2012 Whats happening Relationship Folks

SO has pissed me off... Is it wrong that I spent money set aside for his birthday next week on a new purse and drinks with my girl?
 
Fine 4s said:
Not sure if this is fair but I'm thinking of putting a deadline for an engagement.

Hmmm....I give him 2.5 years to decide. We're at 1 now.

Reasonable for a gal pushing 40? Right?
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Yes, but take advantage of this timeframe to make sure he's the one YOU want. I can't stress that enough. And keep your options opened. :look:
SN: I like your e-persona and I'm talking to you the way I would talk to a sister. :yep:

Sent from my phone...expect typoooooos.
 
Fine 4s said:
Not sure if this is fair but I'm thinking of putting a deadline for an engagement.

Hmmm....I give him 2.5 years to decide. We're at 1 now.

Reasonable for a gal pushing 40? Right?
Click to expand...

I'd give him one more year tops. Not sure I'd give a deadline though per say. I know Christmas 2013 I wouldn't still be anybody's girlfriend.
 
MrsS said:
Yes, but take advantage of this timeframe to make sure he's the one YOU want. I can't stress that enough. And keep your options opened. :look:
SN: I like your e-persona and I'm talking to you the way I would talk to a sister. :yep:

Sent from my phone...expect typoooooos.
Click to expand...

Yes ma'am!
How do I keep my options open? How do I exercise that without 'cheating?'

Awww....sweet of you :)
 
Fine 4s said:
Not sure if this is fair but I'm thinking of putting a deadline for an engagement.

Hmmm....I give him 2.5 years to decide. We're at 1 now.

Reasonable for a gal pushing 40? Right?
Click to expand...

Decide if he wants to marry you? Where's he at now on this subject of forever?

I think at 40, 2 years ish is reasonable for an engagement if you know you are heading in the right direction already.:yep:
 
I remember a thread years ago where members were saying they keep the numbers, or on good terms with marriage minded men who are interested in them. So they have back up plans for if things don't go the right way with SO.
 
Fine 4s said:
Yes ma'am!
How do I keep my options open? How do I exercise that without 'cheating?'

Awww....sweet of you :)
Click to expand...

You don't need to cheat when you have "friends" :eyebrows2: :lol: I'm no expert but from what I've learned here, you don't need to cheat, have suggestive conversations or dates to get to know other people. The best relationships start as friendships. :yep:
Let me find the post that another poster used to explain courting vs dating.

Sent from my phone...expect typoooooos.
 
Here you go Fine 4s

This is from that thread: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=646369&page=4


LucieLoo12 said:
:lol:.

