19 Things You Should Never Say to a Single Person

[Spiffy]

I read this before, great laugh.

The best advice I heard lately is that a lot of people respond to your relationship status from their own perspective. So pay them no mind, especially if they say you're being picky while you're just using common sense. Sometimes people will be more desperate for you than you are for yourself.

 

[Aveena]

rofl... !!!! I get

"Be careful what you ask for" ...
"Do you like men?" :-/ thanks GRANNY!!! lol

 

[thatscuteright]

This acquaintance is too busy spreading that message around, which is how I know about it because she was trying to tell me that, and I'm not even looking for anything serious right now. I'm mad she's telling this to all of her single (black) friends.

And sadly the cycle continues.

 

[Love Always]

Bottom line, I'm single because I'm not being proactive in finding a mate. So when I hear church folk talking about wait on the Lord, I'll be waiting forever. God wants us to put in some work as well. Sometimes I think that a lot of older church women mean well but for the most part I don't listen to their advice when it comes to relationship/marriage.

 

[thatscuteright]

"Do you like men?" :-/ thanks GRANNY!!! lol

Aww granny

 

[laCriolla]

Some guy is going to come along and ruin your career/life plans. "I am 32 and no one has ruined the last 10 years of plans." -frolicblog, via Twitter


But you're so pretty! Why don't you have a boyfriend? "There's just no graceful way to answer that." -earnesteats, via Twitter

http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/s...hings-you-should-never-say-to-a-single-person

yeah, I've heard these. or derivatives thereof.

 

[CandiedLipgloss]

I've heard these two in the past week from a guy:

"Why don't you have a boyfriend? You have all these great qualities."

"Why don't you have a husband?"

From church folk:
"Wait on God"

"Even if he doesn't send him right now you continue to wait."

My reply was: "Well I wish He would hurry up"

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Great thread!

I hate these lines too.


My personal favorite:
(Said to me after noticing that my younger sister is already married but I'm still single)
"So....when are YOU going to get married??" *blink*

One lady even had the nerve to tell me: "Well....(laughs) don't wait TOO late!!" (As if I can personally mold the future, meet a guy, MAKE him fall in love with me, OH and FORCE him to marry me! ) IF I had THAT kind of power all along don't you think I would have been married by now??

I know people probably mean well, but.... some of these comments are really hurtful and condescending sometimes. That's why I sometimes will go out of my way to AVOID invites to things where I know the majority of the crowd will be married or already in a relationship.

 

[JinaRicci]

I read this before, great laugh.

The best advice I heard lately is that a lot of people respond to your relationship status from their own perspective. So pay them no mind, especially if they say you're being picky while you're just using common sense. Sometimes people will be more desperate for you than you are for yourself.

Yes! I tell them "Why are you worried? I'm not."

I'm reading a great book on how to choose relationships & it's confirming the need to be 'picky.' We can't just cross our fingers and hope it works out for life. When I do that is when I mess up.

 

[Bunny77]

Yes! I tell them "Why are you worried? I'm not."

I'm reading a great book on how to choose relationships & it's confirming the need to be 'picky.' We can't just cross our fingers and hope it works out for life. When I do that is when I mess up.

I wholeheartedly co-sign being picky!


You know, I never got the supposed logic behind telling someone that they're single because they're too picky. Well DUH... the person obviously PREFERS being single over being with any ole' dude!

So I don't get the issue.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

We've kinda sorta had threads on this, I think.

But yeah, folks don't necessarily want to know what I think... and I certainly agree with you.

Oh well, I'll say this anyway... in all the cultures around the world (many of which do believe in the Judeo-Christian-Muslim God) in which marriage is common, no one "waits on God." Marriage is a pro-active effort by families and communities and folks get married without all of this pseudo-religious mumbo-jumbo.

I seriously doubt that there is a separate God for black people who decides like Cupid who's going to get married or not. And then, only makes those decisions in regard to black women.


Sorry Broadstreet... don't want to jack your thread!

No problem! This is a good discussion.

It really bothers me that this message is only preached to black women in our black churches. Like you said in another post, everybody else is promoting being proactive in marriage. I've seen a few black churches take a proactive measure in having activities for singles, but these activities are like 95% female and 5% male, and guess who is having a ball with so many single ladies to choose from?

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I wholeheartedly co-sign being picky!


You know, I never got the supposed logic behind telling someone that they're single because they're too picky. Well DUH... the person obviously PREFERS being single over being with any ole' dude!

So I don't get the issue.

Now that makes my blood boil and I get red with rage! Especially when I hear this from fellow women!

