Act like a goddess..get treated like one!
- Thread starter IntelligenceisBeautiful
- Start date
Chriselle83
New Member
I love this thread! I think this info is definitely true... but... what is the advice for married women who have put up with their husbands disrespecting them and not treating them like godesses? First attidude change... give time for hubby to change... then walk if he doesn't get with the program? Any success stories?
aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
This forum is so empowering in so many ways...
Lol, I feel like I need some "confrontation" classes. Seriously, though, I am very old fashioned and don't tolerate very bad behavior, but honestly, being "in your face" just isn't my style. I assume your mama taught you how to act right, I'm not gonna do it again. BUT...men really do seem to need a woman to get in their face sometimes...and they will mistake kindness for weakness.
Lol, I feel like I need some "confrontation" classes. Seriously, though, I am very old fashioned and don't tolerate very bad behavior, but honestly, being "in your face" just isn't my style. I assume your mama taught you how to act right, I'm not gonna do it again. BUT...men really do seem to need a woman to get in their face sometimes...and they will mistake kindness for weakness.
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GypsyGoddess
New Member
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THIS POST!
And I totally agree with it, after all, LOOK AT MY SCREEN NAME!!!
I grew up with my father in the home. And I notice that most of my female friends who don't have drama in their lives grew up with father's in their homes. And that is not to say that my father was Heathcliff Huxtable. He didn't sit down and talk to me about the things going in in my every day life. But he WAS THERE AND HE NEVER LEFT! I watched him get up every morning for 25 plus years and get up and go to work. And now all my siblings and I get up every morning and go to work. My mom did not work outside the home. Yet when there was something wrong with her car and she told him when he got home after work, he did not sit down until he went and looked at her car. IT WAS HIS RESPONSIBILITY TO MAKE SURE THAT CAR WAS RUNNING PROPERLY. Why??? Because if something happened to her and US (his kids) while in the car, guess who would have to come and get/see about us????
Yet, it is amazing how daughters can grow up and live in the same house, grow up with the same parents and yet turn out to be different when it comes to the men in their lives. I have more than one sister who has/is putting up with crap from their husbands/live-in boyfriends/ ex-husbands (yes, you read it correctly, she is putting up with crap from her EX-husband). Watching a loved one getting dogged out is a very difficult thing. I've seen the hurt in my dad's eyes and I've heard the hurt in his voice as he watched one of my sisters live with a boy (I say boy because men do not physically abuse their SO) who was physically abusing her. I know it is not wise to "never say never," but I doubt I would put up with any type of abuse from ANYONE (man, boss, friend, etc.) because I realize that it affects others who love me!!!
I don't for the life of me understand how, as one poster said about her friend who had sex with a guy who told her TO HER FACE that she was not his first choice, a woman can make such a foolish choice. What type of subliminal message is she sending to her kids? Single moms have to be careful of the people they allow into their lives because good or bad, it will affect the kids.
I once "dated" (dated is in quotes because we never actually went out, we exchanged phone numbers, talked on the phone, and he came over to MY house) a guy who during the beginning of the dating process told me that he had a female friend who came to town every so often and when she came to town he would be spending time with her. It took me some time (about 24 hours) but the more I thought about his statement, the more I didn't like it!!!!! In my very next telephone conversation to him I told him I didn't want him to call me any more. Of course, he tried the "but can't we still be friends?" bull crap. And I told him no, we can't be friends, because I don't need any friends in my life who would treat me like he tried to treat me. If this fool was bold enough to tell me this TO MY FACE, WHAT IN THE HE** WAS HE GOING TO SAY BEHIND MY BACK????
NOTE TO OUR YOUNG MEMBERS: when a guy says he wants to be "just friends," what he really means is that he wants is to maintain the option of making periodic booty calls to you without the added responsibility of maintaining a relationship. DON'T WILLINGLY ALLOW HIM MAKE FOOL OF YOU!
But I must admit, I evolved to where I am now and I thank God for helping me to learn the lessons I have learned. In my 20s, I took 'ish from guys that I shouldn't have taken. In my 30s, I began to see that I didn't have to take the BS, and guess what? I now have no man, but everything is still alright. I HAVE PEACE IN MY HOUSE AND PEACE IS A WONDERFUL, PRECIOUS THING! I WILL NOT LET ANYONE DISTURB MY PEACE!!! (Not a man, not a girlfriend who only dates losers and has nothing but drama going on in their lives.) Now that I am approaching 40 (I'll be turning 40 in 2009), I have had many men ask me over the years why I am not married. And for a long time, particularly in my 20s, I did not have an answer to that question. Now I quickly and confidently respond, "Because I don't play games!" Even at my age, I am amazed at the number of men and women who are still playing games in their relationships and wonder why their relationships are not working.
