Anyone NOT follow "the rules"...

[JewelleNY]

...and found true love???

I am not too great at following rules and find that the more I touch into my true self, I am becoming so much happier in my life.

I was just wondering if anyone here did things their own way and found happiness in a relationship.

Would love to hear the stories if there are any

 

[JFemme]

I'm giddy that you are learning to trust yourself...following your own rules is the bomb-diggity...

Happy, happy over here....

 

[JewelleNY]

I'm giddy that you are learning to trust yourself...following your own rules is the bomb-diggity...

Happy, happy over here....

Yes, I am doing only Jewelle from now on and it is really paying off Being true to my inner self and not really caring who does not like it. I see people looking at me strangely nowadays but it is cool. I just realized I have to stop reading some of these threads because there are too many do's and don't s and I can't keep up

I have learned a great deal from this board though but the rules are too much for me

So Jfemme, are you a rules girl? What worked for you please???

 

[Rastafarai]

I haven't followed the "rules" --which is basically advising women to play hard to get and be the chase, not the chaser-- and have found true love.

The "rules" does not allow for compromise and leaves little to no room for forgiveness or trust. When it comes to the rules, it's all about a power-struggle and at this point in my life, I don't need to be playing games.

Anyway, I met him when I was following "the rules" and almost pushed him away. He knew what I was up to then and told me to just be myself. That he wasn't there to play mind games and hope I was not either. That's when I let down my guard and a friendship turned into a serious relationship.

Just be yourself. Be observant of any red flags and enjoy the dating scene. "The rules" is not the bread and butter to finding and KEEPING a good man. And most good men ain't on that ish either.

 

[hopeful]

Girl I knew nothing of the rules! I fell in love, showed all of my emotions, returned calls, played no games whatsoever! If you follow your own rules and those rules are made out of your love for God and yourself you will be fine. Trust Jewelle, she is the bomb.

 

[drasgrl]

What are "the rules?" I just do me and do what I feel is right. Works for me.

 

[Arcadian]

If a man is into you he will show it, if he wants you, he will show it, no need for a bunch of game playing to get him.

I had my own rules. I called guys for dates, I paid for dates (imo since I asked I pay) I let it all hang out...if I felt like it. If I didn't like a guy he knew it, and if I did, he knew it.

"The Rules" don't work longterm...thats some hellafied game playing right there!

And didn't one of those chicks recently divorce??

Do you Jewell, you'll be fine.


-A

 

[JFemme]

Yes, I am doing only Jewelle from now on and it is really paying off Being true to my inner self and not really caring who does not like it. I see people looking at me strangely nowadays but it is cool. I just realized I have to stop reading some of these threads because there are too many do's and don't s and I can't keep up

I have learned a great deal from this board though but the rules are too much for me

So Jfemme, are you a rules girl? What worked for you please???

You, my lovely, are beautiful inside & out, let that be enough...:Rose::Rose::Rose:

(Co-signing w/ hopeful )

 

[Vanity1]

Great thread.

 

[Vinyl]

I stopped doing "The Rules" and things are still going well. We spend every day together, but it's an LDR so I dunno if that counts.

 

[naijamerican]

If a man is into you he will show it, if he wants you, he will show it, no need for a bunch of game playing to get him.

I had my own rules. I called guys for dates, I paid for dates (imo since I asked I pay) I let it all hang out...if I felt like it. If I didn't like a guy he knew it, and if I did, he knew it.

"The Rules" don't work longterm...thats some hellafied game playing right there!

And didn't one of those chicks recently divorce??

Do you Jewell, you'll be fine.




-A

Lol, she sho did, and guess what? She got remarried and even she violated her own rules! So now we know that some of it is a bunch of baloney.

I have to be honest, I am a rules girl but it's more because I tend to be that way in my nature than it is because I try hard to adhere to the rules. I don't like to chase after guys and prefer to be pursued. On the other hand, I believe in being forthright about how I feel about someone, and I have little patience for mind games. There are some aspects of the rules that are good to follow, but I see them as a jumping off point. You have to craft your own rules based on what is in accordance with your conscience and how you are in your nature. I will also say that not being a chaser and not necessarily being more aggressive in my pursuit has not led me to a relationship so I think it might be time to change a little bit.

 

[Spongie Bloom]

Im not someone who follows the rules i dont know what they are so i wouldnt be able to recite them, i guess i have done the no no's ie let it all hang out, slept with the guy supposedly too soon etc and still got the guy I believe in being yourself cause even if you get the guy the real you will come out sometime so i think you are just prolonging the inevitable.

