2016 Relationship And Dating Thread

Fine 4s said:
@Browndilocks

Here's something to think about. A friend of mine wanted to break up with his [then] girlfriend but wanted to do it after V-day because he didn't want to appear mean. (these people are in their 50s btw). His close friend explained to him that that was even crueler. Because now, the person has the memories and feels good to only be let down later.
I've experienced this as well and there's always that thought about well....didn't you know BEFORE we traveled? Someone might lose money or be upset but in the long run, I say be honest and give him the choice to travel with you or not but still breakup.
Just a thought....
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Your point is thoughtful. I think it would be a little different though if we were actually in a committed relationship. He's someone that I was trying to decide on whether we could really date. I was open to trying something new and quickly realized that it's just not for me. The wedding is of our mutual friend so he was going anyway.
 
I hate this in between part. The so we're hanging out, "talking", going on dates, going to meet each other's friends. But we're not together. I usually just get so impatient that I either peace out or I try and rush it to the next step.

Any tips for enduring this in between part?
 
Phoenix14 said:
I hate this in between part. The so we're hanging out, "talking", going on dates, going to meet each other's friends. But we're not together. I usually just get so impatient that I either peace out or I try and rush it to the next step.

Any tips for enduring this in between part?
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Read the book again to understand WHY you need to take your time. You will pay dearly if you rush.
Do you have all the information you need at this point to proceed? There's always something new to uncover about these mofos. Did some more.
Test him...put him in a situation to see how he reacts.
Meditate, idk just make sure you vet him WELL.
 
Fine 4s said:
Read the book again to understand WHY you need to take your time. You will pay dearly if you rush.
Do you have all the information you need at this point to proceed? There's always something new to uncover about these mofos. Did some more.
Test him...put him in a situation to see how he reacts.
Meditate, idk just make sure you vet him WELL.
Click to expand...
solid
 
Fine 4s said:
Read the book again to understand WHY you need to take your time. You will pay dearly if you rush.
Do you have all the information you need at this point to proceed? There's always something new to uncover about these mofos. Did some more.
Test him...put him in a situation to see how he reacts.
Meditate, idk just make sure you vet him WELL.
Click to expand...
Which book?
 
Want opinions: if you're out at a bar, or at an event and just talking to people. And a guy offers to buy you a drink. And you're in a relationship, would you accept the drink or nah? What is 'supposed' to happen here?
 
Ladies, it is bad that I feel like I'm at my happiest when I'm in a relationship?
Someone asked me this question and I tried to skirt around the question.
But the truth is, I love companionship and even enjoy the challenge of making it better and to grow.
I understand that it shouldn't be the end all be all but honestly, my goal is to have the long lasting companionship :(
I need to accept that.
More power to those who want to be single and are OK with it but for me, I love having someone to come home to every day.
Perhaps it has much to do with my lonely childhood and family dynamics, daddy issues but either way, in the here and now, I love [healthy] relationships.
THERE I SAID IT!
 
qchelle said:
Want opinions: if you're out at a bar, or at an event and just talking to people. And a guy offers to buy you a drink. And you're in a relationship, would you accept the drink or nah? What is 'supposed' to happen here?
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I would accept because i want a free drink. :look:
later on in the conversation tho, i drop hints that i have a boyfriend.
you get my company, being around a pretty woman, light conversation. i get a drink. we both win lol.
 
qchelle said:
Want opinions: if you're out at a bar, or at an event and just talking to people. And a guy offers to buy you a drink. And you're in a relationship, would you accept the drink or nah? What is 'supposed' to happen here?
Click to expand...
On the other end:
I've gotten drinks from 'taken' guys before, everything was on the up and up. Now I don't know how their SO or wife actually felt about it lol but nothing untoward happened. Guys mentioned the SO or wife in normal conversation too.
Now if I had an SO, I might say something before the guy buys me a drink...if he's obviously buying it to flirt or whatever. But I rarely turn down a free drink :lachen:unless the guy is a creep.
 
