2016 Relationship And Dating Thread

Lucie said:
LOL! Pa bat mwen!

Actually, I really like how things are. I know some women say that don't want to get married because their man doesn't want to. But I really am content with being his partner as-is.

I am more receptive to getting married (in the future) but I have some things I want to accomplish for myself. First thing is moving into this new apartment this month. Next, is saving for a condo. I start school (for the last damn time until I finish) on the 29th of this month. I know, I can do these things while married. At thirty-seven I feel sad I did not finish my degree years ago. And sometimes the comments people make about people going back to school, "late," discouraged me. But my life is no one's democracy. I have so much more life experience. I still feel young! I am so much more determined. I believe in myself. I no longer feel like a loser with no mom, so woe is me. **** anyone that made me believe I was less than.

The last time I married I was twenty. I didn't have my sh*t together (being so young) with lots of hearts and stars in my eyes. I had a lot of baggage. I caused my ex a lot of pain, because I was in pain.

Now, I have improved my credit from the crap it was and it is steadily increasing. I have gotten lower quality items and people out of my life. I stand up for myself. I don't go along, just to go along anymore. I am still nice... but I just don't take sh*t. I'm kinda in love with myself. Like really in love! Like really, really, really in love.

Many things are falling into place for me, and I really want to keep going. Coming back to the forum after a year hiatus has really inspired me through you all. The stories, the failures, the joys, the candor, the love. It inspires me daily.

Maybe... one day we will marry but I am still childless (and have more time to myself to achieve my goals) and am determined more than ever to improve my life on all levels! If we get married, I will change my last name. I will make him the happiest husband alive! If I remarry I will be the Lucie I've always believed I would be and I will be complete not because of him, but because of me.

Why the hell I am sharing this, I dunno. Maybe I think y'all are my diary. :lachen:
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Omg!! I feel so proud reading this! Lucie for president! love this - you go girl!!
 
Ha! I love this. You are doing wonderful @Lucie Other people's opinion of how you intend to live your life is of no concern to you! That's their problem. You have goals? Smash every single one. One day you'll turn around and say "I did that" with not a single regret. If you get married again, it will be spectacular. When you have a baby it will be even better. Imagine all you'll have to teach your kid with the life experiences you would have had by that time. Trust me, you'll be a better version of you.

Lucie said:
LOL! Pa bat mwen!

Actually, I really like how things are. I know some women say that don't want to get married because their man doesn't want to. But I really am content with being his partner as-is.

I am more receptive to getting married (in the future) but I have some things I want to accomplish for myself. First thing is moving into this new apartment this month. Next, is saving for a condo. I start school (for the last damn time until I finish) on the 29th of this month. I know, I can do these things while married. At thirty-seven I feel sad I did not finish my degree years ago. And sometimes the comments people make about people going back to school, "late," discouraged me. But my life is no one's democracy. I have so much more life experience. I still feel young! I am so much more determined. I believe in myself. I no longer feel like a loser with no mom, so woe is me. **** anyone that made me believe I was less than.

The last time I married I was twenty. I didn't have my sh*t together (being so young) with lots of hearts and stars in my eyes. I had a lot of baggage. I caused my ex a lot of pain, because I was in pain.

Now, I have improved my credit from the crap it was and it is steadily increasing. I have gotten lower quality items and people out of my life. I stand up for myself. I don't go along, just to go along anymore. I am still nice... but I just don't take sh*t. I'm kinda in love with myself. Like really in love! Like really, really, really in love.

Many things are falling into place for me, and I really want to keep going. Coming back to the forum after a year hiatus has really inspired me through you all. The stories, the failures, the joys, the candor, the love. It inspires me daily.

Maybe... one day we will marry but I am still childless (and have more time to myself to achieve my goals) and am determined more than ever to improve my life on all levels! If we get married, I will change my last name. I will make him the happiest husband alive! If I remarry I will be the Lucie I've always believed I would be and I will be complete not because of him, but because of me.

