2012 Whats happening Relationship Folks

[Zaynab]

I'm a reckless Pisces baby unfiltered version of Zayna....but Do_Si_Do, Bkylnladee and Priceles2608 will tell ya, my advice is golden 80% of the time. Men are simple. @Zaynab already expressed most of my sentiment on the topic of how to get a man to propose/husband. Zayna's way is more practical for most women's temperaments IMO. My way is an honest "n*gga iz you gonna give me a ring, or go ring shopping or not? If not, I gotta date."

I am telling you, I was too self absorbed and dating multiple people to ask what their intentions were. Dating multiple people makes you over confident. It was obvious I had options so either you came with it or not. If a guy asked me what I was looking for, I was very clear "I'm only dating to be married at this point". Now when I was just out being single I would always give the "I just wanna be friends" Because that's all I wanted. When I was dating soley to be married, I was pretty clear about it. I just never had to ask what their intentions were because they knew I had options and would keep it moving.

 

[Zaynab]

I learned a lot in the last bit in this thread. Totally going to go in a new direction for 2013. I'm tired of just 'casually' hanging with this guy on and off for 6 years with no commitment. With everyone asking me about 'us,' it gets annoying, but it's my fault for allowing this!

New attitude and approach for 2013!

Thanks so much for saying this. I don't see how these things linger on like that. I think we wait and "hope".

 

[Zaynab]

Direct might be the way to go. I'm going to toss it out this weekend....nothing to lose.

Be direct but not like an ultimatum. It's more like this is my worth and I can't accept anything less. Be nice about it but firm. I don't believe in ultimatums. It's more about say you were negotiating your salary for a new job and you are like "I need to paid this because of all my qualifications and skills"

 

[barbiesocialite]

I am telling you, I was too self absorbed and dating multiple people to ask what their intentions were. Dating multiple people makes you over confident. It was obvious I had options so either you came with it or not. If a guy asked me what I was looking for, I was very clear "I'm only dating to be married at this point". Now when I was just out being single I would always give the "I just wanna be friends" Because that's all I wanted. When I was dating soley to be married, I was pretty clear about it. I just never had to ask what their intentions were because they knew I had options and would keep it moving.

There's some fresh female shade right about this topic in the "She's Mad He Didn't Propose" thread . Matter of fact thats what entire thread is. The sex thing is neither here nor there IMO. But folks are mad bc ole girl is dating multiple people. Which unfortunately has made her over confident about the relationship, nonetheless, I have no problem with her bc she's invested a lot less than half of these chicks giving a non-DH the keys to her love, heart, vagina & wallet for umpteen years......

women stay thinking or like believing they are above or better than other women or more deserving. No hun, you're not....

 

[Zaynab]

There's some fresh female shade right about this topic in the "She's Mad He Didn't Propose" thread . Matter of fact thats what entire thread is. The sex thing is neither here nor there IMO. But folks are mad bc ole girl is dating multiple people. Which unfortunately has made her over confident about the relationship, nonetheless, I have no problem with her bc she's invested a lot less than half of these chicks giving a non-DH the keys to her love, heart, vagina & wallet for umpteen years......

women stay thinking or like believing they are above or better than other women or more deserving. No hun, you're not....

I saw that. I think you can date more than one man and yet be sincere about your feelings towards them or the one you want. I think the problem with her is the way she openly discussed he was her "safe" guy. I'm not gonna lie, I always had a backup guy I could marry when I was dating-like one I knew if all else failed in life I could be with him but he was safe and I felt I was too good for him. As a matter of fact, I could get divorced next week and he would be ready to start right back up. BUT her approach was all wrong and she didn't temper it was the appropriate femininity IMO.

 

[Zaynab]

Hm, some good advice in this thread. I'm starting to get some clarity about this now.



I've been doing this more or less for a little over a year, and I can't say that I have been looking at it as positively as you state it here
If anything, I keep thinking of it as: "all these dudes I don't like"
Like, if one were really spectacular, then I could happily have the others fade away and we could proceed to something special.

