CarLiTa
Well-Known Member
I've not been very nice the past few days. I am getting a sense of worry from him, which makes me feel really remorseful. Yet I also seem to be having this mean streak
I was telling him that I don't think I want to come visit and spend all that time with his family... Didn't say it so directly but eventually arrived at this message.
I just felt like I'd be invited to take part in their very intimate family activities, and that our relationship is at a much too premature stage for that. And the idea of going to participate in those activities and pretend to be integrated in his family made me want to go spend time with my family instead.
And I don't like to feel pressured. And I don't like to pretend that the relationship is at a stage where it isn't. Things like that freak me out and make me shut down, which is maybe why I am not being so nice lately. And seeing the uncertainty on his face made me sad, while the protective side of me felt like oh well, self protection.
Sometimes I just need some space. I'm not good at managing everyday life with my relationship life (long-distance relationships do that you... or maybe that's just me). But I feel like I want me time outside of work AND outside of the relationship. Like I want a vacation soon where it's just me (maybe with friends). Give me time to focus on me without the expectations of the relationship and of work.
This is what keeps me happy. Balance. And when that balance erodes, I get mean or dismissive. I have the terrible habit of throwing important things to the wayside when I am stressed out. I want to be a hermit and not talk to people. Relationship obligations begin to irritate me. I have to fight this bad habit to be a good relationship partner. And the odd thing is that boyfriends want to be even more attentive during that time. And that just stresses me out more.
I don't know. We need a solution. I'm exploring the financial feasibility of me going home half the time and visiting him the other half. And in the shorter term I owe myself a spa date
For now I'm not sure what to say to him. Tell him I'm bad at this and that sometimes yes I am mean? He's laid out 5 potential schedule scenarios for me/us if I were to go to the US and then go visit him. That was sweet.
Sigh. End ramble.
I was telling him that I don't think I want to come visit and spend all that time with his family... Didn't say it so directly but eventually arrived at this message.
I just felt like I'd be invited to take part in their very intimate family activities, and that our relationship is at a much too premature stage for that. And the idea of going to participate in those activities and pretend to be integrated in his family made me want to go spend time with my family instead.
And I don't like to feel pressured. And I don't like to pretend that the relationship is at a stage where it isn't. Things like that freak me out and make me shut down, which is maybe why I am not being so nice lately. And seeing the uncertainty on his face made me sad, while the protective side of me felt like oh well, self protection.
Sometimes I just need some space. I'm not good at managing everyday life with my relationship life (long-distance relationships do that you... or maybe that's just me). But I feel like I want me time outside of work AND outside of the relationship. Like I want a vacation soon where it's just me (maybe with friends). Give me time to focus on me without the expectations of the relationship and of work.
This is what keeps me happy. Balance. And when that balance erodes, I get mean or dismissive. I have the terrible habit of throwing important things to the wayside when I am stressed out. I want to be a hermit and not talk to people. Relationship obligations begin to irritate me. I have to fight this bad habit to be a good relationship partner. And the odd thing is that boyfriends want to be even more attentive during that time. And that just stresses me out more.
I don't know. We need a solution. I'm exploring the financial feasibility of me going home half the time and visiting him the other half. And in the shorter term I owe myself a spa date
For now I'm not sure what to say to him. Tell him I'm bad at this and that sometimes yes I am mean? He's laid out 5 potential schedule scenarios for me/us if I were to go to the US and then go visit him. That was sweet.
Sigh. End ramble.