Why the hell I am sharing this, I dunno. Maybe I think y'all are my diary. :lachen:
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I'm going to say that the only reason I am still in this thread is because my boy keeps fighting for this relationship when I don't. He makes me talk. In person. Even when I have been horrid and hurtful to him because I am hurting about something else.

I did warn him that it would be a rough month or two and not to let me make any big decisions so seems like he is taking me seriously
 
I don't feel like starting a new thread so I'll drop this here.

I met up with a friend for lunch. He's a man and I made it clear early on that I'm not interested in anything romantic with him - let him know where he stood straight off the bat. He still tries hard to sell himself as a great catch in hopes that I'll change my mind. For this reason, I rarely hang out with him but he did something Sunday that forced me into 'break up' mode. I'm not sure if I should give him the reason why I'm not interested in his friendship anymore or just ignore him. We've been cool for a year so there isn't that much attachment or history there.

We were ordering food at a restaurant and he called the waitress a whore. To her face. It was so unexpected that my mind didn't even process what he'd said. He placed his order and then slightly raised his voice and I thought he said "or", as if he was changing his mind about what he wanted. When he didn't follow up with anything I thought maybe he said "Ora" and that was the waitress' name but I didn't catch it earlier.

Well, once she left he made it a point to say "Did you hear that? I called her whore just now and she didn't even say anything". My initial response was a confused look so he was all "Yeah, I called her a whore". It was like he was proud of it. So I asked him why he said it (not really expecting a satisfactory response). I told him that's not the way you speak to anyone. Ever. He got really quiet and said he had to use the restroom. I'm guessing he was embarrassed and left for a moment so he could reprimand himself in the mirror like the weirdo he apparently is.

I was really shocked. He's older, high ranking military and always so friendly and professional, so this behavior seemed out of character. But now I'm wondering if he's one of those people who's sickeningly sweet but once you get close enough you realize he has an anger problem. A friend said he might have Tourette syndrome. I don't know why he'd think I would find that amusing. Idk...I've never been out with someone who pulled a stunt like that.
 
What was his answer when you asked him why?

So bizarre and I'm so glad you told him that was not right!!!!

Why did he think that was cool? What a jerk off ugh.

Like what context did he say it, I would like to order the hamburger fries whore and large Sprite ...?


LoveLiLi said:
I don't feel like starting a new thread so I'll drop this here.

I met up with a friend for lunch. He's a man and I made it clear early on that I'm not interested in anything romantic with him - let him know where he stood straight off the bat. He still tries hard to sell himself as a great catch in hopes that I'll change my mind. For this reason, I rarely hang out with him but he did something Sunday that forced me into 'break up' mode. I'm not sure if I should give him the reason why I'm not interested in his friendship anymore or just ignore him. We've been cool for a year so there isn't that much attachment or history there.

We were ordering food at a restaurant and he called the waitress a whore. To her face. It was so unexpected that my mind didn't even process what he'd said. He placed his order and then slightly raised his voice and I thought he said "or", as if he was changing his mind about what he wanted. When he didn't follow up with anything I thought maybe he said "Ora" and that was the waitress' name but I didn't catch it earlier.

Well, once she left he made it a point to say "Did you hear that? I called her whore just now and she didn't even say anything". My initial response was a confused look so he was all "Yeah, I called her a whore". It was like he was proud of it. So I asked him why he said it (not really expecting a satisfactory response). I told him that's not the way you speak to anyone. Ever. He got really quiet and said he had to use the restroom. I'm guessing he was embarrassed and left for a moment so he could reprimand himself in the mirror like the weirdo he apparently is.

I was really shocked. He's older, high ranking military and always so friendly and professional, so this behavior seemed out of character. But now I'm wondering if he's one of those people who's sickeningly sweet but once you get close enough you realize he has an anger problem. A friend said he might have Tourette syndrome. I don't know why he'd think I would find that amusing. Idk...I've never been out with someone who pulled a stunt like that.
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@LoveLiLi Absolutely not acceptable. That is so crazy that he called her that and then wanted you to know as if he was proud. How men treat other people is a big factor when dating; only being nice to me is not enough. This is why I drive on dates for a very long duration of time because I would've never sat there and ate with that imbecile.