For those of you who don't know how to respond while on a date and he is disrespecting you, just walk away! I mean that spiritually as well as physically!!! HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING IS WRONG!!! You shouldn't have to explain. But if he is dumb enough not to know, he'll figure it out. I once had a guy who lived in the same apartment complex with me (this was in my 20s) not walk me to my front door after I visited his apartment (it was dark by the time I left and the complex was a huge one). That was my last time speaking to/talking to/ seeing him. I don't know if he ever figured it out, and frankly I don't care. My best friend, who is a guy, once said, "No one can ride your back unless you bend over," and over the years I have seen how true this statement is.
When deciding on screen names for this site, I hesitated using "Goddess" because like all of us women, we don't want to appear uppity and we were taught to always "play nice." But this original post is so on point and such a confirmation for me and such a reminder that if I don't believe in the Goddess in me no one else ever will.
And for all you happily married ladies out there, THANK YOU SO MUCH for being an inspiration to those of us who, despite all we've been through, still believe that God has a good man for us!!!
I apologize for the length of this post, but like Millie Jackson, "I HAD TO SAY IT!"
And I totally agree with it, after all, LOOK AT MY SCREEN NAME!!!
I grew up with my father in the home. And I notice that most of my female friends who don't have drama in their lives grew up with father's in their homes. And that is not to say that my father was Heathcliff Huxtable. He didn't sit down and talk to me about the things going in in my every day life. But he WAS THERE AND HE NEVER LEFT! I watched him get up every morning for 25 plus years and get up and go to work. And now all my siblings and I get up every morning and go to work. My mom did not work outside the home. Yet when there was something wrong with her car and she told him when he got home after work, he did not sit down until he went and looked at her car. IT WAS HIS RESPONSIBILITY TO MAKE SURE THAT CAR WAS RUNNING PROPERLY. Why??? Because if something happened to her and US (his kids) while in the car, guess who would have to come and get/see about us????
Yet, it is amazing how daughters can grow up and live in the same house, grow up with the same parents and yet turn out to be different when it comes to the men in their lives. I have more than one sister who has/is putting up with crap from their husbands/live-in boyfriends/ ex-husbands (yes, you read it correctly, she is putting up with crap from her EX-husband). Watching a loved one getting dogged out is a very difficult thing. I've seen the hurt in my dad's eyes and I've heard the hurt in his voice as he watched one of my sisters live with a boy (I say boy because men do not physically abuse their SO) who was physically abusing her. I know it is not wise to "never say never," but I doubt I would put up with any type of abuse from ANYONE (man, boss, friend, etc.) because I realize that it affects others who love me!!!
I don't for the life of me understand how, as one poster said about her friend who had sex with a guy who told her TO HER FACE that she was not his first choice, a woman can make such a foolish choice. What type of subliminal message is she sending to her kids? Single moms have to be careful of the people they allow into their lives because good or bad, it will affect the kids.
I once "dated" (dated is in quotes because we never actually went out, we exchanged phone numbers, talked on the phone, and he came over to MY house) a guy who during the beginning of the dating process told me that he had a female friend who came to town every so often and when she came to town he would be spending time with her. It took me some time (about 24 hours) but the more I thought about his statement, the more I didn't like it!!!!! In my very next telephone conversation to him I told him I didn't want him to call me any more. Of course, he tried the "but can't we still be friends?" bull crap. And I told him no, we can't be friends, because I don't need any friends in my life who would treat me like he tried to treat me. If this fool was bold enough to tell me this TO MY FACE, WHAT IN THE HE** WAS HE GOING TO SAY BEHIND MY BACK????
NOTE TO OUR YOUNG MEMBERS: when a guy says he wants to be "just friends," what he really means is that he wants is to maintain the option of making periodic booty calls to you without the added responsibility of maintaining a relationship. DON'T WILLINGLY ALLOW HIM MAKE FOOL OF YOU!