A couple of months ago, I decided to "offer exclusivity" (unwarranted) to a fella. Things didn't get very far and I had nothing to lose, technically, but it didn't work out -- as he wasn't emotionally available. But I'm a little irate that I made the decision to box myself and that this was the result. NOT what I expected at all. And I was really bummed by it, tbh



I really like this. And now that you mention it, it sounds familiar. If I remember correctly, ex-SO suggested exclusivity after I announced to him that I was going on a date with someone. And I guess from my tone of voice, it was clear that my attention had seriously drifted. He'd been stalling, and during those particular months I'd been hanging out with a whole slew of new guys-- friends of friends. One met me and and asked me out on a date that night. I don't know why I decided to tell the other one... probably the guilt I felt, because I really cared about ex-SO at that point.

Anyway, long story short, things were locked in place at most 1.5 weeks later... maybe just 1 week, in fact. We didn't have a conversation about it, I didn't bring anything up... it just happened. I don't know if they were related, but those 2 events happened very closely together.



greight, I've been and am in the same boat. I think I'll give Zaynab's approach a try, too

Funny enough, the only guy I've really connected in the past 2 years is one that I casually meet up with here and there-- to talk and do a few random activities. Of any guy I've dated during that time, he knows me better than any of the others. He's hinted a couple of times that he cares for me and I've just ignored it. Oddly enough, the time when the hint was no longer a hint and pretty much clear was the same day he discovered that I'd been dating several people.

Men have such a competitive streak. I hate it sometimes... and maybe I should constantly remind myself of that so I can make them compete...

I think you and I have talked about this in threads before and if I'm wrong then apologies. If there isn't any one that's spectacular, then you add more to the mix, you should have 3-4 options at all times. As they become more or "less" spectacular, their time and your level of interest will apply accordingly. If Man A becomes less spectacular over three months, move him down list and leave him at a friend--make new finds, add them. Don't let someone whose not spectacular or not what you want move into a position where you offer them exclusivity if it's not what you want or for sake of everyone else being not up to par. Just keep looking and keep casting a wider net. Get out, enjoy new and different activities, hang with friends who are dating and know of people that are interested.

Men are competitive but if you don't give them anything to compete for, they won't and they will low ball you. Let me say, I don't think men ALL are bad at all. I don't think they mean to hurt us, I don't think they mean to string us along, I don't think they "plan" out I'm gonna date this girl for six years and not commit to her, I don't think they even notice. They are just simple I think and if they aren't being kept on their toes, i.e. giving them a reason to compete and meet your standard they won't. A comfortable single man doesn't have to budge if you're doing everything a wife does. What's the benefit to him to marry you? And have 2-3 years really, he's seen all you got because you think over loving and over loyalty to him will make him recognize how awesome you are but all it does it make him feel he won, so it's easy for him to be on to the next thing. He got what he wanted and he didn't lose. It's really simple.

Alot of times we get upset with men and I do believe there are some sorry ones out there but alot of times we ignore things, example: we hear him say "I don't want a relationship right now" to mean "oh I can prove my love and loyalty and give and give and show him how awesome I am and he will change his mind". No he won't. Men really do say what they want. I 100% believe this. I think we don't often hear it or see when the actions don't match up.

ETA: Ex-SO you mean you didn't discuss being exclusive and again exclusive of what? I don't get what you ladies mean by exclusive. Maybe where you all aren't understanding me, I'm not understanding the use of exclusive. How can you be exclusive when you are single. If you're not engaged/married--you're single. You can give a man exclusive singleness but you don't owe him 100% exclusivity. And trust me. Ya'll can slay me, flame me, say your man isn't and not but men very much consider themselves single until engaged/married. That's why it's so hard for some to get to that point, they know they gotta let the other stuff go.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I saw that. I think you can date more than one man and yet be sincere about your feelings towards them or the one you want. I think the problem with her is the way she openly discussed he was her "safe" guy. I'm not gonna lie, I always had a backup guy I could marry when I was dating-like one I knew if all else failed in life I could be with him but he was safe and I felt I was too good for him. As a matter of fact, I could get divorced next week and he would be ready to start right back up. BUT her approach was all wrong and she didn't temper it was the appropriate femininity IMO.

I see what you're saying and it isnt my style or preferred method but IDK. I think she's def the super vain conceited type but honestly a lot of women are like that behind closed doors. This isnt PC to say but I think the rules sometimes need to be tweaked for ballers, at least it sorta seems they were by the types of women I know have ended up with them. They put up with a lot more and put out a lot more, but its still strategy. Play to win ala the Adrienne Bosh method is what I call it. Adrienne didnt land her first baller either. She tweaked her game and figured out how to get one.

