19 Things You Should Never Say to a Single Person

[BroadstreetBully]

I apologize if this has been posted before...


http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/s...hings-you-should-never-say-to-a-single-person
It happens when you're not looking. "This is just bull. Some people find people when they're looking; some don't. You're not doing anything wrong by going out and meeting people." -Beth

There are plenty of fish in the sea. "I dated a guy whose last name was Fish. People just had a BLAST with that one." -Kelly

So, why are you single? "I generally dislike this question. I mean honestly, if I knew why, I don't think I would be single right now, now would I?!" -Erica

You're too picky. "This may be true, but it feels like I'm getting criticized for my taste, vision, and close-mindedness -- when I'm already down." -Sarah


You'll find the right person for you. -Kelly


He's out there. -Kelly


It was just bad timing. "Like it's so easy to dismiss a guy on such an emotionless and objective reason." -Taryn

Just have fun with it! "Um, don't tell me how to date in my thirties when you got married at 24." -Maya


Have you tried online dating? "Duh!" -Elisa


He just wasn't the right guy for you. "I know! That's what I'm complaining about!" - Elisa


Well, when Steve and I first got together... "Wait, I still want to talk about me." -Elisa


When the time is right, you will meet someone. -Betsy

Wow, I wish I were single and in your shoes! "Really?! I'm pretty sure you CAN be single if you actually want to be. That there is an attainable dream, so if you aren't messing with me right now out of pity (which I suspect you are), please go for it!" -Kim

Your turn next [at weddings]. -Natlondon, via Twitter


It will happen when you least expect it. -dlegas05, via Twitter


Some guy is going to come along and ruin your career/life plans. "I am 32 and no one has ruined the last 10 years of plans." -frolicblog, via Twitter


But you're so pretty! Why don't you have a boyfriend? "There's just no graceful way to answer that." -earnesteats, via Twitter


It just wasn't meant to be. "Any of these platitudes are exponentially more annoying when coming from the mouths of smug marrieds." -Reberoodle, via Twitter


Sure, Steve rescues kids from abusive homes, donated my sister a kidney, and picks up fresh flowers for me daily on his way home from work, but will he QUIT IT with the sports on TV already? "Single people just hate to be complained to about petty relationship stuff. If you do this, I'm not going to want to hang out with you. (In fact, maybe I'll call Steve and ask him if he wants to watch the Yankees game?)" -Kim



Bottom line, if you're in a relationship or married and you don't have any specific, original advice or wisdom for your single friend -- and you must use an established saying -- we would prefer to hear neutral ones like, "This too shall pass" or "Take it one day at a time." They are so much more helpful and comforting -- you have no idea!
Also of note: not one person I polled mentioned they were tired of hearing, "He's just not that into you." I think that's because it's not condescending. And apparently, it's not overused. So that one is still OK to say. Thanks for listening!
http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/s...hings-you-should-never-say-to-a-single-person

 

[MizAvalon]

Too funny!

 

[Love Always]

I've heard every single last thinig on this list .

 

[MizAvalon]

I've heard every single last thinig on this list .

I've heard most of them too at one time or another.

I also don't like people who got married very young to try and give me dating/relationship advice. Um, you were a child bride who never dated and has only been in a relationship with one person. You don't know anything about it, so why are you talking to me again?erplexed

 

[lushcoils]

Yup, some of my pet peeves...they forgot to mention the, "just have confidence and smile, and it will be raining men" phrase.

 

[Bunny77]

UGH... I hated those.

I'm still mad too when I get some of them... like this one dude who contacted me on Facebook said, "So, when are you going to get married and have kids?"

(He's never been married, from what I know, and has kids.)

I said, "What's it to you? But since you asked, November!"


I find that MEN who say these things are indirectly trying to hit on you... that's what many have told me... but I usually Xed those guys out immediately because if you have to use a bad line to try to show interest, you lack personality and intelligence.

Yeah that's harsh, but hey, in my lifetime, every person who asked that question turned out to be a dud and a half!

 

[Supergirl]

I've heard most of them too at one time or another.

I also don't like people who got married very young to try and give me dating/relationship advice. Um, you were a child bride who never dated and has only been in a relationship with one person. You don't know anything about it, so why are you talking to me again?erplexed

Yeah, when people haven't been in your shoes (any situation), they say things trying to help but not realizing how utterly stupid they really sound.

 

[kandake]

I hate this one. Please don't patronize me.

wow, I wish I were single and in your shoes! "Really?! I'm pretty sure you CAN be single if you actually want to be. That there is an attainable dream, so if you aren't messing with me right now out of pity (which I suspect you are), please go for it!" -Kim

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I hate this one. Please don't patronize me.

