Brother left Wife for Mistress

simsim1980

simsim1980

Active Member
Well he did not leave her, wife kicked him out and he moved in with the mistress. I know about it cause the wife told me. The mistress knew that he was married and the two of them were messing around for along time

The mistress had a baby last year and the whole family knows about it, but my brother has'nt come out and said he has another child to us.

I love my brother, but he does not take care of his son (by wife) over a year and the whole family is not happy with him. My parents are not interested in meeting the other woman or the child.

I told them the child is innocent and should not suffer for his parents. I feel bad for the wife cause she's a very nice person. I thought my brother was better than that. Atleast take care of your child, if you don't want to be with your wife anymore.

I was wondering how you ladies would feel if you had a child for a man and he doesnt tell or introduce you or your child to his family. I guess he really loves the other woman cause he's still with her.
 
I'd feel stupid that I knowingly got involved with a married man, causing his family to break up. Then I'd look forward to him doing the same thing he did to the wife, to me.
 
I would be ashamed because I knowingly got involved and pregnant by a married man. I would then accept what I have done and understand that his family has every right to not be welcoming to me but the child did not ask to be here. I would have to be honest with myself and know that this relationship did not start off with good intentions and that what he has done to his wife, he can do to me.

It was hard for me to write that bc I cannot see myself knowingly placing myself in that position. Where is this lady's self worth?
 
simsim1980 said:
I guess he really loves the other woman cause he's still with her.
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He probably doesn't really "love" her, she's just the one putting up with his ish.

I really can't say how I would feel because I wouldn't knowingly be involved with a married man and I don't want to ever have children. But I think she needs to accept that most of this is her responsibility and live with the consequences. Just because the child is innocent doesn't necessarily mean that the other family has to welcome them with open arms, jmo.
 
What he did to his wife is terrible. Your brother is wrong for not taking care of his child. He should be taking care of BOTH children.

But, just because he cheated on the wife does not mean he'll do it to the mistress...or future wife. I've seen cheaters end up in faithful relationships with the one they cheated with. Strange, I know right?
 
Thanks for the replies. I asked him how would me feel if someone did the something to one of his sisters and he could not answer.

My parents are so disappointed in him cause they did not raise us that way.

We know the mistress aunt and the aunt is not happy with her niece cause she told her long time not to get involved with my brother. Now the mistress mother is saying that her sister (the aunt) is wrong to take side with our family and not her niece. The aunt said the mistress and my brother is wrong and she cannot stand by and support them.

I would never knowingly get involved with a married man cause I see the hurt it cause the family. plus i respect myself too much.

I told him if you dont want to be with your wife make sure both child is taken care of.

Plus my brother is not happy cause we still love the wife and take care of his son. We call the wife every few weeks to see how my nephew is doing. He thinks we are taking side with is wife and not him smh.
 
If I were your mom, I'd remove him from the will and all of the policies..he would then know what it would feel like to be abandoned by his parents.

He would no longer be welcomed in my home or to family functions, I (and his father) would straight disown him.
 
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What???? You would disown your own son just because he cheated on his wife?!? You're overreacting....:perplexed

FemmeFatale said:
If I were your mom, I'd remove him from the will and all of the policies..he would then know what it would feel like to be abandoned by his parents.

He would no longer be welcomed in my home or to family functions, I (and his father) would straight disown him.
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I would not allow my child to come into my home with the mistress, ever, even if they got married. I don't want that kind of negative energy in my home.

If I was a mistress, I would expect not to be introduced to the family. I'm the side slut, what would I have rights to? Once my child came, I would have to start making better decisions.
 
At this point why doesn't he just get a divorce?

I am also not understanding the timeline. So when did the wife find out about the affair? How old are the children involved? You said he hasn't taken care of his son with the wife in over a year...what happened a year ago to make him do this?
 
*CherryPie* said:
What???? You would disown your own son just because he cheated on his wife?!? You're overreacting....:perplexed
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Not only did he cheat on his wife and create a child..he abandoned his firstborn child :sad: so in turn I would abandon him. Straight like that. These pigs need to learn the hard way.

Sorry OP but men like your brother really disgust me.
 
Mortons said:
I would not allow my child to come into my home with the mistress, ever, even if they got married. I don't want that kind of negative energy in my home.

If I was a mistress, I would expect not to be introduced to the family. I'm the side slut, what would I have rights to? Once my child came, I would have to start making better decisions.
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I'm saying? How am I gonna fix my mouth and expect to be welcomes with open arms, it's not not I'm the woman he dated post-divorce, I was the reason for it.

And I dont have brothers, but if my sis was the mistress, I wouldnt have any sympathy for her
 
Xavier said:
At this point why doesn't he just get a divorce?

I am also not understanding the timeline. So when did the wife find out about the affair? How old are the children involved? You said he hasn't taken care of his son with the wife in over a year...what happened a year ago to make him do this?
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The wife started the divorce and then stop cause they wanted to try and make things work.

I think it was the end of 2009 that she found out. The wife said she asked him about the other woman and he said she's "JUST A FRIEND", that was in 2007-2008 and she believed him. She did not give much details after that.

They have a 5 year old together. They seperated end of 2009 and was getting along fine 2010. He was visiting the child and taking care of him. Since he found out the mistress was pregnant end of 2010 beg 2011, he started acting funny. He looked stressed out, lost alot of weight, stop taking care of his child and it would be weeks before we hear anything from him. This is not like him and I called the wife to ask her if my brother seem different and thats when she told me he was not taking care of is child.

He was order to pay child support middle of 2011 and that's when the wife found out he had a child on the way with the mistress.

My brother is the only one he told about the child. The rest of us just play dumb. We don't ask and he doesnt say anything.
 
