Am I wrong for being a little mad/jealous

[Forever in Bloom]

My boyfriend is on a staycation this week and has been talking for weeks about taking his daughter to the zoo. Keep in mind that Tuesdays are free to the public, so everyone tries to make it there. I was talking to his friend who happened to see his text to me of him and his daughter posing at the zoo. I laughed about how he always sends me pictures of what he's doing or who he's with when I'm not with him - I guess to prove that he's not up to anything. I couldn't care less because I trust him. His friend said, "I wonder who's holding the camera though. Definitely not his other daughter who is pretty small". So I texted him that they looked cute in the pic and asked who was holding the camera. He quickly replied saying it was either her mom or older half sister. He then said that he met them at the zoo - she bought his daughter (by him) and other daughter there. I'm thinking, "So your child's mom is there too?" I know that if I hadn't asked, he probably would have never told me she was there. All this time, he had been saying he wanted to go there -alone - with her, and now they join in. Like I said before, it's free to get in and his child's mother has other kids (not by him) who probably wanted to go. Am I wrong for feeling jealous that she was there (like they were one big happy family enjoying time at the zoo) or a little upset that he didn't bother to tell me she was going to be there?

 

[CaraWalker]

at his friend dry snitching

 

[janiebaby]

Nope not wrong at all. It's probably no big deal or he thought it would be awkward. In any case you could've gone too (not sure how long you've been together). Either way your justified to feel how you feel. Bring it up casually or jokingly. Leaving out stuff shouldn't become a habit but again it's prob no big dealm

 

[PopLife]

His friend is messy.
Don't make a big deal out of it, he probably invited them so the older sister wouldn't feel left out.
I'm giving his friend the side eye tho...

 

[Ivonnovi]

Be mad at him being less than forthright about who accompanied him. DO NOT act like the "family" being there is the issue. This may be uncomfortable for you right now, but your "calmness and rationale" will pay off later.

If he's sneaky he's sneaky, and will be less guarded later; in the meanwhile just look at it like his DD got quality time with her mom, dad, and siblings.

 

[caltron]

I think it is a good thing your SO and ex are able to come together for events like this. It's good for the children. It's natural to feel jealous so don't feel bad about that. It's just part of the role you have to play when you date someone with children.

The thing I would be more concerned about is why your SO was not more forthcoming about the fact that his ex was going to be there. I would be bothered by the fact that 1) he didn't tell you his ex was going to be there; 2) he insisted on going alone with his daughter; and 3) his friend basically ratted him out on the sly. I don't understand the secrecy. Seems like there is more there than meets the eye.

Now it could be nothing, but I'd keep your eyes open to anything else weird like this.

 

[Forever in Bloom]

His friend is mine as well and has been for 2 years. We all work together. "Our" friend is always pushing him to take me out and do things with me and he'll do it right in front of both of us. He does not mind calling you out! Just today, he pointed directly at my head and said, "Is that a pimple?"

When I had my 5K, he asked him if he was going to go to support me - that should be the first thing any person would think of. My boyfriend is the type of person who won't do anything unless you bring it up/suggest it. Of course he hadn't. I knew better than to ask him because I knew he would find a way to let me down. Things that have happened to me in the past has caused me to be traumatized so I don't even bother to ask him.

I've got him in training right now. He keeps asking, "When are we going to hang out again?" I just tell him, "When you ask me" or "Why don't you think of something? Let me know what you come up with and I'll make sure to clear my schedule for you!"

I'm usually the one to make plans for us, because his procrastinator tendencies would fail him in that area. I used to be so easy and do it, but now I've taken up hobbies and am teaching myself Korean as well as relearning Spanish (took it for 7 years and still can't speak a word) Our friend is helping me because he is Hispanic and a native Spanish speaker. Bikram yoga and barre classes start next week - so I keep myself busy. Meanwhile he's wondering why I'm not so available anymore or wanting to spend time at his apartment (cheap date). I've told him this for 9 months. He suggested a movie and we went - 2 weeks ago, but haven't done anything since then. I was sick last week and TOM is in town this week (I go incognito and he knows to leave me alone and that as a Crab I go into my shell). I'll be on vacation in New York with my brother the week after next. I'm okay with taking this as far as I can until he's fully trained in speaking up and showing that he wants to spend time with me.