Yea, I remember that one! I know they meant no harm, but these were the same friends who would hyperventilate if their boyfriends didn't call them that day or something. You know you don't want to be single!

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I've heard most of them too at one time or another.

I also don't like people who got married very young to try and give me dating/relationship advice. Um, you were a child bride who never dated and has only been in a relationship with one person. You don't know anything about it, so why are you talking to me again?erplexed

Exactly. The dating scene is very different when you are young. Most men are single and childless. You have a much larger pool.

 

[thatscuteright]

From the church ladies and my mother:

I am praying for you to find a husband
God's time is the best time
God is preparing your King

Remember ( insert fictional Bibilical character) waited 7 or more random years for her husband.

 

[MizAvalon]

From the church ladies:

I am praying for you to find a husband
God's time is the best time
God is preparing your King

Woooo, don't even get me started!

 

[BroadstreetBully]

From the church ladies:

I am praying for you to find a husband
God's time is the best time
God is preparing your King

Let me tell you what a church lady told an acquaintance of mine!

"God created woman for man as a companion, not the other way around. Not every woman will get to be someone's companion. God has bigger plans for you."

My acquaintance was so depressed after that and she believes it. She's given up as a result.

 

[Bunny77]

I should just thank every post here.


I've got one... "There's no rush. You have plenty of time."

(Said to someone over 30 by someone else who is married and has a few kids.)

Now, technically, you do have the rest of your life to find love. However, most people who desire marriage don't want to wait until their 40s to have it happen for the first time, and if you want kids, YES, there is a time in which it's best to have bio kids without having to worry about fertility.

It's one thing to say this to someone who's 19... but someone who's 32 talking about wanting to marry and start a family? Shut up with the, "there's no rush," thing!!!!

 

[Bunny77]

Let me tell you what a church lady told an acquaintance of mine!

"God created woman for man as a companion, not the other way around. Not every woman will get to be someone's companion. God has bigger plans for you."

My acquaintance was so depressed after that and she believes it. She's given up as a result.

I'd like to have a chat with your acquaintance.

(You know how I feel about this topic and what "church folk" say!!! )

 

[thatscuteright]

Let me tell you what a church lady told an acquaintance of mine!

"God created woman for man as a companion, not the other way around. Not every woman will get to be someone's companion. God has bigger plans for you."

My acquaintance was so depressed after that and she believes it. She's given up as a result.

Yes because you know some women have been given the "gift" of singleness and it should be cherished

 

[Eritreladiee]

Just 2 days ago I got..

"Aww, doesn't it get lonely."

 

[thatscuteright]

Just 2 days ago I got..

"Aww, doesn't it get lonely."

OMG wow the nerve of some people.

 

[thatscuteright]

I forgot my personal favorite:

You don't need a man, you need Jesus

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I'd like to have a chat with your acquaintance.

(You know how I feel about this topic and what "church folk" say!!! )

This acquaintance is too busy spreading that message around, which is how I know about it because she was trying to tell me that, and I'm not even looking for anything serious right now. I'm mad she's telling this to all of her single (black) friends.

 

[Lynnerie]

From my great aunt...

"So when are you going to get married? You're about to be an old maid."

Grrrr! I'm 28

People at my home church always ask if I'm married yet when I visit. Now obviously I'm not married because if I was, my husband would be right here with me.

My mother often tells me if you want this man I can tell you how to have a ring in 3 months. (My mom got married at 20 knew my dad for 3 months and married him. He was 29) I try to tell her every situation is different but she doesn't get it. I dont know too many dudes doing that these days.

 

[MrsHdrLe]

"Get married when there's absolutely nothing left to do"

"Don't worry about what other people do, you don't know what kinda mess she's putting up with in her marriage."

Umm Gee thanks.

 

[crlsweetie912]

Yall forgot the main one. "Why don't you have a man yet?".

 

[Bunny77]

This acquaintance is too busy spreading that message around, which is how I know about it because she was trying to tell me that, and I'm not even looking for anything serious right now. I'm mad she's telling this to all of her single (black) friends.

It's funny when I meet people like this in real life, or when folks talk about how you never meet a man while "looking" because you're going against God's will.

(To them, online dating, going to single's events, etc., is "looking.)


I usually say something like, "Thank goodness my man and I didn't listen to folks like you! Maybe you might wanna start looking!"

They get mad. Or quiet.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

It's funny when I meet people like this in real life, or when folks talk about how you never meet a man while "looking" because you're going against God's will.

(To them, online dating, going to single's events, etc., is "looking.)


I usually say something like, "Thank goodness my man and I didn't listen to folks like you! Maybe you might wanna start looking!"

