Dealing with ex's and their new loves...

Actually, looking at your updates and explanations, it's seems to be more of a power kick you're getting from this men.

This guy is case in point. You admit to stringing him along previously and how hurt he STILL is. You keep your presence in his life not thinking it may continue to be disruptive and detrimental to HIM.

Your past threads also show a need to power trip over men, though on the outside you play the damsel or hurt ex.

Other than intensive therapy, I have no suggestions for this.

Btw, I am glad you post. It helps other single ladies and, frankly, they're interesting.

____________
*.~.*Sent from a distant Galaxy in the Unicorn-verse*.~.*
 
In addition, I like to add, after stringing them along, and they move on like this guy, you play and probably really see yourself as the victim. It's interesting. And certainly requiring help.

____________
*.~.*Sent from a distant Galaxy in the Unicorn-verse*.~.*
 
Dh put it best when he said in reference to a different situation "Calling an ex? Do they have kids?"

It's really simple. No need to call an ex unless kids are involved.
 
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Mai Tai said:
See THIS…this is the thirst I speak of. If you all aren't together then what shadiness is there to detect? He was kicking it with another woman…case closed. But noooooooo…you kept calling him back to get more answers when the fact remains that he owed you nothing. Then you use this perceived shadiness/deceit as a means to rule the man out as if he was an option to begin with. My head is starting to swim…I'm done...
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Well any man who is claiming he loves you I think you should keep an eye out. Dude has been walking around tell my family he wants me back but I keep rejecting him. Since I was considering it I was watching because we were not together for a while both of us are different.
 
hopeful said:
Thank you for the reply Kinkyhairlady. I really like you. That is why I have replied to your threads so often. You remind me of a good friend I have. She's pretty, smart, has a great career, but makes odd choices relationship-wise and always ends up dissatisfied but interestingly like you will fight tooth and nail to make bad relationship decisions, and then later is sorry and wants
advice, and then does it again and again but literally is smart in every other area of her life. She is now almost 50 and never can figure out the problem. I love her but I finally gave up trying to help because I know she won't listen.
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hopeful

Thank you!!! this needed to be repeated......

I feel like she is getting older and freaking out so she is reaching and responding to any stimuli ! Be it an ex, long distance man, men who got away.... I'm afraid that any guy that throws her a bone that she will bite!!! and later regrets it.

The lord is protecting her now but if she doesn't obey the Holy Spirit, then she will end up in a bad situation.

Kinkyhairlady This is all in Love..... everyone wants to see you happy
 
Kinkyhairlady said:
Well any man who is claiming he loves you I think you should keep an eye out. Dude has been walking around tell my family he wants me back but I keep rejecting him. Since I was considering it I was watching because we were not together for a while both of us are different.
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But he will say anything to get back in your life. If he does the opposite why question it?

I think you just like the attention and messiness of it. No issue just call it what it is. This is from a person who loves attention.
 
My error is I caught feeling again just a little. Hearing this other woman answer hurt and I was mad cause I thought maybe there was no one in the picture. He called her a special friend so whatever that means good for them. I've mentioned several times I'm keeping distance like I used to so I won't care what he is doing not will I be listening to his words.
 
Kinkyhairlady said:
My error is I caught feeling again just a little. Hearing this other woman answer hurt and I was mad cause I thought maybe there was no one in the picture. He called her a special friend so whatever that means good for them. I've mentioned several times I'm keeping distance like I used to so I won't care what he is doing not will I be listening to his words.
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Kinkyhairlady You should have really said this in your original post. You really put a spin on it. :\
 
Kinkyhairlady said:
Well any man who is claiming he loves you I think you should keep an eye out. Dude has been walking around tell my family he wants me back but I keep rejecting him. Since I was considering it I was watching because we were not together for a while both of us are different.
Click to expand...

NO HONEY! You keep an eye out for the man who shows you, and PROVES to you that he loves you through is everyday actions…


Wooooo Jesus...
*walks off mumbling…I swear I'm trying to school these chicks…*
 
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hm.. you keep boasting about friend zoning all of these men but, it seems as though you're only playing yourself. why are you friend zoning men that you have to check for? if you're that concerned with who they're laying up with and what they're doing on holidays, why don't you just date them? and if they're not date worthy, why don't you just leave them alone?

i don't think you understand the concept that just because an ex calls does not mean that you have to pick up and entertin their foolery. so any ex can just call u up and say " i love you " and you're automatically checking for them? weird concept. you need to use your own god given common sense.