@SophieDulce
@humility1990
@thatscuteright
@menina
MrsS

I may just go ahead and say it, since a few want to know.I'm not scurred :look::lol:. Well I haven't always been this way. I used to be a notorious dater. But after I got saved and gave my life to God I just got a different mindset about it. I guess you can say I believe in "courting" and not in the way this word is used today. Ppl today say they "court" but it's not courting, it's flat dating. They "courting" someone different every month :look:. But anyway, the next man I will be romantically/emotionally involved will be my husband. Now the things about dating today I dont agree would be is going on dates after date, after date, and you look up its 6 months, you dating, nothing is happening, just kinda hanging in there going no where. Well with me, I am not wasting my time if no commitment is not being made, and I dont mean "boyfriend/girlfriend" ...I mean marriage :look:. You are going to know right up front what I am looking for. I am not looking for a "boo","chill partner", and anything. Now I am not saying a complete stranger walk up to me and I say "marry me" . I won't even consider a man that is not a Christian, active in ministry, employed, and stable. He would have to be a FRIEND first. Someone that I know and can spend time in his company and in the company of others.I would not even let him know I am interested because when a man know you are interested they start to "put on the good face". But I would sit back and watch how does he interact with other women. Is he flirty? Is he short tempered? Does he look at every woman butt that pass by? See women want to be all up in a man face, but you learn so much when you sit back and just watch. And no I am not talking about stalking him either.:lol: I don't believe in the dating aspect in going to the movies, going out to eat, going to the park, going to a BBQ etc, to get to know a person. Because I did all these things in the past with guys and ended up having sex with them,wasted years of my life on them rascals by "going on dates". Dating to me is not profitable. It alot of times leads to fornication and time wasted. By dating I mean spending countless time on countless men hoping to catch "the one". I believe in starting through a friendship.Don't even hint at the idea of getting into a relationship. Start as just friends. I promise 95% of the time you can tell whether or not you would marry a person through just seeing what type of friend they are. When you guys are just friends and not trying to pursue anything then people let their guards down and you see the real side of them without going on 50 dates , investing your emotions and wasting alot of time. So when finding someone you may be interested in develop a friendship FIRST. Now through the friendship feelings may grow and what not.You may see through your friendship he is someone you could never marry, don't feel bad, didn't loose nothing. But when people have sex and invest emotions and time, they do loose things when they figure out he is not the one.But if you feel like he may be the one.. that's when courtship comes in. Now courtship is purposeful. It's like a job interview for marriage per say :look:. Now through courtship, it's not just going to the movies, hanging out. But it's both parties deciding can this work for marriage. For me, it would spiritual counseling by my pastor, both of us putting our cards on the table for our expectations we may have for marriage and what we expect from each other.It wouldn't be time to go the movies and the mall, but we would be actively discussing our future, meeting each other families to see how things would work.. At the point we would see if we end it or continue. During courtship it would be no sex. And for me, not even kissing.:look: Next time I even kiss a man will be with my dh. I know people will call it crazy, but this is how I am going to do it. And it can work, 2 of my close friends are married and they did the exact same thing.

Sorry so long
Click to expand...

Sent from my phone...expect typoooooos.
 
I've been meeting a few more of SO's family members and friends and I would just like to say it feels so good to finally be introduced as a girlfriend :)

Aside from some drama and my drunk, emotional best friend, we had fun at the Halloween party last night. I was a geisha and SO didn't dress up, but I told him in about a year I guarantee he will be just as fun and weird as I am lol!

I haven't told him this yet but I love him so much :)
 
Vanthie said:
Decide if he wants to marry you? Where's he at now on this subject of forever?

I think at 40, 2 years ish is reasonable for an engagement if you know you are heading in the right direction already.:yep:
Click to expand...

Vanthie,
Good Morning!
I give him 2.5 years to make up his mind if I'm the one. The same way I should be evaluating him (as suggested) during this time.

He wants to get married and we've mainly hinted at it: use of the word "mother in law" comments like "is this what's it's going to be like when we get married? And I feel it. But the truth is we never sat down and discussed if we wanted to marry EACH OTHER. Should I do that? Which means I too need to be sure *GULP*
 
I love this thread and wish everyone here the best in life and love!

I get good advice from you guys and y'all don't even know it!
 
Its true that when you are not looking for a serious relationship is when they all come running. I didn't think dating several people would be that hard, but now errbody like me and I like errbody :lachen: How do you even go about picking?
 
Mortons said:
Its true that when you are not looking for a serious relationship is when they all come running. I didn't think dating several people would be that hard, but now errbody like me and I like errbody :lachen: How do you even go about picking?
Click to expand...

I can't lie, that is a great but hard position to be in.
 
Mortons said:
Its true that when you are not looking for a serious relationship is when they all come running. I didn't think dating several people would be that hard, but now errbody like me and I like errbody :lachen: How do you even go about picking?
Click to expand...

I wish I had this problem. :lol:
 
I am glad twin had a great in costs rica but I'm ready for him to come back. He told me his flight was canceled bc of the storm that is coming to the easy coast. I just want him back safely.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours.Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
Fine 4s said:
Vanthie,
Good Morning!
I give him 2.5 years to make up his mind if I'm the one. The same way I should be evaluating him (as suggested) during this time.

He wants to get married and we've mainly hinted at it: use of the word "mother in law" comments like "is this what's it's going to be like when we get married?And I feel it. But the truth is we never sat down and discussed if we wanted to marry EACH OTHER. Should I do that? Which means I too need to be sure *GULP*
Click to expand...

Eek! Didn't see the last two bits. If you haven't had the talk yet you need to ask. Don't be shy lol. 2.5 years is pretty long to know if someone is the one, but not too bad for engagement if he does feel that.
 
