2008 IS the year I will meet a mate

[Maa Maa omo mti]

Abenyo, in what city will the events take place?

Alwayz

I'm in MD chiika.



some info to help us all, great advice, well worth the read. I will be posting information that we can all use. I know they are common sense to some of us, but we all could use some reinforcements.

If you have a FRIEND (man or woman) and you
like them, and you want to make them like you
more, then when you do some nice things for them
they will probably actually like and appreciate
you more. As a friend.

On the other hand...

If you have a man that you "like" in a romantic
way, and he doesn't "feel it" for you, and you do
something nice for him, because you want HIM to
like you more, it will BACKFIRE... and he will not
only NOT like you more, but he will most likely
distance himself from you.

Women think that they need to communicate
verbally when they like a man... as if that's part
of the necessary process of getting a guy.

In their minds, it goes like this:

Like him >Tell him you like him >He likes you

If you follow this pattern with men who aren't
already FEELING much ATTRACTION or CONNECTION with
you, then it's probably going to BACKFIRE.

If he's not into you, then it goes like THIS:

He thinks of you as a friend>You tell him you
like him>He gets that "yikes" feeling and
withdraws...

THE ANSWER

There are really TWO answers to this problem.

The first answer is what to do if you're in a
situation where you like a particular guy, but you
don't know if he likes you back.

DON'T GET HEAVY WITH HIM.

Don't buy him a big gift, do something nice to
show him how much you think about him, or write
him a love letter...

Don't send him a note to his work that says,
"From your secret admirer".

Don't call him several times, without hearing
from him.

And DON'T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for him.

If you want to know how he feels about you, do
something to ATTRACT HIM and see how he reacts
instead of telling him you love him and hearing
the crickets chirp as you wait for his response.

As a rule of thumb, don't get heavier than HIM.
Use SIGNALS from him to find out how he feels...
and if you don't know how to read and create those
signals, then LEARN.

Asking a man if he's interested in you in a
romantic way, or if you are "his type", will
actually DESTROY the chances that his attraction
and interest in you will grow.

Really.

The SECOND answer is to not get into this
particular situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it
entirely.

And how does one do that?

One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the
beginning.

One does that by understanding the dynamics of
how and why the physical and emotional response of
ATTRACTION is triggered in men.

One does that by knowing what you're doing FROM
THE BEGINNING.

 

[metro_qt]

Not at all.

Honestly, I believe that the reason many of us don't have mates is because we've either spent too much time with the wrong person, spent too much time working/going to school/taking care of kids to the neglect of pursuing a loving relationship or simply waiting/praying for it to "just happen" without doing anything to increase our exposure to men who could fit that role.

I don't believe in destiny as some uncontrollable force... I think we have more control over our destiny than we think.

Now, my man might not come in '08, true, but this time, it won't be from a lack of effort on my end. I want to give this area of my life as much attention as the others.

I think this is the right attitude.
I said this in 2006... the thing I wanted the most January of '06 was to meet a man...my mate.
I was like, I will be spending christmas '06 with my mate, i was sure of it.

Nope. didn't happen.
'06 was bone dry for me.
'07 was continuing nicely down the same path.. except i was dating here and there. I was cracking people up with my dating stories. -Some Good... Most bad.
By Oct 07, i just felt whatever happens, happens, whether i'm dating or not. So I actually told the universe i'm not dating anymore. I just didn't feel like it.

Well. November 07... i met someone.
I can't say if he 's my 'mate' mate yet... too early for all that. But, we're pretty close. and Yes. We spent Christmas 07 together.

So i'm just saying to everyone. Announce your goals loud and clear. It'll happen.
... just maybe not when YOU expect it...

 

[SEMO]

Alwayz

I'm in MD chiika.



some info to help us all, great advice, well worth the read. I will be posting information that we can all use. I know they are common sense to some of us, but we all could use some reinforcements.

Great post. I think the information was very true. I'm trying to be like this with the guy I like now (trying to get it right from the beginning and read the signs right).