I keep bringing up Vince & Tamar bc thats sorta what the OP couple reminded me of. Took Tamar 7 years to get her ring and you know she talked smack about Vince behind his back. It happens. But then I think thats the compromise sacrifice certain women make when they are going after a husband for lifestyle and/or money. There are a lot of potential negative consequences bc its a very emotionally manipulative tactic which often manifests into an emotionally abusive/exploitive relationships. At the end of the day, I tend to believe all parties involved usually know what the real deal is about the other person and the nature of the relationship. Which is why I think the woman in the OP will be just fine and so will the guy, whether they end up together or not. I highly doubt the man is innocent in all this, he knows what kinda woman he's dealing with. And he probably deals with her like Vince deals with Tamar. Not my preference but hey, to each their own.......

 

[PeaceFlow]

There's some fresh female shade right about this topic in the "She's Mad He Didn't Propose" thread . Matter of fact thats what entire thread is. The sex thing is neither here nor there IMO. But folks are mad bc ole girl is dating multiple people. Which unfortunately has made her over confident about the relationship, nonetheless, I have no problem with her bc she's invested a lot less than half of these chicks giving a non-DH the keys to her love, heart, vagina & wallet for umpteen years......

women stay thinking or like believing they are above or better than other women or more deserving. No hun, you're not....

 

[greight]

why? he wasnt on board?

FelaShrine, it was quite the opposite. I wasn't on board . He basically made it clear every date we were on.

It's a lot of things, but mainly because he was very religious and essentially wanted me to become a church wife . I was raised in a religious household, but my views have pretty much evolved from that.

Also he was homophobic. My best friends are lesbian/gay so...

And then he was always doing things at the last minute. He kept apologizing, but kept doing it anyway. I was done when it kept happening.

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

I'm always highly amused by women that try to advise me to do the most when that's what they do and....have no results. No receipts. No nothing

I mean, if you're one of those that loves sex and that's what you're in it for, fine. But don't be sexing up men and getting your lil feelings hurt and venting to me about it and then trying to advise me of what I need to do to keep a man interested. My associate--who I allllllllways want to come in here and start a thread about because her antics are so much better than fiction --said something about a woman needing to know how to cook, clean, and f**k. Or a beautiful woman who can't do those things is the type that won't keep a man. I made a joke that basically said "lmao. I'm that woman." And she's about to educate me. Girl. Please. I remember every single thing you've told me. Now have a seat and stop worrying about when I'm going to invite you to hang out with me and SO. Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanks. She's hanging from ceiling fans and all kind of acrobatics yet still splitting checks for drinks and begging dudes to care. Aint nobody want advice from you.


On another note, SO just called to tell me that one of his colleagues that saw us out saw him today and said "Who was that young lady you were with? Your little sister? She looks 18! Are you dating an 18 year old?" LMAO. I love it.

 

[curlcomplexity]

He made me promise him that we would communicate everyday...whether call or text. He's already called me twice today, once because he was busy yesterday and just now because he wanted to hear my voice

The 'newness' is a bittersweet thing

 

[FelaShrine]

InchHighPrivateEye *side eyes* girl I hope that aint for me cos I stay telling youi to break your ridicuclously nice boo some nookie

 

[FelaShrine]

There's some fresh female shade right about this topic in the "She's Mad He Didn't Propose" thread . Matter of fact thats what entire thread is. The sex thing is neither here nor there IMO. But folks are mad bc ole girl is dating multiple people. Which unfortunately has made her over confident about the relationship, nonetheless, I have no problem with her bc she's invested a lot less than half of these chicks giving a non-DH the keys to her love, heart, vagina & wallet for umpteen years......

women stay thinking or like believing they are above or better than other women or more deserving. No hun, you're not....

I ignored that thread on purpose..cos frankly I dont see what she did wrong.aside from telling people her business

 

[barbiesocialite]

I ignored that thread on purpose..cos frankly I dont see what she did wrong.aside from telling people her business

FelaShrine I sorta picked up you werent too fond of that thread. You said about two lines and rolled out. I'm resisting saying some smart mouth type ish that's below the belt. I need to learn to stop that anyway

I'm glad you're validating my I'm not just being extra or way outa left field tho. I always take into consideration who is saying what.