Sidenote but kinda not, a past professor of mine was a seasoned HR professional for like 20+ years which is how he got the job of teaching the capstone class I took about job searching. He said that several companies he worked for actually took candidates out for dinner before giving them official job offers and often times their behavior and treatment of the wait staff caused the companies to rescind offers :eek: You don't get to treat people however you want because your job is more "important"
 
Something similar happened to me with a male coworker
We walked to grab lunch
We arrive to the counter
The woman is preparing my food
No problem
The he gets a sandwich
As we get outside he says "that ***** didn't even give you enough food"

I turned to him so quickly and raised my voice like don't call her a *****, she is not a butch don't call any blk woman a *****!"
I saw red
I said that could be me your mom or sister!!!
She gave me enough food per what the serving size is!!!

I was beyond disgusted and left him standing right there:angry2::angry2::angry2:

His tone and the way he made his remark was so strong and hostile, shocked me

He applogized when he saw me like I didn't mean it like

How disgusting and vile when men refer or talk to women like that

We were cool prior to that, I look at him so different now and in passing say just hi or bye


TayMac said:
That doesn't sound like Tourette if he was almost bragging about it after. Sounds like he was being a butthole

I might have walked right out on him depending on mood. That was so rude to the waitress and you. I hope she didn't hear
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lux10023 said:
What was his answer when you asked him why?

So bizarre and I'm so glad you told him that was not right!!!!

Why did he think that was cool? What a jerk off ugh.

Like what context did he say it, I would like to order the hamburger fries whore and large Sprite ...?
Click to expand...

He didn't answer, he just had this dumb look on his face. He must have been surprised by my reaction.

He really said it out of nowhere. And now I think he was playing some sort of mind game with her. And you must be psychic because we were getting burgers and fries, lol.

She wasn't rude, inattentive or combative in any way - not that that would justify his comment. She was sweet, young, maybe a college student. Prior to making the whore comment, he was laying it on thick. He started being overly polite to her and I couldn't put my finger on why I was so uncomfortable. It was like an over-the-top fake type of polite. He wasn't flirting but I found it strange - now I realize it was a set up to mess with her head when he called her a whore.

He was literally making some small talk with her and then, "I think I'll have the cheeseburger. No, no cheese. And no parmesan fries for me, I'll have regular fries. Whore". All said with a smile.
 
toaster said:
The waitress definitely spit in your food.
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That's another reason I was upset. Why would anyone **** with the person who handles their food?! I will never understand.

Luckily, we were seated directly by the kitchen. It's one of those places that show the people as they prep the food. I watched that area like a hawk. My order was perfect. They messed up his order, deliberately I'm sure.
 
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What an a-hole he needs his a33beat!

Sick basturd!!!! :angry2:

Saying that to any woman let alone a young girl

Hope he choked on the fries.

LoveLiLi said:
He didn't answer, he just had this dumb look on his face. He must have been surprised by my reaction.

He really said it out of nowhere. And now I think he was playing some sort of mind game with her. And you must be psychic because we were getting burgers and fries, lol.

She wasn't rude, inattentive or combative in any way - not that that would justify his comment. She was sweet, young, maybe a college student. Prior to making the whore comment, he was laying it on thick. He started being overly polite to her and I couldn't put my finger on why I was so uncomfortable. It was like an over-the-top fake type of polite. He wasn't flirting but I found it strange - now I realize it was a set up to mess with her head when he called her a whore.

He was literally making some small talk with her and then, "I think I'll have the cheeseburger. No, no cheese. And no parmesan fries for me, I'll have regular fries. Whore". All said with a smile.
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LoveLiLi said:
He was literally making some small talk with her and then, "I think I'll have the cheeseburger. No, no cheese. And no parmesan fries for me, I'll have regular fries. Whore". All said with a smile.
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He's sounds like a possible psycho and I wouldn't go anywhere with him again.

You mentioned he's military, almost every military man I've ever dated ended up being slightly off mentally. Not trying to generalize, that's just been *my* experience.
 