What I also hate is the phrase 'high standards' for qualities that are considered exceptional only for black people . You know, those qualities that the rest of the world considers average and expected .

Another peeve is when I hear "The only thing that matters is that he loves you."

Yes, love is great and all--very important--but find me a man whose only requirement is that his woman loves him. I'll be right here waiting.

 

[Bunny77]

Now that makes my blood boil and I get red with rage! Especially when I hear this from fellow women!

What I also hate is the phrase 'high standards' for qualities that are considered exceptional only for black people . You know, those qualities that the rest of the world considers average and expected .

Another peeve is when I hear "The only thing that matters is that he loves you."

Yes, love is great and all--very important--but find me a man whose only requirement is that his woman loves him. I'll be right here waiting.

It gets better... another Facebook discussion on a site aimed at black brides...

People were criticizing a woman who was criticizing her friend (a lawyer) for marrying a dude who couldn't read or write.

90% of the women said, "Who cares? As long as he's good to her! She can teach him to read and write."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME????

I mean, this is beyond the garbage man vs. professional man subject. Dude is ILLITERATE!!!

And then folks had the nerve to say that since the initial woman was still single, she didn't have anything to say.

 

[foxee]

I should just thank every post here.


I've got one... "There's no rush. You have plenty of time."

(Said to someone over 30 by someone else who is married and has a few kids.)

Now, technically, you do have the rest of your life to find love. However, most people who desire marriage don't want to wait until their 40s to have it happen for the first time, and if you want kids, YES, there is a time in which it's best to have bio kids without having to worry about fertility.

It's one thing to say this to someone who's 19... but someone who's 32 talking about wanting to marry and start a family? Shut up with the, "there's no rush," thing!!!!

@the bolded, I've been getting this one a lot. Now I'm certainly not rushing down the aisle with some random dude, but at 33 I'm not exactly getting any younger!

I'm tired of being interrogated about my relationship status. At my younger cousin's wedding my aunt practically pushed me onto the dance floor to catch the bride's bouquet. I ducked at the last second. She wasn't too happy about that.

 

[MizAvalon]

No problem! This is a good discussion.

It really bothers me that this message is only preached to black women in our black churches. Like you said in another post, everybody else is promoting being proactive in marriage. I've seen a few black churches take a proactive measure in having activities for singles, but these activities are like 95% female and 5% male, and guess who is having a ball with so many single ladies to choose from?

Yuppers. And guess who will keep coming back to fill up that collection plate week after week, year after year?

Mmmm-hmmm.

 

[MizAvalon]

It gets better... another Facebook discussion on a site aimed at black brides...

People were criticizing a woman who was criticizing her friend (a lawyer) for marrying a dude who couldn't read or write.

90% of the women said, "Who cares? As long as he's good to her! She can teach him to read and write."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME????

I mean, this is beyond the garbage man vs. professional man subject. Dude is ILLITERATE!!!

And then folks had the nerve to say that since the initial woman was still single, she didn't have anything to say.

Girl, I am about to snap this laptop shut after that!! Chicks are so desperate and willing to "work" with a man, that he doesn't even have to be LITERATE now?! WHAT!!

 

[Spiffy]

Yes! I tell them "Why are you worried? I'm not."

I'm reading a great book on how to choose relationships & it's confirming the need to be 'picky.' We can't just cross our fingers and hope it works out for life. When I do that is when I mess up.

Mind sharing the book? I could add something else to my summer reading.

 

[thatscuteright]

Girl, I am about to snap this laptop shut after that!! Chicks are so desperate and willing to "work" with a man, that he doesn't even have to be LITERATE now?! WHAT!!

I am sorry but that is
How is that even possible? How can you be illiterate in the 21st Century in the United States?

 

[Bunny77]

I showed that thread about the illiterate dude to my brother, who is a 26-year-old black man, and he said that was absolutely ridiculous that so many women were excusing the fact that he couldn't read or write.

I love my little brother.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

i'm surprised i didn't see this one:

"This time is for you to be single and find out who you are"

-I agree with this when you're 20. At 25+ I'm like: I'm willing to learn more about myself WITH my man.

 

[Bunny77]

i'm surprised i didn't see this one:

"This time is for you to be single and find out who you are"

-I agree with this when you're 20. At 25+ I'm like: I'm willing to learn more about myself WITH my man.

The spinoff of that: "This is time you should enjoy life! Go travel, go back to school, focus on being the best you that you can be!"

Well... I got a master's degree, two bachelors', been to over 30 states and about 10 countries, have lived in multiple cities, feel pretty good about my self and secure in my identity... That's more than most people have done in their entire lives. What MORE am I really supposed to be doing before "settling down?"

