Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yrslf?

[Glib Gurl]

You know, people want to act like it's all roses, but there are a lot of things that go on behind closed doors. Part of the reason people keep things a secret is because they are ashamed, or think that it's strange. But, I'm willing to bet that if more people were honest with others and themselves, they would realize that these types of subtle criticisms are just a part of their relationship.

So yeah, does your mate get on you about changing or fixing something about yourself? (On the flipside, do you get on HIM about something.)

Now I'm not talking about yelling and harsh words -- that is just abuse. I'm just talking about those little side comments . . . often stated in jest, but, in fact, have truth buried within them.

This is an anonymous, multiple choice poll, so even if you don't respond, I hope that you will vote.

*sits back and waits for folks to come up in here and post how their relationship is perfect, how their dh compliments them about everything in every way everyday *

 

[LBoogie]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

He thinks I need to think more before I speak.



I've been working on it...for a very long time.

I didn't see an option for needing an "attitude adjustment' so I didn't vote.

ETA: He also thinks I shop too much, have too many clothes, etc., AND that I could keep my closet alot neater.

 

[TayMac]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

I chose the cuss/get mad option for "attitude adjustment" as E put it because that would be my SO's top complaint with me.

I'm doing alot better and he let me know he appreciates it.

 

[natural2008]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

He tells me I buy too much food and I always tell him no I don't. I love the grocery store :0).

 

[natural2008]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

Oh yes and he also comments on my weight becasue he says I lost to much weight. I eat 6 times a day and am a runner and he says my butt isn't as big as it use to be.

 

[SunySydeofLyfe]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

This is what I complain about to him..... Weight and snoring and messiness and stagnant ambition.

 

[NOEChic]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

he doesnt like it when i cuss. even if we are in the middle of a heated discussion and i curse he will be like stop cussing.

 

[Whimsy]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

he complains that i don't go to the gym with him anymore.
he knows i rather do my workouts solo. sometimes i'll appease him, but he gets on me about that.

 

[ambergirl]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

Number 1 reason I am single.

We should be willing to compromise for relationships to work but I will not tolerate someone picking me a part because of anything like weight, my laugh, the way I talk, the books I read, etc. I've seen more then a few of my girlfriends hook up with these men who feel like its their right to dictate and demand who they are and how they should be and after awhile it wears folks down.

 

[Syrah]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

Yea, he's asking me to fix my habit of digging around in his wine collection. I go there first before he gets a hug.

And he asks me to work on my communication - which I'm well aware of the fact that it needs some serious tweaking.

Other than that, he's a supporter of me fixing whatever it is that I want to change. He doesn't complain about my weight or level of fitness because I AIM to make sure that I'm on top of that long before he ever NEEDS to comment.

 

[lushcoils]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

And he asks me to work on my communication - which I'm well aware of the fact that it needs some serious tweaking.

Do you mind elaborating about what you need in terms of communication? I'm afraid that I will struggle with this also.

 

[lavaflow99]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

In my past relationship, my ex would complain about my hair (had dandruff issues), my clothes, my face, my lack of authority, my friends, my cooking....i don't know how that lasted 6.5 years....SMDH....

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

The only complaint DH has with me, that he's spoken of at least, is that I'm not touchy-touchy, feely-feely, kissy-kissy enough He's very affectionate and I think he'd love me to be so too, but I didn't grow up that way, so it's a bit of a struggle for me.

 

[dlewis]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

HC, YOU LOOK GREAT!!

 

[dlewis]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

My husband has had several issues with me over the years. Alot of those issues I have made an effort to work on. It has never been like "YOU FAT, YOU MEAN, YOU NEED TO DO THIS AND THAT". It more like, after I've gone off about something, he'll say "you need to work on your temper". After awhile I realize that wasn't the person I wanted to be so I made an effort for me, for us and for our family. But overall his belief is that you love and accept people for who they are. I DO NOT AGREE WITH THAT!

You know sometimes you don't realize something is wrong or you might realize it and because it's the normal in the family you grew up in you're ok with it. I have asked my family to call me out on what I do that they view as wrong. I figure that's the only way I'm going to grow into the person I want and need to be.

 

[dlewis]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

I have in the past commented on issues I've had with him. I haven't commented on anything lately, I'm kinda staying to myself and working on some of my own crap.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

he says I am selfish....I agree

 

[shinyblackhair]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

HC, YOU LOOK GREAT!!

