How important is a man's career? Am I being superficial?

VelvetRain said:
As you can see firecracker my views don't represent the norm especially on longhaircareforum. I look at relationships in an entirely different way. Besides it's my opinion. I don't need you or anyone else here to agree with them. Have a wonderful day:yep:
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You are damn right you don't need anyone to agree with your opinion. I will continue to give mine like you gave yours. Everyone doesn't want a fixer upper nor give a damn about someones potential. Good day, Good night midnight or whateva way you like to say adios.:lachen::lachen:
 
OP if you really need dating advice do yourself a favor and ignore 90% of the foolishness you read here on longhaircareforum.com A bunch of eternally single women who will stay single with their crazy outdated views. If you need dating advice your best bet is to talk to a man/happily married couples. I have always said taking dating advice from a single chick is suicide. Feel free to go in as you wish. I'm out:grin:.
 
I think you'll figure it out OP. As a nurse everyone asks "so when are you going to marry a doctor, do you date any docs?" etc. TBH Id rather date a plumber..and I have my reasons for feeling how I feel. Im not one of those people that is embarassed to tell them my dude does XYZ as a career, but for some people this is important and I can understand why it would be. With that said... this particular person that youre speaking of.....dude sounds like a lazy bum, and I sure as hell would not date him. He sounds unmotivated and you seem unhappy :nono:.
 
NijaG said:
1st Bolded: Sorry, but I think this is the most stupid, harmful, nonsensical and detrimental advice ever to be given to the African American women collective in general.

2nd Bolded: Too many black women are getting involved with men based on this so-called potential that never gets ACTUALIZED. They then find themselves saddled with passive-aggressive man-child who keep acting up because they know deep down they are not on the level of their female partners.
.
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re:bolded. Thank YOU. If anything it's bW who allow such bs, that whole thing about BW not acceptingf men with potential is completely nonsense IMO. We're alot more open to BS from what Ive seen compared to others since we';ve decided to bring race into it. Ugh
 
VelvetRain said:
OP if you really need dating advice do yourself a favor and ignore 90% of the foolishness you read here on longhaircareforum.com A bunch of eternally single women who will stay single with their crazy outdated views. If you need dating advice your best bet is to talk to a man/happily married couples. I have always said taking dating advice from a single chick is suicide. Feel free to go in as you wish. I'm out:grin:.
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You are also single. Bf and all, in the eyes of the law you are single.

I also doubt any of the married women on here would agree with you so there goes that.
 
FelaShrine said:
You are also single. Bf and all, in the eyes of the law you are single.

I also doubt any of the married women on here would agree with you so there goes that.
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Damn :lol:
 
FelaShrine said:
You are also single. Bf and all, in the eyes of the law you are single.

I also doubt any of the married women on here would agree with you so there goes that.
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How long have you been single? I can guarantee you there is not a married woman who will disagree with what I have said. Only miserable single women who have been single for x amount of years will disagree with the views I have posted. Half of the relationship advice given here isn't even from a biblical perspective and you expect it to work wonders in your life? Girl please. The majority of black women love sugarcoated dating advice and advice that makes them feel good. The best advice does otherwise and only then will you see positive changes in your life. So there goes that:grin:
 
VelvetRain said:
I can guarantee you there is not a married woman who will disagree with what I have said. O
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All the advice married women have mentioned even on this board alone goes against what you stated.

Until you have an engagement story to tell or wedding pics to show, you making snide remarks on unmmarried women giving advice makes no sense. Sorry.

Plenty of non-Americans who put a man's career/ambition as #1 important thing and they are doing very well marriage wise, not sure why you constantly feel the need to bring BW down well black american women cos other BW are definitely "superficial" in that regard esp Africans and they stay getting married so...
 
VelvetRain said:
How long have you been single? I can guarantee you there is not a married woman who will disagree with what I have said. Only miserable single women who have been single for x amount of years will disagree with the views I have posted. Half of the relationship advice given here isn't even from a biblical perspective and you expect it to work wonders in your life? Girl please. The majority of black women love sugarcoated dating advice and advice that makes them feel good. The best advice does otherwise and only then will you see positive changes in your life. So there goes that:grin:
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I'm married and I disagree. :look: *shrugs*
 
I would def take into consideration that some professions have higher rates of infidelity/divorce but would not necessarily rule someone out based on profession alone unless it was being a prostitute...
 
FelaShrine said:
All the advice married women have mentioned even on this board alone goes against what you stated.

Until you have an engagement story to tell or wedding pics to show, you making snide remarks on unmmarried women giving advice makes no sense. Sorry.

Plenty of non-Americans who put a man's career/ambition as #1 important thing and they are doing very well marriage wise, not sure why you constantly feel the need to bring BW down well black american women cos other BW are definitely "superficial" in that regard esp Africans and they stay getting married so...
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THANK YOU. Being in a relationship/shacking up/having a man is NOT the same thing as being married.
 
I want to add my personal thoughts. I am a woman with a fixer-upper man that I adore. I don't care what anyone thinks, it works for me. I was going by what the OP said and how she feels. And going by that, she shouldn't be with this man. He is not her speed, nor will he be anytime soon. If she were down for all of what it takes to be with someone who earns less or may be less ambitious, then I would tell her that she's being judgmental and harsh. But the fact is, she stated what she wanted. Love is not enough in this situation and there is nothing wrong with that.

We don't always have to settle for someone just because they are good for right now. I understand where VelvetRain is coming from, I just don't agree in THIS case. This man is not what she wants or needs right now. She can probably do better and he can also do better. They both will be better off with someone who wants what they want.