I'm sorry OP, I don't know you.. but it seems to me as though not only do you entertain the foolery, you partake in it. a couple posts back, you talked about calling one of your ex's that is in a relationship to " take you to the hospital "? Sorry but, if you called my man asking him to take you anywhere, I'd be tight. Does 911 not run in your area? Where are your female friends at?
 
bellashair said:
hm.. you keep boasting about friend zoning all of these men but, it seems as though you're only playing yourself. why are you friend zoning men that you have to check for? if you're that concerned with who they're laying up with and what they're doing on holidays, why don't you just date them? and if they're not date worthy, why don't you just leave them alone? i don't think you understand the concept that just because an ex calls does not mean that you have to pick up and entertin their foolery. so any ex can just call u up and say " i love you " and you're automatically checking for them? weird concept. you need to use your own god given common sense. I'm sorry OP, I don't know you.. but it seems to me as though not only do you entertain the foolery, you partake in it. a couple posts back, you talked about calling one of your ex's that is in a relationship to " take you to the hospital "? Sorry but, if you called my man asking him to take you anywhere, I'd be tight. Does 911 not run in your area? Where are your female friends at?
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Whoa where have I boasted in this thread? Someone asked and I answered that many of the men who liked me I simply was not interested and we ended up being friends. I'm not concerned what any if them are doing except the one I posted about here I was catching feelings again. The friend I called to take me to hospital I had been friends with him for years and I see nothing wrong calling any if my friends male or female to help me. I could not drive myself and it was not a 911 type of issue.
 
Kinkyhairlady said:
Whoa where have I boasted in this thread? Someone asked and I answered that many of the men who liked me I simply was not interested and we ended up being friends. I'm not concerned what any if them are doing except the one I posted about here I was catching feelings again. The friend I called to take me to hospital I had been friends with him for years and I see nothing wrong calling any if my friends male or female to help me. I could not drive myself and it was not a 911 type of issue.
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I hit on a million and one points and you choose to only address the things you could defend. You're very defensive but, are you taking in any of the advice given in this thread? Or are you just skimming through looking for areas to defend yourself?

You see nothing wrong with calling someone elses man to " help you "? That's a very sad and dependent way of thinking. I've been single for 2 years, I don't keep ex's as friends to " help me ".. I help myself more often than not.. every now and then a close female friend of mine will come to my aid if need be but, keeping people around specifically to help you with life is weird.. but, to each his own. Good luck with everything, hope it all pans itself out!
 
I'm glad she posted too. It is kinda interesting. It's like a puzzle or a maze. You think you know where it's going then bam nope it's something else. I thought she really wanted a man of her own, to be in the love, get married etc. but now a new pattern is emerging.
 
bellashair said:
I hit on a million and one points and you choose to only address the things you could defend. You're very defensive but, are you taking in any of the advice given in this thread? Or are you just skimming through looking for areas to defend yourself? You see nothing wrong with calling someone elses man to " help you "? That's a very sad and dependent way of thinking. I've been single for 2 years, I don't keep ex's as friends to " help me ".. I help myself more often than not.. every now and then a close female friend of mine will come to my aid if need be but, keeping people around specifically to help you with life is weird.. but, to each his own. Good luck with everything, hope it all pans itself out!
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I had no comment on the other things you said I respect your opinion. I've taken all the advice I've gotten in this thread. Based off of what you state it seems male friends should be off limits? I have male friends who I take with me just to get a new car or service on my car oh well. Some things you need a male presence so I call one of my friend or male cousins to assist so I don't get jipped. Nothing more nothing less. I'm not going to defend having male friends here for what? This particular person was a different case cause old feeling resurfaced but I'm good now.
 
hopeful said:
I'm glad she posted too. It is kinda interesting. It's like a puzzle or a maze. You think you know where it's going then bam nope it's something else. I thought she really wanted a man of her own, to be in the love, get married etc. but now a new pattern is emerging.
Click to expand...

You are right I want those things but it's hard when you are waiting and waiting and an old flame resurfaces you can easily feel vulnerable this is what happened. I know what my end goal is and I'm gonna continue aiming for it.
 
Kinkyhairlady said:
I had no comment on the other things you said I respect your opinion. I've taken all the advice I've gotten in this thread.Based off of what you state it seems male friends should be off limits?I have male friends who I take with me just to get a new car or service on my car oh well. Some things you need a male presence so I call one of my friend or male cousins to assist so I don't get jipped. Nothing more nothing less. I'm not going to defend having male friends here for what? This particular person was a different case cause old feeling resurfaced but I'm good now.
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:rolleyes:You missed it....it went right over your head:spinning:
 
bellashair said:
hm.. you keep boasting about friend zoning all of these men but, it seems as though you're only playing yourself. why are you friend zoning men that you have to check for? if you're that concerned with who they're laying up with and what they're doing on holidays, why don't you just date them? and if they're not date worthy, why don't you just leave them alone?

i don't think you understand the concept that just because an ex calls does not mean that you have to pick up and entertin their foolery. so any ex can just call u up and say " i love you " and you're automatically checking for them? weird concept. you need to use your own god given common sense.