 

[Wildchild453]

I don't see the big deal. They weren't on a date, they simply enjoyed the zoo together. I'm sure his daughter was ecstatic to have both their attention at the same time.

 

[Country gal]

It seems suspect to me. If you hadn't asked would he volunteer the information.

 

[LiftedUp]

I think dating a man with a child brings about issues like this. It would've been great if he told you in advance but from your second description of him, the possibility of her showing up with the other child and staying without him knowing in advance exists. However, it is great that they are able to have a family outing.

At the end of the day, the child has two parents and should be afforded to opportunity to spend time with both parents; especially a young child who doesn't quite fully understand the family dynamics. Dating a man with a child may bring about this especially if he and the child's mother has a good relationship (which is the ideal) and it's something that you will just have to deal with.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

There's nothing wrong with him spending time with his daughter and his daughter's mother. It's great that they can get along and spend time with their daughter together despite not being a couple. What's troublesome is his lack of disclosure to you, OP about what is happening. He made it sound like he'd be having some father-daughter time and instead it's a party lol. But from the sound of it he doesn't take initiative in really anything, which would be very frustrating if I was in your position.

 

[TayMac]

I would be annoyed because it seemed to be done behind your back. He should feel comfortable discussing such matters with you. What was the nature of their split?

 

[dede1129]

I was in this situation before and it affected me because him and his ex were too close and because he felt certain things would be ackward for me he would leave out ALOT and I would always find out after the fact and then he would get defensive as if I was trying to mess up his relationship with his kids/Ex wife but my thing was if you are pursuing a relationship with me I should be included because you have to keep in mind they were once together and in love and regardless of what happened between them they are still the same people with potentially the same qualities that attracted them enough to be in love and have kids together and memories and for me, it only takes a moment to rekindle something that was so powerful once because of the comfort level that once existed.

 

[sylver2]

the fact that he didnt mention meeting them there would make me feel some type of way.

 

[Forever in Bloom]

I would be annoyed because it seemed to be done behind your back. He should feel comfortable discussing such matters with you. What was the nature of their split?

She broke up with him, saying that he didn't do enough for her and her 5 other kids (all from the same guy)

 

[Leesh]

It may be good he can connect with her that way, but that doesnt negate the fact that he wasnt forthright with his intentions.

That type of behaviour is what makes it suspect.

Slippin and slidin is a bad character trait in a mate. Whats the sneaking for unless theres something to hide

 

[naturalmanenyc]

That sounds like a fun family outing to me.

I'd be pissed that he didn't mention it and seemingly had no plans to mention it. I am even more suspicious since she dumped him.

I also find it weird that you haven't done anything with your boyfriend in two weeks although you work with him. Not even a lunch date?

 

[Forever in Bloom]

That sounds like a fun family outing to me.

I'd be pissed that he didn't mention it and seemingly had no plans to mention it. I am even more suspicious since she dumped him.

I also find it weird that you haven't done anything with your boyfriend in two weeks although you work with him. Not even a lunch date?

We've had 1 spur of the moment lunch date, yes LAST FRIDAY

Before that, every other Wednesday because I work early

I'm a weirdo and a Cancer: we like our alone time, aka hiding in our shell. That's usually my alone time where I can watch Wendy Williams Hot Topics, read a book, run errands. I like taking my break alone. He asks me to go early, but I come into work later than he does. I was sick alllll last week, out for a few days (he always offers to bring me medicine or stop by to baby me --> I don't like being coddled when I'm sick. I like to be left ALONE, so I just say "No, I'm good".) and this week he is on vacation. It's Tuesday and he hasn't said anything about wanting to spend time together, so I already know (he's a procrastinator) not to expect that.

 

[Farida]

My 2 cents...if this bothers you, you are setting yourself up for a world of hurt keeping a relationship like this going and eventually marrying him. Dude felt the need to not tell you about the wife FOR A REASON. It may or may not have something to do with what he expected your reaction to be. Whether he had good cause to fear your reaction is something you are in a better place to judge than we are. Either way, he felt the need to conceal the info. Second, even if it is a family outing...not like he and she alone, you are upset. Blended families are not for the faint of heart.

