2014 What's Happening in Our Relationships?

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Sumra said:
Its called transactional analysis. Its all about getting to the root of the problem. So if the communication issues are connected to your parent/child relationship, or other life events (like bullying etc..), you work on that and moving on. Its hard to explain because theres a lot to it, but it was well worth the money. Its very hard though because you have to work on the defence mechanisms that you've been using for years to protect yourself. It is no joke.:look:
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I love this! I will look into it.
 
Well what an interesting couple of days

On Friday we got opposing news. He lost his job (company got bought). I got a new job and received my offer letter. I haven't had a regular 9 to 5 or benefits in almost 10 years (consulting business owner so I always did ok). He is really bummed and tried to br happy for me all of 15 mins. Since then its been all about his job issue.

I get it. Being layed off is scary but its not unexpected. Hes been interviewing for other positions for weeks.

Call me selfish but I hate that my good news is eclipsed by his bad news. Its been talks all about his job loss the last cpl days. Hes depressed and withdrawing and its draining me. Its such a blow to his pride.

There's only so long im going to put up with wallowing before I peace out. He needs to buck up and put his big boy draws on.
 
DarkJoy

What a challenge! Congrats to you though! I like that you are being protective of yourself and not willing to let him rain on your happiness. He's a big boy. He can figure things out without bringing you down.
 
hopeful said:
DarkJoy

What a challenge! Congrats to you though! I like that you are being protective of yourself and not willing to let him rain on your happiness. He's a big boy. He can figure things out without bringing you down.
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Thanks hopeful. youre right. I refuse to be brought down.

Ive decided he can call me when he feels better. My patience and time on this planet is short. If he calls boohooing imma cut the conversation off. I wont be initiating s...t.

I dont do co dependence. Esp with a grownass over 50 man. :look:
 
I don't know, DarkJoy... It seems like the situation warrants some more sympathy. One _could_ see it as: you went from having a job to having one (no change). He went from having one, to not having one at all (big change).

I can see how that would be a blow and would significantly impact his mood. If it's just been a couple days, as you said, he should be cut some slack. My empathetic side (which disappears from time to time) would be tell him that I'm sorry for what happened and that I'm going to give him space to sort things out... (which in a nice way excuses you from being around him during his bad moods).

I feel like how something like this is handled could have big impact on the direction of the relationship:
-it's fair for you to want to celebrate your new job
-it's fair for him to want to wallow for a couple days on a job loss (especially if he's had it for years)
-it's fair for you to want to celebrate
-it's fair for him to be really preoccupied right now

I could be wrong, since I haven't had a superrr long relationship yet, but logically all these things seem fair to me.

Maybe I'd tell him that when he gets his new job, and pronto...:look:, that we owe each other (ahem) a celebration, and see how that goes.
 
Thanks CarLiTa.

Put it this way: I was in a 20yr marriage and am now a divorced mom. Ive known this man all of 5 months. Its way too early for issues like this (deeper than job loss) or some ride or die mentality. Not saying thats what you mean but thats how the situation is making *me* feel. I dont feel like I gotta "stand by my man" when ive known him for so little time

I do have pity on the man but its such a turnoff hearing grown men whine too.

Im not dumping him but giving him wide berth and slowing things down until he gets his ish together.
 
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We had such a nice and fun weekend.

We went out to dinner, had lots of good conversation (as usual), went out to breakfast, went grocery shopping (for Thanksgiving dinner) and went to the mall (clothes shopping). We have so much fun shopping together. It was nice to sit back, watch the game(s) and get cozy on the love seat. We're really looking forward to preparing dinner and celebrating Thanksgiving together.

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend.
 
this weekend a friend of mine invited us to his house for dinner. it was so fun hanging out with other people!:lol: we definitely need some couple friends.

tonight his friend and wife are in town and they are coming over for dinner. i feel like i can't complain because he came with me but his friend is a really conservative muslim and his wife never speaks. i'm dreading the imminent awkwardness.
 
