Becoming (like)the person you hate most. MJ related!

[Ivonnovi]

I put this in the relationship forum because I wanted to show how easy it is to "become" what we despise most.

This is my observation, and I'd like feed back on this. Include your "age decade" in your response.

Micheal did not like/could not stand his father. He knew he looked like his father; I beliece he stated that when he looked in the mirror he saw his father's face. ....and he altered everything he could to change that; he just couldn't change the eyes.

- (As popular belief has it) Joe Jackson, his father was controlling & had a terrible relationship with his mother. As their popularity grow, he was even more controlling, didn't foster their continued relationship with her, and would often go off with them and not keep the mom informed of their tour dates and locations. Very controlling.


Fastforward: Micheal becomes a father and immediately takes control by cutting the mother's out of the childrens life. No he's not beating his children, but he's taking them all over the world; and, not one mother has a voice or a presence in the care of thier children.

I'm in my 4th Decade and, I think this just makes him another version of Joe.

What do ya'll think of that.....or should I just back away from the Chardonnay?

 

[JFemme]

That's a stretch, imho....

Knowing what I believe about Micheal's issues, his behavior/choices make a kind of sense...(for him)

 

[Ivonnovi]

So you say /\ /\ I should back off the Chardonay huh?

....then I'm glad "we" left the part off about how as a result of his parenting choices he's ensured he doesnt see Joe's eyes when he looks into his childrens eyes...... LOL

 

[JFemme]

So you say /\ /\ I should back off the Chardonay huh?

....then I'm glad "we" left the part off about how as a result of his parenting choices he's ensured he doesnt see Joe's eyes when he looks into his childrens eyes...... LOL

Chardonay, you say....

Where you at...

 

[Glib Gurl]

Fastforward: Micheal becomes a father and immediately takes control by cutting the mother's out of the childrens life. No he's not beating his children, but he's taking them all over the world; and, not one mother has a voice or a presence in the care of thier children.

I'm in my 4th Decade and, I think this just makes him another version of Joe.

What do ya'll think of that.....or should I just back away from the Chardonnay?

While I don't think MJ is another version of Joe, I do think that the aspects of Joe that he hated (e.g., being controlling) did bleed over into how he managed his own life.

 

[Angelicus]

Thank you so much for your input.

I'm in my late 20's. Mike is a little different.The mother's of Michael's kids were paid to be donors. Mike wasn't that much of a relationship kind of guy but he really wanted kids. Plus, Mike was very loving to his kids. Yes, he did bring them every single place that he went but he sure did make sure that he, himself fed them breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He read them a bedtime story every night. He did above and beyond what Joe did.

Their nanny, who is from Rwanda, is like a mother figure to them. She teaches them Hutu, Tutsi, French, African and Black history. Black history is their favorite subject (it was Mike's fav too).

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

Debbie Rowe commented in an interview that she never wanted the children to call her mom, she said they were Michael's children--(2:00 of the youtube video):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0vZwDkctFM&feature=related

According to the interview she didn't want to be a mom, but she wanted to have the children because she wanted to give Michael the gift of children because she thought he'd be a great dad.

 

[FluffyRed]

I read a book called "why they kill" about how abused children grow up to become abusers and it was based on someone's doctoral thesis on this subject.

His point was that when you are exposed to fear of abuse as a child, you may love your mom and want to never be an abuser, but in your mind, a person is either the abuser or the victim and being violent and aggressive becomes a way to protect yourself, deep down.

It's funny the way the mind works, and tries to justify and make sense of what a child is experiencing. That rationalizatioin becomes a child's thought process and then he perpetuates the cycle, depending on how he explained it to himself.

 

[Ivonnovi]

I read a book called "why they kill" about how abused children grow up to become abusers and it was based on someone's doctoral thesis on this subject.

His point was that when you are exposed to fear of abuse as a child, you may love your mom and want to never be an abuser, but in your mind, a person is either the abuser or the victim and being violent and aggressive becomes a way to protect yourself, deep down.

It's funny the way the mind works, and tries to justify and make sense of what a child is experiencing. That rationalizatioin becomes a child's thought process and then he perpetuates the cycle, depending on how he explained it to himself.

Exactly, especially the bolded. I think it's funny how that plays out. I used MJ as a reference because his story is so very well known.

MJ had the children, he be came very-mothering to them, and probably relived his (missed) childhood through them and the other children he was constantly around.
MJ never had a "balanced" life as a child, and I believe has his approach to parenthood was just as "off balance" as his own childhood; the only difference is that in the latter it was him that was maintained "Control". I believe he was still perpetuating the "off balance/Controll issue" cycle.

 

[MissYocairis]

That's a stretch, imho....

Knowing what I believe about Micheal's issues, his behavior/choices make a kind of sense...(for him)

ITA. ITA!!!! Debbie Rowe was able to be bought off to stay away. Don't know about Blanket's mama. Rowe wasn't fighting for custody or visitation. But, I thought Michael did what he did with the children to prevent a bitter custody battle after his death and to keep the best interests of the children protected.

As for Joe's behavior versus Mike's behavior....the only parallel I see is an intensive work ethic and striving for perfection. He was trained that way by Joe.

 

[FlowerHair]

I think it's true sometimes. I certainly seems true when it comes to someone like Chris Brown.

On the other hand it's almost impossible to not take on traits of your parents...no matter how much you try
I'm shocked sometimes how much I'm like my mother, and I don't always like it erplexed
I'm thankful that I had a somewhat sane mother

 

[Mystic]

Yes, I criticize my mom for certain behaviors that I absolutely hate, yet, those are the same behaviors my husband says I display sometimes .

I think it's true sometimes. I certainly seems true when it comes to someone like Chris Brown.

On the other hand it's almost impossible to not take on traits of your parents...no matter how much you try
I'm shocked sometimes how much I'm like my mother, and I don't always like it erplexed
I'm thankful that I had a somewhat sane mother

 

[Ivonnovi]

I think it's true sometimes. I certainly seems true when it comes to someone like Chris Brown.

On the other hand it's almost impossible to not take on traits of your parents...no matter how much you try
I'm shocked sometimes how much I'm like my mother, and I don't always like it erplexed
I'm thankful that I had a somewhat sane mother

Yes, I criticize my mom for certain behaviors that I absolutely hate, yet, those are the same behaviors my husband says I display sometimes .

Thank you, this is the direction I wanted the thread to go in. I used MJ because his situation is so very well known. I too was determined to NOT be like my mother, then in a moment of quiet reflection realized that I have the same tendancies. She was very negative when I was growing up; I have to work hard each day to overcome this "natural" inclination. I'm not always effective at this.