Hm, some good advice in this thread. I'm starting to get some clarity about this now.
I know many people who date this way and have successfully gotten married. Also
Southernbella. Used a similar approach when she was dating. IMO and if you read countless articles on this, it makes YOU in control and not the men. You're empowered and confident.
Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue
I've been doing this more or less for a little over a year, and I can't say that I have been looking at it as positively as you state it here
If anything, I keep thinking of it as: "all these dudes I don't like"
Like, if one were really spectacular, then I could happily have the others fade away and we could proceed to something special.
A couple of months ago, I decided to "offer exclusivity" (unwarranted) to a fella. Things didn't get very far and I had nothing to lose, technically, but it didn't work out -- as he wasn't emotionally available. But I'm a little irate that I made the decision to box myself and that this was the result. NOT what I expected at all. And I was really bummed by it, tbh
You don't have to tell the man you are keeping your options open. You just need male friends who happen to be marriage material. He should know of said friends. If one of your friends offers to take you to lunch, brunch, movie, etc., you go. If someone sees you out, so what. If SO asks, you let him know. I always made the distinction to DH of what I thought was acceptable when dating vs. married so that he would understand what marriage means to me. You don't like me having guy friends? Well I would give them up for my husband, but not for a boyfriend. You want me to turn down my cross country internship? Well if I were married I would consider my husbands feelings, but I can't make career decisions for someone I'm just dating.
IMO, there is dating, engagement, and marriage. There is no such thing as a serious relationship unless he has made some type of formal commitment. He should understand that you consider dating to be a casual relationship, and "taking it to the next level" does not mean moving in together, getting a key to my place, combining finances, or anything else. The next level is a ring on my finger and there is no in between.
I really like this. And now that you mention it, it sounds familiar. If I remember correctly, ex-SO suggested exclusivity after I announced to him that I was going on a date with someone. And I guess from my tone of voice, it was clear that my attention had seriously drifted. He'd been stalling, and during those particular months I'd been hanging out with a whole slew of new guys-- friends of friends. One met me and and asked me out on a date that night. I don't know why I decided to tell the other one... probably the guilt I felt, because I really cared about ex-SO at that point.
Anyway, long story short, things were locked in place at most 1.5 weeks later... maybe just 1 week, in fact. We didn't have a conversation about it, I didn't bring anything up... it just happened. I don't know if they were related, but those 2 events happened very closely together.
I'm trying Zaynab's approach for 2013
Now, I'm just going to ignore the feeling and just go for it. I'm going to make as many male friends as possible. I'm lacking in that department.
I've been on the fence when it came to dating since I thought I might be applying to graduate schools etc right now (and just didn't feel like it), but I'm staying put for now. Might as well try a new tactic.
greight, I've been and am in the same boat. I think I'll give
Zaynab's approach a try, too
Funny enough, the only guy I've really connected in the past 2 years is one that I casually meet up with here and there-- to talk and do a few random activities. Of any guy I've dated during that time, he knows me better than any of the others. He's hinted a couple of times that he cares for me and I've just ignored it. Oddly enough, the time when the hint was no longer a hint and pretty much clear was the same day he discovered that I'd been dating several people.
Men have such a competitive streak. I hate it sometimes... and maybe I should constantly remind myself of that so I can make them compete...
he cooked us breakfast, we went to see Argo, and now we're at his house. He just made a fire in the fireplace....he's so proud of it, he keeps glancing over at it lol.
I WANT the answer straight up not the roundabout BS.
lol
