2014 What's Happening in Our Relationships?

[SheenaVee]

Me and my boyfriend went into a jewellry shop on Saturday to get my ring finger measurement and also to have a look at the rings so he could 'get a sense of the style of ring I like'. I think a proposal is coming either just before the end of the year or very early next year.

 

[rafikichick92]

He made it official yesterday, 5 dates in, so I guess I'll be posting in this thread from now on!

 

[qchelle]

He has 2 interviews this week. Hopefully he'll have some good offers to choose from before Christmas. That would be wonderful. Cuz then we can start looking at apartments in early January.

 

[cheetarah1980]

He has 2 interviews this week. Hopefully he'll have some good offers to choose from before Christmas. That would be wonderful. Cuz then we can start looking at apartments in early January.

Good luck to him!

My man has the opportunity to interview with a bigger company for a job with substantially more pay. I'm trying not to push him too hard to just do the interview. He wants to wait until after he does his six month review for his current job next week.

 

[qchelle]

Thanks! I hope your guy does the interview.

My SO already knows the kind of residence I want to live in so he needs to be interviewing for every job that calls him and negotiating very well. This is not a game lol. (But you know, he's on board. He wants it too)

On a related note, a headhunter just called me about a position. Too bad for him im not looking lol.

 

[dede1129]

* BIG UPDATE*

So I had an office Christmas party and invited SO and his two daughters to come. While there many things happened. His 2 daughters kept referring to my daughter as their little sister. When one of my coworkers said your daughter is so pretty while at the table, his daughter smiled and said Thank You. I spent the night and we all had a "family" meeting about what we were going to do for Christmas and we decided to have it in my house since it's bigger, at which time, SO suggested we all live together in one house and the kids started talking about decorating their rooms, ect.

I am digesting all of this. I am happy about it because I feel like he has been wanting to ensure the approval of his daughters and now I am like I want to make all these moves but I also want to be married too. I don't want to be like you better marry me first because he has that personality where he wants to be the man and surprise me and I don't want to ruin any plans he may have but I am wondering what's next. SO exciting!

 

[dede1129]

So he just asked me again what I thought about moving in together and I told him if we were in a permanent situation I think it would be a great idea because kids are involved and his response was in his mind we are already in a permanent situation.

Red flag for me because I am now thinking he would be ok with us living together for years without marriage. .. no bueno I am not here for that

 

[DarkJoy]

So he just asked me again what I thought about moving in together and I told him if we were in a permanent situation I think it would be a great idea because kids are involved and his response was in his mind we are already in a permanent situation.

Red flag for me because I am now thinking he would be ok with us living together for years without marriage. .. no bueno I am not here for that

Good on you for keeping your eyes open

It will not be immasculating to tell him your expectations of marriage before cohabitation.

Told mine day one ain't no ***** movin up in here with me and my child until marriage licenses are signed. End of f--ing story. I think as a father himself he would understand you not wanting to take on stepchildren without the ultimate commitment.

Tell him and be straight up.

Matter if fact, were it me, I'd be irritated at the attempt to railroad me into it in front of the children without private discussion first! Wth!! Getting their hopes up for something that may or may not happen in an attempt to manipulate you into saying yes?!

I beg your pardon if im wrong, but I'd consider THAT scenario a huge red flag.

 

[cheetarah1980]

So he just asked me again what I thought about moving in together and I told him if we were in a permanent situation I think it would be a great idea because kids are involved and his response was in his mind we are already in a permanent situation.

Red flag for me because I am now thinking he would be ok with us living together for years without marriage. .. no bueno I am not here for that

Now is the time to tell him that living together is a no go unless you have his last name. I told my BF that I'm not one of those move in together to cut costs women. If he wants the benefits of a dual income household he needs to marry me. Just make your expectations clear and let him be the man in deciding to meet them.

 

[SuchaLady]

Now is the time to tell him that living together is a no go unless you have his last name. I told my BF that I'm not one of those move in together to cut costs women. If he wants the benefits of a dual income household he needs to marry me. Just make your expectations clear and let him be the man in deciding to meet them.

Why would his costs be cut by you moving in anyway? I told my boo that if I ever moved in (I wouldn't either way) I'm not paying a dime. He has the same bills whether it's just him or him+me.

 

[TayMac]

So he just asked me again what I thought about moving in together and I told him if we were in a permanent situation I think it would be a great idea because kids are involved and his response was in his mind we are already in a permanent situation.

Red flag for me because I am now thinking he would be ok with us living together for years without marriage. .. no bueno I am not here for that

Stick to your guns! Biggest mistake I've mad.

 

[cheetarah1980]

Why would his costs be cut by you moving in anyway? I told my boo that if I ever moved in (I wouldn't either way) I'm not paying a dime. He has the same bills whether it's just him or him+me.

Well we were talking about my student loan debt and being able to pay if off quicker if we lived together and used one income to live (his) and the other (mine) to knock out debt. It sounds nice, but it's not going to happen. Now if we are married and I'm working, I don't mind contributing to the household finances. He knows that when we have kids I expect that he will be the sole financial provider (part of the reason why he needs to stop playing and take this job interview). However, before kids I think it makes sense to pool our incomes to cut down on duplicate expenses (i.e. 2 rents, 2 utility bills, 2 internet services, etc.). I also have to be mindful that he already has 2 children (from his first marriage) to support.

 

[SoopremeBeing]

This doesn't really have anything to do with this thread, but the Come Close video by Common always brings tears to my eyes. Why can't I find a guy like that...