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

@InchHighPrivateEye *side eyes* girl I hope that aint for me cos I stay telling youi to break your ridicuclously nice boo some nookie

@FelaShrine No, it wasn't for you. You should actually check your mentions more often because I had an update specifically for you and only @Oasis caught it.

SO and I had to start over I swerved off my chosen path He's just so ridiculously nice

But this fool here is talking about her "method" like its gospel. Um. She told me about a tryst she and a guy had in a bathroom--because he likes that and she wants to keep his interest--and then showed me a bar tab receipt with her name on it (because of what the bartender wrote on the receipt). I said chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiile. Are you serious? I wouldn't talk to a man that would let me open a tab, much less screw him in a bathroom or want to keep him. Cheers to you, though.

 

[FelaShrine]

ETA: Ex-SO you mean you didn't discuss being exclusive and again exclusive of what? I don't get what you ladies mean by exclusive.Maybe where you all aren't understanding me, I'm not understanding the use of exclusive. How can you be exclusive when you are single. If you're not engaged/married--you're single. You can give a man exclusive singleness but you don't owe him 100% exclusivity And trust me. Ya'll can slay me, flame me, say your man isn't and not but men very much consider themselves single until engaged/married. That's why it's so hard for some to get to that point, they know they gotta let the other stuff go.

LOL See that's why I kepty repeating myself like an annoying parrot in the other discussion. I could tell you were getting frustrated with my questions so I just stopped. I now see you didnt get my angle on exclusive. Exclusive to most people Zaynab is THIS MAN IS MY BOYFRIEND, I WILL NOT SEE ANY MAN BUT HIM, HE GETS SEX BLAH BLAH BLAH, ALL OTHER MEN BESIDES MY BROTHER IS DEAD TO ME, IF I SEE HIM WITH ANOTHER WOMAN, HE'S CHETAING, IF HE SEES ME WITH ANOTHER MAN HE HAS THE RIGHT TO BE PISSSED AT ME AND ACCUSE ME OF CHEATING..that's what I was getting at..if you hav people who are TRAPPED in that kinda scenario..how do you expect them to agree to going to dinners with other men, etc

Again Naija here so Im not baout that life, yall saw the YT channel..we dont have less than 2-3 until dowry is paid and ring is obtained..I just wanted to see what suggestions you had for women who were trapped in that exclusive bubble..at the same time if you are only casual dating guys...how do you have time to learn all you need to learn so you dont end up with surprises when you do finally pick the one worth marrying..

Cre to explain what you mean by the red..how is exclusive singleness different form 100% exclusivity..

 

[FelaShrine]

@FelaShrine No, it wasn't for you. You should actually check your mentions more often because I had an update specifically for you and only @Oasis caught it.

SO and I had to start over I swerved off my chosen path He's just so ridiculously nice

But this fool here is talking about her "method" like its gospel. Um. She told me about a tryst she and a guy had in a bathroom--because he likes that and she wants to keep his interest--and then showed me a bar tab receipt with her name on it (because of what the bartender wrote on the receipt). I said chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiile. Are you serious? I wouldn't talk to a man that would let me open a tab, much less screw him in a bathroom or want to keep him. Cheers to you, though.

Hell do you mean by start over?

LOL tell that woman to stfu. I hate embarrassing women.

 

[FelaShrine]

FelaShrine I sorta picked up you werent too fond of that thread. You said about two lines and rolled out. I'm resisting saying some smart mouth type ish that's below the belt. I need to learn to stop that anyway

Lmao resisting saying it to me or them? You played them in that thread anyway so girl please

and yea Im so predictable sometimes I saw that thread and thought this is kinda like me.."hmm that girls should have just kept it to herself cos uh..I really dont see the issue.." lots of ish people bash that Im all about..lets just say I used to love Ramya's stories..damn bitter bs drove her away

 

[Fine 4s]

Exclusive to most people Zaynab is THIS MAN IS MY BOYFRIEND, I WILL NOT SEE ANY MAN BUT HIM, HE GETS SEX BLAH BLAH BLAH, ALL OTHER MEN BESIDES MY BROTHER IS DEAD TO ME, IF I SEE HIM WITH ANOTHER WOMAN, HE'S CHETAING, IF HE SEES ME WITH ANOTHER MAN HE HAS THE RIGHT TO BE PISSSED AT ME AND ACCUSE ME OF CHEATING..that's what I was getting at..if you hav people who are TRAPPED in that kinda scenario..how do you expect them to agree to going to dinners with other men, etc

I was going to ask that question but lost it because THIS DAMN THING TIMED OUT WHILE I WAS TYPING! Can I vent about this UGH!!!!
Anyway, yes, assuming that we can't back out of this arrangement how should those who want to adopt your method proceed?

