20 yr friendship over because no kids allowed

[Kinkyhairlady]

at my wedding! I was in tears this morning cause I received the rudest phone call from a friend. I told this particular friend I can't invite two of her kids just one that I wanted to walk but the others could not come. So me and her spoke on Friday and Monday morning bright and early she calls very angry saying she finds my rule disrespectful and her and her kids will not be attending. Mind you her mom and her sister are invited. I mean how much could I do?! Im wondering how others will take this no kids thing. I think she's over reacting but not sure what to do now

 

[danniegirl]

Sorry to hear you are so upset but it might have went over better if you would have keep all the kids out .....im just saying as a mom of 3 i would feel slighted if only one kid got invited over the others DEPENDING on the age range

 

[GoldenRule]

The one kid that is attending wasn't "invited", she was IN the wedding. Makes perfect sense to me. I do not understand why people feel entitled to bring every blood relative on the planet to eat and drink on your dime nor why they think it is ok to turn what is supposed to be the happiest time in your life into a frigging mess. It isn't all about them. This is YOUR wedding and you would prefer that little people not be around. The end. If she cannot get past that and insists on making everything all about HER, then it's probably best she stay at home with her wee ones.

 

[TayMac]

How old are the kids? Is she married? If mom and sis are attending that is two of her potential babysitters possibly so maybe she is annoyed because of that.

I don't think it is necessary to for her to be rude. She opted out of attending so I would just move on with the planning.

 

[cutiebe2]

I think she is over reacting by calling you and leaving a nasty message. At the same time, I don't understand how you invite some kids and not others. If you are close enough with her to have her child in the wedding, then you are close enough to invite both her kids. When my cousin had her wedding we had about 10 kids there because we have lots of little cousins but she didn't have to pay as much because they basically just ate some chicken fingers.

I think if you can't invite both kids, find an only child to be in the wedding and don't invite any of her kids. The splitting of kids would rub me the wrong way. Again, either way she crossed the line by blowing up at you.

 

[LiftedUp]

From the OP, I don't believe that the "no kids rule" is the issue. I think it is that one is invited and the others aren't. I don't mean to be insensitive but it is rather rude on your part to invite one child (for your personal benefit) but not the others. I think that it is separate and apart from the "no kids" rule.

I am also on both sides of the fence regarding her response. While I agree with her expressing why she is upset, I do not agree with maybe the delivery.

 

[Fine 4s]

Why is the frienship over? Did you decide it was over or did she?
I wonder if she is married? If not, might be some other reason why she lashed out.

Weddings seem to hardly be about the two people getting married anymore. It's all a show for others. Who's invited, who's not, who had the best dress etc. I'll have less than 50 close close people on my side, I can't take all these social pressures! And though sad, I don't have any parents to put added pressure on me so I should be good.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

Why is the frienship over? Did you decide it was over or did she? I wonder if she is married? If not, might be some other reason why she lashed out. Weddings seem to hardly be about the two people getting married anymore. It's all a show for others. Who's invited, who's not, who had the best dress etc. I'll have less than 50 close close people on my side, I can't take all these social pressures! And though sad, I don't have any parents to put added pressure on me so I should be good.

What she did was so disrespectful. She was speaking to me in a loud angry tone and said Good Luck with your wedding bye. Yea I'm pretty much done with her. I was so hurt I cried. I'm good with her.

 

[GoldenRule]

What she did was so disrespectful. She was speaking to me in a loud angry tone and said Good Luck with your wedding bye. Yea I'm pretty much done with her. I was so hurt I cried. I'm good with her.

(Is she married?)

 

[Fine 4s]

What she did was so disrespectful. She was speaking to me in a loud angry tone and said Good Luck with your wedding bye. Yea I'm pretty much done with her. I was so hurt I cried. I'm good with her.

Ah ok. Got it. At least it was your decision...

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

Sorry to hear you are so upset but it might have went over better if you would have keep all the kids out .....im just saying as a mom of 3 i would feel slighted if only one kid got invited over the others DEPENDING on the age range

I'm only having 3 kids at the wedding and they're part of the wedding party. One of her kids was part of that 3. Now I have to find another flower girl.

 

[ThickHair]

........At the same time, I don't understand how you invite some kids and not others.

........I think if you can't invite both kids, find an only child to be in the wedding and don't invite any of her kids. The splitting of kids would rub me the wrong way.

From the OP, I don't believe that the "no kids rule" is the issue. I think it is that one is invited and the others aren't. I don't mean to be insensitive but it is rather rude on your part to invite one child (for your personal benefit) but not the others. I think that it is separate and apart from the "no kids" rule.

