, own where you are in your life right now. You're at a place where you need you. Independence/Self-love.. It'll build you into the woman that will attract a man to call her own.
 
Well I contemplated updating cause some of you seem more upset then I was but I'm not going to make excuses for what happened it was messed up. Yesterday he called and offered to pick me up from work so we could discuss what happened I agreed to it. We went to eat and discussed a whole lot if things from past and present and have both decided we want to give this another shot.

I have my reasons why I've decided to say yes to him, not gonna go in details here. We had a loving relationship but at the time I used to judge him on being too soft, immature which I used to control everything and that annoyed me. over the years he has gotten his stuff together , finish school a good job and is very marriage minded now. I still have feelings and I'd be regretful if I did not give him a fair chance. He is way more assertive and confident now and I find that so attractive. Before I used to feel like I was the leader and he did what he was told and I hated that. He never said no to me which I found to be a weak trait. He has been determined these past few months and I was pretending I did not want him but doing so I could lose him for good. Too many times I've let good men go for nonsense and he was one of them. I always used to say whoever ends up with him would be a lucky woman so why wouldn't I want that for myself? There was no physical interaction just talking, he took me home and that was it. Our families have long wanting us to get back and I have no doubt he loves me but it's me that seems to push the ones that love to hard away. Funny I did not see this happening since my plan was to keep my distance but after seeing him I'm gonna go with what I feel. He was dating but says that was it no girlfriend and so have I and we've both agreed to take it slow and date one another to see where this goes. No other parties involved.

7 years ago when I met this man I fell in love at first sight prayed to God asking if he was the one but was ignoring the signs. He worshipped the ground I walked on but I was so not used to that I treated him so poorly nonetheless he stayed until I decided I could not be so cruel and left. Now that we both are ready to settle down I think we should at least give it one more shot. Yes he was an ex but not one that did me any harm if anything he should be the one saying he should stay away from me since I did a lot to him. If he is ready and I'm ready ok let's see what happens.

Thanks all who gave such great advice. I've made my decision to work on me and giving myself a chance to be happy.
 
Wow. Wow, wow, wow.

We could have all saved our time and key strokes cuz this is what she wanted from the jump, smh.
 
are you serious! I give up, there is no way I can understand your decisions. I admit its your decision to make but this looks like a train wreak waiting to happen
 
Like I said, she wants to be single. If marriage was your goal you would've left this loser alone. A loser who was spending Christmas with another chick and didn't even think to call your arse. A chick who clearly has caught feelings over him after the drama that went down over your multiple unnecessary phone calls. You think that's the last you will see/hear from her????? Yeah..... :perplexed
 
So who was the chick from Christmas? That was only two days ago. She's just gone like that after spending the holiday (a significant one) with him? The one he was so occupied with that you hadn't heard from him all day.
 
Before everyone jumps down my throat... This thread was not about deciding to be with this guy, it was about dealing with ex's and their new love interest. He is Single and so am I. We both are adults so what is the big deal if we date again. He never cheated, beat or did anything harmful to me. The incident that occurred was me being jealous ( so if I have an issue with him dating I should fix that). He did not hide his feelings towards me in front of his friend. I never had drama with this guy since I've known him. We are not those type of people which was shocking what happened. He decided he wanted me back and I've decided I want him back. No one should see an issue with that cause we're not hurting anyone. Again we are both single!
 
Ah. Now I'm kinda wondering if he wanted this woman to pick up the phone to you/start a ***** fight.

It worked lol. You were spending months brushing him off but now you heard the woman its YES.:look:
 
Where's that "you in danger girl" gif?

I sincerely wish you all the best. I really, really do.
And now I'm gonna go hug my momma and aunties for raising me to know my worth.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
Kinkyhairlady you remind me too much of my current life. Stop going back and forth with all these exes, just cut them all off. It's not worth it.

I understand you want to get married because you are always posting about it in the threads. I want to get married and have a family as well. But I learned the hard way that I shouldn't be desperate about it. Putting up with drama. If it didn't work out the first time then there probably should be a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th try!

Some other post mentioned you were in your 30's if you are then we are in the same boat. When I was in my 20's I didn't sweat this stuff and men were like buses, missed one next 15 another one coming. Then when I hit 30 it changed. I started putting up with drama.

I got a call from an ex on Christmas too. Not the dude I posted about before, this is another ex lol. I could have looked at that as some ridiculous "sign" that we should try again but I ignored his butt and kept it moving. No need to go back there. Do what I'm doing which is learn from your mistakes. Stop recycling these men.

I'm finally done with all my exes as I will NEVER speak to any of them ever again. Making room for the right man and you should do the same.
 
yall dont know a hopeless case when yall see one? i say sit back and enjoy the show, because it's surely going to be a tragic trainwreck of one.
 
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