I have another question. If your dude made a goal of his/accomplishment that's worth celebrating. And yall were gonna see each other soon. But you had things that you needed done at your house, things that you wanted him to pick up and bring before he got there. Basically, you had some light 'work' for him, as per usual :look: Would you wait until the accomplishment thing is old news? You know? Like a 'his time to shine' thing. Or would you not care and ask for everything anyway? :look:

The person in question is leaning towards asking for everything anyway :look: But thought she'd get opinions anyway.

Yes, I'm dping in both threads :look:
 
qchelle said:
I have another question. If your dude made a goal of his/accomplishment that's worth celebrating. And yall were gonna see each other soon. But you had things that you needed done at your house, things that you wanted him to pick up and bring before he got there. Basically, you had some light 'work' for him, as per usual :look: Would you wait until the accomplishment thing is old news? You know? Like a 'his time to shine' thing. Or would you not care and ask for everything anyway? :look:

The person in question is leaning towards asking for everything anyway :look: But thought she'd get opinions anyway.

Yes, I'm dping in both threads :look:
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I'd probably give him his time to shine and ask later...depending on what it was. If it was something really small like picking up groceries, then I'd still ask.

qchelle said:
Want opinions: if you're out at a bar, or at an event and just talking to people. And a guy offers to buy you a drink. And you're in a relationship, would you accept the drink or nah? What is 'supposed' to happen here?
Click to expand...

I have before and I bring up my boyfriend later in the conversation.

One time this guy turned into a man-baby after he had bought drinks for both me and my sister and found out later in the conversation that we were both taken. He was all indignant and asking "Then why are you out on Saturday night? Why aren't you home?" "Why aren't your boyfriends here?" If buying the drinks were that serious, you should have gathered that information before offering to buy them. :laugh: :drunk:
 
Phoenix14 said:
I hate this in between part. The so we're hanging out, "talking", going on dates, going to meet each other's friends. But we're not together. I usually just get so impatient that I either peace out or I try and rush it to the next step.

Any tips for enduring this in between part?
Click to expand...

I'm like this too lol. In my mind I'm like wI'm pretty. Neat. Christian. No kids. Educated. Exciting career. Not crazy...what's the hold up? Lol. What has worked for me is being less available and letting him know how other guys are interested (be smart about it though). This usually puts some fire under them if they really like you.

This only "backfired"on me once lol. Was being less available and. I started hinting how other guys were interested. And he actually got wind of a date I went on. One of him friends saw me and told him. Then he started talking bout how he wouldn't be able to trust me. So I was like oh okay bet. dueces. But he came crawling back maybe a year later ready to be serious but I wasn't interested.

And don't give him a lot of girlfriend privileges until you're his girlfriend. I've had to shut a few things down until it became official. And I don't mean sex cuz that's already a no from me if you aren't my man. Stuff like meeting all of my friends and family. Inviting him everywhere. Cooking all the time when he came over. Stuff like that.

Idk. I'm Not all that skilled in this so maybe you should just read that book lol. I might read it too just because.
 
Solila said:
Anytime @Lucie ! :sneakyhug: Hey, age is nothing but a number and 40 is the new 20, so don't even worry about that. My mama was pregnant with me when she graduated with her BA. She had me at 42, and I'm pretty sure I was a mistake. :lachen:Even if you could go back, collecting degrees is like a hobby for some. Sure, it could have opened certain doors for you, but finding a skill that you are really passionate about and being able to turn that passion into coins is just as meaningful. It's the saddest thing when people refuse to live their lives with passion. Those same folks are just walking around existing, but not living. I totally agree with the Cancerian comment. Lol I get like that sometimes, but staying busy helps a lot. Keep yourself busy! Always! Lol When you feel like you are sinking, plan your next move. It feels good to know you have certain things in store for yourself. We have the potential to do great things...if we could only "break out of our shells." :lachen:

Awe!!! I know you are going to be a fantastic mommy to a fantastic baby! And yes, we should def. have play dates!!! Although, to be frank I have not gotten the baby fever yet. Lol I just hung out with a friend's 4 year old the other day, and I'm still exhausted at the thought..and this happened two days ago. Lol
And thank you sooooo much for supporting me! I believe every person should be able to live their lives to their full potential. They just sometimes need a little help getting to that point. Seeing how men, women, and children of other cultures live on a day to day basis really helps me to reflect on my life.

