WHAAAAAAAT? All them posters need to SHARE the knowledge maaaaan.
Thanks for the perspective Z!
Fine 4s said:
I'm not saying tell them that you are keeping your options open but you don't have to tell a man everything, they don't need to feel comfortable and know your every move. Men like mystery. I mean if you have a casual date with someone, I don't see that you have to tell them that, coffee, lunch, it's not sex? *shrugs*
A baby. And I knew better. We talk marriage before and during but hasn't happened yet and now I can't make a clean break. So yeah..he has all the power now and I have none.
and dude one day bumps into her during these casual dates or friends of dudes see this and go on some run telldat ish..how exactly does she work around that? How does she explain herself esp after accepting to be exclusive?
Im thinking the only way your plans could work @Zaynab is if women just dont accept exclusivity. Buit then can a relationship go from casual to serious without that step? There lies the problem
FelaShrine said:I remmeber the marriage talks TayMac what happened? is it that its being delayed or the talks are just done
and dude one day bumps into her during these casual dates or friends of dudes see this and go on some run telldat ish..how exactly does she work around that? How does she explain herself esp after accepting to be exclusive?
Im thinking the only way your plans could work Zaynab is if women just dont accept exclusivity. Buit then can a relationship go from casual to serious without that step? There lies the problem
I love your perspective, it's very different.
Not sure if would work for everybody though. I know some dudes who would NOT put up with that 'keeping options open' approach and then the ring goes 'poof' IF that's her end goal.
As far as exclusivity goes, my guy brought it up first and even asked the forbidden 'what are we doing?' question first.
But like I said, I'd be willing to TRY your approach if given the opportunity to.
I did this until I was exclusive with SO.
I have never heard someone stop dating other men until MARRIAGE though, interesting. Wow, that is GANG-TAH.
How would I test the dang-a-lang? LOL
You don't have to tell the man you are keeping your options open. You just need male friends who happen to be marriage material. He should know of said friends. If one of your friends offers to take you to lunch, brunch, movie, etc., you go. If someone sees you out, so what. If SO asks, you let him know. I always made the distinction to DH of what I thought was acceptable when dating vs. married so that he would understand what marriage means to me. You don't like me having guy friends? Well I would give them up for my husband, but not for a boyfriend. You want me to turn down my cross country internship? Well if I were married I would consider my husbands feelings, but I can't make career decisions for someone I'm just dating.
IMO, there is dating, engagement, and marriage. There is no such thing as a serious relationship unless he has made some type of formal commitment. He should understand that you consider dating to be a casual relationship, and "taking it to the next level" does not mean moving in together, getting a key to my place, combining finances, or anything else. The next level is a ring on my finger and there is no in between.
Exclusive of what? Being a boyfriend/ girlfriend? IMO that's not enough of an exclusive discussion. That could go on and on. The bf/gf is often a go nowhere relationship is my point.
ETA: DHs friend saw me out with a guy when we were dating. He asked me snout it and I was simply like "its a friend". But that also put him on notice more to step his game up. He had been like oh I wanna marry but what? That wasn't a serious dialogue or step towards us getting engaged. He had also been non committal as men are like "one day, gotta do this and that" etc. After that, he had a clear plan and discussion. We got engaged shortly thereafter. Men will lock it down if they don't want what they want being courted and wooed. Maybe not a good example but Lamar Odom said of Khloe, he didn't want to lose her, so he put a ring on it.
Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue
You don't have to tell the man you are keeping your options open. You just need male friends who happen to be marriage material. He should know of said friends. If one of your friends offers to take you to lunch, brunch, movie, etc., you go. If someone sees you out, so what. If SO asks, you let him know. I always made the distinction to DH of what I thought was acceptable when dating vs. married so that he would understand what marriage means to me. You don't like me having guy friends? Well I would give them up for my husband, but not for a boyfriend. You want me to turn down my cross country internship? Well if I were married I would consider my husbands feelings, but I can't make career decisions for someone I'm just dating.
.
My friends say I should wait until Christmas and/or my birthday which is 2 days after.
I like this I completely agree with you and @Zaynab..Im just giving reasons why other women are hesitant..Im African so Im free until my parents meet his parents and dates are set up..that isnt the case for others
Problem is people get into exclusivity and then they are stuck cos they think they cant date others cos well the relationship is serious/exclusive now. @foxxyLoc..would you agree that women shouldnt get into exclusive bf/gf so then they DONt feel guilty for not putting all their eggs on that one "mr serious bf"
I'm trying Zaynab's approach for 2013 . I had dated generally maybe two or three at a time, but I always felt so guilty (I don't even know why) about it and then just picked one . This is where I go wrong.
Now, I'm just going to ignore the feeling and just go for it. I'm going to make as many male friends as possible. I'm lacking in that department.
I've been on the fence when it came to dating since I thought I might be applying to graduate schools etc right now (and just didn't feel like it), but I'm staying put for now. Might as well try a new tactic.
I like this I completely agree with you and Zaynab..Im just giving reasons why other women are hesitant..Im African so Im free until my parents meet his parents and dates are set up..that isnt the case for others
Problem is people get into exclusivity and then they are stuck cos they think they cant date others cos well the relationship is serious/exclusive now. foxxyLoc..would you agree that women shouldnt get into exclusive bf/gf so then they DONt feel guilty for not putting all their eggs on that one "mr serious bf"
I like this I completely agree with you and Zaynab..Im just giving reasons why other women are hesitant..Im African so Im free until my parents meet his parents and dates are set up..that isnt the case for others
Problem is people get into exclusivity and then they are stuck cos they think they cant date others cos well the relationship is serious/exclusive now. foxxyLoc..would you agree that women shouldnt get into exclusive bf/gf so then they DONt feel guilty for not putting all their eggs on that one "mr serious bf"
You don't focus on one until one has stepped up stating they want to date for marriage.
Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue
ETA - My last relationship was discussion of marriage including timeline and I prob shouldn't have even gotten that far either with 1 guy so quickly.
I'm gonna do this actually. It's best not to have a discussion of exclusivity at all. I don't think it helps women.
Welp thats one scratched off the list. Next.
And my friend and her relationship just have me confused to the point that I stopped asking questions NONE of what is going on makes sense. I have decided to send smilie face text messages and cheer her on cause thats the best I can come up with, lol.
Sandy was great
on a side note, I am not interested in getting married that soon anymore, but i loooove my boyfriend. like, that is my bestie for real... I wonder if thats normal. Maybe its just maturity? IDK. I feel like I have a lot to do before even thinking about it.