I'm sorry OP, I don't know you.. but it seems to me as though not only do you entertain the foolery, you partake in it. a couple posts back, you talked about calling one of your ex's that is in a relationship to " take you to the hospital "? Sorry but, if you called my man asking him to take you anywhere, I'd be tight. Does 911 not run in your area? Where are your female friends at?
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that one ex "friend" got friendzoned so hard he met his wife and married her while the op is still single :lol:
 
bunnycolvin said:
that one ex "friend" got friendzoned so hard he met his wife and married her while the op is still single :lol:
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But trust I have no regrets. A lot them did marry good for them I didn't want them and still don't. The one that's out there for me will come eventually.
 
SamandI said:
You're going to encounter the wrong "love" one day and end up with slashed tires or worse. You sound like the female "friend" girlfriends dread.
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Chile... I wish another b..ch would blow up my man's phone and on Christmas???? :perplexed

Kinkyhairlady said:
My error is I caught feeling again just a little. Hearing this other woman answer hurt and I was mad cause I thought maybe there was no one in the picture. He called her a special friend so whatever that means good for them. I've mentioned several times I'm keeping distance like I used to so I won't care what he is doing not will I be listening to his words.
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Hanging out on Christmas probably means she's more than a friend. At the very least they are probably phucking. Just so you know I feel no sorrow for you. You ruined their holiday with foolishness. :nono: I don't pay attention to you to know your story, but from this thread alone I agree you need to grow up.

Mai Tai said:
NO HONEY! You keep an eye out for the man who shows you, and PROVES to you that he loves you through is everyday actions… Wooooo Jesus... *walks off mumbling…I swear I'm trying to school these chicks…*
Click to expand...

Yeah I am so lost!!!! Wtf???? :pullhair: I think I agree with the people who say you want to be single. That's fine, but keep your exes out of your drama. :nono:
 
I'm thoroughly confused by this thread. It seems like you feel you have the upper hand In these dealings but you don't. I hope you find what you seek.
 
Being nice doesn't mean that you have to talk to your exes. I mean, they are exes for a reason, right? Some women can be friends with their exes, it's obvious that you can not. Once they are your ex, you have no right to be angry at whoever they are with and whatever they are doing. Yeah, you pretend that this is all in the guise of being friendly but is it really? If your ex is with a girl on Christmas, there is no need for you to be calling him again and again, wanting to know who this girl is. It's none of your business! And the girl was right to get angry at you.

Why do you feel that you need male friends to do things with/for you? Couldn't a female friend have driven you to the hospital or couldn't you have taken a cab since it wasn't a 911 emergency? Why are you trying to play the damsel in distress all the time, needing some man to rescue you?

You say that you want to get married. Would you be okay with your husbands exes calling him to come over to get the snow off their car and driving them to the hospital? There seems to be some boundary issues that you need to explore.
 
Ms. Tarabotti said:
Being nice doesn't mean that you have to talk to your exes. I mean, they are exes for a reason, right? Some women can be friends with their exes, it's obvious that you can not. Once they are your ex, you have no right to be angry at whoever they are with and whatever they are doing. Yeah, you pretend that this is all in the guise of being friendly but is it really? If your ex is with a girl on Christmas, there is no need for you to be calling him again and again, wanting to know who this girl is. It's none of your business! And the girl was right to get angry at you. Why do you feel that you need male friends to do things with/for you? Couldn't a female friend have driven you to the hospital or couldn't you have taken a cab since it wasn't a 911 emergency? Why are you trying to play the damsel in distress all the time, needing some man to rescue you? You say that you want to get married. Would you be okay with your husbands exes calling him to come over to get the snow off their car and driving them to the hospital? There seems to be some boundary issues that you need to explore.
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I'm sure I would not even be aware. Like my male cousin tells me men don't tell their wives or SO everything. Especially when it comes to helping a female to avoid any issues. If my husband helps a female friend out I'm ok with it as long as it's not a frequent thing. I never ask the same friend favors multiple times in a year male or female. For the most part I try to do things on my own.
 
I had a similar situation happen to me in college. I dated this guy for a few months and he kept calling me trying to get me to take him back. I was on the fence because my dad hated him. One day I called him to thank him for sending me a birthday card and some chick (who turned out to be his girlfriend) in the background spazzed out when she heard him on the phone with me. She grabbed the phone and threw it across the room and then proceeded to call us both every name in the book. I hung up the phone but later found out she kicked a huge dent in the side of his car. He made her call and apologize to me too. Which I felt bad about.

The weird thing is she kept calling me after that asking about advice for him. The whole thing was very odd. But eventually she dropped him and I never talked to him again cause it really wasn't worth the drama.

Move on from this guy and this situation and start over fresh with someone new.
 
you called him to say merry xmas because you hadnt heard from him all day?!

i stopped right there---

this thread needs to be a sticky!

there are so many lessons and mistakes being made and it should be a reminder to any woman who is acting in this manner...understand your self worth and self respect
 
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