But I must admit, I evolved to where I am now and I thank God for helping me to learn the lessons I have learned. In my 20s, I took 'ish from guys that I shouldn't have taken. In my 30s, I began to see that I didn't have to take the BS, and guess what? I now have no man, but everything is still alright. I HAVE PEACE IN MY HOUSE AND PEACE IS A WONDERFUL, PRECIOUS THING! I WILL NOT LET ANYONE DISTURB MY PEACE!!! (Not a man, not a girlfriend who only dates losers and has nothing but drama going on in their lives.) Now that I am approaching 40 (I'll be turning 40 in 2009), I have had many men ask me over the years why I am not married. And for a long time, particularly in my 20s, I did not have an answer to that question. Now I quickly and confidently respond, "Because I don't play games!" Even at my age, I am amazed at the number of men and women who are still playing games in their relationships and wonder why their relationships are not working.
For those of you who don't know how to respond while on a date and he is disrespecting you, just walk away! I mean that spiritually as well as physically!!! HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING IS WRONG!!! You shouldn't have to explain. But if he is dumb enough not to know, he'll figure it out. I once had a guy who lived in the same apartment complex with me (this was in my 20s) not walk me to my front door after I visited his apartment (it was dark by the time I left and the complex was a huge one). That was my last time speaking to/talking to/ seeing him. I don't know if he ever figured it out, and frankly I don't care. My best friend, who is a guy, once said, "No one can ride your back unless you bend over," and over the years I have seen how true this statement is.
When deciding on screen names for this site, I hesitated using "Goddess" because like all of us women, we don't want to appear uppity and we were taught to always "play nice." But this original post is so on point and such a confirmation for me and such a reminder that if I don't believe in the Goddess in me no one else ever will.
And for all you happily married ladies out there, THANK YOU SO MUCH for being an inspiration to those of us who, despite all we've been through, still believe that God has a good man for us!!!
I apologize for the length of this post, but like Millie Jackson, "I HAD TO SAY IT!"
Belle Du Jour
Well-Known Member
Love this statement.
And I also realized that you don't need society's permission to believe you're fabulous. If that was the case, going by today's standards, only white women who wear a size 0 and have had extensive plastic surgery would qualify! I'm uppity and proud.
And I don't need any confirmation from anyone to think that.
Loves Harmony
Well-Known Member
Thanks for the post! I will email this to a few friends
Loves Harmony
Well-Known Member
Thanks for the post! I will email this to a few friends
latebloomer
New Member
Boy, when i tell you that this one sure means something to me, i was really daddy lil girl and still am. but i'm not going to lie i've been drawn into the trap of believing that if you had morals and consideration and treated people with genuine care that no one would ever want to take you for granted, and boy was i wrong, i learnt my lesson the hard way.
But a question to all the ladies out there, if you've fallen into that trap is there anyway of getting your man to acknowledge you as a goddess or is it best to move on. Basically if your man has previously taken you for granted is it best to move on or is it possible that your relationship can change for the better with that same partner? ? ?
reply's truly welcomed
But a question to all the ladies out there, if you've fallen into that trap is there anyway of getting your man to acknowledge you as a goddess or is it best to move on. Basically if your man has previously taken you for granted is it best to move on or is it possible that your relationship can change for the better with that same partner? ? ?
reply's truly welcomed
SweetNic_JA
Well-Known Member
Late Bloomer it's possible but it takes a bit of work. Everyone's relationship varies and everyone's experience is not the same, so I can only tell you what I would do to get those results.
If you want the man but need him to snap back into reality, I would end the relationship for atleast 2 months and make him suffer. He'll start calling, emailing, texting and showing up to get your attention. Do not give in. Hold back and let him show his true feelings and pour out his heart. Then, when you are finally ready (no sooner than 2 months, though) gradually become receptive of his advances and this is where your new rules apply. Start out with small yet meaningful discussions and let him know what it will take for you to stick around.
But never fall back into the same routine as before. Be serious about what you want. Become the Goddess.
P.S. It is important that you develop yourself during those two months. Get involved in Church, a volunteer group, take a class, or get more active. Reconnect with yourself. I feel this is the most important thing because you have to know and believe that you are capable of living your life without this man.
If you want the man but need him to snap back into reality, I would end the relationship for atleast 2 months and make him suffer. He'll start calling, emailing, texting and showing up to get your attention. Do not give in. Hold back and let him show his true feelings and pour out his heart. Then, when you are finally ready (no sooner than 2 months, though) gradually become receptive of his advances and this is where your new rules apply. Start out with small yet meaningful discussions and let him know what it will take for you to stick around.