 

[Maa Maa omo mti]

Great post. I think the information was very true. I'm trying to be like this with the guy I like now (trying to get it right from the beginning and read the signs right).

check this out too

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=188757

 

[SEMO]

check this out too

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=188757

I read that thread. I think the info. was great. It reminded me of a book I want to buy. It's also written by a man and it seems to give some great tips.


Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs to Know About Catching a Man by Steve Nakamoto

His website also gives a lot of great free information (the site looks cheesy but the information is great): http://menarelikefish.com/

Here are some of his tips (under the section bonus advice):

THE SEVEN EMOTIONAL HUNGERS
​

“He liked to observe emotions; they were like
red lanterns strung along the dark unknown of
another’s personality, marking vulnerable points.”
Ayn Rand
Author of Atlas Shrugged (1957)

There are basic human emotions that all people need in order to feel happy and fulfilled. If a person is undernourished in any of these emotions, they will tend to gravitate toward those who can fill these needs quickly and elegantly. Here are seven key emotions that men hunger for in their love lives:

​

THE HUNGER FOR STABILITY: One of the main reasons that a man will seek a more mature woman is the stability, security, and peace of mind that she brings to a relationship. In an uncertain world, it is the feeling of certainty that is often most highly prized.

THE HUNGER FOR SURPRISE: A younger woman is often appealing to an older man because of the surprise and delight that she brings to a love relationship. While certainty is highly prized, so is a little uncertainty to create excitement, variety, and spontaneity to a man’s life.

THE HUNGER FOR APPRECIATION: A man hungers to be recognized for his unique qualities or gifts. It is by being sincerely appreciated by a woman that a man feels special as a human being.

THE HUNGER FOR BELONGING: Deep inside a man’s heart must be a feeling that he really belongs with her. While he may enjoy the feeling of being unique as an individual, he also needs to feel the special connection of being an integral part of her team.

THE HUNGER FOR A COMPELLING FUTURE: For love to last, there needs to be growth. A man hungers for a woman who he clearly feels will be a major part of creating a brighter and more exciting future for him.

THE HUNGER TO GIVE: Real love involves both giving and receiving. A man hungers for the woman he can please by receiving his emotional gifts with gratitude. Like a great performer, a man is inspired to greatness by a woman who is a warm appreciative audience.

THE HUNGER TO FEEL GRATEFUL: A man who feels the magic of true love rarely obsesses about the benefits and trade-offs with a woman. Instead he is simply grateful for having this particular woman appear in his life. The greatest need for a man is the need to get down on his knees and thank the heavens for being blessed with the love of a woman he adores and cherishes.

*The Bottom Line: Create an unshakable attachment
by consistently filling a man’s greatest emotional hungers.
Become the source that leads a man to deep feelings of
happiness and fulfillment.
​

 

[Maa Maa omo mti]

Semo now that is a book to check out. I like the outline of the several steps. It does make sense.

It's funny but though I knew a little bet of these things I didn't know how to actually bring it out, to go about implementing them.

One thing though I've been doing things different this time around. I've been following the old innate feelings and the examples provided in these two threads.

I am getting some good result. Now one thing that is forever stuck in my head is the fact that a man initially is attractive to a woman, but later on it's the attraction that makes him come back. And we control the attraction by doing exactly what we did to get him attracted to us in the first please. If it's by doing nothing initially don't all the sudden start doing too much, try not to even lift a finger. One of the guys I'm talking to was the one that initiated everything from the first contact on BPM back in september to our first phone call, to our first meeting in DEC. I was too busy traveling to give him the time of day not cause I didn't want to but because I had no time. well he took it as an opportunity to try harder. I do return his calls but not after the second contact, not strategically either but I just didn't have time. Well when he finally met me in Dec he said he had a two call rule. After the second call he will not make an attempt to call again. I took it for what it is. Well since Dec. we've hung out together, he's given me some tests and I've given him some tests and things are ok. But I still stuck to my not trying to hard attitude and he texts me to let me know I have been on his mind twice this week, I have yet to tell him he's been on my mind(though occassionally he is). He makes references to future actions with me included. he's cool and I am definitely enjoying seeing things working out but just being a female and taking it easy is what I love the most. being courted is in how we chose to play this dating game. don't forget the difference between attractive and attraction. It's a huge difference and we control the attraction.