They get mad. Or quiet.

Exactly! I know many people mean no harm when they say that ("you'll meet him when you're not looking") because in their experience, they did meet 'the one' when they weren't looking. I realize that this is usually a young person thing. Young people don't 'look' for mates, so that piece of advice just makes sense to them. Those who got married in their teens and early twenties probably weren't looking--it just happened. After a certain age, it doesn't work like that. When you start focusing more on your career, health, and finances, you don't realize how little 'getting out' you are doing. The men are just as busy with other stuff, so they aren't getting out as much as well. It starts to make sense to make an effort to actually get out and look. Online dating makes so much more sense as well. You have to consider the age at which some people met their SO when it comes to advice.

 

[Bunny77]

Exactly! I know many people mean no harm when they say that ("you'll meet him when you're not looking") because in their experience, they did meet 'the one' when they weren't looking. I realize that this is usually a young person thing. Young people don't 'look' for mates, so that piece of advice just makes sense to them. Those who got married in their teens and early twenties probably weren't looking--it just happened. After a certain age, it doesn't work like that. When you start focusing more on your career, health, and finances, you don't realize how little 'getting out' you are doing. The men are just as busy with other stuff, so they aren't getting out as much as well. It starts to make sense to make an effort to actually get out and look. Online dating makes so much more sense as well. You have to consider the age at which some people met their SO when it comes to advice.

All so true... but the crazy thing is, the people I'm thinking of who usually talk about this "not looking" thing (in relation to your post about your acquaintance) are STILL single!

I was just in a Facebook convo about this... the topic was something about relationships in general (Are there slim pickings out there?) and one woman said, "There aren't slim pickings if God is doing the choosing. The problem is that a lot of women aren't patient and start looking instead of letting God bring their mate."

I looked at her profile and it said that she was single.

The dude who started the conversation shut that down quickly by saying, "There's nothing wrong with being proactive." Then I added my two cents.

 

[MizAvalon]

All so true... but the crazy thing is, the people I'm thinking of who usually talk about this "not looking" thing (in relation to your post about your acquaintance) are STILL single!

I was just in a Facebook convo about this... the topic was something about relationships in general (Are there slim pickings out there?) and one woman said, "There aren't slim pickings if God is doing the choosing. The problem is that a lot of women aren't patient and start looking instead of letting God bring their mate."

I looked at her profile and it said that she was single.

The dude who started the conversation shut that down quickly by saying, "There's nothing wrong with being proactive." Then I added my two cents.

I would love to start a thread about this but the board might burn down. I want those who believe this line of thinking to describe exactly what "not looking" and "waiting on God" means.

My 53 year old Aunt told me this last year. That I should never look for love and to just wait on God. Um, what does that MEAN? Because I know quite a few church ladies who have been sitting around prayed up for DECADES and are still single.

I honestly believe there is a conspiracy going on.

 

[cheetarah1980]

I would love to start a thread about this but the board might burn down. I want those who believe this line of thinking to describe exactly what "not looking" and "waiting on God" means.

My 53 year old Aunt told me this last year. That I should never look for love and to just wait on God. Um, what does that MEAN? Because I know quite a few church ladies who have been sitting around prayed up for DECADES and are still single.

I honestly believe there is a conspiracy going on.

I had this same conversation on another site several months ago. It baffles me how many single black women want a man but won't accept a fix-up from friends because they're letting God be their matchmaker. SMDH...Someone needs to get church folks out of the matrix.

 

[Bunny77]

I would love to start a thread about this but the board might burn down. I want those who believe this line of thinking to describe exactly what "not looking" and "waiting on God" means.

My 53 year old Aunt told me this last year. That I should never look for love and to just wait on God. Um, what does that MEAN? Because I know quite a few church ladies who have been sitting around prayed up for DECADES and are still single.

I honestly believe there is a conspiracy going on.

We've kinda sorta had threads on this, I think.

But yeah, folks don't necessarily want to know what I think... and I certainly agree with you.

Oh well, I'll say this anyway... in all the cultures around the world (many of which do believe in the Judeo-Christian-Muslim God) in which marriage is common, no one "waits on God." Marriage is a pro-active effort by families and communities and folks get married without all of this pseudo-religious mumbo-jumbo.

I seriously doubt that there is a separate God for black people who decides like Cupid who's going to get married or not. And then, only makes those decisions in regard to black women.


Sorry Broadstreet... don't want to jack your thread!

 

[Bunny77]

I had this same conversation on another site several months ago. It baffles me how many single black women want a man but won't accept a fix-up from friends because they're letting God be their matchmaker. SMDH...Someone needs to get church folks out of the matrix.

HEY!!!!