Last edited:
ackee walk said:
Alright alright alriiight
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We didn't go :nono: we had gone to magic mountain last night and like two old farts napped on an off today. Meh. Guess there is next time.

I'm a little bummed that he won't be over to watch the walking dead this evening.
 
:look:in the first quarter of 2013 i will have been celibate for 3yrs.:nono: if i keep meeting losers/slackers i will go on another couple of years with no nooky:yep: this period of time has allowed for tons of reflection and boosting my self-esteem/self-worth. i have never in my been more intuitive and privvy to bs that men try to tell me. if only i were like this when i was in my early 20's:sad:
 
Fine 4s said:
Yes ma'am!
How do I keep my options open? How do I exercise that without 'cheating?'

Awww....sweet of you :)
Click to expand...

I came in here to ask this exact question... Lol

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
My SO pouted half the day yesterday due to the fact he had to go home. It got to the point that he started getting on my nerves with the long face and heavy sighs. But his mama called and said she needed something, that negro was out the door and in his car, in no time flat. I realize that he is a mama boy, I am ok with that but that is the last time he will guilt trip me into delaying his leaving my place.

I do love him but he stays right up underneath me until the point I feel a little smothered sometimes. This is partly due to the fact that I am a loner and he is very affectionate towards me.
 
All4Tris said:
I came in here to ask this exact question... Lol

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
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ackee walk said:
IIRC I think Zaynab perfect28 hopeful have some good advice on this topic
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Fine 4s said:
Not sure if this is fair but I'm thinking of putting a deadline for an engagement.

Hmmm....I give him 2.5 years to decide. We're at 1 now.

Reasonable for a gal pushing 40? Right?
Click to expand...

I had to scroll back to see what ya'll were talking about.

If you're pushing 40, I would not give a man 2.5 years to know if you're the one. They generally know sooner than that. 1 year is sufficient enough. Also, there shouldn't be any "hinting around". If a man has clear intentions to marry you, he basically makes that clear up front and follows accordingly. Just randomly mentioning marriage isn't an indication to me. The other paragraph I read doesn't give me clear signs he wants to get married. It's more like "Yeah I wanna get married one day" But that's what I called misguided/ un directed dating. If you're pushing 40, you need to be a bit more proactive in dating.

If y'all are asking me about keeping your options open and dating other people which is what I think I was tagged on, if I were 40, this would DEFINITELY be the case. You have to cast a wider net to get what you want. Often just dating someone and it's going great, is just all that. And then 2.5 years later you are holding an empty bag. I would date other men, at least 2 others. It doesn't have to be about sex either and honestly it's not cheating if you dont' have a commitment with a man. You're not engaged and there's been no clear discussion of marriage, then you're options are at least open to explore. You don't have to tell him that you're seeing other men but you need not be dating men that you know up front are marriage minded. That when you meet them, you are stating you are looking for a relationship that ends in getting engaged.

I find that women have a hard time dating more than one man, but trust men do it. And maybe not sleeping with them or seeing them all the time, but they have women that they are seeing/communicating with just "in case" you don't work out. It's hard for women to believe but we wouldn't heart all of these stories about how you're dating a guy for three years, then he ups and marries someone when you break up in 6months. He probably knew that person while he was dating you:yep:
 
Vanthie said:
I remember a thread years ago where members were saying they keep the numbers, or on good terms with marriage minded men who are interested in them. So they have back up plans for if things don't go the right way with SO.
Click to expand...

We had a good thread called Dating Multiple Men. I either got locked or went to heaven. Not sure which. But the idea is single is "not married". And you can keep your options open and meet and date other men. You should have 3-4 and weed them out accordingly if they are marriage minded or not, you give them 3-6 months, then they either get relegated to friend or they can move up to something more. There is no need to be aimlesslly dating someone with no direction in a relationship. THAT is what I see all the time.
 
Best wishes and a lifetime of happiness! Raine054


SO and I had so much fun at a wedding this weekend. We danced all night, kissed on the beach...it was just great. And I caught the bouquet! He also got lost, only to be found asleep in the handicap stall of the women's bathroom :lol:
 
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