 

[zora]

Wow, this is such a GREAT thread. I'm in!!!!

 

[prettywhitty]

I'm in!
One of the first things I said to myself this year is that THIS is the year i'm meeting my husband. We should come back to this thread with updates and stuff.

 

[Browndilocks]

I am putting it out there, stepping out of faith that I will meet my mate this year Anyone else want to boldy step out on faith and put it out there?

Let's step out on faith that you'll get your little jar of Silicon Mix imported all the way from NYC.

I'm with you girl! I'm going to be engaged by Christmas.

 

[SEMO]

Abenyo, great post. At first I was confused by the difference between courting and dating but now I see courting as a type of dating. To me, I think that the man should put in most of the effort in the courtship. He should make the most calls, plan most of the dates, be the first to share deeper feelings. I think a woman shouldn't get too attached to a man before he makes his intentions clear. Clear intentions are verbal and nonverbal. I think less women would get played if they simply followed this rule and let the man put himself out there first.

I'm trying to marry a man who's willing to be my covering (physically, spiritually, etc.), sacrifice for me, and lay down his life (if need be). How could I find that in a man who won't even risk a little rejection to let me know how he feels first, before I get caught up?

I talked to my older brother about these things before (his wife snapped him up in college). He had some great advice.

He said:
[FONT=&quot]Don’t give him everything too soon (not just talking about sex). Give him enough to make want to come back again and again to get to know more about you; then the chase is on. Cause if a man wants to pursue a woman and get to know her there is nothing he won’t do.

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]He also said that if a man is trying to be serious he should be willing to make his intentions clear.[/FONT]

 

[buttaflye03]

Abenyo, great post. At first I was confused by the difference between courting and dating but now I see courting as a type of dating. To me, I think that the man should put in most of the effort in the courtship. He should make the most calls, plan most of the dates, be the first to share deeper feelings. I think a woman shouldn't get too attached to a man before he makes his intentions clear. Clear intentions are verbal and nonverbal. I think less women would get played if they simply followed this rule and let the man put himself out there first.

I'm trying to marry a man who's willing to be my covering (physically, spiritually, etc.), sacrifice for me, and lay down his life (if need be). How could I find that in a man who won't even risk a little rejection to let me know how he feels first, before I get caught up?

I talked to my older brother about these things before (his wife snapped him up in college). He had some great advice.

He said:
[FONT=&quot]Don’t give him everything too soon (not just talking about sex). Give him enough to make want to come back again and again to get to know more about you; then the chase is on. Cause if a man wants to pursue a woman and get to know her there is nothing he won’t do.

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]He also said that if a man is trying to be serious he should be willing to make his intentions clear.[/FONT]

Great thread Bre! I hardly come over to this forum because, well, I'm not in a relationship. Glad I came over today though.

Semo, I totally agree with your whole post especially the bolded. It has only been in the past year that I've allowed myself to give brothers a chance to even have a conversation with me. My last relationship really ruined my trust in men and relationships. Now I'm using that experience for what I don't want nor would put up with from a man. I want the man to actively pursue me and make his intentions clear. Now I won't be nonchalant, but I won't give up all my feeling before he does. Even when he does, I'll still keep a little something to myself.

2008 is the year that I'll meet my future husband. He will not only love me but he'll also respect me, know that I'm a good woman, see me as his partner, and could not imagine his life without me.

 

[jade998]

I am soo excited ladies - I can feel in my spirit - 2008 is going to be our year.

Let us definetly keep updates, at least to encourage each other. Once you get a man - future Husband, lets us know

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Let's step out on faith that you'll get your little jar of Silicon Mix imported all the way from NYC.

I'm with you girl! I'm going to be engaged by Christmas.

I forgot all about that Imma get ya gal!!!

We need to be going out chica!!!

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Semo now that is a book to check out. I like the outline of the several steps. It does make sense.