OMG I AGREE!!!

 

[mrselle]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

Nothing lately, but when we were first married he didn't like the fact that I would keep things bottled up inside instead of talking to him about my issues or concerns. I would stomp around the house and slam doors and he would ask me what was wrong and I'd respond with, "Nothing." Also, when we would argue I would scream and yell while he would remain calm. The screaming, yelling and passive aggressive behavior is what I saw growing up so I didn't know of a better way to voice my concerns or frustrations. But in time I learned. Another thing I used to do is run to him with every.single.thing his family did to upset me. That got old after a few years. It took a while, but I caught on to his family's game and stopped running to him over every little thing. Wonders of wonders, when I stopped running to my husband over every little thing, they stopped messing with me.

As for him, I can honestly say that when I bring something to his attention he usually tries his best to fix it. There are times when he just brushes me off, but for the most part he does try. My main issue is that sometimes he hears what he wants to hear instead of hearing what I actually said.

 

[LunadeMiel]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

He says that I'm spoiled and expect other to do things for me just because I agree with him

 

[Theo]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

One thing I do like about my BF is that he totally accepts me for me even though I have a lot of flaws lol

Main thing, I think he wishes I was neater. But I wish I was neater too lol

 

[Britt]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

I think for the most part, he accepts me just as I am.
The only thing he may gripe about is if I take things too seriously or he'll joke around about me being a little messy. But he has no complaints in terms of looks, me cooking, me doing this, that, etc....

I'm the one that will comment on him doing this, that, the other.....

I just remembered... he always says I curse too much, and that I don't let him finish speaking when we are arguing... I will usually get hot tempered and curse. We just have two entirely different temperaments. I'm very reactive, he's much more passive. When i'm upset and mad, I'm going to curse, yell, etc... he speaks calmly.... I wil get my point across even if it's not yelling, I will be crude. I do try to be more cognizant of this tho, and if he's speaking I will try and let him finish speaking.

 

[Triniwegian]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

No, he never has. We have been together for 2.5 years and he has never suggested that I'd change anything.

 

[madamdot]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

No not really. I think he would prefer if I wore more skirts but he has not asked outright . . . I just notice his reaction when I do

I ask him not to cut his hair too short . . . and he has asked the same of me if I ever decide to cut it - as in the pixie cut I had a few years ago. But that's pretty much it! We've been married for 3.5 years so it might be early days yet!

 

[calmsensual1]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

He criticizes me all the time. He's African though. I've grown numb to it over the months. I do criticize him too, so its whatever.

 

[Ganjababy]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

I am the complainer. He never complains. He is quite easygoing, except when it comes to sex. He would love more sex, but he never complains about it. He just becomes down and quiet when he does not get enough. Which is as annoying as complaining in my opinion.

ETA: Just remembered something. He has complained about 1 thing. He used to complain about my heavy spending and attitude towards money. He had to pay off my credit card bills a couple times-so I guess he had reasons to complain and I tried to not let it bother me too much.

I can't handle a man who complains about my deficits, no matter how right he is. Nothing worse than a nagging man.

 

[ebonylocs]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

*sits back and waits for folks to come up in here and post how their relationship is perfect, how their dh compliments them about everything in every way everyday *

You expect to hear that on LHCF??? Seems most people on here admit that marriage is no walk in the park.

Anyway, my experience has largely been men that don't complain. I haven't had any really long term relationships though, so maybe issues just didn't have time to arise. In my longest mature relationship, I found that the few times I did something that I realised had bothered him (e.g. not wanting to complete colouring), I was the one who would bring it up and try to get him to talk about it.

BTW, what was the reason behind this question? Something in your past or current relationship?

 

[ParagonTresses]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

I selected no...for now. My friend and I are still fairly new to each other...in the "getting to know you" phase so of course he has no complaints right now. I'm going to sub to this thread and re-reply in a few months, though...

 

[kmn1980]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

He criticizes me all the time. He's African though. I've grown numb to it over the months. I do criticize him too, so its whatever.

What does that mean? Do African men criticize more than other men? I'm asking because I seriously don't know.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Re: Anonymous Poll-Does your mate get on you about changing/fixing something about yr

No, he doesn't really get on me about fixing stuff, probably because he has just given up. And I feel the same way.