 

[ckisland]

Blended families are not for the faint of heart.

And that's why I would never date a guy with a kid. . . unless the mother had died . I wouldn't feel jealous in instances like this; I would feel like the intruder. I'm an old soul, or something, but I believe a man should have the highest level of respect for the woman who gave birth to his child. My butt would be trying to mend the family and get them back together . I've done this before to guys I was dealing with, and ended up single, but happy for them .

 

[Mortons]

I would be annoyed that they did not disclose they were going with the ex. I dont see why that wouldnt come up

 

[BonBon]

I can't do secrecy and lies. Especially about other women.

I'm not mad at the friend at all.

 

[Forever in Bloom]

My 2 cents...if this bothers you, you are setting yourself up for a world of hurt keeping a relationship like this going and eventually marrying him. Dude felt the need to not tell you about the wife FOR A REASON. It may or may not have something to do with what he expected your reaction to be. Whether he had good cause to fear your reaction is something you are in a better place to judge than we are. Either way, he felt the need to conceal the info. Second, even if it is a family outing...not like he and she alone, you are upset. Blended families are not for the faint of heart.

They were never married. She's just an ex girlfriend.

 

[Forever in Bloom]

And that's why I would never date a guy with a kid. . . unless the mother had died . I wouldn't feel jealous in instances like this; I would feel like the intruder. I'm an old soul, or something, but I believe a man should have the highest level of respect for the woman who gave birth to his child. My butt would be trying to mend the family and get them back together . I've done this before to guys I was dealing with, and ended up single, but happy for them .

He has another child with another woman as well, so I would be trying to create a 3-way marriage in that case. She had 5 with her first love and then he came along. If anything, she should be marrying the first guy, but he's a known cheater.

 

[nlamr2013]

It sounds like you and him are barely together. Have you ever even met the children?
Also, it seems that the mother met them there it could have been the children's idea to all go to the zoo and bump into each other.

 

[moneychaser]

Please dont tell your SO that his friend tipped you off when/if you decide to confront him.
Thats an ally you want to keep around!!!

 

[Topsido]

Why are you still with this guy?

 

[Forever in Bloom]

It sounds like you and him are barely together. Have you ever even met the children? Also, it seems that the mother met them there it could have been the children's idea to all go to the zoo and bump into each other.

No I've never met them and I think it's because he may be a bit guarded when it comes to them. Like, if we broke up, would they have already become attached? He dated the mother's children, but I'm the first gf after all that. He's never had to introduce someone new is what I'm saying. That's still no excuse. I asked him last Friday when I could meet them. He knows I love children - have worked with them since I was little. He seemed taken aback like, really? I've only asked you a million times. I've even purchased gifts for them - puzzles, they're obsessed with Doc McStuffin as well. The thing is, one of the mom's doesn't know we're dating (the one who met him at the zoo). She probably doesn't think he's dating at all. I know her and have met her a few times when they were together. She always suspected he had a thing for me (he told me) and he revealed that he always had, since we met. If she knew we were dating...

 

[LiftedUp]

She probably doesn't think he's dating at all. I know her and have met her a few times when they were together. She always suspected he had a thing for me (he told me) and he revealed that he always had, since we met. If she knew we were dating...

I thought that he was none the wiser but now I'm thinking that he knows exactly what he's doing.

Secondly, why are you pressed about meeting his child? I do not think that is absolutely necessary unless you get engaged with a set wedding date. The child should be protected as much as possible in this situation. Also, children talk. Don't you think that she would go back and tell her mother about meeting her father's female friend? Especially since they're on good terms, do you think that he wants his ex to find out about you two in this way, especially given the history?

 

[Forever in Bloom]

I thought that he was none the wiser but now I'm thinking that he knows exactly what he's doing. Secondly, why are you pressed about meeting his child? I do not think that is absolutely necessary unless you get engaged with a set wedding date. The child should be protected as much as possible in this situation. Also, children talk. Don't you think that she would go back and tell her mother about meeting her father's female friend? Especially since they're on good terms, do you think that he wants his ex to find out about you two in this way, especially given the history?

You're right because he has mentioned the same thing. My feeling is, it'll have to come out eventually. His child has done that though - his high school friend came over and played with them one day and they went back and told their mom that she was there.