any articles or blogs on keeping a guy?

celiabug

celiabug

New Member
If you've read any of my posts you would see that I don't have much luck in love. For some reason I cannot get a guy to stay faithful to me or to stick around much longer than 6 months.

I'm attractive (not trying to be conceited). I'm independent. I'm in school. Educated. People think I'm funny. I have a lot of friends but when it comes to men they always leave me. What the heck is going on? I'm 22 and I want to fix my issue now before its too late. Any advice?
 
LovelyLouboutin said:
I think it's just how a lot of guys are at that age.have you tried dating older men
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Yea I dated someone 10 years older than me and he still cheated. I'm not trying to find someone to settle down with I would just like to have an actual relationship. I have never really had one.
 
hey 6 months is kind of a long time.

but i can tell you now just from a casual perusal, you are too nice to men. if you treat men like you are a doormat, they are going to walk all over you. you have to demand respect from men because lord knows half of them don't naturally give it. toughen up.

first tip: dont apologize for knowing that youre attractive.
 
bunnycolvin said:
hey 6 months is kind of a long time.

but i can tell you now just from a casual perusal, you are too nice to men. if you treat men like you are a doormat, they are going to walk all over you. you have to demand respect from men because lord knows half of them don't naturally give it. toughen up.

first tip: dont apologize for knowing that youre attractive.
Click to expand...

My newest ex told me I was too nice to my friends. I don't know how to not be nice. I try not to be a doormat, I dont think I do too much but I don't even know anymore.
 
You need to do a better job at picking the men and identifying red flags early on. Don't be afraid to walk away if something isn't right.
 
Wish I could reply with some advice, but I'm soon to be 29 in the same boat. I've dated men from different backgrounds/professions/race and its the same. I simply can not get a man to commit to me or date long term. I too, think I'm fairly attractive. I don't what it is. Sorry I couldn't help.
 
celiabug said:
My newest ex told me I was too nice to my friends. I don't know how to not be nice. I try not to be a doormat, I dont think I do too much but I don't even know anymore.
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You sound like me.

Listen,

Don't change. Eventually you will find the man who is accepting of all of your qualities... not just tolerant of them for the mean time.
 
*~Mocha~* said:
Wish I could reply with some advice, but I'm soon to be 29 in the same boat. I've dated men from different backgrounds/professions/race and its the same. I simply can not get a man to commit to me or date long term. I too, think I'm fairly attractive. I don't what it is. Sorry I couldn't help.
Click to expand...

I just want someone to be serious with me. I've never had a serious relationship meanwhile my sister is at her boyfriends families house right now. Idk what it is either :(
 
You don't need to learn to keep a guy. You need to learn to enjoy your own company. Do you have any hobbies? Anything you want to learn?

You come across to me as too needy and as someone who pushes for a relationship when it's just not going in that direction. If this is the skinny guy with the bald patch, this guy told you in the beginning that he wasn't feeling you like that. You let him spend the night all the time but said no sex without commitment. He didn't want a commitment but you seemed to force the issue.

You seemed to make this guy your personal project....how to help him gain weight, how to help with his bald spot. I don't recall him doing much at all for you....at least nothing I recall you posting beyond movie dates.

When a man is interested, you won't have to guess or chase him. You need to realize that you're the prize. Being available to him too often is a mistake.
 
celiabug, as naturalmanenyc mentioned you are the prize and you should take the time out find that out. Get to know who you are (likes, dislikes, goals, fears, dreams, etc.) before you allow a man into your personal space. Light is attracted to light. While you are getting to know yourself your own personal light (confidence) will shine through and the right man will come along. You won't have to ask "why can't I keep a man", you will be saying "this is why you can stay and this is why you need to go."
 
There is no set formula on how to keep a man. The best bet is to find someone who you can be yourself around.

OP...I think you really need to chill out and get to know yourself. I think you also need to figure out how to boost your self esteem because you don't strike me as a woman who is comfortable in her own skin. Some of the stuff you put up with, a self-assured woman wouldn't give the time of day too.
 
Really take the time to listen to yourself and others. Often you ask for advice, engage on a very surface level, then disappear. If you really want things to change, you must stop, slow down, and really engage with yourself and others on a deeper level. Read some good books, try to figure out why you don't know your worth, etc.
 
Everyone is so right in this thread. I really do have some issues I need to work on. I've thought that for awhile but I have a habit of blaming others instead of actually looking at myself
 
Learn to be happy and at peace with yourself. Easier said than done, but once this happens (in my case anyway) men started treating me differently. If you're happy with yourself, then the challenge for a man will be to add to your happiness, or protect it.

So you have to learn for yourself what it means to be happy. Get over anything from your childhood that prevents you from having good relationships, learn to forgive others so that your focus is on yourself and not them. There's so many things you can do. Everyones journey is different but it's not about you keeping the man, it's about them keeping you.

Lenonhonor.com website really helped me.
Also, the book why do men marry/love b**ches
 
While I don't disagree with the above posters bc they seem more aware of your patterns than I am, I will say that some women can analyze themselves all day and still end up with losers. Some women were never "taught" certain things. They don't know what they don't know and never will unless someone else tells them.

That said, the relationship business is a multi-billion dollar industry today because of that. So there are blogs/websites you can consult.
OP- you should google:

Paul C. Brunson
Askmen.com
Baggage Reclaim
Blackandmarriedwithkids
SingleBlackMale

Some of those sites will give you insight into how men think.
 
OP, you should start by reading "Why men love *****es".

Most importantly, as everyone else said, you need to know yourself and your worth.

I find that thinking you are attractive and knowing your worth are two different things. Get to know yourself and feel secure in who you are.
Once you do, you won't ask how to keep a guy, you will start to ask if the guy you are with is worth keeping.
 
I dont think I've ever worried about keeping a guy. Not even when I was busted and bald headed:lol: It aint about looks.

When Im getting to know a man I think

What is he going to do to keep me?
How will he prove he's good enough to be with me?
Does he like me as much as I like myself?

Everything is focused on the man since I am the prize, why worry. If he doesn't turn out to be a good suitor then there's others out there.:yep: Sounds like a purely internal process, but it also affects men because they sense I am assessing them of their worthiness.

ITA with the advice about getting to know yourself and put yourself up as a prize. As you say, you are an attractive woman. I'm sure plenty of guys holler at you and want to be in your world. When they step forward you need to be thinking "why am I going to pick you out of the others". A guy that seems reluctant to commit is simply not good enough. BOOP NEXT! Save yourself the trouble of getting involved in someone like that in the first place.
 
I agree with the others, you have to know that you are the prize. Make these guys work for your attention and affection. Men like the thrill of the chase, the hunt. If you're begging them to hog tie you and bring you home, how is that fulfilling to anyone?

I encourage you to date several men and have fun. Heck, I kept 3 in rotation and 2 extras in the pocket when I was your age! I got proposed to a lot as well. You'll be surprised how they'll try to nail you down once they see that you have a fun and active life.
 
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