2016 Relationship And Dating Thread

Lucie said:
@SlimPickinz I am the Queen of Block and am quite nice with it. I even have an extra line just in case that I never use.

Aw... at the last sentence. If you got him asking that, he must have done something to you to deserve your reaction. Oh well, for him. You gotta go No Contact now until he gets it.
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Yea I'm just gonna block him on all networks. I kinda want to hear him cry tho :rofl: I have a thing for making men cry.
 
Cubans are very warm and loving people. His Mama might try to adopt you because you love her son. Be ready for lots of hugs and kisses from all his family. Be ready to eat a lot every time you go to her house. Only caution is most guys are light weight Mama's boys so you have to tread that relationship carefully. If his Nana is still alive she will smother you with affection.
If you don't speak Spanish, learn a few words and try to engage them. Brownie points. Also try to learn to dance because music is an essential part of their society.

**SaSSy** said:
I've met everyone accept for his daughter (met his son), parents and brothers. Can someone give some advice about how Cuban parents act? Are they hard to win over?
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He enjoyed the dinner I cooked last night- which was a big deal to me. I wasn't taught to cook growing up (my family wanted me to focus more on the books rather than being domesticated) so I have been teaching myself- I have now gotten to the point of experimenting with spices and etc. He has been eating my different dishes and says that he likes it. He has even requested me to make some seafood. I know how to make lobster tails (with some awesome spices and garlic butter without the rubbery taste) but I am a bit hesitant on the crab legs. That is my next goal.

Before dinner, we had "family game night". My neighbors are probably pissed with the amount of noise we were making---- we had a lot of fun. SO-3, son-2, me-0... I really suck but I enjoy spending time with the both of them. My son got mad at the end of the final game because he lost and my SO gave him a hug and tried to calm him down... *melt heart strings*. Then my son asked my SO if he could stay tomorrow (today) and he was like yeah and Friday and maybe Saturday after he gets off of work. Before he left, he gave me a kiss on the forehead, then said bye to my son and then gave me a kiss on the lips and walked out. After that kiss I just thought to myself that I am screwed- I am in love so deep that I don't even understand it. It is like a passionate intense addiction.
He sent this is me a while back, I guess to say the feeling is mutual- and last night reminded me of it
 
Rocky91 said:
Am I trifling for this? Y'all reassure me I'm not please :look:
I'm always of the mindset that until I'm married, I'm not married. I'm not gon cheat on my boyfriend but yes I'll accept a drink if I'm out and about from another man. Yes, I'll allow my "work husband" (everybody has one :look: ) to buy me lunch. No, I haven't deleted all the names of my past flings who were decent prospects.

My girl thinks I'm trifling and my energy is misdirected so my man isn't gonna propose to me anytime soon. I think I'm simply keeping my options open.
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well most of us, "Nigerians" are of the "We are single until we are married(met the parents for serious talks blah blah)" so there you go

I dont like your girl :look:
 
Rocky91 said:
Am I trifling for this? Y'all reassure me I'm not please :look:
I'm always of the mindset that until I'm married, I'm not married. I'm not gon cheat on my boyfriend but yes I'll accept a drink if I'm out and about from another man. Yes, I'll allow my "work husband" (everybody has one :look: ) to buy me lunch. No, I haven't deleted all the names of my past flings who were decent prospects.

My girl thinks I'm trifling and my energy is misdirected so my man isn't gonna propose to me anytime soon. I think I'm simply keeping my options open.
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FelaShrine said:
well most of us, "Nigerians" are of the "We are single until we are married(met the parents for serious talks blah blah)" so there you go

I dont like your girl :look:
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As far as I'm concerned, I'm single. That means, I keep my options open.
 
Boo sent papers from his Dr. that verified his clean bill of sexual health and I didn't even ask....yet. I've always taken my sexual status and health seriously but this is the first time a man has beaten me to the punch taken it upon himself to let it be known that he's responsible and fully aware of his status. That was truly grown and sexy to me!
 
Dating sucks!!!! I went on a date with one dude who was aggressively thirsty. We were eating and he grabbed my leg under the table then asked me if I had any pics on my phone. On top of that he was a hotep and had the audacity to think I don't value my pum pum more than to smash off you him taking me to a free art gallery and Nandos.

The next one was trying to smash the night we met. He was being really sporadic with the texts so I cut it, then he texts me talking about "I forgot what you look like. Send me a pic." After a slew of texts trying to get me to come thru. My friend tells me to put his number in fb to see his page, come to find out this dude has a wife and 3 kids, trying to fcuk me on the low.
 
**SaSSy** said:
Has anyone thought of how they will change their surname? I know its too early for that in my current relationship, but I was thinking of not dropping my maiden name or even adding a hyphen. Instead I would have 4 names (2 surnames).

