2012 Whats happening Relationship Folks
- Thread starter firecracker
- Start date
I know many people who date this way and have successfully gotten married. Also Southernbella. Used a similar approach when she was dating. IMO and if you read countless articles on this, it makes YOU in control and not the men. You're empowered and confident.
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FelaShrine
Well-Known Member
and dude one day bumps into her during these casual dates or friends of dudes see this and go on some run telldat ish..how exactly does she work around that? How does she explain herself esp after accepting to be exclusive?
Im thinking the only way your plans could work Zaynab is if women just dont accept exclusivity. Buit then can a relationship go from casual to serious without that step? There lies the problem
FelaShrine
Well-Known Member
I remmeber the marriage talks TayMac what happened? is it that its being delayed or the talks are just done
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
and dude one day bumps into her during these casual dates or friends of dudes see this and go on some run telldat ish..how exactly does she work around that? How does she explain herself esp after accepting to be exclusive?
Im thinking the only way your plans could work @Zaynab is if women just dont accept exclusivity. Buit then can a relationship go from casual to serious without that step? There lies the problem
I think this is only relevant for those with low self-esteem and/or who care what people think.
I dont feel as an individual, and also as a woman, I have anything to prove to anyone. What someone saw it just that, if you want to know the deal ask me. In any event, no woman should be interested/invested in having to prove her love/commitment to a prove something to a man at a dating level. That's his job. Take it or leave it. Also, if you know your man and he knows you, and youre honest there is nothing to be read or insinuated if you are seen with a male acquaintance. dating/a date ≠ relationship, also dating/a date ≠ sex. It's sorta a piss or get off the pot type response. If a man doesnt want you going out on dates with another man he simply takes you off the market <----grant it, if thats what the woman wants from him to allow it
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TayMac
Well-Known Member
FelaShrine said:
Without being long winded, talk is nothing more than talk. I know he would say delayed but my opinion is I'm done talking.I feel there is no reason for delay outside of him not being interested.
My friends say I should wait until Christmas and/or my birthday which is 2 days after.
and dude one day bumps into her during these casual dates or friends of dudes see this and go on some run telldat ish..how exactly does she work around that? How does she explain herself esp after accepting to be exclusive?
Im thinking the only way your plans could work Zaynab is if women just dont accept exclusivity. Buit then can a relationship go from casual to serious without that step? There lies the problem
Exclusive of what? Being a boyfriend/ girlfriend? IMO that's not enough of an exclusive discussion. That could go on and on. The bf/gf is often a go nowhere relationship is my point.
ETA: DHs friend saw me out with a guy when we were dating. He asked me snout it and I was simply like "its a friend". But that also put him on notice more to step his game up. He had been like oh I wanna marry but what? That wasn't a serious dialogue or step towards us getting engaged. He had also been non committal as men are like "one day, gotta do this and that" etc. After that, he had a clear plan and discussion. We got engaged shortly thereafter. Men will lock it down if they don't want what they want being courted and wooed. Maybe not a good example but Lamar Odom said of Khloe, he didn't want to lose her, so he put a ring on it.
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I love your perspective, it's very different.
Not sure if would work for everybody though. I know some dudes who would NOT put up with that 'keeping options open' approach and then the ring goes 'poof' IF that's her end goal.
As far as exclusivity goes, my guy brought it up first and even asked the forbidden 'what are we doing?' question first.
But like I said, I'd be willing to TRY your approach if given the opportunity to.
I did this until I was exclusive with SO.
I have never heard someone stop dating other men until MARRIAGE though, interesting. Wow, that is GANG-TAH.
How would I test the dang-a-lang? LOL
You don't have to tell the man you are keeping your options open. You just need male friends who happen to be marriage material. He should know of said friends. If one of your friends offers to take you to lunch, brunch, movie, etc., you go. If someone sees you out, so what. If SO asks, you let him know. I always made the distinction to DH of what I thought was acceptable when dating vs. married so that he would understand what marriage means to me. You don't like me having guy friends? Well I would give them up for my husband, but not for a boyfriend. You want me to turn down my cross country internship? Well if I were married I would consider my husbands feelings, but I can't make career decisions for someone I'm just dating.
