Am I too strict?

[ixoyegodisgood]

Okay I have this co-worker of mine and she was telling me about this guy that she is seeing. He is 40 and she is 36 (no kids). He has six kids with 3 or 4 different women. He's told her that he has changed and that he made a lot of mistakes in the past and is ready to settle down. Is it just me or does this seem off? I know that I am pretty conventional/traditional but this seems like a lot to take on and I dont think that this guy has changed at all or he would marry the mother of his youngest child who has cerebral palsy. Did I mention that one of his six kids is where is an unofficial sperm donor for? That means there is no official court documents releasing him of his parental rights. SO that baby mama can swoop into the picture at any moment and demand $$$.

Does this sound odd? When I told her I dont trust the situation at all (when someone volunteers their life story to me, they better be prepared for my opinion, if I feel like giving it ), she and her friend both looked at me like I was crazy and that he probably has changed. Oh and he is a grandfather. Too much for my wittle (little) brain to wrap around.

Am I too strict? Is this the new normal?

 

[AngieB]

I don't think you're being too strict at all. And he may well be ready to settle down. It just wouldn't be with me....

 

[amara11]

what in the world?

 

[AngieB]

 

[Bunny77]

Why would you ask yourself if you're too strict?

I find it so funny when people mention that they have issues with a bonafide crazy situation, and then close their post with, "Am I unreasonable/strict/mean/not understanding?"

You know this situation is f'ed up... so no, you are not too strict.

 

[♥Lamaravilla♥]

No dear, you just have standards, nothing wrong with that.

 

[mscocoface]

What is that I am hearing.........................................

ALARM BELLS, RED LIGHTS, WARNING, WARNING, WARNING, DANGER, EMOTIONAL UPHEAVAL AHEAD. MOVE FORWARD AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!

Even if he has changed, he will be paying for these choices for YEARS to come.

Why would anyone want to subject themselves to that or is she thinking she won't be?

Run, don't walk, don't collect $200.....

Strict has nothing to do with this situation.

 

[Nayeli]

The fact that he is ready to settle down will have no bearing on me. The fact remains 6 children (and grandchild) with 4 mothers means you have poor judgment. So even forgetting the fact that you come with a tribe, you are incapable of making any sound decisions. What then qualifies you to be a good husband to me?

 

[fmnnity]

Strict, no. That's called having standards.

 

[ixoyegodisgood]

Why would you ask yourself if you're too strict?

I find it so funny when people mention that they have issues with a bonafide crazy situation, and then close their post with, "Am I unreasonable/strict/mean/not understanding?"

You know this situation is f'ed up... so no, you are not too strict.

Thank you all for your responses! You have NO idea...it makes me feel a lot better. Trust me, I dont think I am being unreasonable, but so many women that I work with have such low self esteem, it is astounding. It really makes you question your sanity when you have women who tell you that your standards are too high on a daily basis. It has gotten to the point where I eat lunch alone in my car. I will be 31 soon. I would love to get married in the next two years. But I am not going to rush into anything ever again. I don't care what is happening to my eggs as we speak .

The sad part is that the girl in the above post has like SIX siblings. NONE of them have told her to back away. They all appear to be in decent relationship. Decent can be deceiving, cause I really don't know much about these people.

Thanks again everyone!

 

[BlkHoneyLuv2U]

^^^ you havent reached that point of desperation as your friend has. I say no your not being desperate....strict has nothing to do with it

 

[Kerryann]

This is a bit too much for me im sorry but that brother would have bite the dust from he started to tell me his life story he just sounds like he could be one of those brothers with a crazy baby momma who would just kick in the door waving the four four for some diapers

 

[ixoyegodisgood]

This is a bit too much for me im sorry but that brother would have bite the dust from he started to tell me his life story he just sounds like he could be one of those brothers with a crazy baby momma who would just kick in the door waving the four four for some diapers

Not that it matters too much but everyone in the situation I was asking about is Mexican. I guess it shows that crazy knows no race!?

 

[divya]

Seriously?????

 

[lux10023]

i stopped reading after 6 kids---meh

 

[Kerryann]

Not that it matters too much but everyone in the situation I was asking about is Mexican. I guess it shows that crazy knows no race!?

Apparently so thats just too much

 

[complexsimplicity]

You talking about a real person or Kandi Burress? lol. It's crazy that your friend's situation is the exact same as hers was. And I know a few Mexicans. They're dream is to have like 10 kids, so I don't think you'll get a rationalized answer from most Mexicans.​

 

[ixoyegodisgood]

You talking about a real person or Kandi Burress? lol. It's crazy that your friend's situation is the exact same as hers was. And I know a few Mexicans. They're dream is to have like 10 kids, so I don't think you'll get a rationalized answer from most Mexicans.​

LOL..I forgot all about Kandi, but this is almost exactly like that! I think she has hit her breaking point. The girl I know is really ready to have a baby and I think with her whole family being coupled/ married is weighing on her. He makes good money for huge company that has an office in Las Vegas but he is going to transfer here to Chicago soon. I think he sees her as a mark and someone to take care of the youngest child while he is running the streets. If she brings up the situation to me again I am going to be blunt with her: the only way he could have changed if he marries the mother of his youngest child who has cerebral palsy and not breeding with her. Lord, send me a God fearing man soon. I really dont want to get this desperate!!!

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

Just bc he ready to settle down with his fertile behind down doesn't mean his motives are pure.I feel he just wants someone to take his bs.And to top it off if your friend who is border line insane for even talking to this dude marrys him any money she has is gone if that unoffical baby mama comes down which they will esp if the dude gets married.That way too many ppl involved and then the sick child that just too much..i think he looking for a addtional bank account to dip into.