It's funny but though I knew a little bet of these things I didn't know how to actually bring it out, to go about implementing them.

One thing though I've been doing things different this time around. I've been following the old innate feelings and the examples provided in these two threads.

I am getting some good result. Now one thing that is forever stuck in my head is the fact that a man initially is attractive to a woman, but later on it's the attraction that makes him come back. And we control the attraction by doing exactly what we did to get him attracted to us in the first please. If it's by doing nothing initially don't all the sudden start doing too much, try not to even lift a finger. One of the guys I'm talking to was the one that initiated everything from the first contact on BPM back in september to our first phone call, to our first meeting in DEC. I was too busy traveling to give him the time of day not cause I didn't want to but because I had no time. well he took it as an opportunity to try harder. I do return his calls but not after the second contact, not strategically either but I just didn't have time. Well when he finally met me in Dec he said he had a two call rule. After the second call he will not make an attempt to call again. I took it for what it is. Well since Dec. we've hung out together, he's given me some tests and I've given him some tests and things are ok. But I still stuck to my not trying to hard attitude and he texts me to let me know I have been on his mind twice this week, I have yet to tell him he's been on my mind(though occassionally he is). He makes references to future actions with me included. he's cool and I am definitely enjoying seeing things working out but just being a female and taking it easy is what I love the most. being courted is in how we chose to play this dating game. don't forget the difference between attractive and attraction. It's a huge difference and we control the attraction.

 

[miss Congeniality]

Ladies,

I can honestly say that I have done absolutely nothing this week towards attracting a man.

 

[Maa Maa omo mti]

Ladies,

I can honestly say that I have done absolutely nothing this week towards attracting a man.

well what have you done to better yourself?

But it's ok chiika you always have right now to start something.

 

[macherieamour]

Im getting engaged this year - there I put it out there in the universe,lol!

For all of the ladies who want to meet their mate - this story will hopefully show that a lot can happen in a year.

In 2006, my brother was 30 years old, living in a studio apartment, unsure about what to do with his life and looking for the right women to settle down with

In one year, he met a women, got engaged and got married. He also got hired at his dream job, got promoted and tripled his salary. My sister in law is now expecting and they just closed on a custom built mansion.

A lot can change in ONE year

 

[SEMO]

Im getting engaged this year - there I put it out there in the universe,lol!

For all of the ladies who want to meet their mate - this story will hopefully show that a lot can happen in a year.

In 2006, my brother was 30 years old, living in a studio apartment, unsure about what to do with his life and looking for the right women to settle down with

In one year, he met a women, got engaged and got married. He also got hired at his dream job, got promoted and tripled his salary. My sister in law is now expecting and they just closed on a custom built mansion.

A lot can change in ONE year

Now that's a testimony . Thanks for sharing.

 

[TLC1020]

Ok ladies, I have a date tonight I am going to go and have a good time by smiling, laughing, flirting, being humorous and grown and sexy . I too said 2008 will be my year to meet a mate who will be my friend, lover and companion and I pray and believe it will happen.

 

[buttaflye03]

Ok ladies, I have a date tonight I am going to go and have a good time by smiling, laughing, flirting, being humorous and grown and sexy . I too said 2008 will be my year to meet a mate who will be my friend, lover and companion and I pray and believe it will happen.

Have a GREAT time!

No date tonight, but I am going out for dinner and drinks with the girls. I'm keeping my eyes open!

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Ok ladies, I have a date tonight I am going to go and have a good time by smiling, laughing, flirting, being humorous and grown and sexy . I too said 2008 will be my year to meet a mate who will be my friend, lover and companion and I pray and believe it will happen.

Oooo!! What are you wearing? How is your hair? Whats he like?

 

[TLC1020]

Some blue jeans, dark brown shirt, carmel jacket, brown boots and my hair is down.. It's so cold here in the Chi but whatever I'm going anyway.
I wish I can take a picture of my self and get a full body shot but I can't..
He's really cool, he has that southern charm which I like . He been diggin me for a couple of months and the same for me.. Oh he's 6'3, built like a football player, bald head with a carmel comlexion..Yikes .. Let me stop.. I'll give more details after my date and let everybody know how it went...