Has anyone asked a male friend what they thought of this approach? I know Zaynab mentioned some of her people admitted to some of the reasons why her method makes sense. My guys aren't aggreeing and I've asked a mixture of playas, married men non cheater and married men cheater LOL

 

[Zaynab]

I was going to ask that question but lost it because THIS DAMN THING TIMED OUT WHILE I WAS TYPING! Can I vent about this UGH!!!!
Anyway, yes, assuming that we can't back out of this arrangement how should those who want to adopt your method proceed?

Has anyone asked a male friend what they thought of this approach? I know Zaynab mentioned some of her people admitted to some of the reasons why her method makes sense. My guys aren't aggreeing and I've asked a mixture of playas, married men non cheater and married men cheater LOL

How are ya'll gonna ask a man about this when you don't even have the concept down pat to explain it? I"m being serious too. I can imagine the way most women would present that type of dating scenario in the first place so I know they would answer affirmatively

FelaShrine I am getting frustrated explaining it. I'm sorry but exclusive IMO means we have a true commitment to get engaged/married. There is a point where you would stop dating others but it wouldn't be at the four dates point that most women do. Women "fall into" exclusivity when it wasn't discussed, asked or questioned in the first place. Then you feel beholden to someone for...? what? If there's not a dialogue, plan, you talked to my family, on the table, then we're not exclusive. Exclusive sounds like a waste of time to me. I don't know how to else to explain it

 

[FelaShrine]

'm sorry but exclusive IMO means we have a true commitment to get engaged/married. There is a point where you would stop dating others but it wouldn't be at the four dates point that most women do. Women "fall into" exclusivity when it wasn't discussed, asked or questioned in the first place. Then you feel beholden to someone for...? what? If there's not a dialogue, plan, you talked to my family, on the table, then we're not exclusive. Exclusive sounds like a waste of time to me. I don't know how to else to explain it

Thanks. I see your point now. See your version is different from "Western society-approved" version. Yours definitely matches MY belief. It's very easy to check out others if someone were to go according to your version

The other way you;re just trapped and can only HOPE it leads to marriage.

 

[Fine 4s]

@Zaynab,

I printed out your comments and read them LOLOL!
I need to re-read these posts even when they're long burried at 150 pages! I think I got the concept VERY clearly actually. Agreeing with it is a whole other point that I'm still exploring, hence the million and one questions. It started a gread debate. One got all upset LOLOL

But seriously, as anyone else discussed this point with ANYONE? Women included. I have.

Z man, why you holdin' out on the 'secret' can you PLEASE tell those like me who are 'trapped' how to get un-trapped. Step by Step please.

 

[Fine 4s]

The other way you;re just trapped and can only HOPE it leads to marriage.

Attention to all: Those of you in 'exclusive' relationships as defined by Western Society...KEEP HOPE ALIVE
I'm sorry, I just HAD to...

Watch me be the next one talkin' about it's been 20 years and he hasn't proposed!

 

[Zaynab]

Thanks. I see your point now. See your version is different from "Western society-approved" version. Yours definitely matches MY belief. It's very easy to check out others if someone were to go according to your version

The other way you;re just trapped and can only HOPE it leads to marriage.

Thanks I was like, am I crazy do they not get it? I don't mean for you to agree @Fine_4s but you have to truly understand the concept to implement it or you will still fall in the same traps. I have outlined this step by step before, I don't know what threads but it's like an every four months discussion. I will try and step by step it.

 

[FelaShrine]

^Nothing against Fine_s but Zaynab.she's kinda trapped..it's been a year that she's been exclusive..she cant come outta no where now talking about I wanna go to a movie with some random dude to her SO. That will just look mad suspicious


I think your version works for those just starting out...no exclsuive mumbo jumbo yet..just waddling in the dating pool

 

[barbiesocialite]

^Nothing against Fine_s but Zaynab.she's kinda trapped..it's been a year that she's been exclusive..she cant come outta no where now talking about I wanna go to a movie with some random dude to her SO. That will just look mad suspicious


I think your version works for those just starting out...no exclsuive mumbo jumbo yet..just waddling in the dating pool

I hate to admit it but I think you're right.

smh.