I have achieved so much before I got married, that professionally and personally I'm known by my birth surname. I even take pride in my birth surname. I decided I would retain my first, middle, maiden and new married name as one long name.

This thought might change since I do notice professionally a lot of women (and gay men) are hyphening their maiden with their married name. If I have children, I don't want the children to have my maiden name at all. They will have their father's last name only.
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I will be double barreling my last name. I want all of my accomplishments to be in my last name, especially since I want to get my PhD. And I love my last name. I already have four names. Hopefully I'll be able to add another.
 
I was really irritated by his presence this weekend. Like considering calling it off. The way he breathed, sat, talked, ate. My god i wanted to whoop his arse... for existing.

Then my period started :lol:

Not having been in a relationship in 3 years i forgot about this part :lachen: i hate the wird relationship though. Its a step ahead in my book. Its more like exclusively dating to assess the next step... on my part at least :look:
 
So I found out my SO lied to me about something.... More like omitted info- something he thought would have cast him in a bad light.
I don't understand because it was something really minor and if he were upfront from the beginning, it wouldn't have been a big deal to me. However, me finding out almost a year later is a big deal. I am not sure if this is a deal breaker. If you lie about something minor.... Smoke = fire(?).
I have an exam soon so I don't have the time to devote to this. I am doing the 180 while I figure out what I am going to do with him. He is semi panicking so let's see what that leads too.

I am very disappointed in him. My butterflies are gone.
 
movingforward13 said:
So I found out my SO lied to me about something.... More like omitted info- something he thought would have cast him in a bad light.
I don't understand because it was something really minor and if he were upfront from the beginning, it wouldn't have been a big deal to me. However, me finding out almost a year later is a big deal. I am not sure if this is a deal breaker. If you lie about something minor.... Smoke = fire(?).
I have an exam soon so I don't have the time to devote to this. I am doing the 180 while I figure out what I am going to do with him. He is semi panicking so let's see what that leads too.

I am very disappointed in him. My butterflies are gone.
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Just remember that everyone is human, and have moments of sobering clarity. The breath of a new relationship is clouding and people will do anything to keep that honeymoon phase extended. Depending on what was said, I may give him a little hell but not end the entire relationship.
It's been interesting seeing your relationship with this man evolve. And he is so kind from your posts. Don't self sabatoje yourself by allowing all your trust to wither away.
 
**SaSSy** said:
Has anyone thought of how they will change their surname? I know its too early for that in my current relationship, but I was thinking of not dropping my maiden name or even adding a hyphen. Instead I would have 4 names (2 surnames).

I have achieved so much before I got married, that professionally and personally I'm known by my birth surname. I even take pride in my birth surname. I decided I would retain my first, middle, maiden and new married name as one long name.

This thought might change since I do notice professionally a lot of women (and gay men) are hyphening their maiden with their married name. If I have children, I don't want the children to have my maiden name at all. They will have their father's last name only.
Click to expand...

I'm going to hyphenate mine...mostly due to vanity I guess lol. For some reason, I like the idea of having a long last name. I see my current boyfriend and I getting married in the future and his last name is too short. Since I love my birth surname and it's already long, I want to keep it and have his hyphenated at the end. Also my master's degree has my maiden name on it and I may even have my PhD before I get married, which is another reason why I wouldn't want to drop my maiden name.
 
frogkisses said:
Just remember that everyone is human, and have moments of sobering clarity. The breath of a new relationship is clouding and people will do anything to keep that honeymoon phase extended. Depending on what was said, I may give him a little hell but not end the entire relationship.
It's been interesting seeing your relationship with this man evolve. And he is so kind from your posts. Don't self sabatoje yourself by allowing all your trust to wither away.
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I mean I get it I guess. If he would have told me xyz when we first met, he probably thought I would have walked. But what I am upset about is that he took that choice away from me.
When we first started, I told him that I was looking for something serious and if he didn't want that- it was cool, we aren't looking for the same thing. I wanted something built on a strong foundation.
My ex husband did the same thing - he wasn't ready for nothing but he wanted me so he figured he would keep me around and at some point he would eventually be ready. Do all men do this so they have access to cookies?

We spoke this morning and so far it is a confirmed lie and a partial omission. And the lie is so stupid too- the year he was born. The omission is a bit more, OK a lot more, serious and I still don't know if I have the actual truth...
And the crazy part - he said he loves me and my son. That was literally the last thing he said to me... so why would you jeopardize this? At what point where you going to tell me?
Part of how I found out some of this information is through other people--- and they didn't have one negative thing to say about him. They didn't know he lied and told me he is a sweet and calm guy, definitely relationship material and to go for it. I have been speaking to male friends of mine and they understand why he did it- they are telling me to give him a chance to explain himself before I cut it off. All I keep asking him is why and he can't give me an answer- he is trying to assess how much I know. Female intuition is some ish - if I hadn't listened to my gut and asked questions and digged for some info, I wouldn't know a damn thing. Nothing to do with another female but after all this- I may have to keep my eyes open for that too.

