2016 Relationship And Dating Thread

Fine 4s said:
I'm not good at giving people space in a relationships.
If our routine deviates, I get annoyed, sad or suspicious.
I get upset if he wants to be in his own space! Like why? why wouldn't you want to be with ME if you're free.
Like it's crazy talk but yet, I still feel that way. What's wrong with me? I know my trust issues are at the root of it all but when will I heal?
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Fine 4s said:
I'm not good at giving people space in a relationships.
If our routine deviates, I get annoyed, sad or suspicious.
I get upset if he wants to be in his own space! Like why? why wouldn't you want to be with ME if you're free.
Like it's crazy talk but yet, I still feel that way. What's wrong with me? I know my trust issues are at the root of it all but when will I heal?
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Wow! Are you comfortable being alone? Do you trust yourself to make sound decisions or do you often have to reach out to others for affirmation?
Does your SO cover you? Do you feel protected and safe with him? Does he reaffirm his love for you often?
You don't have to answer these questions but I would start here. If you answered no to the first two questions then I would suggest you take some time to find confidence within. To really understand that your life can only revolve on choices you make, and that you have no power over others decisions when it comes to you.

If your SO isn't covering you then I would drop him. He may be creating this self doubt within you, but actively denying it for a few reasons: 1. You'll panic that you're acting "crazy" and ignore your internal instincts (which will drive you crazier) and 2. To create a dependence for him. He will make you feel like when you are with him, everything is okay, and you'll crave those times with him and hate being away.

HTH
 
@frogkissses thank you for the suggestions. I'll think about them.
I suspect it's more me. A combo of control, lack of trust and me engaging in behaviors that I wouldn't want him to engaging in. The same reason I trusted an ex is also the reason why I wasn't interested in him. He was always home, always available, no friends.
This one has a life and well...I'm still struggling. I remember your response to me about something I posted. I go back to it from time to time.

Anyway, I'm examining this mess.
 
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Not much going on really. We did have dinner last week which was nice but I can see myself competing with his job if we end up together. He is a workaholic, a sentiment shared by our mutual friends. His job is very specialized and his time is in very high demand so I'm not sure if we'll get any traction. I can easily see him being friend zoned quickly if he doesn't make himself available often and express interest in pursuing a relationship.

Shiks said:
Yo @okange76 how are things going? I saw you in my prayer list yesterday and thought I should check in.
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okange76 said:
Not much going on really. We did have dinner last week which was nice but I can see myself competing with his job if we end up together. He is a workaholic, a sentiment shared by our mutual friends. His job is very specialized and his time is in very high demand so I'm not sure if we'll get any traction. I can easily see him being friend zoned quickly if he doesn't make himself available often and express interest in pursuing a relationship.
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Abeg! What changed? Last week you were being stingy with your time now it is him? Are you at least interested?
 
I wasn't being stingy with my time. I went out of town and he happened to call. I had no idea that he wanted me to let him know when I was out of town. In my head I was like, you ain't my man yet so I don't need to give you my schedule. He was a little salty that I called him 3 days after I got back. He expected a call immediately.

We rarely get to talk often or see each other and it's because he's always working. Even the dinner was a reschedule and he excused himself twice to answer emails. We ended early coz he had to rush back to work.

I have a feeling like it will become my job to drag him out of the lab for breaks and I'm not sure if I want to sign up for that. He's already making plans for our next date but judging by his track record, it will be weeks before he comes up for air again. Not appealing to me at all.

Shiks said:
Abeg! What changed? Last week you were being stingy with your time now it is him? Are you at least interested?
Click to expand...
 
okange76 said:
I wasn't being stingy with my time. I went out of town and he happened to call. I had no idea that he wanted me to let him know when I was out of town. In my head I was like, you ain't my man yet so I don't need to give you my schedule. He was a little salty that I called him 3 days after I got back. He expected a call immediately.

We rarely get to talk often or see each other and it's because he's always working. Even the dinner was a reschedule and he excused himself twice to answer emails. We ended early coz he had to rush back to work.