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

Well, and I don't mean to sound like I have the guts of Zaynab and barbie, but Fine 4s can't you just do like Zaynab said in her post--I'm not sure if it's this thread or the other one (I'm tag team thanking both) that men do. Actually, IIRC some of your posts I think you do. You don't have to sleep with or have serious romantic dinners with dudes, but don't cut off your male friends and if they wanna have lunch, have lunch. If you go to a work event and somebody comes up to you trying to "network" and you know it's because of the dress you have on and not because he's interested in your work then take his card and network and don't lie or make out with the man but just...know him. If your SO says, "I know somebody tried to ask you out today," just smirk confidently and change the subject. Like, you really are keeping your options open, and you he knows it and you know it, but you aren't necessarily dating multiple men. You just have a full Rolodex.

What Barbie and Zaynab are saying makes perfect sense to me and I've seen it play out well for women who use their approach, while other women of a similar age get the "bitter" label only because they've given too much of themselves. I'm exclusive with my SO right now (he's talked about elopement and I've said that I would need an engagement and a ceremony because I'm Queen Drama so we'll see how that works out) so I can't claim to just be acing their method. I know that if it's at my own risk that I take myself "off the market"; I'm lazy and I really just like spending time with him so I'm willing to take that risk but I'm not going to sit here and say that I don't understand why they would advise women to date around. It makes perfect sense. I will say, that in the spirit of what they're saying I work out and keep myself up (ain't no comfortable love weight going on over here; he asked me to share some ice cream with him last night and said "it's okay if you get fat." I said "I'm not keeping myself up just for you :") and there are plenty of guys (not guys that I want. I wants my man. But guys that will do just fine and that keep me feeling myself ) that ask "are you still with the boyfriend? Just checking " To my amusement, even his colleagues, as I mentioned a couple of posts back, have started to let him know he has competition.

So I said all that longwinded stuff to say, everyone's not going to be a G like Zaynab and barbie, but you can still keep your options open. Keep those cards. Have business lunches. Look cute. Don't let that man talk you into getting all comfortable with the love weight. And then if you and him don't work out, at least you won't be like "oh, crap! What now? "

 

[Fine 4s]

DAMN. I'm just doomed.

Zaynab, if you love me, you'll help me with that step by step and you too Fela! Why can't we start a new thread? Z, would be too threw LOL. She'll need to certify others so they can answer on your behalf

Anyway, even if I don't get more info on this topic, I appreciate the new perspective. At the very least, it has removed any fear discussing marriage with SO. So I'm grateful for that.

Maybe I should break up with SO, then start dating him again. LOL!

 

[Zaynab]

^Nothing against Fine_s but Zaynab.she's kinda trapped..it's been a year that she's been exclusive..she cant come outta no where now talking about I wanna go to a movie with some random dude to her SO. That will just look mad suspicious


I think your version works for those just starting out...no exclsuive mumbo jumbo yet..just waddling in the dating pool

Yep. I agree. Trapped and giving a man over 35 2.5 years to decide and dropping "hints". This is all absolutely wrong. And I don't mean to be glib or snarky either.

 

[Zaynab]

DAMN. I'm just doomed.

Zaynab, if you love me, you'll help me with that step by step and you too Fela! Why can't we start a new thread? Z, would be too threw LOL. She'll need to certify others so they can answer on your behalf

Anyway, even if I don't get more info on this topic, I appreciate the new perspective. At the very least, it has removed any fear discussing marriage with SO. So I'm grateful for that.

Maybe I should break up with SO, then start dating him again. LOL!

I wouldn't stop dating him. But it it were me? I would find some male friends/suitors that you knew were interested in you. Even if you just used them to build your dating/talking to men process, meaning you didn't really feel them like that but it added to your boost of confidence. Men, employers, dogs, babies smell desperation and vulnerability. They know when they have you where they want you. After a year of "hinting" wouldn't stop me from accepting dates with other men.

We had a thread on the whole step by step process. I will try and find it again. You're not doomed. You just need to get a bit more empowered, I don't sense that from your posts.