But never fall back into the same routine as before. Be serious about what you want. Become the Goddess.
P.S. It is important that you develop yourself during those two months. Get involved in Church, a volunteer group, take a class, or get more active. Reconnect with yourself. I feel this is the most important thing because you have to know and believe that you are capable of living your life without this man.
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Choclatcotton
Well-Known Member
And I also believe that men listen to your actions not your words. Quote from OP. WOw SO profound
productjunkie814
Active Member
Thank you. I so needed this right now!
1Aleeesha
New Member
Ya know I really like this article...
I used to wonder if sometimes I'd be too hard on my husband but now... I don't think so one bit.
T
The root of my wonderations came from my being in business for myself, I learned really early on that men DO NOT take women seriously and you have to MAKE them take you seriously or they need to hit the highways, and a man in your personal life is no different than a potential business partner!
If all women knew this...
That's the only reason why I LOVE Kimora! She demands her respect.
I used to wonder if sometimes I'd be too hard on my husband but now... I don't think so one bit.
TThe root of my wonderations came from my being in business for myself, I learned really early on that men DO NOT take women seriously and you have to MAKE them take you seriously or they need to hit the highways, and a man in your personal life is no different than a potential business partner!
If all women knew this...
That's the only reason why I LOVE Kimora! She demands her respect.
Sad to say, but it works in most cases. I tend to walk away rather than try to correct a grown *** man, though.
This is me.
True, and the bolded is very important to keep in mind.
yes, some men are just not worthy
This is sad, and exactly the reason why i will not deal with a lot of males. I don't have time to train these fools.
IMO, a man eithe rknows how to deal with a woman the right way, or he does not. I am not dealing with a fixer upper in that way.
AnjelLuvs
Well-Known Member
I so need to revisit this thread... Lol... Irecently went out with a younger guy... why did we end up at an arcade... okay no qualms, but your man spent 10 minutes playing a solo arcade game 
erplexed... This thread made me realize that I actually stood there... erplexed...
erplexed... This thread made me realize that I actually stood there... erplexed... I so need to revisit this thread... Lol... Irecently went out with a younger guy... why did we end up at an arcade... okay no qualms, but your man spent 10 minutes playing a solo arcade game
'I knew it was over when he...'
jk
cocoberry10
Well-Known Member
Just bumping this up!
prettyFine
New Member
while doing my hair on this sleepy sat night i wanted to read and address this wonderful post. thank your for typing this. many women and myself will benefit hugely. but i wanted to stop you for a moment right where i cut off the paragraph.
i think the first reason a man or woman boy or girl is first and foremost because ...drumroll...this is a low, mean person. secondly because you allow them to.
it takes a certain type of person to be mean as hell and enjoy seeing someone treated with evil. and i think its important for women to know that its not their fault that someone else is like that or treating them like that. not that you are implying this of course not your post is wonderfully written! I just wanted to reach those women and there are many who will think this way. even men who's wives have cheated feel this way. they think what is it about me that made her not want me or mistreat me or...and then goes the low self worth. i just wanted to address this part of thinking.
i've been given the opp to fire people tell something negative about an enemy and i could go on. but because i wasn't a low person i did not. i don't have self esteem issues that i place on others. if you are not careful this happens more often then not and people end up internalizing someone else's meanness as their not worthy of being treated nicely. and that's simply not true.
i think it's important to recognize this because it takes a person back to the same question why are they always dealing with dogs? and there lies the root of the problem. in other words they can continue shutting down mr. wrong once they realize he is not worthy. but what keeps that person from dating this same type of man? going into a state of depression because the last 3 were like that? realizing it was that person. and not them. i think many women will avoid depression and self esteem issues if they would only realize this.
why are some of these people treating them like this?
for some it's that those men or women have issues where as they like to take them out on their boyfriend or girlfriend. yes they know what they are doing. but to them it's justified seeing that they are relieved by not having to deal with their issues themselves.
for some its just plain and simple. they got alot of hell in them. some people are hell bent on making someone else's life miserable. and you or i can't do anything about. and if you do you'll be so tired of trying and they will still be low as hell.
for some it's the environment he or she lives in. if you keep dating a brotha who settles for a corner store cashier as a main source of income he's likely not going to value you if he doesn't value his career and future. if you are constantly in the presence of men who have several children but is not married and doesn't want to be you may want to change your surroundings or date men at your school who's pursuing a better life like yourself.
no if he or she is mean to you and you've done nothing to them then they are at fault. so please do not take it personal. just learn to keep your guard up until it's been proven you can inch it down a little. then proven more. and more. notice i said inch and not drop it like a hot skillet.
if he or she proves to not be mr. or mrs right then you make the right move and not allow them to treat you wrongly. but remember its not you that makes them act as ###.
