Can this be a sticky??? WARNING SIGNS OF ABUSE IN A RELATIONSHIP

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

To Moderator, can this be a sticky???

To all my dear sisters on this board, those active and those lurkers. If you think you might be in a situation of abuse, please seek help with your local state or county agencies:


Warning Signs of Abusive Relationships

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You may be in an abusive relationship if he or she:

[FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica]Is jealous or possessive toward you.
(Jealousy is the primary symptom of abusive relationships; it is also a core component of Sexual Addictions and Love Addiction.)[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica][/FONT]

[FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica]Tries to control you by being very bossy or demanding.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica][/FONT]

[FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica]Tries to isolate you by demanding you cut off social contacts and friendships.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica][/FONT]

[FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica]Is violent and / or loses his or her temper quickly.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica][/FONT]

[FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica]Pressures you sexually, demands sexual activities you are not comfortable with.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica][/FONT]

[FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica]Abuses drugs or alcohol.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica][/FONT]

[FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica]Claims you are responsible for his or her emotional state. (This is a core diagnostic criteria for Codependency.) [/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica][/FONT]

[FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica]Blames you when he or she mistreats you.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica][/FONT]

[FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica]Has a history of bad relationships.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica][/FONT]

[FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica]Your family and friends have warned you about the person or told you that they are concerned for your safety or emotional well being.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica][/FONT]

[FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica]You frequently worry about how he or she will react to things you say or do.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica][/FONT]

[FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica]Makes "jokes" that shame, humiliate, demean or embarrass you, weather privately or around family and friends.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica][/FONT]

[FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica]Your partner grew up witnessing an abusive parental relationship, and/or was abused as a child.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica][/FONT]

[FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica]Your partner "rages" when they feel hurt, shame, fear or loss of control. [/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica][/FONT]

[FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica]Both parties in abusive relationships may develop or progress in drug or alcohol dependence in a (dysfunctional) attempt to cope with the pain.[/FONT]

[FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica]You leave and then return to your partner repeatedly, against the advice of your friends, family and loved ones. [/FONT]

[FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica]You have trouble ending the relationship, even though you know inside it's the right thing to do. [/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms, Arial, Helvetica]
Does the person you love...

• constantly keep track of your time?
• act jealous and possessive?
• accuse you of being unfaithful or flirting?
• discourage your relationships with friends and family?
• prevent or discourage you from working, interacting with friends or attending school?
• constantly criticize or belittle you?
• control all finances and force you to account for what you spend? (Reasonable cooperative budgeting excepted.)
• humiliate you in front of others? (Including "jokes" at your expense.)
• destroy or take your personal property or sentimental items?
• have affairs?
• threaten to hurt you, your children or pets? Threaten to use a weapon?
• push, hit, slap, punch, kick, or bite you or your children?
• force you to have sex against your will, or demand sexual acts you are uncomfortable with?
​

What to do if this sounds familiar:

You may wish to read the characteristics of healthy and abusive relationships page.
If you feel you are in an abusive relationship read how to handle it here.
http://www.recovery-man.com/abusive/abusive_signs.htm

[/FONT]

 

[tiara76]

good thread.....^^^

 

[Taliah]

Damn, I'm kind of abusive...
Good post

 

[Vinyl]

Thank you for this!

 

[Spongie Bloom]

Damn, I'm kind of abusive...
Good post

its good you are realising it and acknowledging it ..maybe now you can work on getting yourself better and making sure you dont hurt someone in that way again good luck!

 

[-Volare]

Yes, I've been there before for too long. Great thread!

 

[Highly Favored8]

I been there as well.

 

[deltagyrl]

I would like to read more about emotional abuse and neglect.

 

[TCatt86]

I wasn't physically abused but I have been emotionally and verbally abused. And alot of these signs were present. Good thread!!!! It got to the point where I started defending him for my mistreatment. "Well if I hadn't done X then he wouldn't have said Y"

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

Anybody know how we can get this to be a sticky? I think this is very important.

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

Anybody know how we can get this to be a sticky? I think this is very important.

Maybe PM a mod?

 

[doriannc]

Well seems like my boyfriend was all of those. I posted my story on another thread. Funny thing was, I wa getting counseling at a women's shelter and they gave me this paper with the warning signs of an abusive relationship. I was in denial then. So ladies take my advice. Even if your man show just I one or two signs get OUT! B/c an abuser hardly ever changes for the best and usually only gets worse.

 

[Ms_Delikate]

Well seems like my boyfriend was all of those. I posted my story on another thread. Funny thing was, I wa getting counseling at a women's shelter and they gave me this paper with the warning signs of an abusive relationship. I was in denial then. So ladies take my advice. Even if your man show just I one or two signs get OUT! B/c an abuser hardly ever changes for the best and usually only gets worse.

My ex boyfriend has almost all of the signs and I would always joke and tell him that if I were a different type of woman I can see how he would control me totally....Now that I am reading more about abusers and abusees (?) it seems like maybe it was just a matter of time for his behavior to escalate and it wouldn't have been dependent on the "type" of woman that I am. Thanks for posting this thread OP...I hope it is made into a sticky.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I have a family member in an abusive situation, and the couple fits EVERY SINGLE ONE of those charcteristics. It's so frustrating trying to emotionally deposit self-esteem into her and convince her to leave. Even when the family went and got her, she went back the same week.

 

[amara11]

I have a family member in an abusive situation, and the couple fits EVERY SINGLE ONE of those charcteristics. It's so frustrating trying to emotionally deposit self-esteem into her and convince her to leave. Even when the family went and got her, she went back the same week.

I so know what you mean . If I learned anything while I was in college regarding relationship stuff- it was that people will only do what they want to and are ready to do. Regardless of how many times they come to you for advice or suggestions- if they aren't in a place to receive it, they wont. You'll be the one that ends up worried and heartbroken because you thought *this time* they got it.

It is just like you said- extremely frustrating. Seriously- but it's one of those things I've learned to let go and Let God. (So cliche, but nothing applies better than this). Maybe the experience they are enduring is one God needs them to complete so that He can show them things and teach them life lessons. As much as we want our friends and family to learn from us and avoid the pain- sometimes experience is the best teacher.

It still aches though, because in the back of your mind there is always that fear that something terrible could happen- but again that's where faith and trust in God comes back in.

Warning Signs:
- He has access to your email address, or social accounts and replies to your friends and associate's emails himself. (I actually had a friends fiance do this- and he's now her husband. I sent her and email, he replied- under her account- back to me. )
- Does not allow you to spend time with friends.
- All of his friends become your friends, and you no longer communicate with yours.
- He slowly gains control of all financial correspondences for the both of you. Whatever you own or have- he is aware of and is now in control of.
- You are totally dependent on him emotionally, financially, mentally, socially, and or physically for survival.
- He hits you, threatens to hit you.
- You fear him.
- He threatens to kill you.

***(I'm using *he* pronouns b/c I'm actually referring to things that have happened to friends. *She's* are also quite capable of being the perpetrators of abuse)***