2016 Relationship And Dating Thread

caribeandiva said:
So my date got rescheduled. He called me at the last minute to say he was sick in bed and wanted to reschedule for tonight instead. I was like: "no can do. I'm booked for the whole weekend. Maybe next weekend then?" He was like: "You've got other plans tomorrow and the rest of the weekend? Plans to do what?" Again I said I made other plans and didn't give any details. I don't know what he was expecting but that question made me feel some type of way. I won't change my plans for you at the drop of a hat! Btw my plans are to hang with my friends and then spend some alone time catching up on homework. Was he really sick? I dunno. We'll see what happens if we go out next week.
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He is probably use to women dropping their plans for him. Nice way to whip him into shape.
 
So we'll cooking dining together tomorrow at his place. That is so cool! I'm really falling for this guy, I'm so scared, but excited.

I remember I woke up one day and my mind try to self-sabotage the whole situation. I always get to feeling this way when things are too good.
 
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So I'm thinking of planning a very simple but cute picnic for anniversary because he wants to go all out and I just can't right now. I don't know what I should do/get. It's going to be lunch timeish and it's going to have to be stuff that I can buy and that dirt/dust/bugs can't get into too much. I'm going to ask him to bring a bottle of wine. It's going to be held on the grounds of an old, historical, Catholic church. We may go to Mass after, but most likely not lol.

Any cute menu ideas? I need to be able to purchase everything :look: I was thinking Chinese but I think the dirt/dust/bugs may be a problem.
 
SO has been mentioning money a lot lately- money he is expecting, money he won at the casino, his new contract (side job) and overall wages. Not sure why- any ideas ladies? Is he trying to show me he is financially ok? A validation thing?
We talked about my career track (GS government employees) and I will eventually be making more than him due to my career field and our "max" level. Making more isn't an issue for me and he claims it wasn't an issue for him. But it is lighting a fire under him to get promoted- he mentioned this morning he applied for a GS13 position. Money has been coming up a lot lately and I wonder why.

******

This morning he was very talkative. He said he wants to buy a house within the next three years and that was one of three things on his list to do in the next 3 years. I wanted to ask what the other 2 were but we got caught up in conversation.

Then he was like, "You want to buy a house too right? Well we can put both of our VA loans together." He is thinking of a family house so the tenants can pay the mortgage or buying a house for rental property. He isn't set on how to go about buying but he wants to buy. Thing is I refuse to buy property, mesh VA loans, hell even live together unless there is a wedding date set.
I was pretty adamant about not living together before engagement before. I somewhat relaxed my stance but we haven't had any discussions on it. He seems to have agreed to it. He barely spends the night- seems like he is trying to do this the right way.

He has been spending time with his married mentor lately. He told me that he feels good when he walks through the door and my son and I great him with a huge smile. He said we are on the same page and obviously he has plans to at least buy a house or something like that with his and my VA loan. I really hope this man is thinking about us getting married.... Knowing him, he isn't going to tell me because he wants it to be a complete surprise but knowing me, I am going to pick over all these details trying to put clues together to make sense of where his head is.
 
I really love living with my FH and I'm glad we did it before we got married. He's very considerate and very cleanly. I hate doing laundry so he does all of it.
We cook on and off, most nights he is very eager to cook for us. It's very 50/50 which I enjoy. He fixes everything and I can usually rest and relax :)

One thing that is irritating me is how long he likes to have sex. I'm good on 15-30 min sessions. He's always trying to be up in it for 40-60 minutes :eek:
I got stuff to do all day! He keeps putting me to sleep :cry3:and my thighs are sore.
I already told him about it and he said he just loves being up in it :look: das nice

:lachen:
I know it's not the worse problem but still
 
So I ended it with my jawn. He isn't taking no for an answer. We went on vacation together & I was not happy. Like how you go to Barbados & complain. So when we came back I ended it. I honestly checked out emotionally a few weeks before the trip & his bad attitude on the trip solidified my choice to dump him.

He's not taking no for an answer. I blocked him & he messaged me on FB. So I blocked him there & he whatsapp'd me. Today he spent the day explaining why I should forgive him. But not one apology came out of his mouth.

I also moved on physically. I started seeing one of my exes and I've really been enjoying our time together. I hate men. I'm over it.
 
Has anyone thought of how they will change their surname? I know its too early for that in my current relationship, but I was thinking of not dropping my maiden name or even adding a hyphen. Instead I would have 4 names (2 surnames).

I have achieved so much before I got married, that professionally and personally I'm known by my birth surname. I even take pride in my birth surname. I decided I would retain my first, middle, maiden and new married name as one long name.

This thought might change since I do notice professionally a lot of women (and gay men) are hyphening their maiden with their married name. If I have children, I don't want the children to have my maiden name at all. They will have their father's last name only.
 
Am I trifling for this? Y'all reassure me I'm not please :look:
I'm always of the mindset that until I'm married, I'm not married. I'm not gon cheat on my boyfriend but yes I'll accept a drink if I'm out and about from another man. Yes, I'll allow my "work husband" (everybody has one :look: ) to buy me lunch. No, I haven't deleted all the names of my past flings who were decent prospects.

My girl thinks I'm trifling and my energy is misdirected so my man isn't gonna propose to me anytime soon. I think I'm simply keeping my options open.
 
**SaSSy** said:
Has anyone thought of how they will change their surname? I know its too early for that in my current relationship, but I was thinking of not dropping my maiden name or even adding a hyphen. Instead I would have 4 names (2 surnames).

I have achieved so much before I got married, that professionally and personally I'm known by my birth surname. I even take pride in my birth surname. I decided I would retain my first, middle, maiden and new married name as one long name.

