Broken-Hearted Girl

[ang3lface816]

I'm sorry OP. I know how you feel.. I'm just a little older than you, 22. I was 17 when I met my childs' father.. and he did me exactly the way your guy friend did you.. Leave it alone while you can, I kept going back to this guy.. and now I'm a single parent with no help from dude (and yes I applied for child support, but the state cant find him..).. I have a wonderful fiance now, who really loves me and my son.. And now at age 22, I can see where i went wrong.. So many signs..and i used to feel just like you.. He was lightskinned, and made it known that was his preference.. He even broke up with me when i was 6 mos pregnant, b/c he wasnt ready for relationship.. and within 4 mos, had already had two girlfriends.. one he ended up with for almost 2 years..

Take it from me sweetie.. Pain is only temporary.. its just the beginning of the healing process.. and you will get over it.. and you will love again..

What helped me get over it all, is just realizing that it was all a lie.. I had to realize.. that we were never as close as I thought. Had to realize that he never loved me.. and once i faced the facts and stopped making excuses for him.. and stopped putting myself down.. I got over it.. It's not because of your complexion,body shape or lack of.. that he is not with you. He is not b/c he chooses not to be... Just realize there is nothing you can do to change the way he feels.. But know that there is someone out there who will love you exactly the way you are, and love the things you hate about yourself..

Hope you feel better soon.
If you ever need someone to talk to ... u can pm me also.

 

[MahoganyJazz]

I can look back 10 years ago, and say... this was me. We grow wiser with age, and honestly you're not there yet. There will be many more lies, and just as many heartbreaks.

It's going to hurt like hell until you're willing to let him go completely and move on. You have so much living to do and you don't even realize it. Other guys will come and go. And if something seems to be too good to be true with them, it usually is.

Take a step back and reevaluate your life. You're young, and you have so many goals to reach. He isn't important, what you're going to do with your future is.

I'm not saying don't date, or don't fall in love. I'm saying be careful with who you give your heart to. You deserve better, and the best thing to have on your team is older and wiser women.

 

[kawista9]

I haven't read many of the post, but honestly for his age and maturity level, he was being pretty nice.

I know for you it hurt because you were planning but remember YOU were planning.

That is why he didn't get into a relationship with you. I really hope your weren't sleeping with him( really sounds like you have to have fallen so hard). He didn't want to hurt your feelings that is why he kept it on a friendship level.

I believe he REALLY feels bad and does have feelings for you but just not in that way and he didn't know how to tell you. He should have been more honest but you guys are still fairly young. HE IS MOST LIKELY NOT THE ONE! but I am only 24 and I promise you, you will not remember what it felt like years from now. You have got college; friends and so much ahead of you. You are going to frown and laugh histerically in the next couple of years and he won't be as cute as you think he is now!

 

[1QTPie]

You've received some great advice, please re-read everything and take a moment to really soak it in. You'll move so far past this dude that before you know it, you'll laugh at yourself for being this caught up. I'm sorry about your pain, it's fleeting TRUST me. It's also necessary for you to feel what you're feeling so that you will know not to get caught up in something or someone like this. Especially without any real provocation or effort from them.

Men love to be adored, so there is no reason for him to let you slip away. You're giving him all of your energy and power and he has literally given you NOTHING. He has it made.

Look at yourself in the mirror. Focus on YOU. Talk to yourself as if you were a friend. Tell yourself what you would tell your friend in the same situation.

You are much stronger than you think you can be.

The second thing this can teach you is that the love for yourself will outweigh anything anyone else can give to you. When you really really start loving the beautiful young lady that you are, you will understand completely what you truly deserve.

What you do not deserve is to be put on a shelf as some "just in case of emergency" girlfriend. What he's doing has nothing to do with you personally. There is no amount of kindness and love from you to him will change that. You cannot convince this guy to want to be with you. His words are just words. Go by his actions. He's not into you and that's OK.

Be ok with that.