Oooo!! What are you wearing? How is your hair? Whats he like?

 

[Favor2000]

I wish you all great success. I met my Boaz on January 7th and it only up hill from here. I am so, so happy. He was worth the wait.

 

[jade998]

Ok ladies, I have a date tonight I am going to go and have a good time by smiling, laughing, flirting, being humorous and grown and sexy . I too said 2008 will be my year to meet a mate who will be my friend, lover and companion and I pray and believe it will happen.

Have fun on your date

Dont forget to come back and let us know how it goes.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Some blue jeans, dark brown shirt, carmel jacket, brown boots and my hair is down.. It's so cold here in the Chi but whatever I'm going anyway.
I wish I can take a picture of my self and get a full body shot but I can't..
He's really cool, he has that southern charm which I like . He been diggin me for a couple of months and the same for me.. Oh he's 6'3, built like a football player, bald head with a carmel comlexion..Yikes .. Let me stop.. I'll give more details after my date and let everybody know how it went...

I can't wait to hear the deets!!

 

[Maa Maa omo mti]

Some blue jeans, dark brown shirt, carmel jacket, brown boots and my hair is down.. It's so cold here in the Chi but whatever I'm going anyway.
I wish I can take a picture of my self and get a full body shot but I can't..
He's really cool, he has that southern charm which I like . He been diggin me for a couple of months and the same for me.. Oh he's 6'3, built like a football player, bald head with a carmel comlexion..Yikes .. Let me stop.. I'll give more details after my date and let everybody know how it went...

great chiika, make sure to check out the links posted, and reread the advice in this thread. Have fun!!!

 

[Aidenberry03]

Wishing you all the best of luck.

 

[miss Congeniality]

well what have you done to better yourself?

But it's ok chiika you always have right now to start something.

Yeah, I am still working on me. I am finally okay with going out and doing things by myself. Before I was like, "Oh, I don't want anyone to see me by myself." But, you know I was only hurting myself. I really missed out on doing things that I wanted to and who knows I could be meeting people when I am out and about.

 

[Ebony Majesty]

In 2008, I will finally be with my friend that I really like and it will work, even though he lives far away... hopefully he feels the same

 

[TLC1020]

Ok.... Ladies the date went wonderful all the way through We talked about so much that I won't remember all the details but I had a great time and he said he did as well and that he haven't been out like that in a while. We talked, laughed, joked, had magaritas and had a good time. I know he was feeling me b/c even though I don't kiss on the first date but I couldn't help it. Before the movies I came out of the restroom he grabbed me and said I smelled good and begin kissing me, when we sat down before the movie started he turned over and begin kissing me, when we left and was waiting at the stop light he turned over and begin kissing me, and when he dropped me off in front of my building he begin kissing me again and said he didn't want to leave and asked me what I'm about to do I said take a shower and lay down (1:30am) he asked can he come up? I said up where? he hinted my place, I said not tonight! we started laughing he said we have to do this again and said he'll call me tomorrow.

There is one problem, it may or may not be a problem.. When I prayed to God, I wasn't specific enough . He knows I'm in a Sorority so he asked where did I go for undergrad, I told him and he said really, do you know ? ? ? ? and the last name he mentioned was my ex!!! I was like yeah and said nothing else. He was like those are my boys!! Now I'm like ****... He was like they are a couple of years older than you? I said no we are about the same age, at least we all came in together! He was o okay.. Mine you the guys name he mentioned are all friends of my ex and still are. This guy went to high school with one of them so that's how he got to know the crew including my ex. My ex and I have been broken-up for atleast 12-13 years now but we communicate every now and then, but I never heard this guy name come up. I don't know if he would be uncomfortable knowing this b/c I know he is going to ask one of two of his boys, yeah I met such and such..

I asked my sister and one of my friends for their advice, I came up with yeah we dated when we were young, we were both at different places in our lives so we went our seperate ways....

I will defitinitley keep everyone posted ..