IMO, there is dating, engagement, and marriage. There is no such thing as a serious relationship unless he has made some type of formal commitment. He should understand that you consider dating to be a casual relationship, and "taking it to the next level" does not mean moving in together, getting a key to my place, combining finances, or anything else. The next level is a ring on my finger and there is no in between.
FelaShrine
Well-Known Member
Gotcha but yea there's "exclusive bf/gf" and of course "exclusive with clear intention of marriage". Many women are in the "exclusive bf/gf"(I dont want you to see anyone else but me, I want us to be officially bf/gf" blah bloody blah and with that they believe that they shouldnt date others anymore after that. The multiple dating is what women use to get to the "exclusive bf/gf " talk and not the other one
so I see it that the only way to get to that important point and not shutting don others is to not agree to be exclusive bf/gf..keep dtaing til you get the one that wants to skip the mere bf/gf ish and goes straight for the marriage pot
greight
Well-Known Member
I'm trying Zaynab's approach for 2013 
. I had dated generally maybe two or three at a time, but I always felt so guilty (I don't even know why) about it and then just picked one . This is where I go wrong.
Now, I'm just going to ignore the feeling and just go for it. I'm going to make as many male friends as possible. I'm lacking in that department.
I've been on the fence when it came to dating since I thought I might be applying to graduate schools etc right now (and just didn't feel like it), but I'm staying put for now. Might as well try a new tactic.
. I had dated generally maybe two or three at a time, but I always felt so guilty (I don't even know why) about it and then just picked one . This is where I go wrong.Now, I'm just going to ignore the feeling and just go for it. I'm going to make as many male friends as possible. I'm lacking in that department.
I've been on the fence when it came to dating since I thought I might be applying to graduate schools etc right now (and just didn't feel like it), but I'm staying put for now. Might as well try a new tactic.
FelaShrine
Well-Known Member
I like this
I completely agree with you and Zaynab..Im just giving reasons why other women are hesitant..Im African so Im free until my parents meet his parents and dates are set up..that isnt the case for others Problem is people get into exclusivity and then they are stuck cos they think they cant date others cos well the relationship is serious/exclusive now. foxxyLoc..would you agree that women shouldnt get into exclusive bf/gf so then they DONt feel guilty for not putting all their eggs on that one "mr serious bf"
FelaShrine
Well-Known Member
Aww you're a Cappy too!
well I hope it does become a Christmas/Birthday surprise instead.
I like this
Problem is people get into exclusivity and then they are stuck cos they think they cant date others cos well the relationship is serious/exclusive now. @foxxyLoc..would you agree that women shouldnt get into exclusive bf/gf so then they DONt feel guilty for not putting all their eggs on that one "mr serious bf"
I honestly don't think it matters whether you are exclusive bf/gf or not. I was exclusive with DH, but I still had guy friends. I didn't cross the line with them (kissing, sex, etc.) but they were around and I knew I had options. Going to lunch with a friend is not cheating, so I don't understand why women are afraid to that. It doesn't make sense to me to go 2 or 3 years exclusively dating someone, giving up all other prospects, acting like you're married, only to have to start all over again. As Zaynab said before, men are not doing this. They may not be cheating either, but they are keeping in contact with at least 2 other women on a friendly basis, and when you break up they are on to the next one quickly.
I'm trying Zaynab's approach for 2013
Now, I'm just going to ignore the feeling and just go for it. I'm going to make as many male friends as possible. I'm lacking in that department.
I've been on the fence when it came to dating since I thought I might be applying to graduate schools etc right now (and just didn't feel like it), but I'm staying put for now. Might as well try a new tactic.
You don't focus on one until one has stepped up stating they want to date for marriage.
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greight
Well-Known Member
I like this
Problem is people get into exclusivity and then they are stuck cos they think they cant date others cos well the relationship is serious/exclusive now. foxxyLoc..would you agree that women shouldnt get into exclusive bf/gf so then they DONt feel guilty for not putting all their eggs on that one "mr serious bf"
I'm gonna do this actually. It's best not to have a discussion of exclusivity at all. I don't think it helps women.