By the way, I remembered you posting some time ago that you really wanted to go to Greece with your boo. I think you should go! Soon! Lol Don't put it on hold.
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LOL, that would be so cute, lil' playdates. I am sure hanging with you would land me a celebrity encounter, the Playdate Edition! :lachen:I do agree, babies are exhausting. Like how are you so small, and you make me want to take a week nap? How is this possible, little human?

Yes, we want to go to Santorini. He added the Great Wall of China to our list and several others. I am not sure how much vacation time he thinks I have. o_O LOL!

I have been doing homework since almost 7:30 and have taken a few breaks to surf LHCF a few minutes. I am enjoying school thus far. I am looking forward to all the things I will learn. I am sleepy, but wanted to respond to you. Thanks again for the encouragement. xx
 
Lucie said:
LOL, that would be so cute, lil' playdates. I am sure hanging with you would land me a celebrity encounter, the Playdate Edition! :lachen:I do agree, babies are exhausting. Like how are you so small, and you make me want to take a week nap? How is this possible, little human?

Yes, we want to go to Santorini. He added the Great Wall of China to our list and several others. I am not sure how much vacation time he thinks I have. o_O LOL!

I have been doing homework since almost 7:30 and have taken a few breaks to surf LHCF a few minutes. I am enjoying school thus far. I am looking forward to all the things I will learn. I am sleepy, but wanted to respond to you. Thanks again for the encouragement. xx
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I love how devoted you are to your goals! You got this!
 
So he was supposed to go to a bbq with me to meet my friends, but had to go and help care for his ailing father instead. He came by for a few hours before driving home. Usually he's not a great texter (I love texting so it's a bit of an issue) but all weekend he's been checking in with me regularly even called me with his son so he can hear my voice.

I'm not going to read too much into it but I do appreciate his efforts.
 
So I invited him to our family Labor Day cookout. I was nervous about it because I have a really really big family and someone will put you on the spot and say something like "so when y'all getting married?" And stuff like that. he's only met my mom, siblings and some cousins who are our age so he was kind of nervous too. He came to my house with a long sleeved button up on and I was like :confused: why do you have that on? he was trying to cover his tattoos lol.

My biggest takeaway was how he interacted with my nieces who just turned 4 not too long ago. He engaged in their 4 year old conversations. And then one of them starting crying because my aunt told her she couldn't have anymore of this spicy nacho dip. She would not stop crying. it wasn't an annoying temper tantrum cry. It was a little quiet cry. So she carried on for a good 30 minutes and wanted me to hold her the whole time. I was getting really annoyed because I couldn't believe she was still crying about some cheese dip. So I guessed he sensed that she was starting to get on my nerves so he stepped in and nicely told her that she would be okay and could eat all of the other food. Maybe she just needed a man to tell her to be quite because after that she wiggled out of my arms and we about her business. He'll be a good father figure to the one who's dad isn't in her life.

All in all in was a nice time and my family liked him.
 
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I feel like we just took a huge step in our relationship since he officially moved in with me and my son a few days ago. Before he moved in we went to dinner and discussed who was paying what and I'm very pleased with the amount he's taking over (and the money i'll be able to save).
 
ClassyJSP said:
I feel like we just took a huge step in our relationship since he officially moved in with me and my son a few days ago. Before he moved in we went to dinner and discussed who was paying what and I'm very pleased with the amount he's taking over (and the money i'll be able to save).
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Congrats
 
Shiks said:
I have a question for older married women. Tagging @Zaynab @hopeful @naturalgyrl5199 @Southernbella. and everyone else

Do you think men know who they want to marry from jump? I had a conversation with a friend who is trying to figure out if he should marry his girl of 3 years. It seemed strange to me because everyone I know said they knew from pretty early on. I would hate to have been with someone 3 years and he was still 'unsure'.
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So I was right on this. They broke up(good for her)
 
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