I don't think we should get upset with one another because we don't agree. It's not about us. :)
 
VelvetRain said:
OP if you really need dating advice do yourself a favor and ignore 90% of the foolishness you read here on longhaircareforum.com A bunch of eternally single women who will stay single with their crazy outdated views. If you need dating advice your best bet is to talk to a man/happily married couples. I have always said taking dating advice from a single chick is suicide. Feel free to go in as you wish. I'm out:grin:.
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So are you saying that OP should ignore your advice since taking dating advice from a single chick is suicide? I've always found it odd that you comment on why others shouldn't take advice from single women, but you still offer your advice even though you are not married...and you never clarify to the OP (or whoever you are giving advice to at the time) that you are not married. That just seems odd to me. :ohwell:
 
Just follow your gut. When you rationalize away your feelings thats when u make mistakes because you arent being true to yourself. No one (married or single) can tell you what is best for you or what will make you happy. Only you can discover that from the dating process.

You already have your answer from your original post. You said you dont want to wait on him to get it together. But since your mom had a different opinion & because of fear (you said you are "afraid") now you 2nd guess your true authentic feelings about the situation.

A few years from now, you may have no problem being there for a man who is still in process of establishing himself but right now thats isnt what u want & thats ok.
 
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I've been traveling for work the past couple of days and haven't been able to respond but I have an update.

I knew my BF and his boss at the car dealership weren't getting along for a while. He told me sometime last week (after I created the original post) that his boss tried to stiff him on the commission of one of the cars he sold, so he quit. Meanwhile, he'd been talking to a friend (former bad boy) about another opportunity, so he decided to pursue that. It turns out that this "opportunity" consists of him recruiting people to do door-to-door sales, selling Comcast products. The position is not through Comcast, it's for a company contracted by Comcast.
If I had any doubts before, I knew at this point that it's over. Right, wrong or indifferent, I have no desire to be with a door to door salesman. It's not in the direction that I'm going, and it's not in the direction of a true career path for him, either. The subject of going to school seems lost at this point. I saw a glimpse of what my future would be like with him (especially if we ever had children), and I know that's not the life for me.
 
misskris816 said:
He wanted to get out of bartending because he knew I wasn't thrilled on being with a bartender. And then his Mom came into the bar on her birthday and he had a birthday shot with her (which you're not supposed to do), and got fired. :ohwell:
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So he left the job because of you???. but yet you can't support him in what he wants to do?

I don't know, I'd stick by him for a little while longer and see what happens. Has anything happen recently to make him not pursue going to college yet?, maybe he changed his mind. maybe he's waiting until Spring 2013.
 
mochalocks said:
So he left the job because of you???. but yet you can't support him in what he wants to do?

I don't know, I'd stick by him for a little while longer and see what happens. Has anything happen recently to make him not pursue going to college yet?, maybe he changed his mind. maybe he's waiting until Spring 2013.
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I never asked him to leave his job....and he also got fired before he had the opportunity to leave. He ultimately chose to work at the car dealership because it seemed like a more stable job than bartending.
 
misskris816 I'm glad you decided not to waste anymore of your precious time on that guy. Give him the boot so you are available for the real man that is waiting for you. Learn from your mistakes but don't allow the ghost of the past to take up residence in your heart, mind and soul. Good luck and have fun dating.
 
misskris816 said:
I
If I had any doubts before, I knew at this point that it's over. Right, wrong or indifferent, I have no desire to be with a door to door salesman. It's not in the direction that I'm going, and it's not in the direction of a true career path for him, either. The subject of going to school seems lost at this point. I saw a glimpse of what my future would be like with him (especially if we ever had children), and I know that's not the life for me.
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:nono: so glad you decided that this wasnt for youcos best believe years from now you'd be back here with a thread talking about how you're the sole breadwinner and he's still 'figuring out his dreams".Dont let ANYONE make you feel bad for wanting better

working with a brother esp one who is full of ish is for the birds.
 
misskris816 said:
I've been traveling for work the past couple of days and haven't been able to respond but I have an update.

I knew my BF and his boss at the car dealership weren't getting along for a while. He told me sometime last week (after I created the original post) that his boss tried to stiff him on the commission of one of the cars he sold, so he quit. Meanwhile, he'd been talking to a friend (former bad boy) about another opportunity, so he decided to pursue that. It turns out that this "opportunity" consists of him recruiting people to do door-to-door sales, selling Comcast products. The position is not through Comcast, it's for a company contracted by Comcast.
If I had any doubts before, I knew at this point that it's over. Right, wrong or indifferent, I have no desire to be with a door to door salesman. It's not in the direction that I'm going, and it's not in the direction of a true career path for him, either. The subject of going to school seems lost at this point. I saw a glimpse of what my future would be like with him (especially if we ever had children), and I know that's not the life for me.
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Dude can't keep a job...good riddance sista!
 
mochalocks said:
So he left the job because of you???. but yet you can't support him in what he wants to do?

I don't know, I'd stick by him for a little while longer and see what happens. Has anything happen recently to make him not pursue going to college yet?, maybe he changed his mind. maybe he's waiting until Spring 2013.
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Did I miss the purple font?
 
TrueToHair said:
The very end of the post says he got fired for doing birthday shots with his mom. He didn't "leave for her."

The post after that says he got fired from his car salesman job. So now he goes door to door selling cable.
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I understand that. I get all of that already.
 
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