@LoveLiLi this dude sounds sick! When you described his behavior in detail I felt a little shiver.

I used to date a guy in LA, a chef. He treated me really well, but he was easily angered/irritated by others. It didn't happen often, but often enough. It was a red flag for me so I was never open to anything more serious and we lost contact. He moved to NOLA, and when he found out I was moving to Houston (through mutual friends) he invited me out in my drive through town. Now it's been at least 5 years since I've seen him, so I agreed thinking maybe he matured. Nope. Our waitress forgot to bring my drink and he called her a B under his breath as she walked away...but loud enough to where she could possibly hear. I called him out and he was defensive at first, like "I know how restaurants are supposed to run blah blah", but I was adamant that his behavior was uncalled for so he finally conceded. This is just one example. The entire evening consisted of him treating me like a queen and being a passive aggressive a-hole to everyone else. I used to second guess my decision to not be open to him because he was a "nice guy", but now I'm proud of myself for trusting my intuition.
 
@sgold04 Round of applause. You should be proud of yourself. :yep:

Years ago, I gave a guy a second chance when I knew deep down we were not compatible. He had serious self esteem and anger issues. He looked perfect on paper but was a Jekyll and Hyde type. Thankfully, life always gives you another opportunity to get it right. I'm not even interested in this guy but I know not to keep him around in any capacity.
 
@NaturallyBri87 i wouldn't contact him. Let the past stay in the past. There is no reasonable excuse that will make you feel better about the situation. It's hard for people to hide who they are over time, and you just got to know who he really was. Contacting the ex will make him think there is still a chance and things can get messy.

And what if current SO found out you contacted an ex? :badidea:

Be grateful for the supportive man you have NOW.
 
@sgold04 thank you! Okay leaving it in the past!! Because you're right. No answer that he will give me about why he was so horrible to me will make it okay or probably make me feel better. Because at the end of the day it was awful and nothing will change that. Thank you so much
 
Solila said:
Ha! I love this. You are doing wonderful @Lucie Other people's opinion of how you intend to live your life is of no concern to you! That's their problem. You have goals? Smash every single one. One day you'll turn around and say "I did that" with not a single regret. If you get married again, it will be spectacular. When you have a baby it will be even better. Imagine all you'll have to teach your kid with the life experiences you would have had by that time. Trust me, you'll be a better version of you.
Click to expand...

Thanks doll. I feel behind the eight ball sometimes, especially since I am a few years from forty. But you are right! If I had gone back years ago, I would have been done and on to the next degree. I can do what I need to do now and be grateful for the opportunity to do it. I really, really appreciate your kind words and taking the time to share this with me. You know how us Cancerians can be extra hard on ourselves, and get into a dark space of what we could have done, instead of focusing on all of the things we can still do!

I do believe when I become a mom, my baby will be the most loved and amazing child out there. Then we can do play dates for lil' Lucie and lil' Solila. I have been watching all of your activities on IG, and I am so proud of you! I love how you are traveling everywhere and really living life. You inspire me. xx
 
He got me a MacBook for school! They didn't have any more in stock, so I'll get it tomorrow. I really was just going to get an HP, but he kept telling me to get something better that would last me longer. I was against it at first, but kind of fell in love with the little cutie. I resigned myself to just getting the HP, when he came back with the receipt to hold on to for warranty and the Office package bundle he bought with it! I almost knocked him down!

He told me if I get straight A's this semester, he'll buy me the backpack I want! LOL! :2inlove:
 
posting this here too--

I just told the guy I've been dating that we should go our separate ways.

I feel like he's constantly trying to change me.

Nothing negative, but I really just want someone to love & accept me for who I am at THIS point in my life.

He is a successful medical professional and keeps on mentioning how I should go to law school.

I'm 31 (about to be 32 in a month), and I do not want to go back to school for law.. unless I'm married & can focus on law school alone without the added pressures of paying a mortgage etc.

I enjoy a mate that is willing to push me to be the best version of myself, but I also need to be accepted where I am along the way.

I hope I did not make a mistake.
 
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