 

[Spongie Bloom]

I haven't followed the "rules" --which is basically advising women to play hard to get and be the chase, not the chaser-- and have found true love.

The "rules" does not allow for compromise and leaves little to no room for forgiveness or trust. When it comes to the rules, it's all about a power-struggle and at this point in my life, I don't need to be playing games.

Anyway, I met him when I was following "the rules" and almost pushed him away. He knew what I was up to then and told me to just be myself. That he wasn't there to play mind games and hope I was not either. That's when I let down my guard and a friendship turned into a serious relationship.

Just be yourself. Be observant of any red flags and enjoy the dating scene. "The rules" is not the bread and butter to finding and KEEPING a good man. And most good man ain't on that ish either.

On point, The rules (or whatever that book is called) was written by a human being, one woman experiences or perception of the dating scene. So what works for that particualr woman wont work for every one of us, and also im not into faking the funk. I also felt liek that book glorifies men quit a bit. At the end of the day he is just a man just like your dad, your friend or your brother make your own rules according to you and you'll attract the guy who fits you perfectly

 

[sky_blu]

Great thread.

Yes it is! I was just thinking about this the other night when I was reading The Rules thread lol. I bought the book and read probably 2 pages before I gave up. I hate rules. I think there made to be broken.

 

[JewelleNY]

Girl I knew nothing of the rules! I fell in love, showed all of my emotions, returned calls, played no games whatsoever! If you follow your own rules and those rules are made out of your love for God and yourself you will be fine. Trust Jewelle, she is the bomb.

That's sounds nice Hopeful!

I know women in real life who are married and in good relationships and they didn't abide by the rules so I was wondering what really does work

 

[JewelleNY]

Yes it is! I was just thinking about this the other night when I was reading The Rules thread lol. I bought the book and read probably 2 pages before I gave up. I hate rules. I think there made to be broken.

That's how I feel! I don't like following rules in everyday life I've had guys tell me they would never approach me if someone else had not introduced them to me. I found that one guy was waiting for clearer signs from me that I liked him just as much before proceeding and stated that he held back for that reason. Some guys are just as shy and even more shy than we are.

Plus, if you are playing games, won't you attract guys who are also playing games? Kind of like that movie "Two Can Play That Game"

 

[tiara76]

dont follow rules, esp in dating

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I never read the book so I can't speak on it, but I realized earlier this year that I need to write my own RULES. Bump what somebody else thinks because only I know what my boundaries are and what I need to be willing to accept.

I read a book entitled The Ten Commandments of Dating which is by far one of the best dating books I have ever laid eyes on. It talked about general things like not ignoring red flags, not trying to change men, etc, but it put tremendous emphasis on deciding what is important and what is right for YOU. It pointed out that only YOU can do that with introspection and time alone to figure out what you want and need in a meaningful relationship/marriage.

Since then, I've been working on my own rules. They have more to do with me than with the man...and from what I know of the rules, too much emphasis is placed on him. I like The Technique of the Love Affair, and in hindsight, I think I like it because there was empahsis placed on controlling YOURSELF and not getting ahead of yourself which is what I needed at the time.

I think with enough time spent wisely, any woman can write her own rules that are right for her. I don't think a pair of women can write universal dating rules that are even halfway effective for the infinite combinations of circumstances and peculiar people that may be in a dating situation.

It kind of reminds me of Glib's thread about "clear" girls...some of the ladies in that thread made a point about women not having more options for various reasons such as being too picky, not dating outside of race, etc. But I definitely think that some of us are in our own heads entirely too much when ultimately there needs to be a healthy balance of head and heart in romantic dealings.

 

[hopeful]

That's sounds nice Hopeful!

I know women in real life who are married and in good relationships and they didn't abide by the rules so I was wondering what really does work

Jewelle you are really sweet and pretty, the right guy is going to swoop you up, you just wait and see.

If a man is into you he will show it, if he wants you, he will show it, no need for a bunch of game playing to get him.

...

-A

 

[Taliah]

"The Rules" don't work longterm...thats some hellafied game playing right there!

Totally. Living in Scottsdale, I see woman who LIVE the game with their husbands. It never ends...I don't know how these broads do it.

You can not keep that up...it will take you under...

 

[sweetkita4]

Nope, I didn't even follow female "societal norms". If a man wants you, nothing else should matter to him than you the person.

 

[Theo]

I just realized I have to stop reading some of these threads because there are too many do's and don't s and I can't keep up

Girl I feel you. I have learned so much from the relationship forum, but people are different and what works for someone else may or may not work for me.