And my last bit of random advice is to rejoice! That guy that deserves you is out there and I can guarantee that it's not just one guy. So many men are going to come in and of your life and you're going to be grateful that you got over the dud. No matter how much you click as "friends" you can do better.

And go out! Have fun! get you some new boys to hang out with. Be around your girlfriends. Don't let one monkey stop your show. (And trust me, he'll keep coming around. The more you distance yourself, the more they seem to want you, don't be weak. It's too late for that one.)

 

[dannie]

I know you've already gotten some great advice from the fine ladies here, but I just want to throw my .02 in, because I was a little pissed just reading what he did to you. I'm also kinda hostile, so if I sound crazy bear with and forgive me if I repeat. lol

Time heals all wounds, there is nothing I can type that will make that go any faster. But in the future all I can say is:

a) words dont mean anything, look at his actions. LOVE is a VERB

b) if a man REALLY wants to be with you, he will. No ex boos holding him back, no "in the future", he'll want to snatch you up as soon as possible.

Sidenote: Just had a guy tell me he just got out of a relationship and didnt want to get involved with me because he needed "time" to get over his last relationship. I am "too pretty and smart" to date until he gets himself together (Sound familiar?) Funny thing is I never said jack about being with him, so I dont know where that all came from...but I digress..men do this crap all the time, thinking you'll wait on the sidelines because he flattered you. DONT EVER FALL FOR IT!!! Tell that fool good luck and keep it pushing.

c) In the early stages when he gives 50%, give 25%. He is NEVER more important than you.

d)Anybody who LIES and DECEIVES you is NOT your "friend". Dont tolerate anything from a man that you wouldn't accept from a female friend.

If you have tmobile, you can block certain numbers from calling you via Family Allowances for $2 a month. Dont delete your myspace, why should a immature, lying bastard have that much power? And when he does call, it won't hurt to pick up the phone and cuss him out, bruise his manhood, and make him afraid to call you again. Let him know that YOU ARE NOT THE ONE! He see's you as easy prey which is why he keeps calling and trying to contact you to get his jollies. Crush his spirit.

Your heart should be like Fort Knox, a dude should have to cross the desert for 40 days , and slay dragons before he can come close to it. Easier said than done, but as you get older you'll just get tired of dudes and this will come naturally. lol

Oh, and find a new guy to cheer you up in the meanwhile. It's like a big shortcut to getting over someone.

 

[aribell]

d)Anybody who LIES and DECEIVES you is NOT your "friend". Dont tolerate anything from a man that you wouldn't accept from a female friend.

Say it again.

 

[dannie]

Thank you ladies so much, you don't know how much I appreciate your advice. I know I should drop him but its soo hard to, I just find myself going back to him when I know I shouldn't I guess I feel so strongly about him because he was there when no one else was and he listens to me and cared when no one else didn't and I guess he made me feel like I actually had someone who really loved and cared about me..Right now I'm trying to just focus on school, I'm going into my senior year and I don't want to mess that up, its just everyone I go, the heartache follows its so hard to get rid of that feeling..I guess I should start focusing on what makes me happy instead of doing everything to please someone who's never gave me 100% back. I've just always been the type of person who wants to please and make everyone happy, I hate to dissapoint people, I hate to make people mad, I always try to make sure everyone else feels comfortable and boost up their self esteem when at times I barely uplift mine. He also tells me how much he likes light skin girls. and I'm a brown-skinned sista and the girl he's with now is lightskin and mixed and so was his ex. I know I shouldn't feel inferior to anyone because of skin complexion but now a days with the black guys its all about mixed or light skinned girls. I guess I was just an exception because he said he would date a brown-skinned girl but he likes lightskin girls and I think thats also starting to lower my self esteem because whenever I go to his page and see her picture I always question if the reason why he's not with me is because I'm not lightskin..I know its crazy to think like that but sometimes I do when I know I shouldn't

Been down that road too! Dude made me miserable for the latter part of 06' wondering that same question. I dont know why they do it, but I've promised myself from that point forward if a dude express a strong interest in another type of female, I leave it alone. If you dont adore me, and women who look like me, onto the next one!! Antyhing else is a recipe for disaster.