No kids allowed wedding doesn't bother me, but the having one and not other's in the same family, not cool in my book. That is like giving a toy to a kid and not the siblings, only because that one kid is your god child. You can't do that to kids. Give them all a toy for goodness sake, you can give them 3 different toys, so the other 2 don't realize your god child has a "special" toy.

That is some bull, but if you did that to my kids, you and I would have to part ways. I understand Momma Bear personalities, you attacked her cub. BTW I don't even have kids.

 

[hothair]

Did she know about that rule when she agreed to her one child being in your wedding party? It is odd to split the kids if you guys are that close just find someone with one child.

I see both your issues, leave this one alone until wedding nerves are calmed.

 

[GoldenRule]

It's a WEDDING though. It isn't a bday party at Chuckie Cheese or a weekend at the Great Wolf Lodge. Kids don't want to go to that ****. I have 4 children and if one was in a wedding, I would take the one that was in the wedding and make arrangements for the other 3. They would be soooooooo happy to not have to dress up and sit in church for hours. I know I would be.

Imagine if she let all of her girlfriend's kids come and when other people got there, they wondered why theirs couldn't come. That would cause an even bigger problem.

 

[january noir]

I'm only having 3 kids at the wedding and they're part of the wedding party. One of her kids was part of that 3. Now I have to find another flower girl.

This arrangement of not inviting the remainder of her children should have been discussed and agreed to when you asked her to allow her daughter to be your flower girl. However, I don't agree with her belligerence. You both could have handled it better.

 

[cutiebe2]

It's a WEDDING though. It isn't a bday party at Chuckie Cheese or a weekend at the Great Wolf Lodge. Kids don't want to go to that ****. I have 4 children and if one was in a wedding, I would take the one that was in the wedding and make arrangements for the other 3. They would be soooooooo happy to not have to dress up and sit in church for hours. I know I would be.

Imagine if she let all of her girlfriend's kids come and when other people got there, they wondered why theirs couldn't come. That would cause an even bigger problem.

So a kid is going to be okay with their entire family (because she invited her friends sister and mother as well) getting dressed up and going to a wedding and them staying home with whoever their mom finds?

Any time I have been to weddings, the kids have a ball. The church service can be boring but after that its partying and lots of fun.

If I'm a mom, I'm not going to an event with my entire family and leaving one of my children at home.

 

[C@ssandr@]

I would have made an exception for the other children. I'm not a parent, but it's clear that the children are a unit. If they are close in age or all young, then all of them would have been invited. If we're talking about a 5 year old, and a 16 year old that's different. However, when it comes to my closest friends, I know that their children are a huge part of their world, and they are also welcome in mine (depending, of course).

 

[ladysaraii]

Yeah I was gonna ask what the age difference is. If it's a big one, then I don't see the problem. If it's not, you should've invited both.

 

[SmileyNY]

How old are these children? I know as a young child, my feelings would be hurt watching my sister getting all dolled up to go somewhere special... a special place where I am not allowed.

 

[GoldenRule]

So a kid is going to be okay with their entire family (because she invited her friends sister and mother as well) getting dressed up and going to a wedding and them staying home with whoever their mom finds?

Any time I have been to weddings, the kids have a ball. The church service can be boring but after that its partying and lots of fun.

If I'm a mom, I'm not going to an event with my entire family and leaving one of my children at home.

I think there are 2 kids not coming and 1 that is in it. An invitation was extended to Nanny and the sister but that doesn't mean they have to come. One of them could watch the children. Perhaps they could go have a fun time with Dad, paint pumpkins, go to the science museum...

I do not care for children at weddings. They DO tend to have a ball at the reception -- too much of a ball. They're running all over the place, all over the dance floor, rubbing their fingers on the cake or otherwise trying to be the center of attention. Their parents aren't watching them or if they are, they aren't enjoying the wedding. It's a free-for-all. After seeing kids at my sister's wedding, I opted not to have any at mine. It was VERY expensive per head and just like you would take your kids to Red Lobster but not that exclusive reservations only romantic french joint with you and your boo for Valentine's Day... everything isn't appropriate for children. A wedding is the bride's ULTIMATE VDAY. They do not understand the seriousness of what is taking place or the planning, effort, and expense involved in the occasion. They're just out showing their little arses. Plus, I don't like children anywhere there is free-flowing liquor. It's not appropriate.