People aren't perfect... but I guess I never expected this. He and I had our fights but we have managed to really talk things out and peace it up. I don't know what this is and at this point, I don't know if I want to go any further. Funny how one minute I am thinking of white dresses and moving in and now I can't see pass the end of this week. I really thought this was the man for me.
 
@movingforward13
Trust your gut. Lying about the year you were born is silly and unfair to you. It sounds like the other thing is a biggy. I hate when people take my choice away from me. You haven't invested too much time so far and your son is involved. Do what will be best for you in the long run. Him loving you and your son does not erase lies or omissions. I also don't like that he is not coming clean and waiting it out to see what you've found out.
 
hopeful said:
@movingforward13
Trust your gut. Lying about the year you were born is silly and unfair to you. It sounds like the other thing is a biggy. I hate when people take my choice away from me. You haven't invested too much time so far and your son is involved. Do what will be best for you in the long run. Him loving you and your son does not erase lies or omissions. I also don't like that he is not coming clean and waiting it out to see what you've found out.
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This- completely.
DarkJoy said:
Wow @movingforward13. Does he have secret children? If its something big like that it would be a dealbreaker for me. Money may or may not be depending. The age thing... ok... i get it. My current tried it but i already knew. I didnt
sweat it.
Anyways i am sure you will work through all this in a manner thats best for you and your child. Best wishes.
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I am still finding out what the situation is however DNA said no.
 
movingforward13 said:
This- completely.

I am still finding out what the situation is however DNA said no.
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:confused: so sorry

dealbreaker for me if the situation was DURING me. Extenuating circumstances would decide if i stayed if it was before me. If he kept this dna issue a secret the while time.... ? Ugh... thats...no

This is your life though. Perhaps you both can work through this if he is sincere (and not the father). Such a shock though. You are valid in your outrage . No one could blame you.

So sorry.
 
movingforward13 said:
I mean I get it I guess. If he would have told me xyz when we first met, he probably thought I would have walked. But what I am upset about is that he took that choice away from me.
When we first started, I told him that I was looking for something serious and if he didn't want that- it was cool, we aren't looking for the same thing. I wanted something built on a strong foundation.
My ex husband did the same thing - he wasn't ready for nothing but he wanted me so he figured he would keep me around and at some point he would eventually be ready. Do all men do this so they have access to cookies?

We spoke this morning and so far it is a confirmed lie and a partial omission. And the lie is so stupid too- the year he was born. The omission is a bit more, OK a lot more, serious and I still don't know if I have the actual truth...
And the crazy part - he said he loves me and my son. That was literally the last thing he said to me... so why would you jeopardize this? At what point where you going to tell me?
Part of how I found out some of this information is through other people--- and they didn't have one negative thing to say about him. They didn't know he lied and told me he is a sweet and calm guy, definitely relationship material and to go for it. I have been speaking to male friends of mine and they understand why he did it- they are telling me to give him a chance to explain himself before I cut it off. All I keep asking him is why and he can't give me an answer- he is trying to assess how much I know. Female intuition is some ish - if I hadn't listened to my gut and asked questions and digged for some info, I wouldn't know a damn thing. Nothing to do with another female but after all this- I may have to keep my eyes open for that too.

People aren't perfect... but I guess I never expected this. He and I had our fights but we have managed to really talk things out and peace it up. I don't know what this is and at this point, I don't know if I want to go any further. Funny how one minute I am thinking of white dresses and moving in and now I can't see pass the end of this week. I really thought this was the man for me.
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Sounds like my dad. He said he thought my mom would never give him a chance if she knew he was 11 years older than her. He said he chased her down too long for that. lol The lying part is wrong, but I giggle everytime I hear the story. He's like Priss your mom looked sooooo good walking to college every day in those little shorts. I wasn't finna tell her I was THAT much older than her lol. I guess it's a big deal to some women. She didn't mind. She liked his values.
 
DarkJoy said:
:confused: so sorry

dealbreaker for me if the situation was DURING me. Extenuating circumstances would decide if i stayed if it was before me. If he kept this dna issue a secret the while time.... ? Ugh... thats...no

This is your life though. Perhaps you both can work through this if he is sincere (and not the father). Such a shock though. You are valid in your outrage . No one could blame you.

So sorry.
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This is all before me - happened in 2009- 2010 but there are 2 court proceeding that just wrapped up. One not his- finding out about the second. Well I guess now I understand why he doesn't want kids. Why couldn't he just stay perfect.
 
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