There's NO mistake or bad decision I couldn't forgive my child for. My children are more important to me than their mistakes....or bad decisions. We are HUMAN. We are going to do wrong. What about the things they do RIGHT? They get no credit for that? I my children too much to disown them for anything.

FemmeFatale said:
Not only did he cheat on his wife and create a child..he abandoned his firstborn child :sad: so in turn I would abandon him. Straight like that. These pigs need to learn the hard way.

Sorry OP but men like your brother really disgust me.
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FemmeFatale said:
Not only did he cheat on his wife and create a child..he abandoned his firstborn child :sad: so in turn I would abandon him. Straight like that. These pigs need to learn the hard way.

Sorry OP but men like your brother really disgust me.
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My mother wanted to do something that would make his life really bad, but we had to talk her out of it. I know my mother feels bad about everything, but we told her that would not solve anything. My parents been together 45 years and they believe in having two parents taking care of their child.

I'm disgusted with my brother, but i would not disown him. My brother grow up seeing both of his parents, so I guess my parents wanted the same for their grandkids.

My heart felt so bad when the wife told me. Now she thinks her whole relationship with my brother was a lie and if he loved is mistress so much he should have just marry her instead.
 
Livingmylifetothefullest said:
My coworker did that to her son except he had babies by two different women at the same time his wife was pregnant.
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:blush::nono: Oh my gosh. I know stuff like this happens to folk all the time but just the stress from dealing with something like that...I'd drop dead from stress.

I'd disown because disowning famiy for their mess is nothing new in my family. So something like this is an instant NO.
 
*CherryPie* said:
But, just because he cheated on the wife does not mean he'll do it to the mistress...or future wife. I've seen cheaters end up in faithful relationships with the one they cheated with. Strange, I know right?
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True, but that rarely happens. If he doesn't cheat anymore it's possible that his new woman/another woman will break his heart. Nothing good ever comes from these types of situations. At least the ones I've seen.

...and it really disgusts me when family members "take sides" with family members that are in the wrong. You don't have to disown them but you also don't have to uphold them in their sh*t either :perplexed
 
FemmeFatale said:
If I were your mom, I'd remove him from the will and all of the policies..he would then know what it would feel like to be abandoned by his parents.

He would no longer be welcomed in my home or to family functions, I (and his father) would straight disown him.
Click to expand...


You would disown your child for a mistake that he made?........You would be the only one hurt in the end. Because you would never see him or your grandchild again.

Sonds like a woman scorned
 
I have a HUGE family, and I don't even try to involve myself too much in their foolishness. I have nephews and brothers who has done crazy stuff...and sisters and nieces too.... But I wouldn't disown any of them, and I love them just the same. What they do is their business. I might talk about them, but I wouldn't disown them.

SilentRuby said:
True, but that rarely happens. If he doesn't cheat anymore it's possible that his new woman/another woman will break his heart. Nothing good ever comes from these types of situations. At least the ones I've seen.

...and it really disgusts me when family members "take sides" with family members that are in the wrong. You don't have to disown them but you also don't have to uphold them in their sh*t either :perplexed
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So, if disowning is a bad option, whats the next move? Are you going to sit on the side and just clean up the mess he leaves behind, while he continues to act irresponsible? Neglecting a child is really horrible thing. I dont think I could just sit there with open arms and tell my son "Dont worry sweety. Keep doing what your doing. I've still got your back." I think he would still need to be taught a lesson.
 
*CherryPie* said:
I have a HUGE family, and I don't even try to involve myself too much in their foolishness. I have nephews and brothers who has done crazy stuff...and sisters and nieces too.... But I wouldn't disown any of them, and I love them just the same. What they do is their business. I might talk about them, but I wouldn't disown them.
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The first part of my post was responding to you. The second part about disowning was a general statement to what simsim said about the mistress' mother being mad at the aunt for saying they were in the wrong.
 
Your mom doesn't have to do anything. She can't hurt him nearly as much as time will. He will wake up one day and realize that instead of celebrating an anniversary in a good marriage, with a good kid, surrounded by family who loves him, he will be spending yet another year picking up the pieces of crap he has laid down and trying to start his adult life over once again.
 
I guess this is where enabling and coddling comes into play because to me that's tolerating a lot of bs. You better believe that if my son abandoned his child(ren) I would disown him. And whatever was originally designated to him would be left to his children.
 
TopShelf said:
You would disown your child for a mistake that he made?........You would be the only one hurt in the end. Because you would never see him or your grandchild again.

Sonds like a woman scorned
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1. I'm single with no kids, so the entire scenario is n/a to me. However, I do have an older brother who is in the middle of a divorce (in different states at that) and he moves heaven and hell to be with my nephew.
2. Abandoning your child with no signs of doing better? That's deeper than "just a mistake" and it's one of the main issues in the bc. As a woman, hypothetical mother and grandmother I am not condoning that mess. I would ask my son how would he feel if we abandoned him and give him a dose of his medicine :yep:.
3. Ya'll need to stop coddling these boys that's why many of them grow up to be ninjas, It saddens me to hear WOMEN say "all he did was cheat and have baby on his wife" as if it's ok and normal.
 
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I wouldn't disown him but I would let him know he has lost my respect and that I deeply disagree with what he has done. And yes most likely I would write him out of my will. I question the judgement of a man who would do something so low.

There really isn't too much you can do. Just be there for the ex and their child as much as possible. Two of my uncles left their wife for their mistress and the family bashed them so hard, but they were hard headed and did what they wanted. Karma did eventually catch up with them.
 
*CherryPie* said:
What???? You would disown your own son just because he cheated on his wife?!? You're overreacting....:perplexed
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I'd do the same thing. Not because he cheated, but because he abandoned his child. His actions have consequences and this would be one of them.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
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