2016 Relationship And Dating Thread

[Fine 4s]

I'm not surprised.
Based on my last relationship, stories from other relationships and even the way I treated another ex, I'd say not to read too much into anything unless he has stated the plan...clearly. Easier said than done too. Sometimes, people just want company when they travel and it could have been anyone for that matter, I've been guilty of it. There's something in the air when you travel lol

IMHO I also think 3 months is a little early to invest in an exclusive relationship though. But what do I know?
The honeymoon stage is so real!

 

[ivyness]

I have a friend who is SO ready for marriage and a baby but her SO is dragging. I wish I could talk to him but he says he will, but nobody knows WHEN. Whenever she gets news of friends being pregnant or engaged she's gets jealous-angry.

One of my friends is like this to the point of getting angry when we even talk about getting engaged. Or telling me that I should wait two years before thinking of getting engaged (so and I have been together 5 months) *** sorry 7 years is not going to work for ME.

It's so bizzare to me.

 

[ivyness]

I would've done the same thing.

And yeah I too am a bit surprised by his response given all that you guys have done.

I would continue being amazing and "keep some options open"

Good luck.

I'd be dating other people yesterday!

 

[lux10023]

Me too!

I'd be dating other people yesterday!

 

[movingforward13]

IMHO I also think 3 months is a little early to invest in an exclusive relationship though. But what do I know?
The honeymoon stage is so real!

That is interesting because by 3 months, I figured you would know. What do you think is about right timeframe? Not calling out - just curious.

 

[BrownSkinPoppin]

I'm not surprised.
Based on my last relationship, stories from other relationships and even the way I treated another ex, I'd say not to read too much into anything unless he has stated the plan...clearly. Easier said than done too. Sometimes, people just want company when they travel and it could have been anyone for that matter, I've been guilty of it. There's something in the air when you travel lol

IMHO I also think 3 months is a little early to invest in an exclusive relationship though. But what do I know?
The honeymoon stage is so real!

Yes definitely. One of my homeboys was like give it 6 months to let the honeymoon stage die down. But I'm also not used to guys dragging the dating stage along. With my exes after like a month of dating they were like "i like you. i want to see where this goes. i want you to be my girlfriend."...but maybe that's why they're my exes cuz we got into a relationship so quickly lol.

But I didn't put any pressure on him to make a decision about exclusivity. Even tho I was a lil surprised by his response. I just had to let him to know that until he has made a decision about exclusivity he just can't be popping up at my house at 10:00 at night on a Tuesday talking bout let me in the gate lolol.

 

[BrownSkinPoppin]

@lux10023 @ivyness lolol. and that's where my one month comes in. And I feel like I'm being generous. But he has exactly one more month to "learn" me some more. And I'm not bringing it up anymore cuz I already told him that I'm open to being exclusive when he's ready. So he knows what I want. But once that one month hits I'm stepping back out on the scene and whoever steps up first wins lol.

 

[FemmeFatale]

That is interesting because by 3 months, I figured you would know. What do you think is about right timeframe? Not calling out - just curious.

Yeah I have the same thoughts. IME If someone is emotionally available and want you it won't take 3+ months.

 

[lux10023]

Perfect. Nothing better than a woman who is clear on what she wants and deserves.

@lux10023 @ivyness lolol. and that's where my one month comes in. And I feel like I'm being generous. But he has exactly one more month to "learn" me some more. And I'm not bringing it up anymore cuz I already told him that I'm open to being exclusive when he's ready. So he knows what I want. But once that one month hits I'm stepping back out on the scene and whoever steps up first wins lol.

 

[ClassyJSP]

SO is leaving for Texas today for the week to see his two daughters my son and I dropped him off last night at the train station it was so cute to see him tell us both I love you before he left.

 

[Fine 4s]

@movingforward13

I don't have an exact time frame per se but there's so much I learned after 3 months in all my relationships that for ME, make 3 months too early. My ex was perfect at mark 3. I thought he was ready and then crack, crack, crack....I still have the rose-colored glasses on and I think one can hide who they are easily for 3 months. Or at least I can

There are behaviors I wouldn't know like how he deals with conflict, anger management, money management, follow through, dependability, any addiction, what are his values and is it just talk are they tested?, sex patterns, affection, initiation. If you can navigate all that in that short period of time, great, but if not, I'd say give time for those situations to come up before committing. Being compatible with someone is not so clear to see IMHO. I don't want to be stuck with a lemon. My mom used to say 6 months which is more reasonable I guess.

Maybe the lesson is in trusting your gut and learning how to read people better rather than looking at timelines. The things we THINK are indicators are really not. Another problem for many women is that dreadful biological clock. Because of that pressure we don't have the time or luxury to make mistakes, so maybe we can be hasty? My assumptions are for people who want marriage and baby (in that order).

These are the lessons that I continue to learn. I just wish I had more time. DO OVER! lol

 

[Fine 4s]

Perfect. Nothing better than a woman who is clear on what she wants and deserves.