I have a feeling like it will become my job to drag him out of the lab for breaks and I'm not sure if I want to sign up for that. He's already making plans for our next date but judging by his track record, it will be weeks before he comes up for air again. Not appealing to me at all.
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Sounds very unappealing to me as well. He wants to know where you are and what you are doing but has no interest in creating space in his life for you. People make time for what's important to them. If he cares about work so much, he can marry her then:). I wish I would feel like I have to make a man spend time with me. ***. You are doing the right thing. Keep trusting your instincts. And tbh most men who seem to be working all of the time are usually doing other things too -- I'm busy working just serves as a nice and acceptable cover.
 
okange76 said:
I wasn't being stingy with my time. I went out of town and he happened to call. I had no idea that he wanted me to let him know when I was out of town. In my head I was like, you ain't my man yet so I don't need to give you my schedule. He was a little salty that I called him 3 days after I got back. He expected a call immediately.

We rarely get to talk often or see each other and it's because he's always working. Even the dinner was a reschedule and he excused himself twice to answer emails. We ended early coz he had to rush back to work.

I have a feeling like it will become my job to drag him out of the lab for breaks and I'm not sure if I want to sign up for that. He's already making plans for our next date but judging by his track record, it will be weeks before he comes up for air again. Not appealing to me at all.
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None of that sounds very fun. It is a pet peeve of mine to have men ask for my schedule/call and ask where I am. Welp. On to the next.
 
frogkisses said:
I don't want for anything and I never hear no, I am protected and glad to begin my family with him (without kids lol). Those who get my lovin, get it all!
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Im the same way. And then when you don't get my loving anymore (because a breakup is imminent) you get nothing lol. Not even a french fry from my Zaxby's meal when I know you want some lol.
 
NaturallyBri87 said:
Im the same way. And then when you don't get my loving anymore (because a breakup is imminent) you get nothing lol. Not even a french fry from my Zaxby's meal when I know you want some lol.
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Before I broke up with my ex we went out for nachos and I seriously refused to share a drop of anything. He was getting pissed but I was adamant about my nachos being MINE. :lachen:I realized I wanted everything to be mine and I was damn tired of him intruding in my life lol
 
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@frogkisses how did the party go? That's interesting, my SO bday is this coming Sunday.


I'm not sure if I'm needy or I just like having him around. I hope I'm not needy.
 
girlonfire said:
@frogkisses how did the party go? That's interesting, my SO bday is this coming Sunday.


I'm not sure if I'm needy or I just like having him around. I hope I'm not needy.
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It was so nice :) one of the first time I truly got along with his family, including his mother. Not sure how long lasting it will be but this peace is nice! I had a surprise party with all his family at a race track where you can test drive Lamborghini's, Porsches etc. everyone had a great time! This is the first time I meet his true black side of the family so I am impressed :look:
Also his sister went into labor on his birthday and gave birth the next day! A child is always a blessing :2inlove:
 
frogkisses said:
It was so nice :) one of the first time I truly got along with his family, including his mother. Not sure how long lasting it will be but this peace is nice! I had a surprise party with all his family at a race track where you can test drive Lamborghini's, Porsches etc. everyone had a great time! This is the first time I meet his true black side of the family so I am impressed :look:
Also his sister went into labor on his birthday and gave birth the next day! A child is always a blessing :2inlove:
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Black side! Woo-hoo.
Sorry but that's a plus. I like him even more now lol
 
So I haven't dated in a looong while, but recently I met this guy at this lounge in Buckhead, Atlanta. I went to meet up with my cousin after this festival called Afropunk, and I looked like a complete weirdo with black lipstick and dramatic ripped bell bottoms. He hit on me soon as I walked in the door, and then proceeded to salsa dance with me to some reggeaton and then we danced like Zombies to thriller :wiggle: We were having a great conversation when I found out he was a doctor.:cup:

So yea, he's black rich and cute, and just texted me to see if I was free today to chat on the phone! Who does that anymore?! I'm not sure where it'll go but I like him so far.
 
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Men who think you are flirting with them at the store when you ask them a question yet they are wearing a store uniform. Discuss...
 
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