I completely understand how you feel , and no its not you. Your a beautiful girl, if thats you in your avi. It's him. ALL HIM!!

 

[NaturalBlackGurl]

yes it is me in my avi..
but i really need someone right now im breaking down and crying my eyes out..i took you ladies advice and deleted him but my friend wind up talking to him and he told her to tell me to log on under her account because he needed to talk to me..so I did.. and I talked to him..he apologized and said he was sorry for everything and for hurting me and that he cares about me a lot and he didn't mean for everything to happen the way it did..then I look at his album and I see a whole bunch of pictures of them!! there was some of them hugging and kissing and omg i just feel like my heart is being torn apart! it hurts so bad..i don't know what to do!!..i just feel like locking myself up somewhere and never coming out I didn't know it would hurt this bad..and the more I saw the picks the more I cryed and the more I compared myself to her. I don't think I'll ever be good enough for anyone im hurting so bad right now

 

[Taliah]

It's going to continue to hurt with you letting him mentally abuse you now.
He is confused. He already broke it off. Why is he still trying to talk to you?
You and him can not be friends right now. His apologies are worthless right now.
Do they make you feel any better?
You gotta eliminate him and tell your friends not to mention his name.
Dude is pretty much DOA.
You are confused too...did you have self image issues before this punk?
Stop beating yourself up.

 

[Taliah]

And another thing. He broke up with you so he thinks it's okay to go back and forth with the details keeping you locked in with his worthless apologies.
Like most times in a breakup, people jump the gun and realize that sooner than later. Don't be available for what's about to come. Cause they always try to come back.
It's a game he's playing. A mental game.
He's not sorry and you don't want him.

 

[Bmack]

yes it is me in my avi..
but i really need someone right now im breaking down and crying my eyes out..i took you ladies advice and deleted him but my friend wind up talking to him and he told her to tell me to log on under her account because he needed to talk to me..so I did.. and I talked to him..he apologized and said he was sorry for everything and for hurting me and that he cares about me a lot and he didn't mean for everything to happen the way it did..then I look at his album and I see a whole bunch of pictures of them!! there was some of them hugging and kissing and omg i just feel like my heart is being torn apart! it hurts so bad..i don't know what to do!!..i just feel like locking myself up somewhere and never coming out I didn't know it would hurt this bad..and the more I saw the picks the more I cryed and the more I compared myself to her. I don't think I'll ever be good enough for anyone im hurting so bad right now

Goodness, I am so sorry about this. I would cease making myself available to him. Okay, he said sorry thats all you need to hear. Just try (I know it will be hard as hell) and move on with your life. You are a beautiful woman don't allow him to break your spirit because he is not worth it. Why does he need to talk to you so much. I think you should shut him down, and out.

 

[MzLady78]

i feel so stupid sitting here crying my eyes out

You shouldn't feel stupid. There's nothing wrong with letting it out.

Just remember how you feel now and let that serve as motivation to try your hardest not to be in this type of situation again.

 

[blasianbeauty]

I know you've already gotten some great advice from the fine ladies here, but I just want to throw my .02 in, because I was a little pissed just reading what he did to you. I'm also kinda hostile, so if I sound crazy bear with and forgive me if I repeat. lol

Time heals all wounds, there is nothing I can type that will make that go any faster. But in the future all I can say is:

a) words dont mean anything, look at his actions. LOVE is a VERB

b) if a man REALLY wants to be with you, he will. No ex boos holding him back, no "in the future", he'll want to snatch you up as soon as possible.

Sidenote: Just had a guy tell me he just got out of a relationship and didnt want to get involved with me because he needed "time" to get over his last relationship. I am "too pretty and smart" to date until he gets himself together (Sound familiar?) Funny thing is I never said jack about being with him, so I dont know where that all came from...but I digress..men do this crap all the time, thinking you'll wait on the sidelines because he flattered you. DONT EVER FALL FOR IT!!! Tell that fool good luck and keep it pushing.

c) In the early stages when he gives 50%, give 25%. He is NEVER more important than you.

d)Anybody who LIES and DECEIVES you is NOT your "friend". Dont tolerate anything from a man that you wouldn't accept from a female friend.