This thought might change since I do notice professionally a lot of women (and gay men) are hyphening their maiden with their married name. If I have children, I don't want the children to have my maiden name at all. They will have their father's last name only.
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Chances are I will be a CPA before we get married so this has been on my mind a lot. I want to drop my last name completely- it wouldn't look good hyphenated. But my name professionally will be my maiden name- guess I will have to switch licenses and etc over.

I never knew you could have two surnames- thought it had to be hyphenated or dropped. I heard of some people moving their maiden name to their first name.
 
Rocky91 said:
Am I trifling for this? Y'all reassure me I'm not please :look:
I'm always of the mindset that until I'm married, I'm not married. I'm not gon cheat on my boyfriend but yes I'll accept a drink if I'm out and about from another man. Yes, I'll allow my "work husband" (everybody has one :look: ) to buy me lunch. No, I haven't deleted all the names of my past flings who were decent prospects.

My girl thinks I'm trifling and my energy is misdirected so my man isn't gonna propose to me anytime soon. I think I'm simply keeping my options open.
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I can understand what you are doing.... But how would you feel if your guy were doing the same thing.... Keeping his options open?
 
Son came up to me last night and asked if my SO can live with us....
I am this.close to talking with SO about it. Maybe start looking for a place for the three of us and get a spare room for his daughter as he has her every other weekend or so.

I have only ever lived with one man and that was my ex husband. Not actually sure how this process should go. So many thoughts are going through my head- some conflicted and saying to wait for a proposal and some like F it- move in together *shrug*
 
movingforward13 said:
I can understand what you are doing.... But how would you feel if your guy were doing the same thing.... Keeping his options open?
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you bring up a good point but....i feel like he is by not giving me a ring already??

idk.....I think i'm just feeling restless and crazy since i just hit 25. we been in this three years, i wanna ask him what the hell else he wanna know about me. you seen i can cook, you seen me turn some coloring tricks :look: you seen i know how to act in public.....WHAT ELSE? :lol:
 
Rocky91 said:
you bring up a good point but....i feel like he is by not giving me a ring already??

idk.....I think i'm just feeling restless and crazy since i just hit 25. we been in this three years, i wanna ask him what the hell else he wanna know about me. you seen i can cook, you seen me turn some coloring tricks :look: you seen i know how to act in public.....WHAT ELSE? :lol:
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How old is he? Does he know you want marriage? Have you guys had "the talk" of timelines- like married by 20xx, baby by 20xx?
 
Added to that- is he where he wants to be in life? Is he ready for marriage? Is he ready to settle down?

Unfortunately men have different ideas about marriage than us (my opinion). Love is low on the totem pole. According to many guys I have spoken to, men are more likely to marry when there is an incentive to do it. Women lost the incentive leverage when we all started coloring without commitment - like Netflix and chill. And I firmly believe that most men don't know the value of a woman until they messed up a few times and they are a bit older.

My guy is 34- and I had to run through those same questions with him to understand where his mind is. I think he is starting to see the incentive now... But he is also getting older and in his profession life- it isn't looking too cute still being a bachelor. I don't think a guy in his 20s would be there yet since they are still trying to make their way in the world.

That said- I totally understand what you are doing. If you already had the marriage talk, then yeah- keep your options open. Right now you are in your prime years. I would kill to be 25 again.
 
**SaSSy** said:
Has anyone thought of how they will change their surname? I know its too early for that in my current relationship, but I was thinking of not dropping my maiden name or even adding a hyphen. Instead I would have 4 names (2 surnames).

I have achieved so much before I got married, that professionally and personally I'm known by my birth surname. I even take pride in my birth surname. I decided I would retain my first, middle, maiden and new married name as one long name.

This thought might change since I do notice professionally a lot of women (and gay men) are hyphening their maiden with their married name. If I have children, I don't want the children to have my maiden name at all. They will have their father's last name only.
Click to expand...

I'm hyphenating my last name, no question about it. I have two degrees in my maiden name and will be well into my career by the time I marry. Socially, when we are out I'll be Mrs. Husband's Last name. Kids get daddy's last name only.
 
Rocky91 said:
Am I trifling for this? Y'all reassure me I'm not please :look:
I'm always of the mindset that until I'm married, I'm not married. I'm not gon cheat on my boyfriend but yes I'll accept a drink if I'm out and about from another man. Yes, I'll allow my "work husband" (everybody has one :look: ) to buy me lunch. No, I haven't deleted all the names of my past flings who were decent prospects.

My girl thinks I'm trifling and my energy is misdirected so my man isn't gonna propose to me anytime soon. I think I'm simply keeping my options open.
Click to expand...



My mother is a firm believer in keeping options open...in her eyes if you're not married then you're single. I think it's treading a fine line though but I also get it
 
**SaSSy** said:
Has anyone thought of how they will change their surname? I know its too early for that in my current relationship, but I was thinking of not dropping my maiden name or even adding a hyphen. Instead I would have 4 names (2 surnames).

I have achieved so much before I got married, that professionally and personally I'm known by my birth surname. I even take pride in my birth surname. I decided I would retain my first, middle, maiden and new married name as one long name.

This thought might change since I do notice professionally a lot of women (and gay men) are hyphening their maiden with their married name. If I have children, I don't want the children to have my maiden name at all. They will have their father's last name only.
Click to expand...

I love my last name, always have. My first name is hyphenated and I would want to hyphenate both of our last names, but he said NO WAY JOSE! :cry3:

I think I will quietly leave it as-is until he would notice. :look: I was thinking about making my maiden name my middle name. That way it is still there.
 
I've met everyone accept for his daughter (met his son), parents and brothers. Can someone give some advice about how Cuban parents act? Are they hard to win over?
 
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