I think the problem with The Rules are that they are a band-aid for a deeper issue. I haven't read The Rules but I read WMLB and it basically tells women how to ACT self-confident...ummm... how 'bout you BE self-confident?

I have had guys ask me if I'm playing hard to get... my answer is "I'm not playing about anything. I am hard to get." And.... its true.


I think some of the stuff in there is over-kill because if you are not actually confident in yourself, you have will have to overcompensate to make up for what you do not have and may actually push somebody away because you're doing too much.

But that's really the only problem I have with it. Some of the stuff in there makes sense, I guess.

 

[FlowerHair]

Ever since I read Calling in the One I threw most of those rules books away!
Calling in the One talks about who You are and what You want and how to write your own rules if you want to. It talks about why you are who you are and allows everyone (including yourself) to be totally free and totally yourself.

If I ever gave too much of myself to men in my life it was more about building that inner strength instead of following a set of rules that only change things on the surface anyway. I needed to rebuild myself from the inside out. It's been a wonderful journey...

Jewelle, you are one of the nicest people here and one of the prettiest too! I just know in my gut that there are lots of men checking you out daily It only takes one good man to come into your life...the lucky guy will be there in no time, I'm sure!!

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Ever since I read Calling in the One I threw most of those rules books away!
Calling in the One talks about who You are and what You want and how to write your own rules if you want to. It talks about why you are who you are and allows everyone (including yourself) to be totally free and totally yourself.

If I ever gave too much of myself to men in my life it was more about building that inner strength instead of following a set of rules that only change things on the surface anyway. I needed to rebuild myself from the inside out. It's been a wonderful journey...

Oh my goodness! Yes! How could I have forgotten to mention CITO? It was wonderful. It definitely helps you get to the knitty gritty of what's going on with YOU so that the authentic and most grounded YOU comes out in your relationships...and ultimately I think that is the key to writing your own rules.

 

[tiara76]

Oh my goodness! Yes! How could I have forgotten to mention CITO? It was wonderful. It definitely helps you get to the knitty gritty of what's going on with YOU so that the authentic and most grounded YOU comes out in your relationships...and ultimately I think that is the key to writing your own rules.

i agree...if one wants something real they need to be real....I don't agree with the rules because as another poster said, it is a band aid to a real problem.....there is a difference between "acting" a certain way and being a certain way.....if there are alterior motives in getting a man, ego manipulation for those men who CAN be played with that way, those certain types of rules may work, however its all a game and an ego booster on the flip side for the female as well....and it can be "fun"....however if one isn't actually a game player and thinks just following some rules and acting them out will make them into "winners"......some may still wind up getting played and ending up in worse states than before they started

if one wants a real authentic relationship, that goes out the window when purposely being inauthentic is a tactic used to get a real relationship...

if a man is feeling you, he will show it, and he will show it even more when he's feeling you and he feels you are feeling him.....if he's feeling you for real and you are "acting" aloof....he can just as easily fall back and even chalk it up to you not liking him....on the real tip its very backwards to act like you are not into somebody when you really are....

 

[DaPPeR]

I read these books in and out and no matter what at the end I'm just me and continue to do things my way.

 

[Ramya]

I don't follow "the" rules but I follow my own rules. I clearly know what I want and refuse to settle for less.

 

[Aveena]

What a great breath of fresh air to blow into this forum! Thanks for this thread. I look forward to the responses. BTW I'm not dating right now but I've always done things my way...lol

 

[Syrah]

I'm not following the rules....but never thought "the rules" were meant to be followed literally, line by line.

It's more about setting your expectations and adhering to them throughout the dating process...not making sacrifices you would otherwise be unhappy to make for the sake of continuing a relationship.

I'm doing me. And I'm enjoying it.

 

[*5+5]

I was a Rules girl by birth so not overcompensating was just "me" b/c I always thought I was the shyt and if you wanted to share my world then you were going to have to all but fight a lion to get w/me. I think if you are a rules girl by nature then cool, but if you have to be hard pressed, siking yourself out just to play a long then it's best that you be yourself. I was using the Rules when I met SO but I didn't know what the rules were at the time. After 3 months of dating all the rules were out the window. Even now, if he doesn't call me, I'll call him. I call him when I choose, I talk his head off at times. Even when he calls to ask a simple question, I throw in extra sentences to prolonge the conversation. I don't always dress up to impress him and all of that either. He just gave me a foot massage the other day and I had chipped toe nail polish.