If you have tmobile, you can block certain numbers from calling you via Family Allowances for $2 a month. Dont delete your myspace, why should a immature, lying bastard have that much power? And when he does call, it won't hurt to pick up the phone and cuss him out, bruise his manhood, and make him afraid to call you again. Let him know that YOU ARE NOT THE ONE! He see's you as easy prey which is why he keeps calling and trying to contact you to get his jollies. Crush his spirit.

Your heart should be like Fort Knox, a dude should have to cross the desert for 40 days , and slay dragons before he can come close to it. Easier said than done, but as you get older you'll just get tired of dudes and this will come naturally. lol

Oh, and find a new guy to cheer you up in the meanwhile. It's like a big shortcut to getting over someone.

The bolded is the bottom line. I hate the way that you're feeling right now and you must cease all forms of contact with him. As someone else mentioned, tell your friends and anyone else not to even mention his name. I know this may sound mean, but I think you need to hear it again in case it hasn't been already said, but the only reason he keeps apologizing is because he knows how hurt you are. There is a man out there just for you but not that jerk. I know it hurts right now but you will definitely get past this. It takes time so don't rush it, just stop communicating with him and take a clean break now. Let today be a new day to begin the healing process and this means stop visiting his myspace, facebook or whatever and don't answer any of his calls or texts.

If you feel the urge to call or look on his page come back to this thread first to vent your emotions!

 

[NaturalBlackGurl]

Thank you ladies so much! once again I appreciate all of your advice and everything you guys have done to help me thus far. Last night I was an emotional mess. I know there will be days when I'm going to be sad and cry, and days where I'm going to be happy and laughing. I will continue taking it a day at a time. I cryed myself to sleep last night but when I woke up I felt much better. I went to the mall with my friends today and I felt a lot better. I even had a couple of guys try and talk to me. It boosted my self esteem and made me forget all about the pain and hurt and even about him. Its been day almost a whole day and I have not had any contact with him. I've made it where I have things to do to keep me busy and to keep my mind on other things. Once again thank you ladies so much! all of you are very sweet, caring, and understanding and I'm thankful that none of you judged me, but in fact tryed to help me the best way yall could and I appreciate all of you

 

[dannie]

yes it is me in my avi..
but i really need someone right now im breaking down and crying my eyes out..i took you ladies advice and deleted him but my friend wind up talking to him and he told her to tell me to log on under her account because he needed to talk to me..so I did.. and I talked to him..he apologized and said he was sorry for everything and for hurting me and that he cares about me a lot and he didn't mean for everything to happen the way it did..then I look at his album and I see a whole bunch of pictures of them!! there was some of them hugging and kissing and omg i just feel like my heart is being torn apart! it hurts so bad..i don't know what to do!!..i just feel like locking myself up somewhere and never coming out I didn't know it would hurt this bad..and the more I saw the picks the more I cryed and the more I compared myself to her. I don't think I'll ever be good enough for anyone im hurting so bad right now

Hugs babe!!

See every time you go against your instincts YOUR the one who's going to end up hurt. I'm still learning this lesson. If we really analyze things we clearly see he's not sorry about anything.

Stay strong girl!!

 

[dimechiq]

Ah sweetie I feel for you. Heartbreak is such a strong and painful process. I went through it a couple of yrs ago, I've taken out time to just....get me together and not deal with any guys. Maybe you should give yourself a little time, not alot, but a little and think about what made you love him, were you a home body who needs to get out? Dont' hang with friends much? A father who left a spot in your life? Figure that out, then jump out into the dating game.

And remember, the bible says to guard your heart. You should have all 4 walls up around that very sensitive thing. Only let them down when you find someone that you feel is worthy of your heart and love. This guy sure ain't. You are worth so much more. Remember don't shut down, but guard your heart. Lots of love girlie!