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while doing my hair on this sleepy sat night i wanted to read and address this wonderful post. thank your for typing this. many women and myself will benefit hugely. but i wanted to stop you for a moment right where i cut off the paragraph.
i think the first reason a man or woman boy or girl is first and foremost because ...drumroll...this is a low, mean person. secondly because you allow them to.
it takes a certain type of person to be mean as hell and enjoy seeing someone treated with evil. and i think its important for women to know that its not their fault that someone else is like that or treating them like that. not that you are implying this of course not your post is wonderfully written! I just wanted to reach those women and there are many who will think this way. even men who's wives have cheated feel this way. they think what is it about me that made her not want me or mistreat me or...and then goes the low self worth. i just wanted to address this part of thinking.
i've been given the opp to fire people tell something negative about an enemy and i could go on. but because i wasn't a low person i did not. i don't have self esteem issues that i place on others. if you are not careful this happens more often then not and people end up internalizing someone else's meanness as their not worthy of being treated nicely. and that's simply not true.
i think it's important to recognize this because it takes a person back to the same question why are they always dealing with dogs? and there lies the root of the problem. in other words they can continue shutting down mr. wrong once they realize he is not worthy. but what keeps that person from dating this same type of man? going into a state of depression because the last 3 were like that? realizing it was that person. and not them. i think many women will avoid depression and self esteem issues if they would only realize this.
why are some of these people treating them like this?
for some it's that those men or women have issues where as they like to take them out on their boyfriend or girlfriend. yes they know what they are doing. but to them it's justified seeing that they are relieved by not having to deal with their issues themselves.
for some its just plain and simple. they got alot of hell in them. some people are hell bent on making someone else's life miserable. and you or i can't do anything about. and if you do you'll be so tired of trying and they will still be low as hell.
for some it's the environment he or she lives in. if you keep dating a brotha who settles for a corner store cashier as a main source of income he's likely not going to value you if he doesn't value his career and future. if you are constantly in the presence of men who have several children but is not married and doesn't want to be you may want to change your surroundings or date men at your school who's pursuing a better life like yourself.
no if he or she is mean to you and you've done nothing to them then they are at fault. so please do not take it personal. just learn to keep your guard up until it's been proven you can inch it down a little. then proven more. and more. notice i said inch and not drop it like a hot skillet.
if he or she proves to not be mr. or mrs right then you make the right move and not allow them to treat you wrongly. but remember its not you that makes them act as ###.
I feel you on all of this, however it really does make one think what is truely WRONG WITH ME, that makes EVERY MAN in my close personal life treat me wrong in some way? From my father down to your husband of 17 yrs and the guard was inched waaay down on this one, you got sucker punched and totally did not see it coming at all. The only may you can remember in your life that has NOT dealt you an emotional or physical blow was your Grand Father, that happened to be ill when you were around him so your really do not know how even he would have behaved toward your should he have been at himself. So what do you do in this case? (sorry for any spelling errors)
keysha1983
New Member
wow! Thanks for the advice!
LightEyedMami
New Member
I completely agree me and my hubby are really young (20 And 21-going on 22) and we are both VERY old fashioned but i think it helps our relationship alot!....i had a dead beat father so i can't give him credit for my self-esteem i had to aquire it on my own.
Giselle685
New Member
Very Very True.
Giselle685
New Member
We have heard this, "You cannot control anyone but yourself."
In her post, she makes great points on how we tell a person how to treat us. VERY TRUE! I agree 100%. But after you have told that person, whether through actions or discussions, I do not think that we should grow APL Gray hairs on making sure they abide by our rules. There should be an instant point where an adult, should understand that there are certain standards that should be met in order to live in harmony with the person you love. Just because a standard is set, doesn't mean that it MUST be lived up to. It is possible that a person fully understands your standards and the goodness meeting those standards may bring, but they just don't want to do the work. It is okay. It is definitely their choice.
After you have done your part, there is nothing you can do to control the decision the other person may make in response to you.
Jade Feria
Well-Known Member
Powerful....