I like this
Problem is people get into exclusivity and then they are stuck cos they think they cant date others cos well the relationship is serious/exclusive now. foxxyLoc..would you agree that women shouldnt get into exclusive bf/gf so then they DONt feel guilty for not putting all their eggs on that one "mr serious bf"
OK. I was tagged in this thread to give my perspective. I can't explain it any further. I've explained as much as I can.
I just caution women against giving so much loyalty and commitment to men when there is no direction in a relationship outside of bf/gf and 'one day I want to get married'.
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greight
Well-Known Member
Yeah, but I was 21-24 at the time so I honestly wasn't thinking about marriage until 24, TBH. But I think the fact that I felt so guilty dating when I was trying to date only isn't helpful to me now. I need to dead that if I'm trying to get hitched before 30.
I'm 26 now so a new tactic is in order.
ETA - My last relationship was discussion of marriage including timeline and I prob shouldn't have even gotten that far either with 1 guy so quickly.
Do_Si_Dos
Well-Known Member
^^^^ I can attest to the Zaynab and barbiesocialite method working. Right now I give it 4 stars.... But I may change it to five stars soon
FelaShrine
Well-Known Member
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Welp thats one scratched off the list. Next.
And my friend and her relationship just have me confused to the point that I stopped asking questions
NONE of what is going on makes sense. I have decided to send smilie face text messages and cheer her on cause thats the best I can come up with, lol.
And my friend and her relationship just have me confused to the point that I stopped asking questions
NONE of what is going on makes sense. I have decided to send smilie face text messages and cheer her on cause thats the best I can come up with, lol.
FelaShrine
Well-Known Member
^That's how I feel with one person right now
The more she tells me the more I wish she'd just stop.
The more she tells me the more I wish she'd just stop.
Welp thats one scratched off the list. Next.
And my friend and her relationship just have me confused to the point that I stopped asking questions
My friends new SO hasn't talked/replied to her for two days after she shouted at him. This is despite saying he'd come over the next day and forget about it. I don't know what to say at this point. Doesn't look good. I'm mainly opting for the hug smiley at the moment.
he cooked us breakfast, we went to see Argo, and now we're at his house. He just made a fire in the fireplace....he's so proud of it, he keeps glancing over at it lol.
NappyNelle
Kinky Coily 4A, Fine Strands, WSL
*taking notes as usual*
tinkat
Well-Known Member
My baby was suppose to be back on Monday and I hadn't talked to him since sunday which had me worried bc we communicate everyday. He sent me a message this morning saying he is stuck in CR bc of the flights bring canceled. I'm just ready for him to come back.
Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours.Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours.Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
SummerSolstice
New Member
Sandy was great
on a side note, I am not interested in getting married that soon anymore, but i loooove my boyfriend. like, that is my bestie for real... I wonder if thats normal. Maybe its just maturity? IDK. I feel like I have a lot to do before even thinking about it.
on a side note, I am not interested in getting married that soon anymore, but i loooove my boyfriend. like, that is my bestie for real... I wonder if thats normal. Maybe its just maturity? IDK. I feel like I have a lot to do before even thinking about it.
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
Sandy was great
on a side note, I am not interested in getting married that soon anymore, but i loooove my boyfriend. like, that is my bestie for real... I wonder if thats normal. Maybe its just maturity? IDK. I feel like I have a lot to do before even thinking about it.
you're normal.
I believe you're a year or two younger than me, I've been engaged a few times and used to be pressed to get married so I could play June Cleaver asap. Now you cant get me to be in a relationship.
I've been dating my guy on and off for over 2 years at this point, the only reason we arent married is because I'm not ready. Simply not interested right now, I'm content. Priorities. There are a few things I need to take care of/get right first before I make that commitment so I can be a better wife and mother. Might make the plunge before I'm 30, just like marriage may creep back up on you as long as you keep your life in proper alignment to allow for the possibility...........besides, dont worry your likelihood of divorce decreases with age. Late-twenties to thirties are ideal IMO. Half of my early married friends are divorced or currently in the process. (my peeps avg slightly older than myself--married at 21-24 and divorced by 28-34
).Time can be a blessing in disguise sometimes.....
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