Is she clear on HIM?

 

[caribeandiva]

So I basically told him that until we are in an official, exclusive relationship we need to pump the breaks on a few things. Showing up at my house all willy nilly whenever he felt like it without letting me know that he was coming was one of them. Being around my siblings and cousins all the time was another. And a few other things. I need to know that it's real before you're consistently around my brother and sister, coming with me to their houses and what not. And you just can't be popping up at my apartment sir lol.

So anyway, I told him that I really like him and where things seem to be headed and that I'm open to seeing where it goes exclusively. But I told him than until he has decided that that's what he wants too we need to slow down on a few things.

So I kind of thought that he would be like "well I like what we have right now so I want to make it official" or something like that. But he was like "I like you a lot. You're the most amazing girl I've ever met and I honestly see a future with you. But yeah let's slow down and really build a strong foundation. And we are still fresh and I'm still learning you"

So Im cool with the building a strong foundation but I was a lil surprised by the we are still fresh and I'm still learning you comment. Cuz it's been about three consistent months of dating. And we both had said that we aren't dating anyone else. We go to church together. We traveled out of state together twice. He trusted me enough to fly to my hometown of Chicago with me, be around my friends who he didn't know, stay at my brother's apartment who he didn't know. My brother could've been a Chicago killer for all he knew lol. He spends the night every single Saturday. So I'm like this is still fresh and you're still learning me but we've done all this stuff together and you feel comfortable enough to pop up at my apartment whenever you want? Um okay lol.

So I really like him but I don't have time for him be dragging his feet. I'll give it one maybe one more month to step up, which will be a total of four months of consistent dating and spending time with each other.

So lemme get this straight. Y'all been spending a crapload of time at each other's houses, he's met your family and friends (and I'm assuming you've met his). Sounds like y'all are already in a relationship to me. I don't know how much more official y'all can make it? I mean once you've got the family involved it's (usually) a wrap.

 

[BrownSkinPoppin]

@caribeandiva all of this is correct. And his first cousin is married to one of my best friends (that's how we know each other) so I already know a lot of his family simply because my best friend married into the family.

So it's already very relationship like. All that would change is the way we introduce each other to ppl. I like him but surely will not be waiting around for him. So I'll give him a little more time to get it together and if he's still all "I'm still learning you" and then I'm dating other ppl while he tries to "learn" what I've probably already shown him.

 

[lesedi]

Guys please support #blacklove and vote for this black couple (@Kiowa's bestie) to win their dream destination wedding in the Bahamas! We were in the lead with 53k votes until 30 minutes ago when the competition moderators decided to strip us of over 43,000 votes for 'cheating'
We are now in 6th place and are determined to **** **** up and get our couple back to the victor's podium!

Please click on the link below and vote for Jason Carrington and Debbie Thompson

http://www.bahamas16weddings.com/

 

[Fine 4s]

Guys please support #blacklove and vote for this black couple (@Kiowa's bestie) to win their dream destination wedding in the Bahamas! We were in the lead with 53k votes until 30 minutes ago when the racist competition moderators decided to strip us of over 43,000 votes for 'cheating'
We are now in 6th place and are determined to **** **** up and get our couple back to the victor's podium!

Please click on the link below and vote for Jason Carrington and Debbie Thompson

http://www.bahamas16weddings.com/

I sent this to some folks btw....I know nothing about them but they're the only chocolate faces I saw.

 

[movingforward13]

SO is leaving for Texas today for the week to see his two daughters my son and I dropped him off last night at the train station it was so cute to see him tell us both I love you before he left.

Awwwww -

 

[movingforward13]

Guys please support #blacklove and vote for this black couple (@Kiowa's bestie) to win their dream destination wedding in the Bahamas! We were in the lead with 53k votes until 30 minutes ago when the racist competition moderators decided to strip us of over 43,000 votes for 'cheating'
We are now in 6th place and are determined to **** **** up and get our couple back to the victor's podium!

Please click on the link below and vote for Jason Carrington and Debbie Thompson

http://www.bahamas16weddings.com/

Voted- will post on FB.

 

[caribeandiva]

@caribeandiva all of this is correct. And his first cousin is married to one of my best friends (that's how we know each other) so I already know a lot of his family simply because my best friend married into the family.

So it's already very relationship like. All that would change is the way we introduce each other to ppl. I like him but surely will not be waiting around for him. So I'll give him a little more time to get it together and if he's still all "I'm still learning you" and then I'm dating other ppl while he tries to "learn" what I've probably already shown him.

No wonder you're puzzled at his answer. I'd do what you're doing in this situation: date other people! You'll find someone who will be willing to make it official sooner rather than later. Don't wait for him to figure it out. So many sexy men out there so little time...