 

[PlainJane]

Guilty

 

[tinkat]

If I had children I would have treaded more lightly with moving in with my fiancé. If he didn't show true commitment about marriage I wouldn't have moved in. He kept his word and it ended up benefiting me financially although that wasn't the reason I moved in with him. I his mind I think that was one the goals was to make it comfortable living with him, especially since I was moving away from home..

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[dede1129]

Good on you for keeping your eyes open

It will not be immasculating to tell him your expectations of marriage before cohabitation.

Told mine day one ain't no ***** movin up in here with me and my child until marriage licenses are signed. End of f--ing story. I think as a father himself he would understand you not wanting to take on stepchildren without the ultimate commitment.

Tell him and be straight up.

Matter if fact, were it me, I'd be irritated at the attempt to railroad me into it in front of the children without private discussion first! Wth!! Getting their hopes up for something that may or may not happen in an attempt to manipulate you into saying yes?!

I beg your pardon if im wrong, but I'd consider THAT scenario a huge red flag.

I totally agree! Here is some back story. We are both military and he is going away for training for 2 months and I offered to watch his girls (14 & 16) while he is gone since we are all used to being together anyways. I told him however that we would all need to be in the same household for that time period because it would inconvenience me to try and take them far away to their school and still get my daughter to school on time. He agreed to do what is more convenient for me. When we were talking to the kids about Christmas plans he brought that up. He asked me in private about making it permanent and I gave him my view on that. He understood and now the plan is that the girls will just stay at my house while he is gone.

 

[dede1129]

If I had children I would have treaded more lightly with moving in with my fiancé. If he didn't show true commitment about marriage I wouldn't have moved in. He kept his word and it ended up benefiting me financially although that wasn't the reason I moved in with him. I his mind I think that was one the goals was to make it comfortable living with him, especially since I was moving away from home..

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

That is very understandable. There are some instances where the intention may still be to get married and the moving in prior may be part of that whole process and not an avoidance of getting married. I am all for whatever works for both individuals. There is no blueprint that each relationship should follow. I am glad it worked out for you.

 

[dede1129]

Now is the time to tell him that living together is a no go unless you have his last name. I told my BF that I'm not one of those move in together to cut costs women. If he wants the benefits of a dual income household he needs to marry me. Just make your expectations clear and let him be the man in deciding to meet them.

I am glad this situation happened so he is able to know my views moving forward. It is still early in the relationship so I am not forcing anything but knowledge is power so yeah he knows my expectations now.

 

[cheetarah1980]

Ugghh!!! I'm hungry and this man keeps almost no food in his house. After my conference calls I'm going home to eat a real meal. I can't live off of cherries and apples.

 

[SoopremeBeing]

Guilty

WTF


I ain't gonna lie, that would be my reaction too.

 

[Lilmama1011]

Guilty

Not even how I think at all

 

[DarkJoy]

I totally agree! Here is some back story. We are both military and he is going away for training for 2 months and I offered to watch his girls (14 & 16) while he is gone since we are all used to being together anyways. I told him however that we would all need to be in the same household for that time period because it would inconvenience me to try and take them far away to their school and still get my daughter to school on time. He agreed to do what is more convenient for me. When we were talking to the kids about Christmas plans he brought that up. He asked me in private about making it permanent and I gave him my view on that. He understood and now the plan is that the girls will just stay at my house while he is gone.

You are a verrrrryyyy generous GF to care for his kids (plus yours!) for 2 whole months. Eeesh! Hope you have a good circle of support...

I guess I'm a b--ch, cuz I aint never been that nice

 

[Bublin]

SO received his first Christmas card from one of his best mates. It was addressed to both of us. Shock. I've not met any of his close friends yet!

 

[dede1129]

You are a verrrrryyyy generous GF to care for his kids (plus yours!) for 2 whole months. Eeesh! Hope you have a good circle of support...

I guess I'm a b--ch, cuz I aint never been that nice

Yes, being in the military and overseas you need to be able to count on your mate for support in situations such as these. He would/has done the same for me. As single parents with full custody of our children it is understood that our relationship with each other includes whatever support is needed for our first priorities, which are our children.

 

[okange76]

SO received his first Christmas card from one of his best mates. It was addressed to both of us. Shock. I've not met any of his close friends yet!

Girl, you late. They all know you and have seen your picture. They can spot you a mile away. That's a clear sign that they know your place in his life and they respect it. Enjoy !!

 

[cheetarah1980]

SO received his first Christmas card from one of his best mates. It was addressed to both of us. Shock. I've not met any of his close friends yet!

Then that lets you know he's serious. Having met you or not, they know you're important and part of his life. That's awesome.

 

[cheetarah1980]

I'm traveling for work this week and don't get back home until Friday night. He's leaving for the weekend Friday after work and will be gone until Sunday night. I miss my man :-(

 

[Oasis]

who knows they have a business trip for weeks but doesn't even begin to start packing until the cab driver calls and says he's about to leave if you don't hurry your *** up?

why are men so dumb?

 

[sky_blu]

Happy Birthday to me! Woke up pissed off at him but he won me over. Now we're waiting for dinner at a new place I wanted to try. Thank you God for another year completed.

 

[Oasis]

#chefbae is out of town until saturday and im sooooo hungry. im either going to order a large pizza or go to the store and buy a family size bag of tater tots to tide me over until he comes back.