 

[MizAvalon]

I am sorry but that is
How is that even possible? How can you be illiterate in the 21st Century in the United States?

That's what I want to know? How is that even possible in this country?

 

[BroadstreetBully]

It gets better... another Facebook discussion on a site aimed at black brides...

People were criticizing a woman who was criticizing her friend (a lawyer) for marrying a dude who couldn't read or write.

90% of the women said, "Who cares? As long as he's good to her! She can teach him to read and write."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME????

I mean, this is beyond the garbage man vs. professional man subject. Dude is ILLITERATE!!!

And then folks had the nerve to say that since the initial woman was still single, she didn't have anything to say.

There is this one message board where I've seen a posters come down hard on women who require a mate to have certain credentials educationally and professionally--but these same posters will be in threads talking about how they'll only get with men who have a certain size member, which is usually much larger than average, or how the only men they'll consider are those who can bust them inside out in the bedroom and have them limping the next day. They all get high-fives and 'you go girl!', but don't come in there talking about how wallet size is more important to you than an anacondaerplexed! GOLDDIGGER and 'that's why you're single!' I find it amazing how they'll roll their eyes at some ladies for their preferences, but high five each other over their own.

 

[N.P.R. Addict]

I apologize if this has been posted before...


http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/s...hings-you-should-never-say-to-a-single-person
It happens when you're not looking. "This is just bull. Some people find people when they're looking; some don't. You're not doing anything wrong by going out and meeting people." -Beth

I hate this one. Most of us have been "not looking" and still do not find people.

You're too picky. "This may be true, but it feels like I'm getting criticized for my taste, vision, and close-mindedness -- when I'm already down." -Sarah

This usually comes from bitter men and women who spend years in broken worthless relationships.

You'll find the right person for you. -Kelly

How in the hell do you know this Nostradamus?

He's out there. -Kelly

I do not need him to be out there but rather in here with me.


Just have fun with it! "Um, don't tell me how to date in my thirties when you got married at 24." -Maya

How much fun is there in meeting one wrong guy after another?


When the time is right, you will meet someone. -Betsy

Who are you to determine the right time for me?


Your turn next [at weddings]. -Natlondon, via Twitter

My response: Your turn next [at funerals].

This is a great list and many I had heard up until I got with my current SO. I made up some responses.

 

[Bunny77]

There is this one message board where I've seen a posters come down hard on women who require a mate to have certain credentials educationally and professionally--but these same posters will be in threads talking about how they'll only get with men who have a certain size member, which is usually much larger than average, or how the only men they'll consider are those who can bust them inside out in the bedroom and have them limping the next day. They all get high-fives and 'you go girl!', but don't come in there talking about how wallet size is more important to you than an anacondaerplexed! GOLDDIGGER and 'that's why you're single!' I find it amazing how they'll roll their eyes at some ladies for their preferences, but high five each other over their own.

Oh lawd...

You know, LHCF has its ups and downs, but the reason I stay here is because it's one of the few boards where I don't have to hear this kind of mess!

I'm scared to know what that board is...


The interesting thing is, I'm paying close attention to all of the black couples I see on various wedding websites and nearly every one consists of two professionals. Of course, those folks would have the types of weddings that end up in newspapers/magazines/websites, but it's interesting that all of the black male professionals have black female professional wives, and I still haven't seen the black female Dr. with the black male McDonald's worker yet!

 

[Bunny77]

This is a great list and many I had heard up until I got with my current SO. I made up some responses.

Ooh, I didn't know about your SO! How long has this been going on?

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

That's what I want to know? How is that even possible in this country?

Not too long ago, I read that the U.S. has the highest rate of Illiteracy.

 

[MizAvalon]

Not too long ago, I read that the U.S. has the highest rate of Illiteracy.

In the world?

 

[bluewater01]

@the bolded, I've been getting this one a lot. Now I'm certainly not rushing down the aisle with some random dude, but at 33 I'm not exactly getting any younger!

I dread attending weddings. Not because I don't enjoy them or that I'm jealous but I'm tired of being interrogated about my relationship status. At my younger cousin's wedding my aunt practically pushed me onto the dance floor to catch the bride's bouquet. I ducked at the last second. She wasn't too happy about that.

This is why I'm worried about my older cousins who will be attending my wedding next month. They are all over 30 (about 9 or 10 of them) and unmarried. I know that my aunts and older relatives will be asking them questions and even if they don't they'll be giving them weird looks.

 

[N.P.R. Addict]

Ooh, I didn't know about your SO! How long has this been going on?

Yes been keeping things quiet. check your PM.