We're going to Old Country Buffet for thanksgiving juuuuust the two of us. Lmao!
I suggested we get all dresses up and claim we have reservations. Lol
 
He sent me a text today.

'My colleague just asked me if you love me yet?'

After a long think I replied, 'Tell him it was love at first sight lol'

IMO that was not a random text telling me about a casual conversation. We've known each other for 1 month. After 1 week he asked to be exclusive and ever since he has told me multiple times that he, 'really REALLY likes me'. Dude is head over heels and he has always made that very clear.

It's nice he feels that way but at this point I think he needs to cool down.
 
I got asked again if I was willing to move to his country. I actually would; I have considered it, but I am not willing to have children with him in that country. I have no rights. I told him no. That is something to not even be entertained and he has never been married, never had children. I cannot take those experiences away from him. I have already experienced them.

He would have to become a US citizen and forfeit his citizenship to that country. That is not going to happen. I cannot take his country away.

Right about now i don't wish to live here lol. I think that could be fixed by traveling more, not just up and moving.

It is unfair for me to hold on to him. I am a realist.

I just want my Casablanca moment, just fly of into the night and let that be our resolution. Two years. I regret nothing. It wasn't perfect, but it wasn't all bad like most relationships. A lot of questioning the existence of it, tons of growth. I think we did well regarding the circumstance. I am glad I did not go matchmaker mode (too much). I lived in the experience.


March will be here soon. Someone stop the world.
 
Bublin said:
He sent me a text today.

'My colleague just asked me if you love me yet?'

After a long think I replied, 'Tell him it was love at first sight lol'

IMO that was not a random text telling me about a casual conversation. We've known each other for 1 month. After 1 week he asked to be exclusive and ever since he has told me multiple times that he, 'really REALLY likes me'. Dude is head over heels and he has always made that very clear.

It's nice he feels that way but at this point I think he needs to cool down.
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Haha. Men think it's only THEY who (want to) run away when their SOs lay it on too thick too soon:rolleyes::lol:

I liken myself to a fire that's slow to light and long to last. Early declarations do not make me feel warm inside.

I think a woman has to let the excited guy know that she will feel more comfortable and that the relationship will flow more easily when they don't put their words before their feelings, that she likes to get to know someone slowly, and that she doesn't want to feel scared or pressured (or annoyed:look:) through the process...
 
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He has a long hair chihuahua that's 14+ years old. Tonight, he told me his dog wasn't acting like himself. His dog is usually full of energy. He said his dog didn't seem to have his usual energy tonight. I said 'well, it could be that he's getting older'. He said no, it can't be that. I didn't say anything else after that. I just hope he doesn't expect his dog to be full of energy forever (especially since he's 14+ years old). He knows I'm an animal lover, but he also knows I'm very realistic. I know he's had the dog forever, but I hope he doesn't expect the dog to live forever (my cats didn't). Anyways, I hope this doesn't put any type of damper on our Thanksgiving day plans. I'm not trying to be cold. I'm just being real.
 
I can't wait to spend every holiday together rather than split between families. Off to the cold I go tomorrow. Yuck.

Sent from my iPad mini mini.
 
He's picking me up from my house and taking me to my parents house cuz I don't wanna drive in the snow. It's out of his way, so it's really nice of him.

My mom asked me how was I gonna get back home this weekend. I said either y'all or him can take me. She said he can take you cuz I don't feel like it lmao
 
I'm tickled at the fact he and my mom are scheduling a Skype conference so he can introduce himself to her.

He's trying to get in good with my parental units lol.
 
shasha8685 said:
I'm tickled at the fact he and my mom are scheduling a Skype conference so he can introduce himself to her. He's trying to get in good with my parental units lol.
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Reminds me of tinkat's skype sessions at the beginning of her relationship. You see how that turned out :D
 
Yes! Thank goodness for Skype and FaceTime. This sounds like the beginning of something great! And it's good when a guy genuinely wants to connect with your parents, particularly mom. I know others may want to wait until later, but IMO family can make or break. If my SO family was crazy I would have definitely pumped the breaks.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
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