 

[ThickHair]

How old are these children? I know as a young child, my feelings would be hurt watching my sister getting all dolled up to go somewhere special... a special place where I am not allowed.

THIS ALL DAY.

Yes, Kinkyhairlady ages are important, what are the ages?

 

[PeaceFlow]

I can see why she might feel "some kinda way" and also I think you might be causing kids drama in her house. You cant have one kid all dressed up, playing a role and doing something exciting and leave the others at home.

Still, I would expect a friend to raise the issue, explain and if necessary decline like an adult. I'm not playing with angry messages and spite.

 

[hopeful]

I think you are wrong. You are losing a friend over not inviting one child. It's not like she has 10 kids, or wanted to invite 5 cousins. It's one child, her child, and the other was going to be a flower girl. Maybe she came at you wrong, but you hurt her feelings, and IMO it was unnecessary.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

This arrangement of not inviting the remainder of her children should have been discussed and agreed to when you asked her to allow her daughter to be your flower girl. However, I don't agree with her belligerence. You both could have handled it better.[/QUOTE

I did not think it was a big deal. If I thought she would be so angry I would not even ask for my God daughter to walk. She also said oh she's offended that I'm not letting my God daughters siblings see her walk in the wedding. I'm like wth! Is this about your kids or me?!

 

[january noir]

This arrangement of not inviting the remainder of her children should have been discussed and agreed to when you asked her to allow her daughter to be your flower girl. However, I don't agree with her belligerence. You both could have handled it better.[/QUOTE

I did not think it was a big deal. If I thought she would be so angry I would not even ask for my God daughter to walk. She also said oh she's offended that I'm not letting my God daughters siblings see her walk in the wedding. I'm like wth! Is this about your kids or me?!

When cooler heads prevail and you two speak again perhaps you can explain that. For future, don't presume that others see your POV. Weddings, funerals and parties are opportunities to inadvertently offend.

I hope you two heal your rift. Friends are hard to come by.

 

[SmileyNY]

She also said oh she's offended that I'm not letting my God daughters siblings see her walk in the wedding. I'm like wth! Is this about your kids or me?!

No offense, but the quoted sounds very bridzilla-ish.

It's not just about you. If you wanted to get married and have it be just about you, then you wouldn't have a wedding.

A wedding is about bringing your family and loved ones together to witness your love and making sure everything goes smoothly and that everyone has a good time.

Part of that, is actually caring about how other people feel... especially if those people are helping you by paying for their child to get all dolled up to be in the wedding.

 

[Xavier]

I think you are wrong. You are losing a friend over not inviting one child. It's not like she has 10 kids, or wanted to invite 5 cousins. It's one child, her child, and the other was going to be a flower girl. Maybe she came at you wrong, but you hurt her feelings, and IMO it was unnecessary.

I understand it is the OP's wedding but why end a friendship over something that can easily be resolved just by inviting one extra child.

 

[pre_medicalrulz]

Let her kids come. They just have to sit in her lap and eat from her plate. So now you don't have to pay for an extra plate or seat. At least that's what I told ppl when they begged to bring their child. But I'm sorry you're dealing with 'wedding planner' stress!

 

[cutiebe2]

I think there are 2 kids not coming and 1 that is in it. An invitation was extended to Nanny and the sister but that doesn't mean they have to come. One of them could watch the children. Perhaps they could go have a fun time with Dad, paint pumpkins, go to the science museum...

I do not care for children at weddings. They DO tend to have a ball at the reception -- too much of a ball. They're running all over the place, all over the dance floor, rubbing their fingers on the cake or otherwise trying to be the center of attention. Their parents aren't watching them or if they are, they aren't enjoying the wedding. It's a free-for-all. After seeing kids at my sister's wedding, I opted not to have any at mine. It was VERY expensive per head and just like you would take your kids to Red Lobster but not that exclusive reservations only romantic french joint with you and your boo for Valentine's Day... everything isn't appropriate for children. A wedding is the bride's ULTIMATE VDAY. They do not understand the seriousness of what is taking place or the planning, effort, and expense involved in the occasion. They're just out showing their little arses. Plus, I don't like children anywhere there is free-flowing liquor. It's not appropriate.

I mean, I see you have opinions on kids at weddings, which is all well and good. Obviously OP doesn't feel the same because she has at least 3, the kids in the wedding. Again, no half stepping. Either have no kids or invite the kids of close family/friends. But splitting families is rude.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

I think it's two extra kids, not one. Are they well behaved? I probably would have chosen an only child or someone who was ok with not bringing their other kids. Did she know about the rule up front?