 

[khadicurls]

I had the most wonderful time with my old friend Sunday night. Dinner at Manhattan Beach and talking while I watched the waves roll in at the pier was perfect. He's so awesome! I love that he was with me for my 18th and 29th birthdays. We celebrated my 39th a few days early because I had to get back to NorCal. After 20+ years, just wow! Because we have been on different life journeys, we've decided to take the time to get to know each other again. I'm all for it! Yay!

 

[brg240]

The person i've been seeing has asked me about getting more serious/intentional towards marriage. What are my thoughts and I'm just a mess.

@barbiesocialite I think about how you say that being a virgin so late makes one ill prepared/awkward etc. :S I don't mind being a virgin but not dating b/c i never cared to makes everything a hundred times more problamatic. Would not necessarily recommend this.

Recently my coworkers have been talking about my potential marriage. Like brg240 are you seeing anyone, you will make someone a great wife. Wanted to hook me up with a partners son in medical school. Asking would i be getting engaged soon. :?

 

[movingforward13]

The person i've been seeing has asked me about getting more serious/intentional towards marriage. What are my thoughts and I'm just a mess.

Recently my coworkers have been talking about my potential marriage. Like brg240 are you seeing anyone, you will make someone a great wife. Wanted to hook me up with a partners son in medical school. Asking would i be getting engaged soon. :?

Why are you a mess? How old are you?

 

[brg240]

Why are you a mess? How old are you?

I am 27, i guess i'm less of a mess and my thoughts are just a mess. Like i never saw myself in a romantic/sexual type light and it's hard to switch to thinking that way. I don't understand why he'd be attracted to me. :/ And knowing that he has marriage as an end game (though duh) is very overwhelming. Especially to me who feels nothing. And I don't want to waste his time. But i worry since i'm so inexperienced I'm not thinking logically.

He's such a great guy too. And I always kind of make a big deal of things in my head. Always worried, always stressed.

 

[movingforward13]

I am 27, i guess i'm less of a mess and my thoughts are just a mess. Like i never saw myself in a romantic/sexual type light and it's hard to switch to thinking that way. I don't understand why he'd be attracted to me. :/ And knowing that he has marriage as an end game (though duh) is very overwhelming. Especially to me who feels nothing. And I don't want to waste his time. But i worry since i'm so inexperienced I'm not thinking logically.

He's such a great guy too. And I always kind of make a big deal of things in my head. Always worried, always stressed.

Gotcha- don't lose him... Good ones that initiate marriage talk don't come around often.

 

[Fine 4s]

Can you help me understand this @brg240 ?
Were you dating him? I'm asking even though you started off by saying "the person I've been seeing..." because you also say that you don't see why he'd be attracted to you and you say that you feel nothing. Why are you seeing someone that you feel nothing for?
Are you a virgin?
Why don't you see yourself in a romantic/sexual light?

= I'm not getting it.

On another note, I always run when I hear 'serious' talk too...it's part of my programming. I swear I'm going to be a runaway bride...
So that part I can relate to but probably not for the same reasons. lol

 

[movingforward13]

So my ex husband isn't coming to our son's graduation tomorrow, even though I told him two months ago the date.
He had enough time to take off to go out the country but can't take a day off for his own son.

I ended up telling SO about it and he is now trying to either figure out a way to come (too short notice to take time off from work) or celebrate with us for dinner afterward. I appreciate him trying to be there for my son (and myself). I swear I had a child with the wrong man.

 

[Lucie]

This dude has me laughing so hard at work, I am crying! I love these sort of laughs!

I really am amazed at how far we've come. Old biscuit-head fool! I lubbs him!

 

[Nina_S]

So my ex husband isn't coming to our son's graduation tomorrow, even though I told him two months ago the date.
He had enough time to take off to go out the country but can't take a day off for his own son.

I ended up telling SO about it and he is now trying to either figure out a way to come (too short notice to take time off from work) or celebrate with us for dinner afterward. I appreciate him trying to be there for my son (and myself). I swear I had a child with the wrong man.

@movingforward13 God had definitely brought the right guy into you and your son's life. I love all of your posts about your relationship and it inspires me. Congrats to your son!

N~

 

[movingforward13]

@movingforward13 God had definitely brought the right guy into you and your son's life. I love all of your posts about your relationship and it inspires me. Congrats to your son!

N~

I am very thankful for him. Don't get me wrong- things aren't perfect here- we have had to adjust to one another and our expectations for the relationship, but overall I am very happy with him and my son simply adores him. Sometimes they forget I am in the room and they tackle and play with one another, like fathers should do with their sons. He has been that male figure my son seeks and even though I am not dating him for that reason, I am thankful that he doesn't ignore my son. Our relationship is good but his willingness to step in with my son is the icing.
I really appreciate to know that you are inspired. I am inspired myself- good men really do exist.

 

[ivyness]

Relationships are hard. I just want to drive home to my own bed crawl under the covers till Monday morning when I can go into work and focus on that. Being single is definitely lonelier but this icky feeling just doesn't seem worth it to me.

I don't think I can do this.