This was written by a man,
I submit that a man’s “true colors” don’t manifest themselves over night. They are there, hiding, all along. However, your power of discernment becomes clouded by a noxious layer of lust/love/infatuation. Admittedly, there are some issues that, even after decades of marriage, Superwoman would not be able to detect, but in most women’s cases there are multiple red flags lining the road to perdition. You didn’t think he’d change, did you? Too many women marry men expecting them to change and they don’t; too many men marry women expecting them not to change and they do. (Take a second to let that digest.) Or maybe you ignored them because you were too enamored with the thought of finally being with someone that you neglected to consider whether you were with the right one.
The reason behind your man’s sudden “change” is relatively simple. Are you ready? Here it is. The number one reason your man has stopped doing the little sweet things he did to get you is the same reason your man is acting “brand new”, and it’s the same reason your man will continue to dog you out for years to come (Drum roll)….. It’s because you allow him to. Period.
On dates, when he should be showering you with attention, you allow him to answer his cell phone and hold ten-minute-long conversations with his “boy” (hmmm). You allow him to continue a friendship with an ex even though you know it gets a little “too friendly” at times. You allow him to interrogate you every time he hears that you were out with a male friend. You allow him to grow more dependent every time you reach into your purse to pay before giving him the chance to offer. You allow him to disrespect you when you let him drive your car without insisting that he fill up the tank and when you allow him to dart through a door ahead of you. And worst of all, you allow him to come crawling back after he has strayed outside of your “committed relationship” (does this relationship label even mean anything in 2007?). The humiliation of being cheated on should only happen once, not “time and time again” as Ater described in her piece.
Regrettably, you allow him to weasel his way out of answering the hard questions (if you even asked them) about painful memories and events from his childhood, his sexual history, his morals and values, and his faith in God. Despite the fact that he gives the shallowest, cliché answers to these inquiries, you still allow him free reign over two of God’s greatest gifts: your heart and your mind. (I won’t mention how you allow him to do whatever he pleases with your vagina. The rate at which women are serving up their bodies to strange men with no promises of fidelity could be the subject of another blog all by itself). I’ll stop here, but you get the point.
After lamenting the plight of black women for the first half of her piece, Ater hit the nail on the head with a much-needed message to black women. To the women who repeatedly find themselves in relationships with duplicitous dogs, she stated that “a person can only do to you what you allow them to.” In my words, YOU TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT YOU!” That’s worth repeating: YOU TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT YOU!
At the height of his career, the legendary Spanish painter Pablo Picasso made a famous remark about women that enraged feminists worldwide. Picasso asserted, “There are only two types of women in the world—goddesses and doormats.” Picasso was only partially right because his remark suggests that some women are born into a Doormat caste to dwell there in perpetuity. In my mind, all women (black, white, orange, purple) enter the world as goddesses since they were fearfully and wonderfully made at the wave of God’s infallible hand. However, it’s up to them to maintain their positions as royalty by demanding that the men who claim to love them treat them as such. Isn’t it about time you demanded more respect?
Lastly, understand that it’s not as simple as ordering men to grovel at your feet. You’ve got to be worthy of the type of man you desire. Be completely honest and ask yourself, “Am I the type of person my ideal man would want to be with?” If there’s very little about you that would attract a respectful, classy, thoughtful, grounded, educated brother, then it’s about time you make an about face.
Decide this day—this very second—how you will allow men to treat you. The choice is simple. The choice is yours. What will it be? Goddess or Doormat?
http://www.imperiousent.com/m...drew-st-2.html
